MR. Congressman ! Here kitty, kitty kitty , kitty ..... !

MR. Congressman ?
MR. Congressman ?

Recent phone conversation !

"Yes , well now , there you are , ! I thought that would get your attention turned this way for a moment , what better way to encourage someone than to bait them with what they love most ! I learned this trick along time ago , you see .............A quick story ! I know , I know , bare with me ! Once , years ago , I was working outdoors on a remodeling contract , when someone stopped in a car in the middle of the road , and jumped out screaming and waving
their arms "! .....

" Hey , the cows are all loose! , The cows are all loos.....! Someones gonna get killed if they hit one of those things ! , " and just as quickly jumped back into the car and sped away ......Hummp ,...... I thought , must be in a hurry to get somewhere !

" Ya See, Just up the road from my job was a farm where they had several big Scottish Highlander beef cows in a fenced in pasture , Each one of these cows weighed somewhere between eight hundred and fourteen hundred pounds , they are a long haired shaggy looking beast with long horns bowing out two or three feet on each side of them , and they range in colors too , from red , black, white and even a color of grey blue , anyway , they can be a bit intimidating to anyone , and to tell you the truth , I was too ! And yet , I knew I had to do something !.........I drove up tothe very fancy looking farm house and knocked on the door one home ! So I did the next best thing , I went down to the lower doors of the barn walked inside and got myself a metal pail , walked over to the grain bin and filled it up with grain , the smell of molasses and salt mixed with the grain even tempted my taste buds !"

"From there , I began to walk down this little single lane paved country road to where these monsters were grazing peacefully along side of said road , Now , to tell you the truth , even I , old ahorseback, was a slight bit intimidated ! Each one of them , five in all , were huge and growing even bigger and the closer I came to them , the bigger these meat monsters became".

"Now , years later , I would compare it to walking into a day room of a maximum security prison where only the biggest , baddest dudes you could ever imagine sat watching the single T.V. and turning said T.V. , Off........ ! Instant death right ? .... , Anyways I digress , ............................As the bulls stared back ay me from five giant heads , nine eye's in all ! Yes , nine ! One of them looked at me much like a typical scyclop-tic beast might eye a free barbecued meal of chicken fried midgets ! This of course , stopped me in my tracks , instantly my primal instincts began to take over , "fight or flight "? .........Bullshit I say , I'm running" !

"And yet , my calmer ,collective nature won out and taking over instinctively from the frozen river of fear , I became instantly numb , I raised the bucket in my obviously shaking hands and shook the very bucket of , well , Bull Bait ...... ! Grain !.......Yeeeaa ! And for just the slightest of split seconds time stopped frozen in place .........and then each of the biggest bad assed bulls lined up in an already decided pecking order !.........and followed me back up the paved road to the gate , where i just as gentle as a lamb stepped calmly aside , right ! And as the behemoths beeeves walked slowly through the gate I dumped the grain on the usual feeding spot ! And then after collecting my composure , hiesting up my pants , I went back to work !"

" Whats that Mr Congressman ..?....Moral of this somewhat drawn out bull shit story ? There isn't one sir ! But anyway Mr Congressman , the picture above could have been yours if only you'd come when I asked!
" What ? No sir it isn't real .............but Mr Congressman....
I ahh , I need a favor ....
Hello ....hello ? My Congressman where the hell did he go" ? , ........bang bang bang what wrong with this phone "?

Comments 16 comments

Becky Katz profile image

Becky Katz 4 years ago from Hereford, AZ

Cute story, I thought I might see a political rant.

ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 4 years ago Author

Unfortunately Becky ! Would it do any good !.........:-}

smcopywrite profile image

smcopywrite 4 years ago from all over the web

surprisingly this was nice to read. after seeing quite a few politically motivated work since the presidents tv time, something different. great hub.

profile image

Ghaelach 4 years ago

Morning Ed.

This I like.

Deep down inside your story I found a "moral" Ed. I won't mention any thing, but when it comes to Congressmen (US) or MP,s - Member of Parliment (UK) or whatever they call themselves, they are all the same.

If they are getting a hand out, they're all smiles. If someone is asking for a help, the phone goes dead.

UP and sharing.

LOL Ghaelach

greencha profile image

greencha 4 years ago from UK

Oh! (great), ahorseback,I think you got something here. Maybe if someone took a bucket of the cow feed to Congress,they may listen to the people while they put their noses in and chomp away......

Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 4 years ago from Wales

A wonderful read Ed and I vote up and share.

Have a great day.


ImKarn23 profile image

ImKarn23 4 years ago

'Bullshit' is right - i say RUNNNNNN!...omg..

you just make me howl - ya know that?? The way you bring a story across - ONE of a kind - (thankfully?)

Clearly - you're the pied piper of both bulls AND bullshit!

love ya, Cowboy!

up and sharing, of course!

wayne barrett profile image

wayne barrett 4 years ago from Clearwater Florida

You need a favor and the conversation is over! Yep, you hit the bullseye.

sholland10 profile image

sholland10 4 years ago from Southwest Missouri

Great story! Full of bull, just like our Congressmen... If one stuck around to talk to us, he/she might feel accountable. Can't have that, now can we? ;-)

ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 4 years ago Author

smcopywrite , I get so tired of the ussual ! Thank you !......Ed

ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 4 years ago Author

Ghaelach , we are so far removed from our government in America , we may never get it back !.....Thank you sir !

ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 4 years ago Author

I believe a shotgun would work better greencha !

ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 4 years ago Author

Eddy! My beautiful English maiden ! Thank you !.......:-}

ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 4 years ago Author

IMKarn , LOL LOL , you make me smile Leslie ! Always!.......Ed

ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 3 years ago Author

Wayne , Hah ! Thats it !........:-}

ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 3 years ago Author

Sholland ! Hi , ! Lovely smile !....You got that right !

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