Chain Messages – A Give-and-Take on Chain Messages

David Castillo Dominici @ freedigitalphotos,net
David Castillo Dominici @ freedigitalphotos,net
renjith krishnan @ freedigitalphotos.net
renjith krishnan @ freedigitalphotos.net

Chain Messages

Chain letters/messages has been the order of the day since the beginning of time. In primitive times specific messages were played on drums and transmitted by the drummer(s) of a village. Today we have the Internet and all kinds of electronic facilities such as cellular phones, e-mail and social network sites.

The purpose of chain messages is –

  • To send a message to many people. This could be an important message, a warning of danger, or it could be arousing awareness of a specific issue. The tone of the message could be formal, friendly, or downright manipulative.
  • To delegate the task of sending a message. Some messages don’t have a request to pass it on; we share it automatically, kind of obsessive-compulsive, with our closest friends. Some messages end with a kind request to share, while others end with an arrogant threat. I don’t need to waste any time by providing any examples of threats; all readers of electronic messages know exactly what I am talking about.

Relevant information about chain messages is available at Wikipedia and many other sites. In this hub I simply want to share my personal feelings and thoughts about them. I wonder if I am the only one suffering, instead of enjoying, chain messages?

A sincere message

Recently a sincere message made its rounds in Facebook. Many of us could not resist the temptation to react on it in a positive way, while others refused to react in any way.

The Message (without blatant errors):

I am so grateful you are a part of my life. This just seems to express it well. I am supposed to pick 12 people who I've gotten to know online (never met). It's funny we have never really met, I think that if this awesome group of people were ever to be in a room together, there is nothing that would be impossible.

I hope I chose the right twelve. May my hugs, love, gestures and communications remind you how special you are, there for each and every one of us. Now send this to 12 people (or more) (u can copy & paste) within the next 5 minutes, and remember to send this back to me, I count as 1, you'll see why. REMEMBER: THIS IS FOR ONLINE FRIENDS ONLY, PEOPLE YOU HAVE NEVER MET........and a wonderful friend you have been and still are. ♥

renjith krishnan @ freedigitalphotos.net
renjith krishnan @ freedigitalphotos.net

My emotions and thoughts:


  1. Surprise: “My goodness, am I this important in somebody else’s life?”
  2. Recognition: “Oh, it’s just one of those chain messages, sent on the spur of the moment by one of my dear friends. Being polite, I will reply with a sincere ‘thank you’, whether my name was automatically next on their list or not."
  3. Flattered: “But maybe I was chosen because he/she really regards me as one of their favorite online friends. Wow! Being human and vain, my vanity loves compliments and my pathetic ego constantly needs a boost."
  4. Envy: “The sender is quite a nice person. I feel honored to be so important in his/her life. But I wonder, am I one of the first three, or one of the last three? Where exactly do I fit in? Let’s face it - Me and I and Myself would love to be the first, second and third important person in the lives of trillions.”
  5. Embarrassment: “Oh, come-on, who do you think you are, Martie? Just come down to reality, puleez, before you believe you are the queen’s cat’s moustache. You are but only somebody living somewhere on this planet."
  6. Acknowledgment: “Yes, indeed, if my favorite online friends and I could be together for a couple of days, not in a room, but in a nice resort like a South African game reserve, nothing would be impossible. Oh, just allowing myself one or two thoughts of ‘not impossibles’, gives me the shivers.”
  7. Sadness: “How sad, we will never see each other in real life, and if we do…. Nothing seems to be as good in reality as it is in my mind. And don’t ever forget how painful it is to say ‘goodbye’, and especially when you will never see him/her again.”
  8. Shock: “Oh, he/she hope he/she has chosen the right twelve? So I might be a possible party-pooper in the back of their mind, or at least not who I seem to be on the Internet? So, thank you, dear sender, for admitting that you are having doubts about me.”
  9. Skepticism: “Your hugs, love, gestures and communications, dear sender, are much appreciated. Really, I do need it. Like any other human being, interaction with kindred spirits keeps me sane. I need to make sure I am, with all my weird thoughts and dreams, just as normal as you are. But surely I am not special; I am but only like you and all the others in our circle. We happen to have some mutual interests; we are members of the same site, some of our views on life are the same. After all, what exactly makes a person ‘special’? The nearest I could feel to ‘special’ is knowing I am the ONLY mother of my children and one of ONLY two grandmothers of my grandchildren. The feeling of being ‘special’ disappears when I am one of three or more. But okay, I know what you mean: I must be special in your eyes because I am unique and one of your twelve favorite online friends."
  10. Gratefulness: “Thank you Mom, Dad, Everybody I ever knew and God for shaping me in such a way that I can be considered today as one of twelve special people in the lives of hopefully more than twelve.”
  11. Agitation: “What? Now I must send the same message to 12 people within the next five minutes? WTH? I am not now in the mood to do this, and I refuse to stress myself emotionally by choosing only 12 of my many wonderful online friends as recipients of this message. And by the way, this message is not my style; I have other words and ways to show my love for others, and for each one of my friends I have a specific way and specific words."
  12. Insurgency: “I will overthrow this thread; I will destroy it by not acting in accordance with its demands.”
  13. Appreciation and love: “I will reply in my own way to the sender. I will focus on him/her and admit their importance in my life. If they were willing to admit my importance in their life, whether they were sincere or not, I will follow suit, but doing it my way and sincerely honest."
  14. Pigheadedness: “I will not send this message to 12 of my many-more-than-12 much appreciated online friends."
  15. Fear: “And what if I lose the respect and admiration of some of my friends by proving my stubborn and rebellious identity online?”
  16. Braveness: “Oh well, I’ll rather be dead than a puppet on anybody’s string. After all, I am still alive after swimming against the stream since the day I was born. If somebody does not manage to kill my spirit this time, I will swim on until death stops me."

