DRIVIN' MR. WAYNE

(ndsu.edu)
(ndsu.edu)

By: Wayne Brown

This may sound strange at first to you but yesterday I was contacted by the CDC (The Center for Disease Control) in Atlanta, Georgia. The official who contacted me asked that I consider participating in a study in conjunction with the CDC. Apparently the CDC was doing multiple studies in the areas of addiction, compulsion, and motivation and they required my assistance. At first I was skeptical but once the importance of the study was explained to me I was more than happy to assist in their effort.

Now, at this point, you as a reader might be thinking, “what can this lowly hub writer do for the folks down at the CDC that is so important?” Well, let me explain. You see, according to the CDC official, they have discovered that the HubPages may be a very good place to test all areas of this study on addiction, compulsion, and motivation at once. Now, admittedly, they are not allowing me to play a real large part in this study but I do have an important role. In fact, you might say that my success in completing my role is the key to the overall success of the study.

Now, let me explain what needs to be done. The CDC is studying what the impact of addiction, compulsion, and motivation is on the reader of HubPages material. They have asked that I submit this particular article with a simple request that you do everything in your power to rank it, rate it, score it, whatever you can do to it that will run the overall score for the writer to as close to the 100 level as possible. Ideally, the official explained to me, they would like to see the 100 level achieved. While I am not one to toot my own horn, I did agree to go along with their suggestion for the purposes of the study. You might say that I have put my own morals and beliefs aside in the interest of progressing modern science and helping mankind better understand what moves a reader to action.

Admittedly, I generally score in the low 90’s on a regular basis with the occasionally level reaching as high as 95. I think that is what attracted the CDC to me in the first place. I was “in the zone” so to speak and they felt that a score such as mine was in the realm of possibilities up be quickly affected by the human behavior driven by those traits of addiction, compulsion, and motivation. I sincerely believe they felt that with the help of the reader my score would quickly register the impact with a score of 100.

Now, I hope you won’t think bad of me or consider that I might be prostituting myself here on the Hub just to obtain a high score. I assure you as the reader and loyal fan of my work that I would never stoop so low as to concoct such a hair-brain story just as an attempt to elevate my score. Besides, do you really think that I would cook up something to do with the CDC in such an attempt? Come on, this is the real deal, you cannot make stuff like this up!

In the interest of making sure that we conduct the study in a uniform manner, the CDC officials have asked that I review the scoring possibilities with you as the reader. As you might remember, once you have completed reading the piece there will be an area at the bottom which has a series of colored buttons offering a variety of selections in regard to the scoring which you, the reader, may assign as your response to the writing. First off, you can score the writing UP or you can score it DOWN. Then in association with that scoring, you can select more descriptive accolades like “USEFUL, FUNNY, AWESOME, and BEAUTIFUL. Of course then you may also add a comment for good measure. You may use one or a combination of these scoring methods.

To be perfectly frank with you, I think that for the purposes of this study, it would be good if you used all the buttons with the exception of the DOWN scoring button. I am quite certain that use of that button will have a skewing effect on the overall outcome of the study and may cause the statistical results to drop out of the normal distribution leading to a conclusion which could be erroneous in nature. So, lay off the DOWN button for this one.

Otherwise, I would suggest that you hit all the other buttons and express yourself to the nth degree. By doing so, you are showing the scientists down at the CDC that you are affected by the factors of addiction, compulsion, and motivation in all areas including reading. This could lead to some unbelievable breakthroughs in the modern science of behavior. Who knows, I could even be up for a Nobel Prize just like the President. Of course, if I were able to achieve such recognition and success, I promise you, the reader, that I would never forget the little people and how I got to this high place in life.

May I also remind you that if you elect to participate in this all important study that it is your responsibility to return to this particular hub, or actually, any of my hubs you might select, check the score, and then proceed to vote it up again with the focus on driving my score to the 100 level.

