Dark Dreams


Whilst thou slept, a bitter cold ascended upon thee,
memories of a time when all things, were right in thine sight.
Verily thou said unto thee, “Doth not thine beauty keepest me ravaged”.
Thy lips pursed for a delicate kiss, moonbeams blazing forth from thy sight,
angst abounds as thy delicate touch breeches goosebumps along thine skin.

Woe to he that doth tear thee asunder, for my wrath shall be great upon him.
Whilst thou slept, thy dreams pervade a darkness so devoid of love.
Hadst, thou known of thine own love for thee....
dreams wouldst be filled with great brilliance,
as thine illuminating nature abounds,
thy thoughts wouldst not delve,
into the bleak.

Comments 3 comments

djjune6 4 years ago

I found this one a little confusing...it seems to be written 'to' someone and yet the 'thee' and 'thine' are the same subject. IE: (substituting 'You' for the 'thee's' and 'thine's') Verily you said unto you, “Doth not your beauty keepest me ravaged”.

I just felt it lost direction. :-) I'm enjoying your work, though.


Larry Tiblier 4 years ago

yeah I was wondering what I had confused in this and you cleared it up for me..it is about me not someone else..how should I change it..I'd love to try to write in the fashion of Shakespeare


djjune6 4 years ago

Are you attempting to write this as a commentary of one looking into oneself or as one speaking of a love unknown to the sleeper(this is what I'm reading)? I get the sense that this is from the view of an un-present party (the one 'feeling ravaged' by the dreamer's beauty?) telling the dreamer of a deep, passionate love held by the narrator for the dreamer? In that case....you would simply need to assign a different title to "thou and thy" (me, my, this unknown love, etc), and then you could keep "thee and thine" as the dreamer? Good luck. Again, this is a very moving work, great job!

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