© Martie Coetser (April 2012)

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Registered :: 2012-04-21 23:31:16 UTC
Title :: Chain Messages – A Give-and-Take on Chain Messages
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Do you think my thoughts and feelings about chain messages are ridiculous?

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Comments 44 comments

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

Martie...My dear...nothing you could think, feel or say would seem ridiculous to me....I happen to LIKE your thoughts and feelings and the way you say things! You are entitled, Miss Martie to be who you are. In fact, you're encouraged. Whatever the subject, whatever the message....you have your own unique way that makes you MARTIE! And just how do you suppose you have so many fans?? Ridiculous?? Never!


Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

Oh that chain letter. Ha! It's not the first and it won't be the last. "Grin and bear it" is my opinion. It's nice to be thought of, but I could do without the chain letters. Thanks for sharing your thoughts Martie:)


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 4 years ago from TEXAS

I am totally outside this - and glad of it. But I love YOU. I cannot say more. I may have to reread it to 'get' the point. I just love YOU. Otherwise it may seem like much ado about nothing or nothing to do about much. Or finally - WHY?


A.A. Zavala profile image

A.A. Zavala 4 years ago from Texas

I was shocked initially by some who posted to my time line, but then responded in kind in my own way. I didn't find 12 friends; I think it was 11.5.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Fpherj, thank you for encouraging me to be my unique self. I am so glad you like my thoughts and feelings. Sometimes I really don't like them, especiallywhen they make me swim another mile against the stream. I prefer to go with the flow; it is so much easier to go with the flow. However, the rebel in me is always otherwise....

Thank you for being the first one to assure me that I, me and myself are not rediculous. I'll see you soon in your corner :)


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Thank you, Sunshine,for the geat advice; "Grin and bear it" ....

This will be 'my way' as from today.


Jools99 profile image

Jools99 4 years ago from North-East UK

Martie, I don't really mind the messages but in general, I read them and move on. I would never send one myself, they're just not my thing so the chain would end in my Inbox (and then be moved to 'Deleted Items') but they are harmless enough and kindly meant :o)


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

My dearest Nellieanna, you would have been number one on my list of 12, if I have decided to play along. Your love and approval really fulfill my need for online love and approval. The rest I receive - AND surely appreciate with all my heart - is bonus upon bonus, making me feel disgustingly rich and happy.

