Self Pity?

What is this pain in my heart...
me, a careless conception doomed to suffer?
What is this loneliness
No family tree, no loving mom; no security.

I can't move
I can't breath
I can't love
I can't leave

What is this life
for me, is it endless misery?
Why not end this agony
Why me dear God, why me

I can't sleep
I can't hope
I can't dream
I can't cope

Why do I have insight?
(me, the mistake of a mismatched union)
Why this endless emptiness?
I'm just too brittle and broken.

Too much hurt
Too awful, too sad
Too much loneliness
Too empty; too bad

I can't find a way....
I can't find the light
I can't stand the pain
I'm too exhausted to fight

Too old now
Too late to be free
Too late for love
There's no-one can save me, from me

Copyright © Helen Lewis 2008

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Comments 31 comments

msorensson profile image

msorensson 6 years ago

Lot of people would relate to this, brightforyou. One of my FB contacts was just talking about this...

It is beautiful, the poem.

Thank you!!

samuel hodges profile image

samuel hodges 6 years ago from Winston-Salem NC

Really pretty. I like it. Deep thoughts!

Mr. Happy profile image

Mr. Happy 6 years ago from Toronto, Canada

You can save yourself from you. No?

(Enjoyed the poem, thanks.)

singlmomat52 profile image

singlmomat52 6 years ago

It's always to soon to give up!

Don't give up 5 minutes before the miracle!

PUSH~Pray Until Something Happens!!

ASAP~Always Say A Prayer!

These are things I continue to tell myself and you must do so too. There is a reason you are here, you are special, there is no one else on this earth like you! Someone needs you, someone loves you!!

You are blessed!! Good poem, thank you for sharing!!

brightforyou profile image

brightforyou 6 years ago from Florida Author

Thank you so much for your comments - I really didn't think I could contain the pain any longer - so just spilled it out in some words - and you answered.

Msorreson - thank you - your comment makes me feel less like a freak and a little more normal;

Samuel Hodges - I guess I never thought of this as pretty; just gut-wrenchingly honest - thank you for seeing something pretty in the words.

Mr. Happy - and there I was thinking YOU were going to save me ...Only joking, I hope I can fix my heart and my will so I can carry on.

Singlmomat52 - I need the miracle so very desperately. Been a single mom now for 450 years. Having raised 4 boys, they pretty much get on with their lives and forget you... I just shouted at "God or whoever or whatever" - thank God there is no-one else on earth like me- (I wouldn't wish this on anyone)... Thanks so much for your generosity of spirit and encouragement - you've made me feel like if nothing else, I have a 'family' on hubpages...

So lonely today, So thank you all for your kindnesses.

saddlerider1 profile image

saddlerider1 6 years ago

I can relate, need I say more? Thank you for reading my hub about a similar situation. As Boris Gump (Tom Hanks) clearly noted. Life is like a box of chocolates you never know what your going to get. How true. I hope you have found peace and are able to find happiness again. It's out there never give up. Sometimes it's closer than you think. Peace

brightforyou profile image

brightforyou 6 years ago from Florida Author

Thanks saddlerider1 - I figured you could relate having read your beautiful and painful poem about the children of divorce. No, I haven't found peace. I wrote the above today. Just a big bout of self-pity... after a very long, and painful spell. Thanks for your comments. Peace to you too.

Mr. Happy profile image

Mr. Happy 6 years ago from Toronto, Canada

Hey, if I can save you in any way, let me know (I doubt I'm nearly that good though) ... Cheers and may the Great Spirit guide your path!

brightforyou profile image

brightforyou 6 years ago from Florida Author

Mr. Happy - you guys did - just by responding. I can keep on keeping on now... Thanks!

Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 6 years ago from United States

brightforyou, I have been exactly in that place and I have not been very good at making good choices. People don't always show their true selves until after a commitment. I would suggest trying to get involved in some activities to take your mind off the constant mind and second guessing we tend to do. Life is not over for you. There is always hope.

brightforyou profile image

brightforyou 6 years ago from Florida Author

Thanks Pamela, its difficult to get out when you get this low... but you are right and tomorrow is another day. Thanks for your kind comments. I just wish I could catch a break!

