Coping With Grief And The Loss Of a Loved One

Our Own Thoughts

Losing a loved one is one of the worst feelings a human being could experience. Since we are born, we are not aware that our time on this planet is limited. By age four or five, we start hearing of a 'departure' that doesn't affect us. We start hearing from our parents words like, "Yeah grandpa was an excellent mandolin player," and we do not worry much until we watch 'Charlotte's web.' Gulp!

By age six or seven we are heading to grammar school and start realising that we have parents that care. The next stage, unpredictable at times, is the loss of a pet. We, as little kids start asking questions and even realize frantically that we are going to go to 'heaven' one day. Parents try to find ways to make it easier on us by arranging the "funeral." By that time Snoopy, Disney or other Networks filled our lives with joy and proper care. We all were kids and we know we have love and support from our loved ones. "Yes Dorothy, you are still in Kansas and not in Pandora."

So, we said loved ones? We have came up with a sociological formula. The more you felt that love, the more the grief would last, when is time to say goodbye. A directly proportional impact that has been instilled in us from the beginning of times.

We have heard that energy doesn't disappear but changes forms. This could mean that when someone dies, somewhere over the world, a new hope is born. The action reaction of this human chain of love and loss, is only understood by God. We just tried to grasp the inner feelings of this, but we got lost in philosophical and enthralling thoughts.

Growing up

We start seeing our parents getting older. Brothers and sister get married. Just take in consideration that you have already spent 18 Christmas, 18 Halloweens and 18 Thanksgivings around your loved ones (How about 65 times 3?) . Pictures will be there to remind you of the good times and, well, bad ones too. You have reached adulthood and for the very first time you think death is 40 or 50 years in the future.

This is when teenagers get wild and start driving like 'demon possessed.' We always said that we are where we come from, and that premise will be put to the test when time to cope with a loss one knocks our door.

If you've ever seen dog losing another pal, you just hear some moaning and desperation. We have our distinctive way of grieving. Tears are there and our whole body starts reacting depending on how 'deep' you loved that person.

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those who are crushed in spirit."
Psalm 34:18.

How to cope then...

Certainly, we all know that we are going to deal with this mourning sooner than later. They talk about staying healthy and being always thankful for what you have. We have learned to take every day at a time. Every hub at a time in our case. Every human being is a different little project from our creator.

We came to into this world for a reason and we should study ourselves when the time comes to deal with losing a loved one. Just remember, you have the memory of a lifetime in your photo albums and now the net holding your mind against the wall.

So how can we Cope with a loss?

  • You should get your spirituality together, no matter what your religion may be.
  • If not religious at all, try to make a connection in the spiritual level. You know better.
  • Get busy with an extra activity you just put on hold: Gym, piano lessons, guitar or simply writing in here.
  • Share your loss with others and become more appreciative for what you have
  • Get closer to family members that may become your support for a lifetime. Try to overcome grudges or resentment.
  • You may consider joining a cause or a foundation. You will feel that inner blessing.
  • Reward yourself with sometime you can afford. Maybe a trip or a gift for you or for others.

Source

Final Words from the Heart

These tips are from the heart and we haven't even thought about them ourselves, until we were done. Why giving and sharing is important? Deep inside we are trying to capture the moments, the happiest moments we lived before those mortgages payments... or the 'other woman' in some cases. Unconsciously we are staging those moments from our childhood, when we were fishing, flying that kite or hitting that home run.

The joy of life recaptured was priceless and still is. We should be thankful just to wake up every morning with a mission in this world. Can you imagine your body, your eyes, your hair? All this miraculous machinery ready to face the world?(no batteries required!). We take for granted our own lives and is time to stay positive and regain that peace within.

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Comments 42 comments

tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina

Very comforting for those who have little comfort in a difficult time. The only hope we have in loss is the hope that we meet our loved ones again in another place and time. Beautiful.


