Damn that was close!
I have been recently reminded that if one door is closed, a window opens.
Last week I was informed that if I couldn't pay my fines, cost of supervision (since I'm on probation) court costs and other fees. I was going to be charged with "violation of probation" and thrown back into jail. Which actually equaled more jail time than the original offenses which put me in "county motel" in the first place. I can't believe that I was going to be thrown in the slammer over money. Come on! twice as much time behind bars because of lack of cash. Where is the American Civil Liberties when you need them?
What happened to more time, attacking my credit rating or a collection agency? Anyway I've had to ask family for the money. Which sucks, because it is my mess, and my problem for getting into this mess. But I had to swallow some pride and make the call, thank God I didn't have to ask face to face. That would have been tougher. Any way it looks like the family is going to come through and I am not going to have to face the place I consider a personal hell on earth.
This all came about in what felt like my darkest hour. I was feeling like there was little hope left. I didn't know what I was going to do, and I was at the point that I was preparing to accept and meet my fate. Even though that there was little hope, there was still hope, no matter how small. And hope, seems to have won over the what could have been a grim situation for me.
I owe many thanks not only to family, but also to a force that is much greater than myself. I am thankful that with divine help I was able to fight the fear. I am thankful that something was not willing to just to let me let go and give up. I am thankful that a window did open just when I needed it the most. I could have not done any of this a lone. Even though at first I felt a lone and abandoned... I soon found out the only one who abandon me was myself. Fear can be a great deceptor... Don't give into it's silken tongue.
Remember no matter how small of an amount of hope there is... It's still hope. Hope is the enemy of our darkest moments... Hope is a flashlight.
Mad Season performs "River Of Deceit"
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