Being Heartbroken, How Would You Describe It?

This hub was created in response to the question "If you were heart-broken, how would you explain it?" by wearenotthesame00.

Here is a true story..............


Her Heartbreak!

In 1997 she met a young man from church whom she fell in love with and he said he loved her too. The relationships was great, or so she thought. They were both young and in love but the church frowned on extra-marital relationships.

They kept their relationship a secret all the while planning their "marriage talk" with the pastor. Both Carolee and Greg were uncomfortable with the secret so when the oppointment with Pastor was not forthcoming the next best thing was to speak to Carolee's granddad.

Greg came to see Granddad on a Sunday afternoon and he admitted that his intentions were to marry Carolee. Granddad advised them to try to make another appointment to speak with Pastor.

Carolee was leaving the whole thing up to Greg as he was the man and by tradition, it was the man's duty to make the appointment. Carolee had no idea that Greg had never made the first appointment and the only reason he came to see her grandfather was to please her.

Pastor traveled that month and they never spoke with him.

The relationship grew and blossomed into something very powerful and out of control. Greg was the one, Carolee thought and she honestly believed she was the one for him.


The Church

Before you know what happened you need to understand the Jamaican beliefs and church customs. Young people aren't really free to date. No church brother is allowed to go visit a church sister alone, especially at her home. A couple who start to see each other must have plans to get married. There are so many rules that people are scared and end up marrying people that they think the church will approve instead of people they are in love with.

Greg was scared and he did tell her he wanted to marry her but he wasn't ready because he needed to get a better job and have a place of his own. She believed him and she believed the reason why he never made that appointment to see pastor was because of who he knew pastor to be and that's exactly what happened.

Pastors return and the deacon nosiness

Greg and Carolee made love and that was definitely not allowed in the church. They decided that it must never happen again, but Greg said he could not get it off his mind. He was with deacon he trusted when he told him what happened.

This deacon came to Carolee's house and read her the riot act, then he proceeded to announce the whole thing to Pastor.

What Pastor then did was totally wrong, uncalled for and embarrassing. He called a meeting of all the church members and announced it in church, then proceeded to ask Greg what he was doing at Carolee's house, if he was her husband. That was very embarrassing for him and he told her that he couldn't go through with the relationship.

He further told pastor, to get into pastor's good graces, that he had no intention of marrying her. He later apologized and wanted to get back together but here is what happened when he broke her heart.


Her heart

She felt a sense of loss, like someone had died. She also felt lost as if she had no direction. A heaviness remained in her chest for a long time and occasionally she felt like something was piercing her where her heart was supposed to be. Every time she though about Greg she felt that pain and that was constantly.

Carolee had gone to the Cayman Islands shortly afterward and she thought that being away from the turmoil would make her feel better but it didn't. As a matter of fact it was probably worse because she felt she needed to fix things but couldn't.

Carolee often felt a sense of despair, as if she was going crazy. That lost feeling would overcome her and she would walk and walk, to nowhere in particular. She would stand on the pier in Elizabethan Square and wished she would be swallowed up by the ocean.

Her devastation was great as she often felt like she was a part of a wasteland. The misery overtook her and she found herself being nasty to people. She wanted to talk to no one and wanted to hear no voices. Music was like noise to her and food was like powder.

For Carolee, every waking moment was misery and every sleeping moment was a nightmare. There was no life or passion in whatever she did. Her misery then became anger and the anger became pain again. Then the pain made her numb and she stayed in that numb state for a few years.


* * * *

In answer to the question, it's really hard to define heartbreak in one sentence. It's a process for me and it happens in waves.Heart break happens when expectations aren't realized. If I had expected that Greg would have chickened out then I would probably not have been so hurt, because I expected it. Some people live to expect the worse to circumvent the pain and heartbreak that comes with disappointment.

* * * *


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Comments 32 comments

SubRon7 profile image

SubRon7 4 years ago from eastern North Dakota

I don't know what to say, Carolee. This story certainly sounds like your own (especially since you used your own name.) I do know how a broken heart feels, just as you described it.


Sky9106 profile image

Sky9106 4 years ago from A beautiful place on earth.

