Confessions Of A Hubaddict...

Honest, I just use the one finger...
Honest, I just use the one finger...

Hi, my name is Chris, and I'm addicted to hubpages..."

"Hi Chris."

Glad I have that out in the open.

I started off small, gateway hubs as it were, stuff I'd posted on my website but nobody read. It was about six, maybe seven months ago. A nice lady read a couple and made a comment.

Even better

She sent me fan mail...

I had progressed from having a reader to having a fan. And I had a follower, a bona fide, honest to goodness person who wanted to read more. She was joined in short order by a few more friendly people and I settled into a routine of writing four hubs a week.

I'd repay the favors shown to me by reading the hubs of those who were giving me the positives, following those I knew I'd want to keep up with, send a bit of fan mail myself, and hop at least ten hubs every time I posted.

The habit was growing...

One hour a day had grown into three, sometimes four, with jittery visits to my inbox to see if anyone had read my stuff, or someone was responding to a comment I had made.

But I could control it.

I knew I could stop anytime I wanted.

It wasn't a problem or anything.

The house still got cleaned and I still checked the job sites for a real position.

True, I'd sneak into my office just before I went to bed to check messages and speak to my Australian friends, and first thing in the morning I'd fire up the mac to see who was up and running, but, still not a problem.

I was getting my stuff from England, Ireland, and all over the US…

Then it all went hardcore.

I was reading poetry. I mean its not that I didn't like poetry, but I wouldn't go visit it in hospital either. And this wonderful lady traps me with her words and images that end up luring you deep into her beautiful world. Not only that, she writes long and meaningful responses to hubs that more than once have come close to making me get in my car and drive the gazillion miles to Texas to give her a darned hug!

And then there were the funny people. They understood me, kindred souls, (do satirists have souls? discuss...) but by feeding my habit with daily weird and the banter that started to fly back and forth between us all, meant there was little time left to actually write hubs.

Now humor is not a moneymaker, so I wasn’t like a dealer or anything, but I was craving so much more than money. Those little accolade icons became a bit of a problem for me. I needed a full set. I'd look at those one hundred hubscore people, and covet those little symbols. Ten hubs was a milestone, and the "Chris writes particularly engaging hubs" was like a hit of crack cocaine.

I finally recognized that I had a problem.

Winning three different hub nugget competitions didn't make life any easier (Yeah, thanks for that, guys…), traffic went up, comments became a regular thing and I started to notice my own hubscore. Creeping through the eighties, to become a regular in the nineties, all this just exacerbated an already critical issue.

So, I sent myself to hubcamp...

A balmy Sunday afternoon in Los Angeles had me meeting a small group of hubbers, and that was great. The problem was the headliners. The actual founders of hubpages...and they had read my stuff...and they spoke to me!

It didn't matter that they showed me graphs of how few people read humor, and that monetizing my hubs was akin to getting a fish to sing, not impossible but...

I was a hubber.

I listened and concentrated and edited my hubs, adding amazon links and titles that were more searchable. I encouraged a few new hubbers, knowing full well that my habit was being fed by theirs.

Then I got overly ambitious. I had 96 followers. The one hundred globe was in sight. My hubfriends generously eviscerated me in public, in a humorous and loving way, you understand, teasing me about my hubscore of 98 (a fluke as it turns out) and then, one magical day. One Hundred. The ton. The accolade globe.

I cry a little.

Tears of joy.

I went to bed happy and full of love for fellow hubbers.

I rushed up at the crack of dawn to look once again.

Ninety-nine.

I'd lost one!

Oh, the humanity...

Sensing my despair my hubscore plummets to ninety-three and I have a host of little blue arrows pointing down.

But do I succumb?

Not this hubber.

I crank out some really funny hubs, much to some of my colleagues' disdain, leaving them rolling on their laughing floors, asses completely laughed off, and creep back up into the high nineties and follower one hundred, followed by several friends...

Now I obsess over the buttons. Nearly five hundred funnies, over two hundred awesomes, oh, how good they make me feel, but then I worry, only twenty three beautifuls...

Wait, what?

Were those people smoking something… Are they nuts?

I aim to be awesomely funny most of the time, and there is that one series of serious, so I guess I’ve earned a few usefuls, but really, unless you are button-lexic there is no way you are going to click beautiful. But hey, I’ll take it.

