Counting all the Monsters ( My Ending )

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First I want to thank everyone who took my challenge head on. I thought the creativity was different, the styles wonderful and the compassion for Jenny Camacho monumental. Everyone brought a different fresh perspective to the ending of my Monsters.. I was so caught up in the ending I had to write my own ending.. One that you all avoided.. Jodah was the closes..LOL..

Once again if you've missed the other endings please check them out here... You'll love them all!!! Frank F. Atanacio

Alternate Endings!

These are alternate endings created by other hubbers... enjoy, find your favorites, share your favorites...

http://jodah.hubpages.com/hub/The-Whistling Jodah

http://faithreaper.hubpages.com/hub/Lost-in-Terror-Creative-Writing-Challenge-Issued-by-Frank-Atanacio Faith

http://tobusiness.hubpages.com/hub/Monsters-In-The-Trees-Cold-Steel-In-Her-Heart Tobusiness

http://ghaelach.hubpages.com/hub/Carnivorous-Bite Ghaelach

http://phyllisdoyle.hubpages.com/hub/Dense-Part-of-the-Forest-the-fate-of-Jenny-Camacho Phyllis doyle

http://tillsontitan.hubpages.com/hub/Run-Her-Mind-Shouted Tillsontitan

http://gennaeast.hubpages.com/hub/Natures-Womb-Frank-Atanacios-Creating-Writing-Challenge Genna East


http://annart.hubpages.com/hub/THE-WIND-WAS-CIRCLING-An-Alternative-Ending-to-Frank-Antanacios-Story Annart


Frank Atanacio's Ending



Sweat ran down Jenny Camacho’s face and the strain was starting to really show. She wanted to be with her family and friends. That hope still burned inside her and if pure will could get her to her goal faster, she’d will harder and longer. As it was, only fear glided seamlessly through the open forest. Jenny knew that she was the only one who escaped but was not so certain that she was better off than the other victims. Of course she was alive and they were dead, but death just seemed inevitable. Waiting for it to come is what drove her crazy. Sometimes she felt the forest was coming to life and at other times everything was dead. Everything around her was quiet and nothing moved. She couldn’t even hear the branches breaking beneath her feet. Those were the times she had to feel positive, she needed that positive tone which could help wipe away some of the lingering fear of her captor.

Suddenly all the sounds returned. She heard the monster moving through the brush. It was odd because she watched him move softly and silently across the forest like a ghost. He was walking with no hesitation, no discord. It was as if fear could hear his voice and guide him through the forest; evil reaching out to him with a deep soothing sensation of approval, collecting death and hatred binding them together in a special moment of balance.

Jenny Camacho couldn’t just sit still anymore. She had to push ahead, and she was the only one with a twinge of doubt. Hatred and evil couldn’t be that balanced. It must have been her mind playing tricks on her.

The socio-path was heading in the other direction and this was good news for her. She was tired and she had to fight off the sleep. However, if she were to lose to sleep, he’d be heading in the wrong direction. Perhaps that was buying her a little more time.

She fell to her knees and her eyes were growing unaccountably heavy. She then fell on her back and the leaves above her quietly took on the shapes of monsters. She started counting all the monsters in the trees. The shadows of the night owls passed her in silence. The night creatures began waking from their daytime slumber, stirring and visiting her with curiosity. However, she did not move. She did not wake to greet them, nor challenge them. Jenny Camacho was lost in sleep. The night creatures melted from the shadows and walked over her resting form, some stopped for a sniff or two, but quickly moved on.

Without a word they dispersed not even leaving a single guardian there to protect her why she slept. There were things to be done, food to be gathered, and a forest to forage in. The night creatures moved around the forest grounds as if they were conducting a ritual. They were challenging the food chain and making meals of one another. All of this while Jenny Camacho rested in peace.

Suddenly there was a screaming voice haunting her mind. The screams seemed to grow stronger as her sleep intensified. The screaming grew louder and louder, but there was no sign of anyone in pain.

