Bittersweet Christmas.

This poem is dedicated to my husband who passed away on May 16th, 2010.

This is the Christmas tree he decorated for me last year. He wanted to make it beautiful for me. He did. We had a wonderful Christmas last year, even though we lost electricity due to an ice-storm, he made it special for me and my children and my family. We laughed, we shared memories of time past, and made memories of our own.

This Christmas is different, he won't be here to share it with me. He won't be here and I miss him. As tears stain the pages upon which I write, just when you think the pain has healed to some extent, now I have Christmas to get through. This year has been rough, in so many ways.

This one is for you my dearest "Harper".

Rising, and lifting my eyes still warm and heavy from dreams,

I realize,

He won’t be home for Christmas this year.

He has gone away to the heavens above.

I found the lure of the day shine through the blinds in timeless seams,

Looking out over the stripped fields, I wonder,

What ever shall I do with his presents hidden in the closet?

Who will put the tree up this year?

Who will wipe away the tears?

He won’t be home for Christmas this year.

He has gone away to the heavens above.

Stretching out beyond the boundaries of a life I had nestled under,

And what’s left behind, is another time, life’s given much and for this

I suppose I must smile,

But,

What shall I do with those memories?

What ever shall I do with his stocking that joined mine?

Who will laugh with me in the early morn’ of Christmas,

Watching the presents opened with glee?

I watch the sunrise; paint the sky with an early morning red,

Knowing it will fall when the ocean calls upon night’s waiting bed,

He won’t be home for Christmas this year.

He has gone away to the heavens above.

We’ve been sculptured by time that has also forsaken,

The truth from which all life must learn to grow.

The great fields of this life will be our last refuge.

We are like specks of dirt across the landscape of time.

There are billions just like us,

Still we are one of a kind.

He won’t be home for Christmas this year.

He has gone away to the heavens above.

~Dedicated to Harper~May you have eternal love.~

~Laurie~



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Comments 29 comments

ghomefitness profile image

ghomefitness 6 years ago from Chicago,IL

Laurie,

It is a beautiful sad poem! God bless and I hope you are surrounded by loved ones this holiday season.


AngRose profile image

AngRose 6 years ago

Who will fill the stocking he made for me and covered with his silly glitter spelling BRAT across the top as that is what he called me? Who will come in the house finding chores to do for me so he could steal Christmas candy every day? Who will ask me to sneak silly things into the cart when you aren't looking so he can put them in your stocking? Who will sneak down here to have me order your perfume off the web, paying way too much for it because he's too impatient to wait for it to go on sale, and also too afraid he won't have your favorite scent for you for Christmas day...although I had to threaten him to get him to wait and not give it to you early, and I also think he snuck down here to order it instead of calling so he could steal some more of that candy? These are the questions I ask as I sit here with the tears streaming down my face.

I love you Laur.


FloBe profile image

FloBe 6 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

Thank you for sharing a little bit of your love and loss with those of us who did not know him. May you be surrounded with love as you share your memories. Blessings.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota

Laurie, My arms are wrapped around you as you go through the holidays without your soul-mate. He can still be there with all of you. Fill his stocking, continue your traditions, Give his love plus yours to his children-His memories will always be with you and your children. He is watching over you and will be with you on Christmas, just from a differen't vantage point. God Bless You and your family:)


epigramman profile image

epigramman 6 years ago

...I am very sorry ..... I don't really know what to say - I live alone in this world (I have no family anywhere) except for my two cats Mister Gabriel and Little Miss Tiffy - my other two best friends, my mum and my dad have long since passed on - so Christmas is not a very thrilling time for me - and yes lonely too - but I have nothing but great memories - I am who I am today because of my parents and their upbringing of me - and to you my friend - I would say it was better to have loved than not to have loved at all ......


dianeaugust 6 years ago

He won't be there this Christmas, yet you've kept him with you and us by sharing your memories, your moments. Your words pass his life on to others. We are beneficiary vicariously of the tender moments your lives gave you. You are in my heart. May others come close to you and offer you warmth and support that eases the deep pain of loss. DA


North Wind profile image

North Wind 6 years ago from The World (for now)

How deep is grief! And what a strange feeling. One that makes the joyous times hurt to remember. Thank God for those around you like your sister who will be there to share the memories. Though they are bittersweet, they still comfort you.They are gifts from him that will last a lifetime.