A hit’s a hit, right?

And then there’s the worry over your followers, do they remember to click as well as comment? I mean, I know I’ve forgotten every now and then. So, I forgive you. But let's take a little break here for a click or two.

Go on. Scroll down. I’ll wait…

So,

I’m on my way to hub 100, then I’ll take a break, you know rest the funny bone, relax the old typing finger…

Or not…

I mean its not like I’ve turned down paying jobs or anything. I’m not on the streets selling body parts, I’m an aficionado. I'm not a junkie, I'm a fan, a bona fide hubber…

Who is just the teensiest, tiniest, bit semi-addicted…

Oh, who am I kidding…

Dear Hub Reader


If you enjoy this hub, please check out my book,

Homo Domesticus; A Life Interrupted By Housework,

A collection of my best writings woven into a narrative on a very strange year in my life.

Available directly from:

http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/homo-domesticus/12217500

Chris


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Comments 69 comments

ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 5 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California Author

This hub is dedicated to everyone who has ever read, voted or commented on any of my hubs. Your support and friendship has been pure sunshine in a gloomy year.

Thank You

Chris


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana

AWESOME HUB!! I clicked EVERY button... even beautiful!!! I'll "like" it in a minute so all my facebook friends can read it and understand the addiction of Hubpages!

I have never known the high of a score in the upper 90's let alone 100... I can only imagine the feeling... maybe if I find a better dealer.

I think, Chris, just maybe... you found a way to get fish to sing. Congratulations friend!!!!

PS. Does your finger ever get tired? Or do you use weights to keep the muscles strong... little bitty finger weights... OR do you just flip people off a lot, that would probably work also!?


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 5 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California Author

Sue,

Thank you my friend. Seriously, I know I should learn to type properly, but with many thousands of words already typed, I think I'm a lost cause...

Thanks for being an important member of the fish choir!


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana

Chris- you're welcome! I've been told my whole life I sing like a fish!

By the way... I never did get my invitation to your forte! Is it a "No Fish Allowed" forte?? I guess I could flop around in other people's sandbox, make it all fishy and such... that could be fun...


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 5 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California Author

No, Sue, you would not need an invitation, you are so much a part of the inner circle. Way back when, you wrote a hub that I commented on, that decided the whole fort thing. It was a pretty important moment, as you were the first girl allowed in...

This is one habit that is going to be hard to beat...

I wonder if you can get a patch?

C


Just Ask Susan profile image

Just Ask Susan 5 years ago from Ontario, Canada

Great Hub, awesome, funny, beautiful, can you tell I really liked it :)


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 5 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California Author

Well, I'm totally liking Susans right now, so, right back at you...

C


WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

I too have been pushing your buttons Chris!


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 5 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California Author

Will,

And I thank you for it, kind sir!

C


Feline Prophet profile image

Feline Prophet 5 years ago from India

Carry on hubbing - you definitely can't stop now! :)


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana

Chris- I just realized I asked for an invitation to your forte'. No one can do your forte like you, so I will be ever so grateful to be the first girl in your FORT (I promise not to belch too loud and make the guys feel insecure) and I do believe there should be patches. I will make one for you, since I know how much you like pirate stuff!


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 5 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California Author

Feline Prophet,

I know, I know, but thank goodness there are fellow addicts out there. We truly need to look out for each other...

C


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 5 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California Author

Sue,

Fortunately we know each other well enough so that I know what you mean, rather than what you type...

And, honestly, you lobbed it up there, I have to hit it...

"We don't need no stinking patches!"

C


tlpoague profile image

tlpoague 5 years ago from USA

Ahh, the addiction...My hubby just made a comment to me the other day that I wasn't spending enough time with him. I chuckled...

I remember days when he and my son would spend hours gaming a new game or just lost in the World of Warcraft and Everquest. I tried not to complain much, but boy how I wished I could have an addiction. Then came HubPages and I was hooked.

I have floated to 100 a couple of times, cheering to all who would listen, only to growl when it dropped back down. (I was surprise to see it at 100 in the morning and 92 by that evening.) I love those little icons.

To start the month off fresh, I had my daughter come up with a cute saying to go with my profile for my hub addiction. (I can't stand being too boring...) She wrote "Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius, and it's better to be completely ridiculous than absolutely boring.”

