Count Me In - Following "A Different Type of Torture"

Chambers glared for a moment then said, "Count me in." A burned cadaver and a window jumper with no witnesses, not much to go on.

Source

Laura thought, the window jumper, a crack head or maybe a tormented lover? They combed 1636B for clues. Luck found a set of wedding rings in the bedroom, engraved, "Jasmine with love 8 -15 -14". She sent Nathan to City Hall to look for wedding licenses with the name Jasmine. The wedding ring turned out to be their witness.

Nathan called an hour later. "Jasmine Torres married Homer Quinones on August 15th." He found out where Jasmine lived before the wedding. Laura and Nathan went to visit Mrs. Torres. When they knocked on the door they heard a commotion but when Mrs. Torres opened the door she was the only one there. "I am Detective Laura Kimber and this is Nathan Chambers." When they entered they thought they saw the curtain to the balcony moving. While Laura spoke with Mrs. Torres, Nathan slowly moved to the balcony. As he opened the balcony curtains a young woman jumped.

There is no greater glory than love, nor any greater punishment than jealousy.

— Lope de Vega
Source

Sally and Jasmine had been lovers. When Jasmine married Homer, Sally vowed revenge. She surprised Homer, tying him up and wrapping him in the plastic tarp. She'd set other fires, the one that killed her stepfather and one for the neighborhood pimp. She enjoyed watching them burn, paying for what they did to her. She did not, however, expect Jasmine's reaction when she saw her lover dead. She couldn't stop Jasmine's plunge from the window anymore than could she stop her own.

Copyright Tillsontitan - All Rights Reserved

Challenge

This short story is an answer to the challenge of Frank Atanacio. It is my ending of his story, "A Different Type of Torture". I hope Frank doesn't mind me changing the sex of the arsonist.

Writing in 300 words or less was quite a task, one I wasn't sure I could accomplish.


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29 comments

billybuc profile image

billybuc 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

Flash fiction is so difficult, and you handled it easily. Well done, Mary, a very enjoyable, albeit sinister, read. :) Have a great weekend.


Eric Boyd 2 years ago

This was brilliant, I enjoyed the others, but this one was just so different, amazing how one story can evolve into so many different masterpieces, but I really enjoyed this take, bravo to you and Laura Kimber, isn't that two first names though? EB


always exploring profile image

always exploring 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

OMG, I loved how you totally changed the characters love interest..Wow, A woman scorned, you brought it to life vividly. Awesome!


PegCole17 profile image

PegCole17 2 years ago from Dallas, Texas

Surprising us once again with your many talents, Mary. This story is fascinating with a twist to satisfy mystery lovers and the dark side of love as well. Nicely written. Now I'll head over to Frank's story to catch up.


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 2 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

Hello tillsontitan. What a nice twist in the details. I especially liked that the wedding rings were the witnesses, that is so very clever.


The Examiner-1 profile image

The Examiner-1 2 years ago

This was awesome Mary. You see, I am stunned by the fact that

A. - Mrs. Torres answered the door and was speaking with Laura Kimber. While Jasmine spoke to Laura, Chambers watched a different woman (Sally) jump.

B. - Yet Sally could not stop Jasmine's jump and then she (Sally) jumped. If this happened then nobody would be able to speak to Laura.

Kevin


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

Good work Mary . I enjoyed your unique take on the story and you did well to keep it under 300 words. I thought that was what Frank had stated as a rule but on re-reading I found it was to be a minimum of 300, which was a relief. I don't think I could have done the story justice as you have.


DDE profile image

DDE 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

Great writing here! voted up, and interesting.


tirelesstraveler profile image

tirelesstraveler 2 years ago from California

Wow, very nice writing. You really met the challenge.


Tommy Czaplinski 2 years ago

I just finished reading two and they are all amazing, but I cannot help but to like this one just a little bit better, not to take away from the others, I feel this one voted awesome. They should have a perfect button,

TC


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

Til, you always seem to surprise me... I agree with Tommy.. all of them are amazing.. and you did a great job making me look good..:) LOL


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 2 years ago from New York Author

Thanks Biil, I guess a challenge gets my creative juices flowing. Hope you had a great weekend with a great week to follow.

Thanks so much Eric, I guess I can empathize with Laura ;)

Thanks Always Exploring, I was looking for the twist.

Peg, your praise is surely a treat! I love your writing so it means a lot to have you like what I've done.

Mckbirdsbks I thought it would be fun to change things up a bit.

The Examiner, remember Jasmine jumped at the other crime scene. Sally's jump was at a different time and place.

Jodah, I'm a talker and keeping anything under 300 words isn't easy ;)

DD thank you.

TirelessTraveler, thank you.

Tommy thanks so much. I am certainly in good company!

Frank it was your star that made ME look good!


AudreyHowitt profile image

AudreyHowitt 2 years ago from California

Very interesting--to read these endings--And cleverly done--300 words is tough


midget38 profile image

midget38 2 years ago from Singapore

You DID IT!! Well done, Mary!


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 2 years ago from New York Author

Audrey it certainly is interesting to see the different takes on the same subject! Glad you enjoyed.

Midget (Michelle) thanks! Glad you liked it.


Genna East profile image

Genna East 2 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

Hi Mary…

(I tried posting this comment before, but it didn’t to take.) Very clever ending! It has an Agatha Christie type twist that I didn’t see coming. Well done!


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 2 years ago from New York Author

Genna, thank you for taking the time to post twice, I know sometimes comments just don't post. I am truly complimented, if I could be one fifth of Agatha Christie I would be thrilled!!


Phyllis Doyle profile image

Phyllis Doyle 2 years ago from High desert of Nevada.

Very interesting, Mary, and a good twist to the story. Well done.


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 2 years ago from New York Author

Thanks Phyllis, I combined the challenge with flash fiction and kept it at 300 words. I've never done that before and found it twice as challenging.


aviannovice profile image

aviannovice 2 years ago from Stillwater, OK

And you certainly did it well!


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 2 years ago from New York Author

Thanks Deb.


annart profile image

annart 2 years ago from SW England

A good twist to the story and a refreshing change of motive! I enjoyed the read and I love all these interpretations of Frank's story. I also love to see these challenges from time to time; it keeps us on our toes.

Ann


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 2 years ago from New York Author

Thanks Ann. I'm working on your challenge right now. I have it finished but its one of those things that just isn't right so I'll probably start over.


annart profile image

annart 2 years ago from SW England

Go with your gut feeling - use the good bits, the ideas that click, and rewrite. Sometimes I find that works, sometimes not!!

Looking forward to seeing your end result. Thanks for making the effort.

Ann


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 2 years ago from New York Author

I did Ann. Thanks for the suggestions and I hope it works.


annart profile image

annart 2 years ago from SW England

It certainly did! Brilliant!


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 2 years ago from New York Author

Glad you liked it.


ubanichijioke profile image

ubanichijioke 20 months ago from Lagos

Yet another interesting twist to the story. Revenge can push people to the edge and make them callous and unthinkably inhumane. Great write.


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 20 months ago from New York Author

Thank you ubanichijioke. Sometimes the twisted mind is predictable.

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