God be with you at this time and always,

North Wind


PookieB profile image

PookieB 6 years ago

Laughter through tears, Laur...what else can I say? I have a feeling that will always be the emotion when we remember your dear Harper. And what a beautiful legacy that is to leave behind, what a wonderful way to be remembered; so much joy and laughter. He will always be missed.


saddlerider1 profile image

saddlerider1 6 years ago

Laurie my heart aches for you as you go through this transition of loss, yet I feel Harper will always remain with you, as loved ones past offer us.

I have lost some close friends and family and often I feel their presence in my life. I wish your soul peace my friend and always know that as long as you have friends and family who love and support you through times of loss, your strength will get you through.

Thank you for this wonderful share as a tear rolls down my cheek. Hugs and peace and Merry Christmas to you and yours...


acaetnna profile image

acaetnna 6 years ago from Guildford

I am so, so sorry that you have lost your dear husband. I can't even begin to imagine how you are feeling and to be without him this Christmas will be so difficult for you. I don't quite know what to say to help, except you will have fond memories and he will be with you in spirit, watching over you. You have many friends here on Hubpages and I know they all send their love and support. I do even though I do not know you, I certainly am thinking of you and am sending you a little love your way. Take care. A beautiful piece of writing, I am sure you shed many a tear writing this. God bless.


Poohgranma profile image

Poohgranma 6 years ago from On the edge

When you give this gift of him to all who read of your pain he stays alive now in our memories as well as yours. Not in any measure that you feel, of course, but I know I will think of him and you this and every Christmas as long as I can remember.


Scarlett My Dear profile image

Scarlett My Dear 6 years ago from Missouri

Dear LaurieDawn ~

I wish you much love, peace and healing in your memories and your understanding. I know this meaning behind Bittersweet. Please know that you are surrounded by love in our thoughts and our words. ~ Scarlett


Malarie Rose 6 years ago

Laurie,

my eyes filled with tears and my body with chills as i read this! i am so glad to have you in my life as well as knowing bob! Didnt get to know him as well as i should have but everytime i had a smile on my face! i look up to you in so many ways! you and angie! u both have made me who i am today! I LOVE YOU! and thank you!


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 6 years ago Author

Ghomefitness,

Thank you for your kindness. I am lucky I have loved ones, family and friends. I feel very blessed.

Happy Holidays to you and yours.

Laurie


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 6 years ago Author

To my lil Sis,

I am blessed to have you in my life, without you it would have been too hard, and you made it easier. Not that death is easy, but with you there to hold my hand, and wipe my tears, I feel very lucky to have you as my sister. Harper will be here this year, maybe in spirit only, but someone has to carry on the tradition of eating candy and goodies! I guess that will have to be me! Egads, all those calories! Although not the same I know, he will be missed.

I love you lil Sis!

Laur


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 6 years ago Author

@FloBe, thank you kind Lady for your words of comfort. I wish you the best of Holidays! Blessings, Laurie

@Minnetonka Twin, thank you Dear One for your wonderful warm feelings of kindness. He shall always remain in our hearts and share those blessings with us each and every Holiday. I wish you and yours a blessed Holiday Season.

Blessings,

Laurie


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 6 years ago Author

@Epi-Thank you Darlin' Man! He will be here with me in my spirit, and I am so thankful that I did have that time with him, and that we shared that love, you are absolutely right, it is better to have loved, than not to have loved at all! That is what it makes it all worth it in the end!

Happy Holidays to you!

Blessings,

Laurie

@Diane, thank you for your kindness, and for your words of comfort. He shall always remain, it is our legacy that continues, wrapping us in that embrace of memories and love. May you and yours have a blessed Holiday Season.

Blessings,

Laurie


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 6 years ago Author

@Northwind-Thank you for your kindness. It is such a treasure to have my sister here with me, and family, friends, others to wrap love around me and their unwavering support. I am indeed lucky that I am not alone in this world. I wish you and yours a very Happy Holiday Season.