Hi! My name is tlpoague, and I am a HubPages addict!

Great hub, Chris! I loved it and hit all the buttons.


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Chris - I had to rate up/useful/awesome AND beautiful! I will try to make sure I do not get addicted. I HAVE see lots of those little blue arrows! I think they are after me!

I have had a nice fat hubscore in the 90's - and after doing nothing at all to it - it will plunge! What did I do? I dont even think I cursed anywhere or anything!


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 5 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California Author

tipoague,

"Hi, Tip"

You're with friends here. People who get it, but are useless at weaning you off...

But acceptance and understanding are not to be under-rated, as long as there are no children and pets left unfed, no real harm is done...

C


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 5 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California Author

Real,

You'll feel the highs and lows of this addiction, but nothing beats the connections you make in the comments...

C


Austinstar profile image

Austinstar 5 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

As a fellow member of the "90" hub score, I can attest that hitting the 100 is quite a thrill. But then it drops almost immediately. Why can't it stay? We earned it.

I didn't know until now that it was possible to click every button. Thanks SueRoy!

ChrisL, you are the bomb. Keep on hubbing, baby!


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 5 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California Author

Austinstar,

Like I could give up now!

Now I was talking about hitting 100 followers, unlike you, I have never had my hubscore at 100, 98 has been my highest. I actually bow towards your icon when its pops up...

C


Christopher Price profile image

Christopher Price 5 years ago from Vermont, USA

Brother Chris, I have heard your testimony and understand your concern regarding your addiction. I too have felt the nervous anticipation of preparation, the rush of hitting "publish", the wave of pleasure as the comments appear, responses are composed and connections are made. There is little else like it.

But I am urging you to maintain moderation. Try not to dwell on the numbers...they are ephemeral, mirage-like, constantly changing with capricious inconsistency. I have determined not to worry unless there comes a time I have published more hubs than I have followers, or until my hubscore is less than my age.

Anyway, I can relate to your addiction, but I have rejected any search for a twelve-step program...when I walk twelve steps away from my computer I get the urge to go back and hubhop!

CP


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 5 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California Author

Chris,

I had to laugh over the twelve step program :)

It made me realize that I have it worse than I thought, what with my iPhone and iPad to hand, I leap like Pavlov's dogs everytime I hear a "bing"...

I realize the numbers are like mist, and, like you, love the interactions via the comments, more than anything else.

We are the definition of co-dependant!!

Thanks for reading, and for the comment,

All the best with your habit,

C


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

What Chris - codependent you say? Lol! I think the iPad has ruined me. Now there's a hub for you. It's just right there, sleek, slim, waiting to be picked up and cradled:)! LOL? Or not!


elayne001 profile image

elayne001 5 years ago from Rocky Mountains

I got to 98 once and took a picture of it just to prove it in case it dropped to the 70s or lower. Funny how it can make or break your day - 'tis the fate of the fanatically addicted...Thanks for the great chuckles.


Rochelle Frank profile image

Rochelle Frank 5 years ago from California Gold Country

You just keep getting funnier, Chris Lincoln. It's enough to make me want to give up trying to write humor-- that, and the imaginary vision you created of people with their backsides laughed off.


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 5 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California Author

Real,

I know you are a fellow addict, every hub I go to, there you are!

It is a miracle that any housework gets done in either of our homes! Real or otherwise!

C


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 5 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California Author

elayne,

I know...the pressure is relentless,

I'm glad you got a laugh from recognizing our strange behavior!

C


revmjm profile image

revmjm 5 years ago from Richmond, VA

Facinating hub. I voted UP and BEAUTIFUL!


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 5 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California Author

Rochelle,

I hope you recognized that it was you that started this. You were my very first comment and fan mail, your encouragement led to this writing wreck of a life...

And, don't you dare give up writing humor, we need more funny, not less...

And, not being one for writing LMAO, I see the same imagery!

C

Oh, and thanks.

The richness my hub-friends bring into my life is incalculable...


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 5 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California Author

revmjm,

Thank you for feeding the habit!

Great to hear from you...

And thank you for the follow. I hope you laugh at me on a regular basis...

C


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

I know! But it is so easy to do a load of laundry, read a hub, do some dishes, read a hub. It actually improves my day:)

This weekend my youngest took a spill, busted her chin up and got all banged up. Knees are skinned raw and shoulder hurt. Hub was a life saver, I've had to sit next to her and watch kid movies a bunch! I enjoyed reading this hub during G Force I think:)


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 5 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California Author

Real,

I follow the same hub, job, hub pattern...