Tj Michalenko profile image

Tj Michalenko 4 years ago from Tampa, Florida

Great article. I recently posted a similar article talking about how I lost my son a few years ago. I find these articles very helpful because there are so many books out there that deal with this topic but hearing it from real people seems to carry more weight.


Happyboomernurse profile image

Happyboomernurse 4 years ago from South Carolina

Very sensitive, comforting hub with some excellent suggestions about coping with death and grief.

My mom recently passed away and I am already doing some of the things you mentioned in this article.

Voted up, useful and beautiful.


Deborah Brooks profile image

Deborah Brooks 4 years ago from Brownsville,TX

Lord....thank you so much for a beautiful hub...this is so inspirational and beautiful....you are such an inspiration to me....God bless you my friend....debbie


prettynutjob30 profile image

prettynutjob30 4 years ago from From the land of Chocolate Chips,and all other things sweet.

Beautiful hub voted up.


4wardthinker profile image

4wardthinker 4 years ago from Sierra Nevada CA

Thank you for sharing such a beautiful hub! I lost my father last week and I am trying to practice these same suggestions right now. This is a wonderful reminder that I am not alone in this process. Inspirational!


dwachira profile image

dwachira 4 years ago from Nairobi, Kenya

I have a relative who is still depressed 5 years later after losing her child. To mothers, it is such a gross loss. Voted up and shared


josh3418 profile image

josh3418 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

Another beautiful hub with excellent tips! This is a very inspirational hub to me and to many who have had loved ones leave this earth. Thanks so much for the share, and I will reciprocate the favor by sharing it as well!


billybuc profile image

billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

A difficult subject and I'm not sure anything can prepare us for the loss of a loved one. These are great tips to help us cope after the initial period of mourning has taken place.


Curiad profile image

Curiad 4 years ago from Lake Charles, LA.

A well written and meaningful article Lord.


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Thank you so much friends..we don't even know how we come up with answers;

@Tammy, Sure we will meet our loved ones. Thats fors sure, meanwhile we have them in our hearts and our minds. Sister AEvans put it better than me , " when I see my hands, I see my mom's hands, when I touch my heart I feel my mom.."


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Tj michalenko,

So sorry for you loss. I lost a dad and an unborn kid, so I can relate to your pain. Glad you found some anwers in this hub. Yeah we are real folks!


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

HappyBoomerNurse,

We as humans can grieve better knowing that we have friends and family members that care. So sorry for your mom's loss. The thing is ..she finally is having peace. Have a wonderful day.


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Debbie dear,

You know how hard is to cope with loved ones' departure from this unfair world. You are our inspiration as well. You showed us that God is always behind the scenes. Thanks for your support.


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

PrettyNuttjob30,

Your words of appreciation are welcome. Your las hub about your encounter with your saviour brought out attention. We hope to see you around! Thanks!


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

4wardThinker,

We are so sorry for your loss. Sooner or later we all go through this process. Is not a game for any of us. Sad by true, we all will have to say goodbye. Being humans, we can make mistakes and do the unthinkable when we are not in our five senses. We appreciate your time and your thoughts.


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Dwachira,

I know a mother's loss can last a lifetime as the love she was suppose to nurture had to be stop. Mourning is different for each one of us. And might take longer if the love was infinite. Sure a mother's love has no limits. Thanks! For the share... and your time!


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Josh3418,

You as a young fellow know how your friends sometimes lose their minds in superfluos interests. As we get older and wiser we start thinking better. Thanks buddy!


Dave Mathews profile image

Dave Mathews 4 years ago from NORTH YORK,ONTARIO,CANADA

lord de cross: Death is only physical ending. One's Spirit lives on no matter what, and is returned back to God.


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Billy thanks for stopping by. We certainly know of grieving and loss. Still remember the hub about your dad's loss, and we can relate. Great comment by the way.

Curiad, we appreciate your visit. This Hub can help so many with these resourceful tips. You have a good one.

Dave mathews, your insightful comment is much appreciated. Your words add meaning to our hub and we thank you for the reminder. Great words and we believe that God is always behind the scenes, and we should be ready, when we get our call.


