Crucified Heart (A Poem)

I am alive, but dead inside.

I thought I was dead before, but you just made me more.

While here, my hands were tied

You pulled my heart out from my chest, and held it, bleeding and sore

You did to me what you felt was justified,

When you nailed my heart to the weeping tree.

You made sure that my heart was crucified.

Now you feel bad for what you did to me.

As my heart is barely beating on the tree of dark sorrow,

Nailed there for all to see, I hope it was worth it.

Will you leave me a shell of a man, or bury me tomorrow?

Or do you think,

I'll resurrect from this fly covered pile of shit?

I am no saint, that I do admit.

I begged you for forgiveness, that you did promise.

Then you held my hand, only to cut my wrist.

I was just a captive, I had no way to resist.

The blood pumped from my heart, sprayed like mist.

You were the last thing, I had left in this world.

Now I stand before you emotionally naked;

my heart almost dead.

Do you feel you've had your revenge, by destroying my world?

Are you happy now,

that I have that image of you and someone else in my head?

I remember how you used to look,

Now you don't look the same.

My heart and soul you took,

You gave yourself to someone, I don't know his face or name.

My crucified heart in the frozen rain, was cold and shook.

I guess I am at fault, I have no one else to blame,

Will you bring me back to life?

This pain has cut me, like a cold steel knife.

In my hell, I keep trying to atone for my sins.

I was hoping for a better life with you to begin.

Today my love, took my heat away;

With not even a "I'm sorry" or a "forgive me;" You just walked away.

At least I had asked you for forgivenss and a second chance.

Maybe on my heart's grave, you just spit and dance.

My heart still loves you.

I know this to be true,

It still bleeds, dying on the tree for you.

For you, I would live and die for,

but you needed to settle the score.

Are you mine, or did I lose you forever more?

Everyday that I've been away,

I prayed we would keep it together.

I'm angry at God, I cry out for you, I wish I died here.

I'm in more pain and dispare than you'll ever know.

For some reason my heart still wants you not to go.

Hearts do heal, but it's painfully slow.

My heart still loves you, very much so.

Though, I can forgive even if you don't ask.

I had to ask for it from you,

that wasn't an easy task.

I'm dead inside of here, You're far away over there.

Is this fate's cruel joke, or a never ending nightmare?

Can we still love again, can we still care?

Do I know for sure?

When I come home, will you still be there?

I think today, I've died a thousand times,

Yet, I'm still alive.

I'm not sure if we can survive,

I still feel the poisoned nail, driven into my heart.

I feel so cold and sad.

But, I told you from the start,

You're all I've ever had.

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Copyright 2008, StJames

All Rights Reserved.