Codswallop: Bill O'Reilly's Word of the Day on Fox News Channel's The O'Reilly Factor
Codswallop...Is That a Fish?
- Bill O'Reilly's Word of the Day today was codswallop, and I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am. I finally know what all the junk I have been calling "redneck speed-speaking" really is, it's codswallop! Codswallop, you see, means nonsense or rubbish and I've been writing codswallop for years now!
- I'm so happy to introduce you to the biggest pile of nonsense on the web!
- You've heard of speed-reading, haven't you? Well, what we have here is speed-speaking! These are nonsense sentences that are written to be read quickly (preferably while you have a big wad of chewing tobacco in your cheek) or they may just leave you scratching your head wondering...wtf? If you read these sentences quickly and they make perfect sense to you, you just might be... a Jeff Foxworthy fan.
Redneck Speed Speaking (aka Codswallop)
European - "Get out of here, you ugly mutt and stop European on my dang flowers!"
Dogma - "You ought to see that dogma girlfriend bought for my birthday; I already got him trained to go and fetch me a beer out of the cooler! Other than that, he's dumb as a stump.".
Seizure - "Man, I don't know what you were thinking when you got that tattoo put there, but your old lady is gonna crap when she seizure back."
Cattle -"If you rent your trailer to Bubba's sister, I bet her cattle pee all over the place and stink it up good!"
Mere -"If you don't come mere and bring me a beer, you dang sure ain't gonna get the yard mowed today, sweet lips."
Penny - "Bubba is so proud of that penny built for his chickens!"
Abet - "I'll abet you $500 that Junior's wife won't let him in the front door when he comes in drunk tonight."
Nowhere - "I don't guess you nowhere the nearest Goodwill store is, do you? I've got to get my wife a Mother's Day present."
Decrease -"You take your blue jeans to the dry cleaners? How do you get used to decrease?"
Abroad, Douche - "So, you're working down at the factory next to abroad, eh? Maybe you can go over and lay around HER house and not douche it!"
A Virgin As You Never Knew Her
- Virgin - "Girl, you are right on the virgin here of getting your butt grounded!"
Sailor - "I saw some pot-bellied pigs in your back yard, but if you want to sell 'em, you've got to put up a sign that says pigs for sailor something."
Ingrown - "My 16-year-old son has done gone ingrown up. He ought to be passing third grade any time now."
Lettuce -"The bodyguard at the Jeff Foxworthy concert wouldn't lettuce talk to him backstage, so we just hollered "you're a redneck!" at him and ran."
Abstain - "I spilled Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill wine on my shirt and all I got out of it was an abstain!"
She Just Couldn't Budget!
- Budget - "My 85-year-old mother tried to get her pot-bellied pig off the couch, but she couldn't budget."
Gopher - "How 'bout you gopher the beer this time and I'll gopher it tomorrow night?"
Rednecking - "My daughter said she rednecking in the back seat of a car was probably the cause of a lot of her back problems."
Speaker - "She is such a redneck. She don't care where she chooses to speaker mind, but I would think twice before I said something ugly at a church revival."
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