Of course, debating chain messages is much ado about nothing, yet it irritates me since the very first one I have received decades ago via ordinary mail. I don't like the flood of emotions this kind of letter/message forcefully arouses in me. As a connoisseur of life, experience everything I sense intensely, I can handle at the most approximately five emotions at a time. Sixteen in less than a minute aroused by a small, common, sketchy message, are much too much for my sensitive soul.

I think a chain message effects my soul like the bite of a midge effects my body. I am allergic to the bite of a midge and I'm always amazed to see and feel the outrageous swelling and pain caused by such a little insect.

So see me in this hub 'scratching and unbearable itch' :)

Thank you so much, my dearest mother in Cyberspace, for your comment. I am honestly, with all my heart, so glad and grateful you are a part of my life.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

My dear Augustine, I was really impressed with the one you've sent me. You've taken the time to personalize it; you have added a few sentences with words suitable only for me. That I can accept and appreciate, that can make me feel special.

We do have a special, unique feeling of affection for each and every person in our lives. No two people can occupy the same space in our hearts. One cannot replace another. It takes time to focus on the space and the person in the space, to experience the specific feelings aroused by the specific person, and to describe it with a couple of words. You have taken the time to do this for 11,5 of your online friends, and once again you have earned my respect and admiration.

I am honestly with all my heart glad and grateful you are a part of my life. You have made a great impact on me; you are one of a few who have helped me out of a narrow 'birth channel' to be reborn in this new exiting phase of my life. You will always be very special to me.

Take care and be happy :)


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Jools99, I know in particular that chain messages are kindly meant, and I will never-ever resent anybody for sending it to me. As I've said, sending it is very much an obsessive-compulsive behavior, with or without the request to forward it. And yes, they all end in my 'deleted items'. But fact is, they do irritate and agitate me.

Thank you so much for listing your opinion in here. It will certainly means a lot to many for as long as readers have the privilege to read HubPages online. Take care :)


always exploring profile image

always exploring 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

Hello Martie, I detest getting chain letters, esp. a message from God telling me i only have five minutes to send the message to ten other people, if i do not send it, bad luck will surely make me sorry i didn't obey..Oh don't misunderstand, i love getting jokes, email, videos, pictures, you know what i mean, fun things. Enjoyed your take on the subject..I'm smiling..Cheers


Hyphenbird profile image

Hyphenbird 4 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful

I find it interesting that chain messages still endure. I never even open them but click Delete immediately. As you said, they give off a weird vibe. I choose not to subject myself to that. When I get one, I contact the person and ask them not to send that sort of thing to me. Some folks get real mad! That in itself tells me something.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Ruby! My dearest friend :)

Yes, we are in full agreement. But you know, even those videos and pictures can become a pest, over-flooding my inbox. I have asked all my contacts to forward only the best of the best they know I will appreciate to me, and I am so grateful because they comply with my wishes. I normally safe the good ones to send to my friends when they really need it.

I'll see you soon... :)


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Hybenbird, how nice to see you! Hopefully I will soon be as mature as you. I am almost there. Maybe this hub is my first step to your level. But as you can see, my heart melt when they come from my friends; I would rather encourage my friends to take the time to personalize them and to remove manipulative sentences.

Thank you so much for your visit, Brenda! I regard you as a dear friend although we don't see each other every day :)


50 Caliber profile image

50 Caliber 4 years ago from Arizona

Martie, I normally don't play the game, but the exact message you've written on, was my exception, I do wish I had removed time constraints and any other "requirements" from the message.

I received it first from folks I know from online only, who have cared enough to see me through a rough time last year, and prior to that have connected in a sharing and loving manner and I feel that I have a group of people that I love unconditionally but that is everyone in my reality. I sent that out to many more than 12 that have a spot in my heart with their name on it.

Unconditional, is a tough concept for many, it is not for me. That said, I remember our initial contact in the comment section of your hub of parts where you expressed how you felt in a situation in which you lived at one time and it was expressed well enough for me to feel your writing and I like you have lived through times not so great, but can't write them and publish them to this day. I read the heart of your reading wondering why a loving heart like yours was never in my reach. You let me in to see, I also got to hear you speak, WOW! I was impressed and felt that much closer.

So that said, there was no order or limit to how I picked, and I meant the part of unconditional.