Faith Reaper profile image

Faith Reaper 4 years ago from southern USA

This is so sweet, straight from your heart. It just makes me feel so peaceful after reading it for some reason, I guess it is your tone of words chosen carefully. It is so very difficult when we lose someone, as we miss them so much. I believe we should celebrate that person's life and cherish the short time we had with him or her and remember the sweet times and how that person blessed our life. We are only here for a very short time, as this is not our true home. Death is not the end, as we are eternal beings. God bless you. In His Love, Faith Reaper


Gottabegod profile image

Gottabegod 4 years ago from Southern USA

Very encouraging material! All of us deal with loss, whether we deal well or not so well depends greatly upon our spirituality. I believe that my greatest hope in dealing with all my losses so far, is the expectation that we will be together again in heaven - forever!! There will be a great and wonderful reunion with my mom, dad, brother, mother-in-law, father-in-law and my unborn twins. I may shed some tears still when I think of not being able to visit with my passed loved ones, but my sorrow is short lived because of the hope of an eternal tomorrow.

Thank you for writing this hub, it will encourage and strengthen many.

God bless!!


mary615 profile image

mary615 4 years ago from Florida

I had just read HBN's Hub about her loosing her Mother, and shortly after that, I read this. I see by the comments that she has read this. I 'm sure this meant a lot to her.

I sincerely hope this does not mean you recently lost someone, Lord.

You share good advice for those who have lost a loved one. I don't think you ever get over the loss entirely.

I voted this Hub Up. Thanks, Lord.


Mhatter99 profile image

Mhatter99 4 years ago from San Francisco

Arlene - August 11, 2003


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Faith Reaper,

Thanks for your kind words. You left us speechless. There are times we get despair and words cannot describe that pain. As you said, we all have a limited time on this planet, and should better ourselves in the meanwhile. Thanks for reading us!

@GottabeGod,

Awww. I understood and felt your every word. And I think I was inspired this morning to write this article, non stop. I guess muses and angels were around. Hope we see our family up there, above cloud nine. You are a wonderful lady and I know your parents did raise you good. Blessings to you as well.

@Mary Hyatt,

We haven't lost any one lately, not that we wanted to write this piece of inspiration. The title just struck us and we thought of so many lost friends and grandparents. We did have loss our dad in 2006 and an unborn baby in 2001. Hope to see you writing your third part of your Puerto Rican Series. Thanks Mary!


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Good Evening Mhatter99,

Arlene, Monday August 11, 2003.

We thank you and we want to help you to grieve with so many souls that lost a loved one. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.


mary615 profile image

mary615 4 years ago from Florida

Glad you haven't lost anyone lately; I was concerned for you....I'm having just a tad of trouble with my next visit to PR. Seems I may have said something in my next part that was similar to one of my other Hubs I wrote. Oh Well, I'll revise and all will be well.(I hope)

Goodnight, friend.


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Thanks for your concern Mary. Hope your series gets published soon. Great to see you... God night as well!


Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 4 years ago from Jamaica

Thank you Lord, I haven't even thought of the things you suggest to be done to help us with our grief. We take if for granted that we are all going to live to a ripe old age and die of natural causes. We often feel that if someone gets sick before they pass away then that prepares us for their passing, but I wonder if my brother was sick if that would have made a difference. Who knows, maybe it would but the pain of hos loss might still be the same. Thank you for this Lord, means a lot to me.


LaThing profile image

LaThing 4 years ago from From a World Within, USA

Nicely done! Very comforting words...... But, sometimes it's hard to relate to at that exact moment! Thanks for sharing ......


marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 4 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

"When someone dies, a new hope is born..."

LORD, this may be the point that has helped me through my most grief-filled moments. Mom taught me this very concept.

And almost 9-months to the day my sweet best friend, Miss Sammie, died...my exquisite great-niece, Kylie Samantha, was born.