I cannot stress enough to you how important that it is for you to not only participate in this study but also to participate often and generously. We are talking about advancing modern science here and opening up areas that mankind has only to guess about in the past. With your assistance, we can get there. We can find out those deep dark truths regarding addiction, compulsion, and motivation which drive the human mind. We can know for certain whether these factors actually come into play when a writer reaches a high scoring level. Finally, the doors will open and answers will come, if you will only give of your time and use the scoring mechanism effectively.

On behalf of all the scientists down at the CDC labs and myself, I want to thank each and every one of you up front before this study begins. Having experience the support and positive nature of those who affiliate themselves with HubPages over these past few months, I know that we will achieve the desired results of this all important study. I know that you, the reader, will do your utmost to drive my score to the 100 level proving what the scientists currently believe is true in stating that addiction, compulsion and motivation do play an all important part in the behavioral aspects of the readers personality and therefore drive his urge and need to support a particular writer to high levels of success. With that, I say, let’s get started and Win One for the Gipper!

© Copyright WBrown2010. All Rights Reserved.

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Comments 55 comments

SilverGenes 6 years ago

Wayne, I'm happy to help out with this CDC study and rate your article up right across the board. May I also suggest that everyone also go to my hub on What It Means to be Canadian and do the same. This is part of a joint US/Canada study to refute the belief that Americans need subtitles for Canadian Content. I'm proud to help. Great job!


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 6 years ago from United States

Wayne, This could start a new trend as we all push all the buttons for each other. That should teach the CDC a thing or two as to the power or suggestion. You have a marvelous sense of humor.


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas Author

@SilverGenes...So you have not convinced everyone on the hub that the whole of Canada is not of French origin, huh? I believe I have visited that hub you reference but I shall return and check the progress on it. Prehaps a dual study is in order here! LOL! WB

@Pamela99...I sure hope that it does! I am convinced that I am incapable of writing to a high scoring level. It's probably my political commentary! LOL! Anyway, do what you can for me and save the study! WB


Old Poolman profile image

Old Poolman 6 years ago from Rural Arizona

Mission accomplished Wayne, I have voted. I will stop by frequently to monitor the progress of your score. I will vote as often as necessary to help you achieve your goal.

I would not be at all surprised to see this particular hub disappear into the ether region and will also monitor that on a daily basis. You are really making two scientific tests with this hub, and we will see which event happens first.

Great hub Mr. Wayne


saddlerider1 profile image

saddlerider1 6 years ago

It pays to have friends in High Places sharing their wild wood weed with you:-) This is salesmanship par excellence and I thought us Canucks could sell ice cubes to Eskimos and here Wayne Brown is selling us on pushing his buttons and it works:0)..I just walked all over em...did yous see my footprints, EH. You should be a 100% per center in no time.


eovery profile image

eovery 6 years ago from MIddle of the Boondocks of Iowa

Thanks, now I have two CDC's

Keep on hubbing!


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas Author

@Old Poolman...this experiment should allow us to see the impact of readership and reaction! Thanks for your help! WB

@saddlerider1...Oh Yeah! This may be as strong as the Tea Party Movement before long! LOL! WB

@eovery...Two CDC's now huh? Wild! LOL! WB


Old Poolman profile image

Old Poolman 6 years ago from Rural Arizona

I have read where no right leaning hubber will ever see the 100 score. This should be very interesting and informative. I love it.


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas Author

@Old Poolman...I can't think of one! LOL! WB


Tom Whitworth profile image

Tom Whitworth 6 years ago from Moundsville, WV

Wayne,

You are such a fine gentleman I would never accuse you of self promotion so I voted per your request. I might add this is a supurb idea and I wish I had thought of it myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas Author

@Tom Whitworth...I'll have to put you in touch with the CDC folks Tom. Maybe they can use you in their "mad-cow" experiments! LOL! Thanks for the help! WB


Old Poolman profile image

Old Poolman 6 years ago from Rural Arizona

Wayne, I see you made it to 94 this morning. Who says your vote don't count? Like happens here in Arizona I voted again today. We have lots of folks here who vote at least 6 times at every election, including some dead people.

