Cries From the Past

I wrote this years ago. It isn't so much a poem as my inner thoughts at the time being released. It came after my first true heartbreak.


....


....





Blood, sweat, tears, love, hate, years.


The ingredients of life...


As I sit here pondering my life, and the recent events that have so drastically shaped it, it dawns on me that all twenty-one years of it have been meaningless.


I have built and rebuilt the foundations for my future, only to see them corroded again by the acid rain that the world pours on me.


The sad little thrills and frills of this planet only satisfy for a short time.


Caring too much is a weakness. Trying too hard will always fail. Loving too much will always destroy its own cause.


I don't think I’m designed to fall into life's little categories. Politically correct is bullshit. Manners are masks. Saying the "right thing" all the time is just lying.


My future is towering over me, laughing at my failure.

My present is trapped between my past and future.

My past is ashamed.


My heart will always remember its first true love.

It will always smile when it recalls the things that warmed it like no other.

It will always feel pain remembering the feeling like blades passing through it.


Increasingly...the things that most people care about...they fade into nothingness in my mind. I try to imagine what it would be like to go through life as a robotic drone of existence. I can't. Maybe I’m meant for more. Maybe I’m destined for nothing at all.


Maybe everything that makes up my heart, mind, and soul will influence nothing more than my own biography and gravestone markings.


I tried. I did. I’m spent. Life goes on.


But the past will always haunt me. Always.



© copyright Ben D.A 2011


Comments 18 comments

Canscorpion profile image

Canscorpion 3 years ago from Steel Town

Oh Ben this one is so heart touching....truly what comes from heart is felt by the hearts as well. i think every person must have gone through these kind of feelings once or times in their life. This is life! Life- no bed of roses- no place for peace - no time for rest - this is life!

Very accurately captured, very honestly the way a person feels at those times, you poured it out exactly the way it is.


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

anjperez - thank you so much, I'm very glad that people can relate so closely to my writing!! :]


anjperez profile image

anjperez 5 years ago

i could read this poem over and over. you just captured everything. every line sticks with me.

all twenty-one years of it have been meaningless.

Manners are masks. Saying the "right thing" all the time is just lying.

My future is towering over me, laughing at my failure.

I try to imagine what it would be like to go through life as a robotic drone of existence. I can't. Maybe I’m meant for more. Maybe I’m destined for nothing at all.

I tried. I did. I’m spent. Life goes on.

reading your poem just made it like i had my voice too being expressed. this is really great... (,")


sligobay profile image

sligobay 5 years ago from east of the equator

The wake of the boat's engine will never move it forward. Leave the wake where it belongs - behind. All of your past is meaningful in that it has brought you to the present. Unwrap the gift of the present and the future will become what it is meant to be. This article or musing is honest and well-written.


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

Thanks a bunch Ruchira :]


Ruchira profile image

Ruchira 5 years ago from United States

Well said Ben :)

We, humans are always living in the past and that impacts our future.

Keep up with the good writing!!


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

Randy I am increasingly flattered by your interest in my hubs, and your support :]


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 5 years ago from Near the Ocean

Poohgranma hit the nail on the head!


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

erthfrend - thanks for relating to/appreciating this, very happy to be able to convey those emotions. thanks for finding/following me :]


erthfrend profile image

erthfrend 5 years ago from Florida

This was deep, a true display of emotional turmoil. It was written beautifully and I can definitely say I can relate to it, at different points of my life. Writing is a wonderful way to get those feelings out. I really look forward to reading more from you! Glad to have found you here!


lilbittykitty90 profile image

lilbittykitty90 5 years ago from Here

Wow I cant explain how i much i feel this and and i truly have been there and knda still am. i am following you for sure. thank you for your comments ill be writing more in the mean time so there will be more to share. :)


Nikkij504gurl profile image

Nikkij504gurl 5 years ago from Louisiana

yep me too. my best poetry is from a broken heart.


Poohgranma profile image

Poohgranma 5 years ago from On the edge

That is ok, you are mastering the negative, it is not mastering you and you are creating something wonderful from the broken pieces.


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

Thank you very much for all 3 of your comments. I appreciate that you tell me to embrace the emotions I was feeling at the time. The truth is, much of my inspiration for creativity is based on negative emotions.


Poohgranma profile image

Poohgranma 5 years ago from On the edge

You have an "Old soul" which in this case, is not a bad thing. You see through the verbiage being tossed out and are able to step over it or around it and stay the course of what you are after. You may not know what you want yet, but you know what you don't. That and your talent will take you as far as you let it.


Nikkij504gurl profile image

Nikkij504gurl 5 years ago from Louisiana

this is so sad... for one you are what 23 now right? you are young, and ive been there, ive felt this way, but everything youve been through is not meaningless, it makes you who u are. you have to learn to let go of the past before you can ever move forward.


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

Yeah I have realized that more and more in the past couple years

My overall state of mind now vs. then is like night and day

I still appreciate, and relate to despair, anger, sadness...but they don't govern me anymore.

Thanks for reading


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 5 years ago from Texas

All we really have is the "right now"...the past is what it is and cannot be changed. The future...well, it only holds what God knows for us. We have to live in the moment and make the best of it with the resources that we have. You have a great writing ability that maybe you do not yet appreciate for what it is...give it time. I wanted to be a great guitar player...God wanted me to write...it took a long time for me to realize that...I was too mad about not being a guitar player to see my true talents. I didn't give up the guitar but I struggle with it less now and I am happier. Life is good, go with it! WB

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