Those we love remain forever in our hearts until we see them again... and I believe in my heart we will. Voted UP & UABI. Hugs, Maria


kj force profile image

kj force 4 years ago from Florida

lord de cross....Although we realize it is part of life...no one is ever prepared to lose someone..even when illness has been prolonged...I'm not sure if we grieve for the loss of.. or our own loss. This is a time for reflecting on all that life was with this person, remember all the good and positive that came out of the relationship...by doing this it sometimes helps to heal the wounds we feel..you handled a delicate subject very well...kudos...


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Hi Cardisa,

We all mourn in different stages of pain. memories and good moments will be there to confront our "what if..?" We just need to reach an internal peace that somehow is reached in time. Sometimes we need to stay busy and somewhere along the way, let the tension out. We are sensitive humans and we need to set our survival instict on alerting mode. Thanks Carolee!

@LaThing,

You are right! Words and advice are nulled by our own mind at the moment of tragedy. The process of healing takes time, and coping with grief takes its natural course. It would be better for you to celbrate life for the sake of your daughters and stay focus on your happiness. All happens for a reason. Thanks LA!

@ Maria,

We all believe that we will see our loved ones. Dave Mathews said better. There is no other way. Our souls return to our maker sooner or later. Cute little grand child you might have. Bless her heart!

@KjForce, Prolonged illness is just there to test our strength. Some people did come out stronger and shared it with humanity. Grieving is a complex process that involve genetics, type of dieting and even beliefs, instilled from the beginning of each other existence. We did appreciate your comment, and yeah! There is a reason for everything.

Lord


JakeFrost profile image

JakeFrost 4 years ago from London, United Kingdom

I think many have already said but I just wanted to empathise it. This is a truly beautiful hub and makes very good points. Everyone should read this and we should all help and spread it to the world.


Fennelseed profile image

Fennelseed 4 years ago from Australia

I have found that grief goes around in cycles and just when it feels like you are making some progress the wheel turns, usually triggered by an anniversary or some event or occurrence that unleashes pain all over again. Your list is very useful and I am so glad you have put spirituality as first. Maybe you could expand this by saying, for those with no religion, 'look within for a spiritual connection with your loved one, as that connection has the power to guide you'. Just a thought, but for me, my spirituality developed as a result of loss. I know of others who do not make that connection and as hard a road as it may be, it's even harder without some form of faith.

This hub is extremely useful and looks at dealing with loss right from those early years. Thank you for this supportive article, my votes and best wishes to you, Lord and sharing.


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

JakeFrost,

Thanks for reading us. Certainly these tips are from our own heart. Life is unfair for all, because sooner or later we will depart, with money or without. Thanks for these heartfelt words toward our own work.

FennelSeed,

Wow. This is so wonderful. Feels like we already won an honorary dinstiction from heaven. Your words all full of encouragement and advice. Thanks for those kind words.

LORD


Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

Gypsy Rose Lee 4 years ago from Riga, Latvia

Loss of loved ones has always been the hardest to get over however here I do believe that God and faith can help an awful lot. Your hub has a lot of good points as every little bit helps. I think it's hardest for children to understand and it's good if they have some concept of Heaven. God bless.


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Gypsy Rose Lee,

What a powerful comment you left dear Rasma. Certainly, we cannot avoid the truth. I feel sorry for thos Colorado victims and feeling a pain of my own. These tips were written from our heart, and looks like we did good. Thanks again!


pennyofheaven profile image

pennyofheaven 4 years ago from New Zealand

This is very beautiful. Sage advice. Thank you.


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

PennyofaHeaven, Glad you enjoyed this hub. Have been read by many. So that's a good sign.We all have an apointment and we need top be ready for the moment. Thanks again for your support!


raciniwa profile image

raciniwa 4 years ago from Naga City, Cebu

it's always refreshing to read your timely tips mighty lord...


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Raciniwa, great to see you in here my friend. We missed you on and off. Hope you are fine! Thanks!

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