You may have to lean just a hair to the left to make that jump from 99 to 100, but that remains to be seen.

Great idea and I love participating in tests like this.


quicklysilver profile image

quicklysilver 6 years ago from wexford, ireland

I think I'll start up a similar one like in lost that if people don't keep pushing the button we'll all die, or hubpages will collapse, which are kind of the same.

I voted you up for the effort you put into this piece.

I was going to flag the piece, just for the laugh you understand


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas Author

@Old Poolman...Well the piece is at 51, one point higher than it came in at. Once I hit 96 and above, I might start to believe there is some effect. So far, this is "known territory". Good study though and thanks much for the support! WB

@quicklysilver...you dawg! LOL! That would throw a wrench in things huh....but admittedly it would be funny. If my score gets seriously high, you can give credence to your idea! LOL! Thanks for the support! WB


Old Poolman profile image

Old Poolman 6 years ago from Rural Arizona

Wayne, to make up for my mistake about the hub score, I voted again. Sorry about the error and hope this makes up for it.


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas Author

@Old Poolman....you are doing well my friend. Thank you for the followup! WB


saddlerider1 profile image

saddlerider1 6 years ago

This is too funny pardner. I just did the Mexican hat dance on all yer buttons again, I intend on getting you nothing less than 100 score...hey maybe they may sneak in a 101 on score hubs. LOL


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas Author

@saddlerider1....You dawg! Charlie Campbell will probably turn you in! He's been turned in enough and besides he's still mad about that child molester down the road! That ripping, tearing sound will be the noise surround my bursting through the roof of this place! LOL! Thanks, Ken! WB


SilverGenes 6 years ago

Aha! Sometimes these buttons don't show the right numbers but right now, they are much better than when I looked last night. Yup, I've been in here dancing a few times and will be back for some pirouetting and a grand jeté or two. Danged if that Canadianese doesn't come in handy sometimes hehehe.


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas Author

@SilverGenes...I love it when you speak a "Canadian" Eh? and walz all over my buttons...heck you got me feeling Italian now! LOL! You should write a hub on speaking Canadian and include that song by John Prine about speaking Hawaiian...that'd be extra good fun! WB


dallas93444 profile image

dallas93444 6 years ago from Bakersfield, CA

I am new to hubbing. Is the 94 your age? When I get sick I take the rattler from a rattle snake and boil it in olive oil. The oil is then applied to my hair. CDC has requested a sample. I denied them a sample. I enjoy my ease. I do not want to be dis eased... I gave you all of 'em buttons, but I was hit with a warning, "Stop that" this could be spamming. Now, I do not like spam, so I "unchecked" "Flag."

Hope this helps. Lord knows with your age and all, as long as you are breathing, life ain't bad... You can apply for a CDC Visa card and receive discounts on Berry-Berry... Kool-Aid.


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas Author

@dallas93444...I want some of what you're drinking! Thanks for the help I think! I am headed over to apply for one of those credit cards! LOL! WB


Phyllis Doyle profile image

Phyllis Doyle 6 years ago from High desert of Nevada.

I am all for Drivin' Mr. Wayne and pouncin' on the buttons, everyone except Down. What a brilliant and fun way to get that 100! Anytime you need your buttons pushed, Honey, you just holler and I will be happy to oblige.

Here's to the scientist! (lifting glass high and smilin' broadly).


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas Author

@Phyllis Doyle...Yo Phyllis, I will have those guys at the CDC invite you to the Christmas Banquet! LOL! Thanks much...this has been a fun deal and rather educational I might add. WB


Old Poolman profile image

Old Poolman 6 years ago from Rural Arizona

Dang senility, I voted for this hub, then remembered I had already voted. Oh well, what can I say, I'm old.