Because it's a true story , I feel for the ladies who did not make it because I understand their plight an those days , during those times . I am one who saw first hand, from aa very advantageous point .

I spend quite a few years in similar religion in the islands and the ladies were usually put in that precarious position with their possible husband.

Hard to not comment , but it's about what not to say.

Wishing well always. That name!

Give thanks.

bless.


Pollyannalana profile image

Pollyannalana 4 years ago from US

Well it is just like my grandma said I believe. Who is going to worry about the bee when the honey is free? Emotions don't usually allow for jokes but what older people use to say makes pretty good sense. We have to look out for ourselves as hard as that is to do. I think women fall in love so easily and I think it is more sex for men and moving on. Women can be sexy and handle responsibility and men lose interest when responsibility hits them in the face. It isn't always true but a lot and it has only been one women to blame in all the troubles I have witnessed. Men have a roving eye, even the ugly men with good looking women. Its life. OK was that too much Cardisa? lol


My Minds Eye53 profile image

My Minds Eye53 4 years ago from Tennessee

being heart broken is like a piece of you dying.


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Cardisa - that is a terrible chain of events to happen to any person. I knew a girl who lived here and she worked with me - whe was 23 and her parents would not allow her to date! It was their custom though - but they were so old fashioned and not understanding of American life. It amazes me how closed minded people can be and I was fascinated by the writing of this.


Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 4 years ago from Jamaica Author

Hi James, it is my own story. I didn't want it to be a personal hub, you HP is against hubs that are too personal. I tried to describe exactly how I felt and I know I'll never forget those feelings.


Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 4 years ago from Jamaica Author

Thanks Sky, you seem to know much about what I described here.


Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 4 years ago from Jamaica Author

Thanks Polly, it wasn't too much. You are right. Men, especially young ones don't care for responsibility at all. They are quite fine just having fun, but more than that, they bolt.


Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 4 years ago from Jamaica Author

MME, you are so right. For me the death of a part of me was slow and painful.


Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 4 years ago from Jamaica Author

Kelly, the church in Jamaica, especially the one I went to was very close minded. It was difficult as young people to express ourselves. And what made it worse were that some people could get away with anything, there was bias and segregation in the church.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England

Hi, I feel for you, I have had that horrible feeling too, and it takes ages to go away. And yes you do harden your heart in case it happens again and the man doesn't want the responsibility. I remember reading somewhere that the neurons that make your brain work actually have been found in the heart too! so that makes sense, the brain suffers and so does the heart hurt, cheers nell


Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 4 years ago from Jamaica Author

You are right Nell. It is still a little heard to trust completely and it does take forever to go away. That was one of the most devastating experiences I ever had.

Thanks Nell.


always exploring profile image

always exploring 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

Your story makes me sad, but it also makes me mad. The public humiliation by the church was uncalled for. A man who would lie to you about talking with the Pastor was not worthy of your love. I hope you are completely over your hurt. You deserve someone who has a heart as good as yours. Best Wishes My Friend..


Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 4 years ago from Jamaica Author

Hi Ruby, I am not so sure I am quite over it because I can't even go to church there. I can't seem to totally forgive the judgment. It's not as painful but some pain still remain.


Just Ask Susan profile image

Just Ask Susan 4 years ago from Ontario, Canada

Heartbreak to me is exactly how you have explained it in through your experience. It's also very very much close to being in depression. I think we keep a bit of the pain in order to remember the emotion.


Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 4 years ago from Jamaica Author

Susan, you are so right. When we get our hearts broken we do get depressed, it's like we go into denial, which I didn't mention. We retreat into ourselves.