Sorry to hear about your youngest - with two boys we had plenty of battle scars, which, being boys they wore with pride...

You can only take so much kid TV!

C


Robin profile image

Robin 5 years ago from San Francisco

Chris, I ALWAYS laugh reading your Hubs! Our community wouldn't be the same without you!!!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Yes but having my handy dandy iPad really makes it hard to stay away from Hub:)

Thanks Chris - I hate when they get hurt! I swear, when she came in all bloody (both girls were sobbing) I had trouble thinking straight! She will get her first good scar out of this one but at least its under the chin.

You would pity me if you knew how much kid TV I've had this weekend, Little Monsters was pretty good:)!


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana

Chris- Here's a little gift for you... I actually saw your hubscore hit 99! I did! I should have told you.. but I really thought you knew!

Happy un-birthday!


tlpoague profile image

tlpoague 5 years ago from USA

I was pretty sure I seen it at 100 one time.


Rochelle Frank profile image

Rochelle Frank 5 years ago from California Gold Country

I think your first 100 is limited to an appearance of 59 seconds, so as not to get anyone too excited.

I personally like 97 as it doesn't make me too fat-headed, yet it is above SO MANY others.

(OK, I repent, I deserve my expected next 89 or below, now.)


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 5 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California Author

Robin,

Yes, it was you at the hubcamp, very bad therapy indeed!

But very happy to keep you laughing....

C


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 5 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California Author

Real,

Wired momma, huh?

Kids tv will do that to you....

C


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 5 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California Author

Sue,

Missed it, darn it, I've been breathing in pure 98 all day, then sipped down a notch, oh the elusive hundred hit...

C


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 5 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California Author

Tip,

Don't go teasing me now, you know I want a hit of the pure stuff...


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 5 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California Author

Rochelle,

59 seconds of being the best, hey I'd take that...

Of course I'd be happier with a couple hundred followers, if they actually read, that is. Though the comment string could get a bit long, knowing that more than a few read something.

We are all so very weak...

C


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

I always read the comments C:)!


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 5 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California Author

Real,

I noticed that. Which on this hub means scrolling down for about thirty minutes, (longer if you're doing this on your iPhone...)

C


attemptedhumour profile image

attemptedhumour 5 years ago from Australia

Oh no! Does that mean i'm addicted too? It does, I know it does, so don't lie to me. I'm one of those silly sods who reads all your mutterings, no one forces me, i could easily do a crossword instead. I bloody well could, couldn't I? Beautiful!

Great stuff Chris, i was dragged along by my ear gobbling up every morsel. It's eleven thirty PM so that's why i'm waffling a bit and not making too much sense. Cheers from a fellow addict.


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 5 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California Author

Keith,

I heard that like the spiders and snakes, Australia has the more deadly form of hubaddiction. You didn't stand a chance my friend. Accept it, I'll keep you well supplied...

C


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Chiris I was going to comment on this last night. Sorry it took me 8 hours to scroll down to it and now it's morning.

Good morning! Lol!


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 5 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California Author

Real,

Good One!

(This comment is in a different time zone)

C


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

You are clever too Chris! I didn't catch that!


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 5 years ago

Terrific hub. What an terrific addiction. I have it too! Voted up and awesome....


almasi profile image

almasi 5 years ago

VOTED UP for a BEAUTIFUL hub by a FUNNY writer.


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 5 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California Author

Pop,

At least you keep all our fellow addicts fed in your hubs!

C


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 5 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California Author

almasi,

Thank you very much!

C


LoopyGem profile image

LoopyGem 5 years ago from Canada

you hit the nail on the proverbial head! this site is so addicting it's better than chocolate...well, it doesn't cause the cellulite that chocolate does anyway...I was a self confessed Facebook addict until I joined hubpages. I deactivated my FB account yesterday...I'm all for new and interesting and this is where it's at! :) Great hub!


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 5 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California Author

LoopyGem,

So glad you made it over here. Most of us on hubpages use our facebook accounts for nothing more than anouncing our new hubs!

Plus, I'm happy you read my hub, commented and chose to follow, I really appreciate you feeding my addiction!

