MR. Congressman ! Here kitty, kitty kitty , kitty ..... !
Recent phone conversation !
"Yes , well now , there you are , ! I thought that would get your attention turned this way for a moment , what better way to encourage someone than to bait them with what they love most ! I learned this trick along time ago , you see .............A quick story ! I know , I know , bare with me ! Once , years ago , I was working outdoors on a remodeling contract , when someone stopped in a car in the middle of the road , and jumped out screaming and waving
their arms "! .....
" Hey , the cows are all loose! , The cows are all loos.....! Someones gonna get killed if they hit one of those things ! , " and just as quickly jumped back into the car and sped away ......Hummp ,...... I thought , must be in a hurry to get somewhere !
" Ya See, Just up the road from my job was a farm where they had several big Scottish Highlander beef cows in a fenced in pasture , Each one of these cows weighed somewhere between eight hundred and fourteen hundred pounds , they are a long haired shaggy looking beast with long horns bowing out two or three feet on each side of them , and they range in colors too , from red , black, white and even a color of grey blue , anyway , they can be a bit intimidating to anyone , and to tell you the truth , I was too ! And yet , I knew I had to do something !.........I drove up tothe very fancy looking farm house and knocked on the door .....no one home ! So I did the next best thing , I went down to the lower doors of the barn walked inside and got myself a metal pail , walked over to the grain bin and filled it up with grain , the smell of molasses and salt mixed with the grain even tempted my taste buds !"
"From there , I began to walk down this little single lane paved country road to where these monsters were grazing peacefully along side of said road , Now , to tell you the truth , even I , old ahorseback, was a slight bit intimidated ! Each one of them , five in all , were huge and growing even bigger and the closer I came to them , the bigger these meat monsters became".
"Now , years later , I would compare it to walking into a day room of a maximum security prison where only the biggest , baddest dudes you could ever imagine sat watching the single T.V. and turning said T.V. , Off........ ! Instant death right ? .... , Anyways I digress , ............................As the bulls stared back ay me from five giant heads , nine eye's in all ! Yes , nine ! One of them looked at me much like a typical scyclop-tic beast might eye a free barbecued meal of chicken fried midgets ! This of course , stopped me in my tracks , instantly my primal instincts began to take over , "fight or flight "? .........Bullshit I say , I'm running" !
"And yet , my calmer ,collective nature won out and taking over instinctively from the frozen river of fear , I became instantly numb , I raised the bucket in my obviously shaking hands and shook the very bucket of , well , Bull Bait ...... ! Grain !.......Yeeeaa ! And for just the slightest of split seconds time stopped frozen in place .........and then each of the biggest bad assed bulls lined up in an already decided pecking order !.........and followed me back up the paved road to the gate , where i just as gentle as a lamb stepped calmly aside , right ! And as the behemoths beeeves walked slowly through the gate I dumped the grain on the usual feeding spot ! And then after collecting my composure , hiesting up my pants , I went back to work !"
" Whats that Mr Congressman ..?....Moral of this somewhat drawn out bull shit story ? There isn't one sir ! But anyway Mr Congressman , the picture above could have been yours if only you'd come when I asked!
" What ? No sir it isn't real .............but Mr Congressman....
I ahh , I need a favor ....
Hello ....hello ? My Congressman .......Hello........now where the hell did he go" ? , ........bang bang bang ...........now what wrong with this phone "?