Big Conspiracy or Bad Luck

Just in recent times there have been some very big conspiracies around us. A lot of times these were secret clandestine government plans, which had government cover ups that soon followed the fact.

One of the more well known conspiracy theories was the John F. Kennedy assassination. Of coarse since JFK was the president of the United States, it's not hard to understand why this particular conspiracy wouldn't have been well known to all.

There was all sorts of speculation concerning a second shooter being over by the grassy knoll, however even to this very day no decisive official government conclusion has ever been made on permanent record for the public.

Now the conspiracy that I'm talking about in this hub, may not be as well known as the John F. Kennedy assassination, but to me it's even bigger. Maybe it's because it directly affects me and my life, but I'm also starting to believe that it's no longer just a coincidence.

It's been going on now for a very long time, and also for as far back as I can remember. Up until recently I didn't think about it much. But lately I've been starting to sense that there are other outside forces here at play, which out to get me.

You might think that I'm a little bit crazy, but now I'm fairly certain that my suspicions are in fact true. There may even be a large group of people together who are all conspiring against me out there somewhere.

It seems like where ever I go, someone has been there before me, and set me up. It doesn't matter if I'm at work, in a restaurant, at a movie theater, in a store, briefly stopping at a rest area, or even at home, it's as though someone has somehow beaten me to the punch.

This whole thing has really had an adverse effect on my own comfort zone, and I'm constantly finding myself being fooled with a false sense of security. It's become more frequent lately, and it's almost as though it's happening every single time now.

I'm talking about it seems like every time I enter a restroom or bathroom this strange phenomenon takes place. The roll of toilet paper that I see as I'm walking in, suddenly vanishes as I attempt to use it. There's always plenty of that soft white cotton-like paper waiting on the roll until the time it's needed for use.

It's a trick to the eye, and I'm seriously thinking now that I'm being intentionally set up. It's as though these people are going in before me, and leaving just enough toilet paper behind to cover up that little brown cardboard roll, which gives the false illusion of a toilet paper roll with enough left on it. So when it's time to use it, there's only a fraction of a sheet left, which isn't even big enough for a little mouse to blow it's nose on.

It's as though all of these people before me are carefully counting out the sheets of toilet paper on the roll, and tearing it off at a precise well calculated spot. I know what's going on here, all of these people are just simply too lazy to put on a fresh roll of toilet paper. I mean come on, just how hard is it to change out a roll of toilet paper? I know it must take more time to do all of that calculating, then it would be to just change it. The things people won't do to get out of a little work.

It's been suggested to me by a co-worker that I'm just simply picking the wrong time to go, and that I should plan better. I tried explaining that sometimes there's no choice in the matter. I would have probably been better off asking a total stranger walking down the street with a piece of toilet paper stuck to the bottom of their shoe for advice. Other advice given to me by my co-worker included using jumbo rolls, and carrying an extra roll of toilet paper in my back pocket. However both of these would only be temporary fixes, and maybe it's better to not seek the advice of others concerning certain things like this in life. I'm sure of one thing, and that is this is either one big secret conspiracy or a very long streak of bad luck. :)

Al Bundy's toilet of choice  - "The Ferguson"
Al Bundy's toilet of choice - "The Ferguson"


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Comments 13 comments

billybuc profile image

billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

There is no doubt about it; someone has it out for you! I'm thinking the FBI should be called in; at the very least you need a surveillance video set up so you can catch this dastardly person in the act.

Great fun!

Laura 4 years ago

You need to be diligent. Possibly have a tape recording start playing at just the right moment with a pertinent message like, "Hold it, we're painting down here." That should clean out the pipes a bit, I would think. Your article was funny and I am not admitting to anything either way.

Faith Reaper profile image

Faith Reaper 4 years ago from southern USA

Ha, may be a tad paranoid. Just bring your own next time. Ha. In His Love, Faith Reaper

xstatic profile image

xstatic 4 years ago from Eugene, Oregon

I think I would hire someone to keep watch over the stalls I frequent and make videos of.... welll, maybe that wouldn't work. Up & funny!

aviannovice profile image

aviannovice 4 years ago from Stillwater, OK

Too excellent. Awesome and up.

Green Lotus profile image

Green Lotus 4 years ago from Atlanta, GA

As a toilet paper fanatic myself, I think your experiences are the stuff nightmares are made of. (sorry for the hanging preposition). I say this because I have those nightmares regularly. Rated up and useful.

alancaster149 profile image

alancaster149 4 years ago from Forest Gate, London E7, U K (ex-pat Yorkshire)

If I were you - uh-oh, somebody's hovering around the corner, listening. I can see a shadow moving. No, it's a cat. Where was I? - If I were you I'd carry a mirror so you can see over your shoulder when you're picking at a spot. No spots? Invent one (whoever's following you isn't going to come that close)! Sh- Oh hell, that's torn it, it was a jobsworth sticking a parking ticket on my windscreen! I didn't tell you, did I? I've got this parking attendant following me like my shadow.

AlexK2009 profile image

AlexK2009 4 years ago from Edinburgh, Scotland

I often find that as I walk to the one empty checkout at the supermarket about a dozen people appear in the queue while I am 10 feet away.

Buses also tend to be pulling away from bus stops as I walk to the stop.

kashmir56 profile image

kashmir56 4 years ago from Massachusetts

Interesting,conspiracy maybe,fun YES !!!


Mama Kim 8 profile image

Mama Kim 8 4 years ago

I was not expecting that! lol. I agree with people above.. bring your own ^_^ voted up and funny. good luck

drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida

You are NOT imagining it, ths. It IS a conspiracy and they are out to get you one way or another. Watch your back! And your front! And all your other sides.

Alastar Packer profile image

Alastar Packer 4 years ago from North Carolina

There have been a rash of water closet ghost reports recently, Hole.

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