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas Author

@Old Poolman...I'm old myself and cannot take responsibility for your actions though I do appreciate the mistake and the thought! It's the thought that counts ya know! WB


garynew profile image

garynew 6 years ago from Dallas, TX and Sampran, Thailand

That is so weird! I was contacted also! Unfortunately, I told him to take his liberal backside and get an Obama supporter to help him. Oh well.


Phyllis Doyle profile image

Phyllis Doyle 6 years ago from High desert of Nevada.

Voted again, all but down. I have an idea: why don't we all get together and do a line dance on the buttons. That should get you 100 in no time.

Even if you are just a young whipper snapper you have my votes. Whatever paints your wagon.

Thanks for the invite to the banquet -- I will be there with bells on.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 6 years ago from South Africa

Regard me as a guinea-pig in the area of compulsive writing. To be serious, I don’t think the score has anything to do with ratings. I suspect it has something to do with the money our hubs generated – the google clicks and other sources of income for HP management. So my friend, if you want 100 you’ve got to find something REALLY sensational to sell, like.... mmmm.... what sells like sweet cake in your country? Great hub, Wayne! You are discreetly brilliant :))) I did a South African sakkie-sakkie dance all over your bottons :)))


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas Author

@garynew...Ya Dawg! LOL! Sold me out to the CDC as liberal! OOOOOh you wassly-wabbit! LOL! WB

@Phyllis Doyle...you may get banned from the playground by the monitor soon! LOL! I'm still here twisting in the wind at 93...no new and unexplored ground yet! Thanks for the help! WB

@MartieCoetser...I think your suspicions are correct and since I have never taken any real steps in the money-making side, I am probably a disappointment to their accountant. In fact, I could be their poster child of failure! LOL! Thanks for your support, Martie! WB


Old Poolman profile image

Old Poolman 6 years ago from Rural Arizona

Dang Wayne, I did it again.


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas Author

@Old Poolman....You need to see a doctor; get that memory checked out! LOL! Thanks much...we are making our way up the ladder one rung at a time! WB


Old Poolman profile image

Old Poolman 6 years ago from Rural Arizona

Wayne, even mountains are climbed one step at a time. Oh crud, I voted again. Just can't seem to remember things like I used to.


SilverGenes 6 years ago

Hmm... that number is being stubborn! This is fun! It's like voting in Florida!


saddlerider1 profile image

saddlerider1 6 years ago

Mr Wayne like Martie said if you want to see your hub score soar up to the heavens like the rest of those Eagles or should I say turkeys:0) then you have to push a product. Unless you have the talents to play the linking game.Our poems and prose just won't draw those pesky spider SEO thingy's

Linking back and forth and all around will draw you more readers, so don't fret just let your linking do blinking walking for ya. Here is a good start....throws a bunch of your hub titles in here and let them do the work...have fun.

http://pingler.com/

Since I'm back again, I'm doing the turkey trot all over yer dam buttons again, gobble, gobble....


poetvix profile image

poetvix 6 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country.

I danced on every button but the DOWN one. Sigh, the quest for the elusive perfect score has been an addiction swept under the rug for far too long that affects droves of Hubbers worldwide. You have my unswerving and ongoing dedication to the cause.


Old Poolman profile image

Old Poolman 6 years ago from Rural Arizona

Wayne, it will be interesting to see if you need to practice leaning left. If you get stuck at 99 you may have to resort to this tactic. It does appear to be inching upward today.


Phyllis Doyle profile image

Phyllis Doyle 6 years ago from High desert of Nevada.

Woo-Hoo! You are up one point to 94! Hang in there WB.