Alastar Packer profile image

Alastar Packer 4 years ago from North Carolina

Cardisa I must admit to almost feeling back 200 years in the age of arranged marriages while reading this. Any Pastor that would announce something like that publicly is not a person to put any faith in. Despite any social stigma that may accrue a person should high-tail it out of that church. Would Jesus have done such a thing? A first love is always the hardest to get over and science has recently shown that heart-break is much more than emotions- its actually a physical dependency as well and a person can actually go through withdrawals like a drug. Cardisa, your right to never go back there and that guy was a loser in lovers' clothing.:)


Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 4 years ago from Jamaica Author

Alastar you are one great motivator. Thank you. I did go through cold turkey like a drug addict. The church has been inviting me back ever since. I went a couple of times but felt so uncomfortable, I couldn't sit still. I don't think I'm quite over the embarrassment part.


epigramman profile image

epigramman 4 years ago

.......as I always find you sweet Carolee - you are a sincere honest and passionate writer and one who is not afraid to tell it like it is - and I have always admired you for that - I'm not big on religion and I don't go to church - my faith in God is living here at the lake and seeing the beauty in nature and respecting it and abiding by it - and if there is a religion in my life then it's the Church of Cardisa - you are my religion honey child and talking about Christmas - you have been my Christmas present all year with your gift of friendship and support and if that's being bombastic then so be it - 'cos Carolee I really do admire you as a person and let's face you're a hot woman too - lake erie time 6:38pm and that was epi's sermon for today - lol


Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 4 years ago from Jamaica Author

Epi, you are my Mr. Bombastic. You fill my heart with warm and make me feel like I'm on cloud nine. You are truly a great friend, your words always make me feel better no matter how bad my day was.

Love and hugs

Cardisa


raciniwa profile image

raciniwa 4 years ago from Naga City, Cebu

i feel for you Carolie...yeah, it must have been awful that the very foundation of your faith would let you down...there are so many victims of bigotry that have been devastated by an incident in their lives...i hope you still have the heart to forgive and forget all those bad things that happen in your life and moved on...don't end up to there, life is beautiful especially if you have found love for yourself...


Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 4 years ago from Jamaica Author

Raciniwa thank you for your words of encouragement. I am trying to forgive but the pain still envelops me whenever I go to that church. Every time I think I have forgiven then the pain comes back, so I do need a little more work.

Thanks

Best wishes for the season.


raciniwa profile image

raciniwa 4 years ago from Naga City, Cebu

Best wishes to you too for this Season and for the Seasons to come...you have to forgive yourself first...yes, it may hard to forget...i can't live your life for you but i can feel your pain...


Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 4 years ago from Jamaica Author

Raciniwa, thank you!


Jackie Lynnley profile image

Jackie Lynnley 4 years ago from The Beautiful South

Did you know JoJo has been banned from here? She is a Christian writer, it doesn't make sense.


Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 4 years ago from Jamaica Author

Hi Jackie, I don't know JoJo. Has she been banned from HP or from forums or comments? What happened?


Jackie Lynnley profile image

Jackie Lynnley 4 years ago from The Beautiful South

Lady JoJo, I thought she was a friend of yours, sorry. She was taking violin lessons and telling about it. We became friends several months ago and she is really a special person. From Trinidad. I will sure miss her. She said banned from Hubpages with no hope of getting back in. I can only think maybe not long enough hubs but many here do that. But that is just a guess. I was hoping someone else would know. Thanks anyway.


Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 4 years ago from Jamaica Author

OH, Ladyjojo, I know her. The "jojo" fooled me. She only writes about christian poetry and short stories, I wonder why she was banned? Is there anything we can do?


raciniwa profile image

raciniwa 4 years ago from Naga City, Cebu

oh, i'm sad to hear that...my friend too was banned...he said maybe someone made fun of his ads by clicking on it several times...could it be the same reason she's banned too?


Jackie Lynnley profile image

Jackie Lynnley 4 years ago from The Beautiful South

No, I don't imagine so. Just doesn't seem right though, but it is not in our hands now. Thanks, I will tell her you asked.

Voted up and across.


Green Lotus profile image

Green Lotus 4 years ago from Atlanta, GA

Dear Cardisa - May the New Year bring you joy, happiness and everything wonderful..including new people in your life who see you for the dear person you are, and who truly care about others rather than themselves.


Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 4 years ago from Jamaica Author

Thank you my Green Lotus. Whenever I think of you I always picture a beautiful flower. Thanks you for the good thoughts and may all your wishes come true as you face 2012.

Have a blessed and peaceful holidays.

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