On the ground, Jenny Camacho was lying in a heap, face sweating and her eyes glazed. Her pulse was oddly weak, but steady, and her breathing, though very slow, was also regular. This was everything that appeared outside her head. Inside her mind was total chaos, there was panic everywhere, and the screaming was relentless. Then suddenly it just got worse.

There was a large wild animal coming her way. The overgrowth of the jungle hindered it a bit, but the wild animal had its eyes set on Jenny Camacho. Every step it made toward the sleeping Camacho slowed. The animal looked bewildered. It was wondering why his prey wasn’t running or challenging. The wild animal was then greeted by another, and still another as the pack just grew larger. They were hungry and there was a food source not more than fifteen feet away. Darkness was in full swing and there was nothing shielding her against scavenging animals.

In Jenny Camacho’s head the situation was growing out of control. There was the loud screaming that only involved one voice. The pack of animals was even calmer and focused as their shadows rose to lend the forest and the moon an eerie luminescence. There was nothing the sleeping Jenny Camacho could do as the vibration of death finally worked its way up through the ground and into her bones.

© 2014 Frank Atanacio

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Comments 27 comments

annart profile image

annart 2 years ago from SW England

A dark, scary ending; that's the stuff of nightmares, when you know what's going on but you can do nothing about it!

Superb! Ann


Betty Niall 2 years ago

so this is your ending. It's good, but like Kenny I prefer a happy ending.


Faith Reaper profile image

Faith Reaper 2 years ago from southern USA

Hi Frank,

Wow, you did keep it dark and that is in keeping with your writing style! Thank you for allowing us to express our creative side of writing and for the opportunity to participate in Jenny's demise or otherwise. It was a lot of fun. I see I have missed two alternate endings, so thank you for reposting all of the alternate endings in this hub too. I will check those out too!

Up and more and sharing

Blessings dear "Frankie",

Faith Reaper


Jackie Lynnley profile image

Jackie Lynnley 2 years ago from The Beautiful South

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

OK, it's your story. p

You did it well even if we don't like the ending. Sometimes I wonder why we play with you! lol ^+


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

Oh Frank. I love Kenny's comment. Jenny was your creation and you can do with her as you will....and you did, what a way to go, food for the forest creatures...oh well. R.I.P. Jenny. Well written as always, voted up.


MsDora profile image

MsDora 2 years ago from The Caribbean

Well, may Jenny rest in peace. I wasn't aware that so many many people was involved in the story-ending challenge. I read a few including Jodah's and his was different. I had hoped for Jenny to be rescued, but isn't this the way life is? No matter how obvious death's coming is, we are always disappointed when it comes. Frank, your art is always true to form.


Phyllis Doyle profile image

Phyllis Doyle 2 years ago from High desert of Nevada.

Oh good grief - Frank ! I cannot believe you did this. So, 'Frank' of you. I prefer any of the other endings. However, I must say you wrote it well and kept it tense. In the end, really, Jenny won. She knew death was inevitable, but chose her own way in a sense, by giving in to sleep and letting the forest and not the monster take her. How sly of you.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton Author

@Annart thank you for being the first @ Kenny, yeah whatever lol, last time I let you fix ticket for me when I visit your city..:) @ Betty thank you for reading... @ Faith Reaper ( Not the Reaper ) bless you my dear virtual friend @ Jackie, thanks for sharing your negative vibes too..:) LOL bless you girl @ Jodah, thanks for sharing your comment @ Msdora you are true to form and bless you for that @ Paul you got 24 hrs only my old friend... Key word OLD...LOL @ Phyllis LOL I like your comment..:) sly hmmm.... thank you all for reading my monsters, screams and monsters bless you all :)


FlourishAnyway profile image

FlourishAnyway 2 years ago from USA

Jenny was their unfortunate appetizer, but the sociopath was the animals' main course. They took their time with him because they were half full already.