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas Author

@saddlerider1....OoooooW that's one of those that violates the terms of service although I don't even write for money! I am trying to do it the old fashion way...theft! LOL! WB

@poetvix...Thank you...I know you normally like to hit the DOWN button my stuff but I appreciate you restraint this time! LOL! WB

@old Poolman...We are getting closer to rarified air although not yet in space travel...look for 96 to cross the line...then we are starting to get into tall cotton, baby! Thanks much! WB

@Phyllis Doyle....I can't believe the excitement level...I feel like Amelia Earheart! LOL! WB


poetvix profile image

poetvix 6 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country.

You know Wayne, it just gets better the second time around.


Old Poolman profile image

Old Poolman 6 years ago from Rural Arizona

Did I vote yet???


Old Poolman profile image

Old Poolman 6 years ago from Rural Arizona

Morning Wayne, it is nice to see something on the rise besides taxes and the cost of living.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas

Brilliant hub Wayne and nice idea although I have to admit that when I first read it I thought I was either on De Greek's hub or James Watkins, oh Im such a name dropper!!! Anywhoo you know I always push your buttons and I always will. Cheers.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas

I had to come back and push your buttons again, they are so irrisistable. And I didnt mean to be a snot about those gentlemen, I just didn't take my meds today lol. Cheers.


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas Author

@ladyjane1...You know I did as a joke...it will never work! LOL! There are too many hidden aspects involved. I have dropped three points in my overall score today even though folks have been helping out. Actually, the truth about this system is that I could probably retain a higher score with 20 hubs that I can with almost 300. It really has no value since I don't participate in the money side of it but I thin there are some really good writers out there who are not getting their just due in this system. I am getting a bit tire of seeing writers with creative ability overlooked while someone publishes a hub on the then steps involved with assembling a baby's crib and captures all kinds of accolades as a writer. Something is wrong with that world and I think I know what it is...it's plain vanilla, has no politics in it, and is devoid of emotion. That's my two cents but I know you would be there for me and that makes me feel great...it's why I keep writing here...my friends! WB


Phyllis Doyle profile image

Phyllis Doyle 6 years ago from High desert of Nevada.

As long as you do not pull an Amelia Earhart and disappear! I hope you stay around for a long, long time, Wayne. I love to read your hubs and I love pushin' your buttons.


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas Author

@Phyllis Doyle...I've done my share of looking for tiny islands in the Pacific back in my flying days...didn't see Amelia either! LOL! I'll be here a while yet Phyllis...you can count on it! Thanks for all your support! WB


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas Author

Well sports fans, you have driven this hub all the way to 70 in a weekend's work. I applaud your efforts. Let's see if she has any legs now and will keep climbing the ladder. Meanwhile...my score has not rose above the well-known 94 level. I am hoping to break new ground soon! More as it develops.....WB


ralwus 6 years ago

that's just corny WB


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas Author

@ralwus...Hey, it's only a couple days old and already read more than 120 times and scoring in at 74 already...not bad, not bad! Who's ya daddy! LOL! WB


ralwus 6 years ago

loved the Hee Haw gimmick. you rascal.


Phyllis Doyle profile image

Phyllis Doyle 6 years ago from High desert of Nevada.

Do you have a button for Happy Thanksgiving? That is what I wish for you and your family, Wayne.

74 is doing pretty good for just a few days. Good job! I will send you a toast tomorrow with my one and only glass of wine for the day.


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas Author

@Phyllis Doyle...Well, Phyllis thanks to you and few others, this piece is at least about to take the top slot in my list of hubs on points. Maybe it is still on its way to 100...who nows. I happy Thanksgiving to you as well and I certainly raise my wine glass to you! Thanks much! WB


Truckstop Sally profile image

Truckstop Sally 5 years ago

It's January now and the number is 56. Maybe it is the temperature?

Your friends here are very funny!


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 5 years ago from Texas Author

@Truckstop Sally...Actually this experiment worked quite well and this hub eventually did quite well in the numbers. I think it gave the nudge that I needed to hit my first 100 about two weeks later! There are some really great people here but some have kind of dropped out lately...I hope they come back! WB

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