C


Sunnie Day 5 years ago

This was very very funny. I enjoyed every word..so much truth..Thanks for getting us to take a look into our hub world.

Sunnie


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 5 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California Author

Sunnie,

Thank you, as you can see from the comments, there are many of us with this strange affliction!

C


mariahpoo profile image

mariahpoo 5 years ago from Northern California

I loved it. I see myself headed in the very same direction. :)


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 5 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California Author

Mariahpoo,

Glad to have you around, thank you for reading, commenting and the follow...

C

It's not a bad addiction to have :)


Angie Jardine profile image

Angie Jardine 5 years ago from Cornwall, land of the eternally youthful mind ...

Chris - what a relief! Thanks for this hub - I thought I was on my own ...


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 5 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California Author

Angie,

As you can tell from the responses, we are far from alone!

This affliction does not care if you are young or old, man or woman, rich or poor, it gets to us all....

C


tsmog profile image

tsmog 5 years ago from Escondido, CA

I agree with Angie, and many other commenters. Just started writing after joining 3 months prior. I get the shakes worse than my sugar shakes when my blood sugar count is low, where is my fix? This one should last until later , , ,thanks!!!


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 5 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California Author

Tsmog

Relax, you are amongst friends...

And thanks for dropping by and giving me a little hit!

C


Ingenira profile image

Ingenira 5 years ago

It's addictive... I know. :) Glad you wrote it out for us. LOL.


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 5 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California Author

Ingenira,

Addict-Historian...

What a strange world,

Thanks for the read, comment and follow...

C


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

OHMYGOSH, Chris. Surely you're some sort of a mind-co-inhabitor, to describe my usage and my fall into it so accurately! I cackled and ROFLed all the way through it and OF COURSE, did the button-dance across the panel when I finished. THEN I read the comments and MORE guffaws, self-recognition and warm-fuzzies continued. Thank you for the fun of this and really - - for the subtle mention. (blush) I FEED on it! You're my hero. I've been a bit de-addicted of late, especially in reading who's published what, so my followup has suffered. I'm really delighted to see that you've been writing faithfully and I can look forward to reading some wonderful hubs right here! Hugs!!

About scores - - I took time once to actually review a bunch of hubbers, thinking I'd get down to the lower echelons, perhaps. Then I found out how MANY hubbers there are. Clicking "HUBBERS" at the top in the HubPages heading gives one this information. I just clicked it to check on it. First page's stat says, "1-10 of about 209,000 hubbers". By the time you get to page 2 ("11-20 of about 209,000 hubbers" - you run out of 100 scorers at hubber #18. Yeah - I'm addicted! And I've never been one to pay attention to numbers or scores! Sheesh! It's pathological now!

Now I'm a glassy-eyed addict. It's 3:30 AM but I wanted to see how your and my scores fit, overall. I have to warn you, though. While I was researching, your score dropped from 96 to 95, along with mine which miraculously has stayed at 95 for several hours at least. The good news is that the 95s, which start on page 39 & go to page 43 represent between 268 to 427 top scorers of all 209,000 hubbers and I notice we are among some really classy company in that scoring range. (this changes minute to minute, though)

The first time I noticed this stuff I came away feeling like any score in the high 80s or 90s is amazing. I'm no mathematician but I think that 154 hubbers with scores of 95 out of a pool of 209,000 hubbers is something like 0.00000478ths of the bunch. Even Mensa takes a whopping 2% of the population.

OH hahaha! I see the ads on your page here are about getting help for addictions!


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 5 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California Author

Nellieanna,

I enjoyed writing this hub, and it elicited some of the very best responses.. It is good to know we are in such like-minded company. I admire your writing/art, certainly one of the true highlights of hubpages, and it is very gratifying to know that you read my ramblings.

Tha ads are just the icing on the cake aren't they!

Hub hugs

C


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

Tee hee. . . :-)


Phil Plasma profile image

Phil Plasma 5 years ago from Montreal, Quebec

I'm about as addicted as you were when you wrote this hub.

You're almost at the 100 hub mark where in this hub you were just reaching the 100 follower mark. I've got a ways to go with respect to hubcount.

Voted up and funny.


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 5 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California Author

Phil,

I try really hard to ignore the numbers, but I'm stalling on writing number 100 - like it actually matters!!!

C

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