These people I chose, or they chose me first and grew into me, I've no regrets and if I had 2 weeks notice that I was going to fall dead and Donald Trumps money, if I could, I would gather the lot of us in a serine place and sit talk and laugh hoping all would bring their families as well.

I have Faith that all are well meaning folks with hearts of truth. I even appreciate a heart that rejects the thought entirely and was not surprised in the least, it verified my "vibes" I get from the written word, but I still would go to bat for them if ever I was present and the need arose, they wouldn't have to ask either.

It was a nice gesture that came to me, and I replied to the first two personally, resisting the urge to fall in on the opportunity, but the urge remained and wouldn't let me free, it was a nagging presence.

I'm getting forgetful as I age and can reach and touch right now a list of names I have written down so I don't forget them in my prayers. Some asked and had needs, others I added as they touched me in a way that promoted me to try to be a better person than I am.

I'm not sure what your bottom line stance is on this topic, I just am sure you are a true heart and my only regret now that you have brought it forward is #1 not removing the requirements placed in the message by who ever wrote it,(I generally equate that with the "dares or temptations that were put before the Son of Man" to prove himself to be genuine. #2 not taking time to personalize it with reason on an individual basis.

That is hindsight, always seems I could have expressed myself to each better. I see that some may very well have been puzzled as to why I love them and hadn't a clue that they have touched me in a way that compelled me to let them know.

I often sign off on comments in different manors, ie:

50, or

Blessings,50 or

Blessings, dust, or

Many blessings, peace and love, dust/ dusty

I try to relay my felt connections, to all, and try to never sign off, even after disagreement, disrespectfully to any person. I just was slandered by one person in three years, and there are a few who stood against me and still I took no offense, knowing things always seem to come full circle and with out any self defense, voting down, flagging I just accepted they had fooled me with their intent. To date I have made 2,500 plus comments on hubs and feel that there would be no malcontent in any of them. 'nuff said,

Much love, peace, and Blessings,

your secret admirer,

Dusty

(now there is a first in my sign outs *smile*)


Trish_M profile image

Trish_M 4 years ago from The English Midlands

Hi :)

Interesting topic!

Because most chain letters seem to be so negative, and even threatening ~ even the so-called 'nice' ones ~ I just find them all unpleasant, and I ignore them all.

I don't like receiving them, so I have a notice on my Facebook status asking that no-one send any to me :)


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 4 years ago from TEXAS

Darling Martie - I've no criticism of you or of anyone who did or didn't participate in the specific chain in any manner. I've simply felt strongly negative about chain letters per se in my time, and I resist 'canned' messages whether or not in chain messages; such as forwarded messages which express personal feelings but which the sender had no part in expressing other than hitting the send button. These seldom ring my chimes either.

When they are to be widely distributed (often with the implication of dire misfortune for refusing to); and when cloaked with emotional content of a personal nature which couldn't be individually 'felt' when they're copy/pasted and mass distributed; and when obviously being pushed by plays on the emotions, including love, fear, anger, etc,- as you so aptly describe - well, what I feel is mostly immunity to their effects whether intended to be positive (for the agenda contained) or negative (as in discrediting groups or beliefs other than those of the sender).

My habit is to resist negativity by not giving it benefit of more negativity from me but by actively refocusing with positivity elsewhere - where it does have chances of uplifting, encouraging or pleasing or just of allowing my own inner equilibrium to steer clear of unrequired, valueless negativity. I say "unrequired & valueless because there ARE also many natural developments of the process of living which do produce negatives to which response IS required and of value.

One can almost ask oneself what would be the outcome if I ignore or shunt this 'whatever' aside, in determining which is which. There are unknown peripheral effects of either choice, of course - others whose feelings may be stirred by the matter at hand, which one can't know. One can't possibly answer for everyone or every effect. If letting something go or dangle obviously won't really hurt something or won't deny help to someone and if its actual effect is simply to distract one's time & attention away from positive things one might choose instead, then why fool with it? That's why I said I was "outside it" and glad to be. That was my response to it when I saw the chain message on FB. Momentarily, I though "how nice" when I thought it WAS a personal message from one of my dear friends there, but seeing its actual content, I just let it dangle. It wasn't a judgment on what others feel or choose to do about it. But in honestly - it IS how it IS with me, and to respond to YOU and your hub, I needed to say so.