Blessings,

Laurie

@Pookie! You are like a sister to me in so many ways, my family. And thank you for sharing those memories of Harper with me, and for all your support during these times of sadness, but yet comfort that I have family like you to support and love! I am glad you are part of my family, and I love you Pookie!

Laur


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 6 years ago Author

@Saddlerider, Thank you Friend for your words of comfort. It is harder this time of year as we deeply feel the loss, but knowing there are wonderful people out there, makes us feel less alone. We are wrapped in our warm embrace of love, and somehow that makes it a little easier.

Blessings and I wish you and yours the most Happiest Holiday Season.

Blessings,

Laurie

@Acaetnna-Thank you Sweetie for your beautiful words of soothing. It is wonderful to be here amongst all these wonderful people, supportive and comforting as they share their words. Thank you for your kindness, and for sending warmth my way. It is a pleasure to have you here, sharing memories. I wish you and yours the most blessed Holiday Season.

Blessings,

Laurie


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 6 years ago Author

@Poohgranma-Thank you Dear Lady for your engulfing words of warmth, sent my way in your endearing way. It is a comforting feeling to know that there are people out there like you, who care, who make a difference in this world with their kindness. I wish you and yours the happiest of Holidays.

Blessings,

Laurie

@Scarlett-Thank you Sugar for your sweet and kind words. I feel very blessed to have all these wonderful people in my life. And that to me is what the Holidays are all about, blessings, and giving thanks to those that have helped us on our journey. Most blessed of Holidays to you and yours.

Blessings,

Laurie


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 6 years ago Author

Malarie,

Thank you Sweetheart! I remember on Easter when he had the babies outside blowing bubbles with them, and how happy he looked spending simple time, and then giving them hugs and he couldn't resist giving them kisses! And of course feeding them sweets! *laughs* Probably just so he could have a bite. Thank you Sweetie for sharing them with us, and thank you for being part of our lives. I love you too Sweetie!

Aunt Laur


CMHypno profile image

CMHypno 5 years ago from Other Side of the Sun

So sorry for your loss Laurie. I think that celebrations like Christmas can be very difficult for anyone who is grieving or is alone.


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 5 years ago Author

Thank you CM, yes holidays can be hard for those that have lost loved ones. I am thankful tho that I have a great family and really good friends, to help ease the pain a bit, and to enjoy the laughter in memories.

Thank you for stopping by.

Blessings,

Laurie


goody7 profile image

goody7 5 years ago from over there under the sycamore tree

This was really good, and I enjoyed it very much. I voted it up for you and gave it a beautiful. When you get a chance, check out my beer poem. It should really brighten up your day.


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 5 years ago Author

Thank you Goody! I have to say I read your poem and it did indeed brighten my day! *laughs*

I hope you have a Merry Christmas!

Blessings,

Laurie


"Quill" 5 years ago

Beautiful tribute to a wonderful and loving man who cared from the heart... special hugs are attached Laurie... may his peace come upon you.

Blessings and Hugs


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 5 years ago Author

Thank you Quill. He was very special and loving and I am glad he is up there with our Maker. Looking down and showering us with that eternal love. Thank you for your kind words.

Blessings and hugs,

Laurie


wee one 5 years ago

Very touching. My heart goes out to you.

Harper used to tell you that he loved you to the moon and back. Now he is in the heavens, somewhere between here and the moon, looking down upon you and the world with his loving eyes. He will always be with you; his love for you was pure.

Perhaps you can bring his gifts to his grave as tributes, if appropriate, or donate them to a cause he would support. I'm suddenly reminded of a Jewish tradition for paying tribute to loved ones at the cemetery. It seems particularly appropriate. If I am able to visit his grave with you, one day, remind me.


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 5 years ago Author

Thank you Wee One! We sure had some good times together, and I know that I shall always remember and hold onto those memories. He shared his life with us all and touched us all in ways that we will be able to hang onto and rememeber him always.

I have heard of that custom, but where he is at they do not allow much of anything to be put on the graves. Since it is a military cemetary. But he will always have one of the things that meant the most to him, the flag flying high every single day! And he will always be eternally loved.

*hugs*

Laurie

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