Genna East profile image

Genna East 2 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

Absolutely enthralling! It stays with the darker tone of the story, is completely uncompromising and believable. I was sad to see Jenny meet her demise, but I thought it might be the ending since no one else had chosen this path. You wrote this superbly, Frank, and kept it real. At least she did not leave this earth at the hands of that monster. Voted way up and shared.


pochinuk 2 years ago

Frank,

All the Cards are now on the board for the Community Chest of stories concerning our precious Jenny:

"...There was nothing the sleeping Jenny Camacho could do as the vibration of death finally worked its way up through the ground and into her bones..."

A very noble well- accepted ending for the originator of Jenny Camacho. You did not screen her death with a lot of unknown, keeping her last breath in her vicinity. I like that! Sleeping also awakens her and me the reader to the fact that: it had to be.

(BTW:You get a "Get Out of Jail Free Card;(use it): you're clean, your'e no longer suspect)

-pochinuk


cat on a soapbox profile image

cat on a soapbox 2 years ago from Los Angeles

Beautifully written for a multi-sensory experience. I can almost hear the soundtrack to this scene! I agree w/ Genna's assessment and find it a very dark and fitting end. Bravo!


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton Author

Flourish, I could have gone in that direction LOL thank you @ Thank you G.East, I hate to be the bad guy LOL thank you so much for adding your ending to this mix. @ at pochinuk..LOL I'll take that "get out of jail free card" thanks for following and joining this little adventure @ cat thank you for reading the endings too bless you ..Frank :)


pochinuk 2 years ago

@ Dr. Frank

"..thanks for following and joining this little adventure

I know I, and maybe some others need an escapade cure for "Winter Blues."- can you send a prescription!

IOW:

Please do it again...giving us a two part start (work for you... I understand... but you love this stuff).

Sincerely,

-pochinuk ( an out- patient Hubber)


cam8510 profile image

cam8510 2 years ago from Columbus, Georgia until the end of November 2016.

Frank, I loved it. I have no problems with dark endings to stories. Here is one part of yours that makes it memorable. "He was walking with no hesitation, no discord. It was as if fear could hear his voice and guide him through the forest; evil reaching out to him with a deep soothing sensation of approval, collecting death and hatred binding them together in a special moment of balance." For me, that made your story. The evil was finally defined explicitly. Well done.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton Author

Pochinuk.. I am actually wanting to do this again.. I have a story that's open ended.. and Im going to look for more endings... hoping I get more demise then rise LOL thanks for sharing your comment with me take two and call me in the morning :) Cam.. I tried to define what evil might look like to her, and you got it head on..:) thank you


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton Author

wow Jane thank you for that wonderful comment..hmm :) bless you


tobusiness profile image

tobusiness 2 years ago from Bedfordshire, U.K

Frank, I just knew you'd do it, still.... this is gripping and very well done. You are unrelenting as always, sad, but a great ending. Well done.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton Author

thank you tobusiness :)


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 2 years ago

Wow, my skin is crawling my friend, this was excellent...A real nightmare! Except that it is the end for Jenny...Well done, Voted UP!


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton Author

thank you b malin :)


Ruchira profile image

Ruchira 2 years ago from United States

oh wow...you still tend to captivate your readers till the end and continue giving them goosebumps :)

great work, frank!


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton Author

thank you Ruchira


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 2 years ago from New York

And so the forest took dear Jenny and not the monster of her fear. Only you could write the true ending of Jenny. Only you could lead us to peace and then make our skin crawl.

Well done oh Master of the Macabre!

Voted up, useful, awesome, and interesting.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton Author

You know Til, after reading the other endings I almost forgot Jenny was my creation.. each one of you embraced her as if she were your own.. I never experienced that before.. so I applaud all of you who took Jenny in :) bless you


Anna Haven profile image

Anna Haven 2 years ago from Scotland

You lulled us into a false sense of security with the evil one trekking off in a different direction and small creatures coming out to frolic...but then, poor Jenny. Dark and uncomfortable and very nicely penned. :)


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton Author

thank you so much Anna :)

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