So I'm pleased that you know I love you and that it's reciprocated. What I do or choose to do may or may not be an example which fits your choices. But a good momma has what she has to share with a beloved daughter and shares when it seems to fit.

I see others' comments here with MUCH value. For instance, I love Dusty's explanations FOR his own feelings about this specific chain letter. His view is very valid and very good. I have big respect and affection for him.

So of course, there's more than one view to consider and the most important view for consideration to YOU - is YOURS! It's the one with which you live and grow and from it come your many inspired thoughts and beautiful writings and a host of other wonderful talents and activities you have and do!

As I do what I do because it is what I do, so you must do what you do because it is what YOU do! (And I'm not the only one who fully appreciates YOUR you-nique self!) Much love and many hugs. cybermomma


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 4 years ago from TEXAS

ps - I do see it as your 'scratching an unbearable itch' - haha - but you've no need to justify what you do to me or anyone. YOU are who has unimpeded access to your reasons and impetus for what you do. If it meets your approval, that's what matters. If there are areas you find amiss, it's yours to fix.

I see your reply to me as an expression of love, trust and respect, is all! And I am so empathetic with the responses the chain letter stirred in your fiercely intense being. It's YOU. Hugs.


50 Caliber profile image

50 Caliber 4 years ago from Arizona

Martie, you have generated some great fuel for thought here, and possibly taught some lessons. I for one suppose that this being the first I ran with I look back ror the reasons I've stated, but

It was an opportunity for me to express a thought and feeling to many that had I done so under the guise of I think I'll write an "I love you, because" type message I normally would consider a "private topic" that might have been received as a solicitation for something that it was not. I have received those, and been kind in response, it was then perceived as "when I fly in, do I need to rent a car or will you be picking me up at Sky Harbor? I'm laughing right now, but at those times I was wondering "how the heck did we get to incoming flights?"

This simply kept it simple, still laughing, but I never could be an internet stalker.

It reminds me of a trip I was planning to drive east that I ended up having to do something else and it didn't materialize. A third party in conversation had me taking the Texas route and picking up a "Lady" in my old jeep to bring to a party. I'm not sure about how that "Lady" whom I considered and still do, "Quite the Lady" and the way the conversation developed, was inappropriate to say the least, I backed away gently and quietly as she did and I stayed out of any conversation on face book for quite some time afterward. I was quite embarrassed by it, at the time. I was let know I had messages pending and went there and goofed around for a few days and this came up as an opportunity to say how I feel about each, but to a point of "love" by inspiration of the written words and comments over the possibility of being mistaken as an "enamored, lonely man lost in the desert and attempting to fill a void in his life".

I have reached my "promised land and realized my life goal" and quite frankly am happy with my life, just like it is.

I'm not saying that if I was driving through someones town that are on the list I sent out, I would not be apposed to having lunch or dinner and speak with them for a few hours; I'd be honored as well as honorable in my behavior.

I'm finding a bit of humor here, because I'm an odd person when it comes to my personal habits of getting up in the wee hours of morning to watching the sunset and following close behind it I go to sleep. I will not accept housing or home cooked meals unless there is an outside BBQ and I'm one in a number of people. I've been celibate for darn near 2 decades and for good reason in my beliefs and none of that is going to change. LOL

Many,many,

Blessings,

Inter-Continental

Love,

dust


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 4 years ago from United States

Marie, You sure covered the variety of emotional reactions very well. I don't particularly like getting those emails that tell you it must be forwarded to X number of people of God will be mad. That is not the God I know. These emails and Facebook messages will probably continue as they've been around for so long. Interesting hub obviously with all your comments. Voted up.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

50 Caliber – Dear Dusty, you have pulled my tears and smiles with these lovely, generous comments. I wish I could give you one heluva hug just so you know I regard you as a solid, reliable online friend. You are extremely unique; I take my hat off for you, for all you have suffered AND achieved.

