Classic Werewolf Horror Movies : 'A Parisian Werewolf In New York'.
Classic Werewolf Horror Movies : 'A Parisian Werewolf In New York'.
The incredible events today in New York have shaken the city.
The streets were frozen in terror, the NYPD and the National Guard were out in force and many of the population cowered within their homes.
But it all ended this afternoon at the Statue of Liberty where the creature, which had run rampant through the city for the past 14 hours, was finally cornered.
Now people are asking what was this monster, where it came from and what sparked the terrible rampage.
Our reporters have just compiled the sequence of events based on eye-witness testimony and the use of municipal surveillance cameras.
Here is how the horror unfolded today in New York City. Let's go back to the beginning where it all kicked off.
A difficult customer
It began at a quiet all-night diner in Brooklyn called the 'Bun Hut' during the early hours of the morning.
At around 2 a.m. a Frenchman, name unknown at that time, had taken his seat at the counter. Nothing unusual in that considering this is an international city with a cosmopolitan populace.
He ordered pain au chocolat with coffee and according to other diners he quietly sat there reading 'Le Monde' and minding his own business. Nobody could have foretold what was about to happen.
"He seemed pretty ordinary to me" said Joey Mumbles who was serving behind the counter. "You know? Just sitting there reading his newspaper and humming some catchy tune to himself"
But it was when the food arrived that things took a much more sinister turn.
"He took one bite" said Mr Mumbles, "But then spat it out and started screaming at me and pointing at the food. I guess he didn't like it"
Apparently according to other diners the man was shouting "crétin!" and "philistin!" which were words even ordinary New Yorkers could understand. It appeared that there was an over-zealous food critic on the premises.
One local man, a Mr Miles Ampersand, with a smattering of French recognised the exclamation, "Cette pâtisserie est trop feuilletée!" which translated into English means "This pastry is too flaky!" As the amateur linguist Mr Ampersand remarked "I guess you are what you eat after all"
To what he was referring becomes apparent when we hear of the incident that ensued in the lonely Brooklyn diner.
After being rudely told by the diner staff where he could stick the Eiffel Tower the Frenchman calmed down and apologised.
The customer service had made him feel right at home and he introduced himself as a Mr Jean-Jacques Concomitant from Paris. He then settled down to read his paper until a fresh order arrived.
However one sip of his coffee brought an even more violent explosion of anger and aggression that shocked the onlookers.
A cry of "Mon Dieu!" was heard and he stood to his feet in a rage. Throwing the coffee over the counter he spat out in English "I ain't drinking zis piss!"
'La Rage' erupts
His rising temper was fuelled by a couple of teenage boys sitting in the corner. They reportedly made sarcastic comments about the French war effort coupled with limp-wristed gestures and with some "Oh la la!" sniggering.
But the other customers and staff stood there astounded and wondered what he would do next. They could never have guessed in their worst nightmares what they would see.
"It was like that Incredible Hulk fella!" explained Mrs Doris Allsize "Except this guy was no green man! He was sprouting hair everywhere and all his clothes ripped off"
The creature that besieged New York today had been dramatically spawned in seconds. What was merely an obstreperous Frenchman quickly became a fiend from hell. A massive snarling monster of razor sharp claws and ferocious teeth dripping with saliva as it reared up in the diner. A werewolf.
He lashed out at a Roller Grill full of 'Freedom Fries' and then went berserk in the diner. The people fled through all exits and windows. They were running for their very lives but thankfully no one was hurt.
Terror on the streets
Then the creature went on its moonlight spree through the streets of New York. It announced its presence with an blood-chilling howl at every junction
It ran into a local liquor store and helped itself to four bottles of Chardonnay before fleeing the scene. The sounds of sirens in the night signalled that the Police had been alerted.
A young assistant, Mario Campesino, explained what happened in the store. "It made me open the bottles cos it's claws couldn't get the corks out" The beast smashed through stacks of budweiser beer and burst open bags of chips, peanuts and pretzels. A shaken Campesino added "I haven't seen anything this bad since Charlie Sheen turned up on a bender"
The situation had worsened as there was now a maddened werewolf loaded full of booze and with a virulent nationalistic streak. Indicative of the latter was a break-in to a McDonalds restaurant where it left its business on the floor. A scatological signature of defiance.
This time we knew it was serious and a full-scale alert was announced in the city. All New York citizens were told to stay indoors.
Many came onto the streets full of bravado and exercising their right to bear arms. It was hunting season on the streets.
One inventive musician even strolled around with an accordion playing Normandy sea-shanties to try to lure the beast.