Yes, chain messages like the one I have used as an example in here do give people the opportunity to express their love and gratefulness. I would say the bottom line stance on this topic is: Please personalize chain letters like this and change the ‘demand’ to forward into a request, or better, an encouragement. Especially we, as writers, should do this. I can really forgive people who cannot write like us when they use the writings of others to say what they would like to say to others.

I do understand the position you were in. You were really eager to thank everyone who has meant something for you; you haven’t give personalization a second thought. And that is okay. I am not at all innocent; I have myself forwarded chain messages like this before just because I haven’t had the time or enough reason to personalize them.

Re that ‘Lady’ – Oh my, she should have ‘read’ you properly. But some people are not at all able to sense the fences of our personal zone. They just burst in and embarrass us out of our socks. But, please, do not let anybody ever keeps you from interacting with your online friends. I’ve noticed your absence, and I was planning to go ‘find’ you. But you know Time flies.

Yes, interacting in Cyberspace demands a fine sense of awareness - more than in reality where we can read more into a person via his body language. I, too, have some bad experiences with people who have read my online friendliness and love for my fellow-man as ‘romantic’ love.

Dusty, I am going to post a hug on your wall - a hug of sincere friendship. Oh, yes, if I was in your region, we would have enjoyed delicious barbeques and party lizards out of stones. But now we can do only what is possible in CyberSpace.

I hope you will one day be able to write about your bad experiences. On the other hand, it is better to keep it on the bottom of your memory well, where it can’t hurt you too much.

Tons of hugs going your way, and yes, I love you as if you are my own brother.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Trish, thank you so much for giving your opinion. It is good to know I am not the only one with negative feelings about chain letters. Take care!


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Nellieanna, like a real daughter with the most intelligent, perceptive and adorable mother in the world, I can but only KNOW you have covered my issue with your wisdom. After this, I am sure I will never be stirred by a chain message.

Thank you so much for being you and for your willingness to share your wisdom with all of us.

I am looking forward to spend some time in your corner before the end of my Monday.

Just close your eyes and feel me hugging you, because you are you :)


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Thank you, Pamela. Yes, I've seen those with the arrogant threats on behalf of God. Goodness gracious me! If I did not know some of those self-important Christians personally, I would not have been able to believe my eyes. Thanks a lot for your comment. Take care :) And welcome on my FB-Page... :))


Rosemay50 profile image

Rosemay50 4 years ago from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand

Well I passed that message on, but not to 12, only 7 people who I did consider to be my online special friends, those who have supported me and shown they care, just wanted them to know that I appreciated them.

Most I receive by email go straight to the bin, there are the odd ones which have a special meaning or sentiment which I will send either to 1 or 2 friends or my family. I NEVER take any notice of the timeframe or the threats.


50 Caliber profile image

50 Caliber 4 years ago from Arizona

Martie, thanks for the great return. It was not the Lady it was another in the conversation attempting to put her into an odd situation with me a virtual stranger, I don't know what she thought but kinda got the idea that it was a bad Idea and I just said it's too far away to talk about that. I never have got to carry on a fun back and forth with her since, and it may have soured her to face book as well, but she is a real sweet heart nonetheless,

~Big Hugs~

My Friend

and Sister


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida

Martie, m'dear, do not trouble your lovely mind and heart for another single moment about the enigma of chain messages. They are ridiculous and unworthy and serve no useful purpose except for the pitiable sender who may have, shall I politely say, issues!


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Rosemary, I felt so honored when I received yours. As I've said, I feel close to you as if we were together in the same war. Thank you so much for being my online friend and supporter in here :)


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Dusty, thank you for making sure I don't live on with a misunderstanding...

Sometimes we intend to do good - especially when we try to play matchmaker.... but then we hit our names with a plank and ruin a friendship that could have been successful. I do believe, however, that we should look beyond each other's actions. I always - and this is a pain in my own damn a@@ - search for the motives of another person's actions. And so often I see a motive or two not even known to the person...

Big Hugs from South Africa to my strong, headstrong, eccentric and courageous brother, Dusty!


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

drbj, advice from my favorite and beloved doctor-professor always go straight to my heart. I must tell you - Many moons ago I have founded myself for a couple of months in the basement of my depression well. My darling friends fed me with those powerpoint presentations - those beautiful pictures accompanied by well-written and poor-written text, emphasizing how wonderful life is. It really meant a lot to me then. But I have no need for them now. I KNOW life is wonderful and worthy to live as hard as I can.

Thanks for the visit, drbj, and your great advice :)


Alastar Packer profile image

Alastar Packer 4 years ago from North Carolina

This isn't exactly a chain message but its close. A hubber and blogger I gave encouragement to their writing started to hint around how they wanted me to buy their books. And then an e-mail about something to do with their top ten bloggers of the year. They wanted me and the others to list 7 secrets or something about ourselves. Needless to say, I don't plan to respond.

I'm with the other hubbers on this one Martie; don't trouble yourself one minute longer over anything that doesn't do you justice, your a very special lady to me and so very many others. You can go with the flow but keep that rebel part of you too. If you don't feel right about them because of pressure or whatever tell the person you just don't do chain messages- real friends will understand and respect your wishes.


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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Alastar, thank you so much for your comforting comment. You provoked in me that nice feeling I always get when someone assure me that all problems have been solved. That letter your are talking about is an elementary marketing technique. Promoting others is also promoting oneself. Of course we have to do this in order to reach our goals - nothing wrong with it. But it is for us to decide whether we want to play along with someone else's campaign. How selfish it may sound, the question should always be: "Exactly what will I gain and/or loose?"

Thank you so much for your support, Alastar. Take care, be happy :)


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Ardie 4 years ago from Neverland

Hi Martie :) I am always flattered when I get the chain messages because someone thought about me. But I just never know what to do with them. I feel bad sending them on because I know some people get upset if you post or email them chain letters. Then on the other hand I am afraid I will include some people in the chain and exclude others who will see it and get upset. So my best course of action is no action!


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Nellieanna 4 years ago from TEXAS

UM-M-M-M and what a lovely hug it is! :-)


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Trish_M 4 years ago from The English Midlands

Hi again Martie :)

Re negative responses to chain letters, this may be a result of my education.

At school we were encouraged never to send them, read them, respond to them, or pass them on ~ but to give them to a teacher, who would then get rid of them for us :)


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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Ardie, well-said! You reminded me of an excellent rule: "When in doubt, the best action is no action." Thank you so much for your thought-provoking comment and very good advice.


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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Nellieanna - :)).... Amazing how real love is in Cyberspace.... :))


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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Trish, you were fortunate to have had clever mentors and you have also the ability to stand strong and wise on your principles in spite of strong opposition. You know I am a fan of yours since the day I arrived In HubPages.


Trish_M profile image

Trish_M 4 years ago from The English Midlands

Martie, I am truly honoured. Thank you.


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Nellieanna 4 years ago from TEXAS

Yes, love in cyberspace is an amazing and a mysterious reality when it's real, same as in 'real life' - because there are the real ones and the fakes either place! When the real, one actually feels its expressions here just as intensely - maybe more so in a way. Hugs, m'dear!


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marcoujor 4 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

Hi Sista,

Missed this somehow...I actually got that same FB message from several dear friends and simply expressed my appreciation consistently by hitting "like". I try very hard to only send/ post the most inspirational/ funny info to my closest friends, so that I don't add to the information overload we all tend to experience in our lives. I much prefer individual notes that are uniquely personal when time permits.

This was wonderful food for thought. Voted UP & UABI.

Love and hugs, mar.


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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

My dearest best friend in Cyberspace and imaginary sista, Marcoujor, thank you for your comment. Besides the fact that it is profound and worthy to practice, it is another prove that we are on the same page.

Tons of hugs from my heart to yours :)


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PegCole17 2 years ago from Dallas, Texas

Thank you for expressing this as I've wondered so many times if I was the odd one who broke the chain or either sent it on with reservations in hopes of not hurting someone I care about. I loved what you said, "The feeling of being ‘special’ disappears when I am one of three or more."


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MartieCoetser 2 years ago from South Africa Author

Hi, Peg, so sorry you had to wait 6 days for my reply. Oh, I am so fed-up with this book I am writing. It keeps me away from my friends! Thank you so much for your visit. The only way to stay on top of these chain messages is to ignore them from the start. We don't need any kind of intimidation and victimization in our lives.

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