But Concomitant disappeared for around an hour at least and there were no sightings of the werewolf anywhere.
It transpired he had actually been seen on the quiet streets of Broadway but passers-by thought it was an extra from the 'Cats' musical out partying after a show. Stranger things have been seen in New York. It had also been sighted marking its territory in Central Park as the dawn sunlight glowed over the rooftops and through the trees.
The hunter becomes the hunted
Despite a mass influx of police officers and the National Guard on the streets it was decided to call in a specialist.
The animal seemed impervious to the bullets that were fired at him and too swift and agile to be caught in the chase by the squad cars of the NYPD.
The veteran hunting expert Bogart Kincaid was called in for his expertise. He was the best man to deal with this.
"I told them that this big hairy dog was nigh on unbeatable" he explained "I said there was only one way to take that sucker out"
The Federal Reserve building in Manhattan became the scene of much activity as over 60 pounds of silver bars were taken away. This had to be rushed to a steel foundry outside the city. There they were quickly melted and moulded into bullets. Kincaid was then given the task of stalking, trapping and ultimately killing the beast.
This was a controversial decision as Mayor Dubchek refused to issue multiple rounds of ammunition to the troops.
"Silver bullets? Are you kiddin?" he complained "Those meatheads would've sprayed bullets all over the place. I might as well chuck 100 dollar bills out of my car. I gotta tight budget in this town"
And so Kincaid went on the chase aided by local law enforcement and the forces of the state.
Operation Riding Hood
Roadblocks, warning shots and helicopter surveillance tracked down the beast as Kincaid closed in with his deadly weapon. The streets had remained clear in the daylight and the city was still and mostly empty apart from the occasional howl which merely helped the hunter close in on his prey.
Even the fact that the creature had finally cleared the 'Occupy Wall Street' camp made no difference to Mayor Dubchek
It had to be stopped immediately and if necessary it had to be eliminated.
Showdown on Liberty Island
And that was how we came to the iconic and towering presence of the Statue of Liberty.
No one will know for sure why he headed there but Concomitant perhaps saw the opportunity for a symbolic grand finale and a final showdown with the city of New York.
The colossal neo-classical monument designed by Frédéric Auguste Bartholdi and which he presented to the American people seemed a fitting place for the beast that was Jean-Jacques.
Liberty enlightening the world, freedom and the true spirit of the wandering lone-wolf exemplified in that astonishing denouement. The Parisian werewolf was driven into the harbour waters by National Guard troops and swam its way across the waters in the direction of 'La Liberté'.
Dragging itself wearily onto the island it seemed to sense that all was lost and there was no escape. But this would be no craven surrender, no Vichy capitulation. The werewolf decided to make its defiant last stand and slowly climbed the Statue of Liberty.
At the top it entered the restaurant and enjoyed a last meal of choucroute garnie followed by a crème brûlée for dessert. It then climbed to the very apex on the head of Liberty clutching a freshly opened bottle of Moët & Chandon and awaited its fate.
The drone of engines and sharp sound of blades scything through the air was heard as a Huey helicopter approached.
On board was Kincaid with rifle in hand and ready to kill.
The creature stood up on its hind legs and puffed out its chest. It began roaring at the helicopter in a strange sing-song style at top of his lungs.
"He was blastin out the Marseillaise" said Kincaid.
But things took an unexpected twist. As Kincaid lined up his sight and took aim he looked straight into the eyes of the creature. Jean-Jacques Concomitant stared straight back with piercing eyes.
In that brief moment Kincaid realised there was a man behind those eyes. A human being was looking into his very soul. A cruelly transformed human being but a man none the less. The creature knew that Kincaid had succumbed.
Kincaid couldn't do it, he couldn't administer the coup de grace. Instead he fired wide and smashed the bottle of champagne. The creature only slightly flinched. It looked again at Kincaid and nodded knowingly and with approval.
Then with a Gallic shrug of the shoulders and cry of "Vive la France" it launched itself from the heights of the statue and clambered down the side. At the bottom it dived off the island and plunged into the waters of New York harbour.
The combined resources of the Coastguard and the US Navy were launched into action but they could not find the creature. It had disappeared and has never surfaced again in the city.
The moral of our tale ladies and gentlemen is clear and simple. If you ever encounter a Frenchman at a diner, in a cafe or restaurant or even at a mere fast-food takeaway then beware what may occur. For Jean-Jacques Concomitant is probably still out there somewhere in the eateries of the world.
Those in the food and catering industry serving food to the masses should pay particular attention to those traditional French dishes. Prepare them lovingly and with reverence. And always remember that important adage. The customer is always right.
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