Words by Mike 6 years ago

This was a beautiful expression of deep human emotions. In my opinion, we can vent our personal pain through words, allowing us to capture hidden perspectives in retrospect. This also allows us to connect to others through our similar struggles. Thank you for sharing. Well written, keep up the good work. Cheers~

brightforyou profile image

brightforyou 6 years ago from Florida Author

Hello Words by Mike, thank you for your kind words. You are absolutely right - thank God for writing because its a way of getting to know what is trying to be 'said through me' - if that makes any sense. I look forward to reading your work Mike!

Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota

Beautifully sad poem. I've written a few of these poems myself on hpages. It is never too late.

Your picture was haunting and matched well with the feel of the poem. rated this up and beautiful.

brightforyou profile image

brightforyou 6 years ago from Florida Author

Hi Minnetonka Twin - I'm going to read your poems. Thanks for your kindness. I love the people on hubpages...there's so much love and generosity!

crazybeanrider profile image

crazybeanrider 6 years ago from Washington MI

I am sorry your sadness is so deep. I have been there 100 or more. Your poem is raw and cutting, soulful and reaching. I wish there were words of hope to offer you. Tomorrow is another day. Hopefully one without the pain. Stay on course, there is always a reason

brightforyou profile image

brightforyou 6 years ago from Florida Author

Hi crazybeanrider; thanks for offering your kind comments and support - it sounds like you are a fellow sufferer. What is the reason? Have you found the reasons why - or do you think some people are born lucky and some aren't?

Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 6 years ago

Sorry I'm a little late. Please don't despair. I too have "despaired" enough. It is a rough road we walk. There are pot-holes. Life is not a Rembrandt. It's a child's drawing on a refrigerator. Life's a stage and some of us seem type-cast into "extras" for someone else's movie. Hang in my Dear.

brightforyou profile image

brightforyou 6 years ago from Florida Author

Hi Micky - its never too late to be so kind and so eloquent.. I love your descriptions..I'm so blessed with all the kindness of people like you. It has warmed my heart that total strangers (not so strange writing people) can 'feel' with me and relate, thanks so much for stopping by and for sharing.

ezhuthukari profile image

ezhuthukari 6 years ago from Kerala

We are all here for you brightforyou!! I am sure that just letting out the pain through these words have eased it, atleast a little bit. Loved the poem. And don't despair...

brightforyou profile image

brightforyou 6 years ago from Florida Author

Hi ezhuthukari, thanks for your kind words... yes, it helped to write it out. It comes and goes. Thanks for being there for me.

Sa`ge profile image

Sa`ge 6 years ago from Barefoot Island

smile brightforyou. for you have a great purpose! what is it you ask? plain and simple my dear, to touch our hearts as you have been doing! yes, you have a purpose and we all look forward to being a part of that purpose. So, cheer up and keep a smile on that face of yours, because we are smiling :D at you my dear, we are smiling at,with, for and to you! :D

~aloha nui loa~ :D

brightforyou profile image

brightforyou 6 years ago from Florida Author

Hi sage - thank you for your kindest comments - I look forward to giving more through writing.. I think I need to get well finally, do something radical and make some necessary and important changes - instead of bemoaning my fate! Aloha nui loa and many bright blessings to you my dear.

valeriebelew profile image

valeriebelew 6 years ago from Metro Atlanta, GA, USA

brightforyou, I relate, but its still not true. You are never too old as long as there is breath in your body. It is not too late as you are still alive. Those are lies we tell ourselves, but they are just that. LIES. It isn't over, and you are an excellent writer. Keep writing. Xanax, alcohol, whatever....... some of the best artist have struggled with addiction. You have a story to tell; lives to change. Hang in there sister. The best is yet to come. (:v

brightforyou profile image

brightforyou 6 years ago from Florida Author

Thanks again Valeriebelew, I really appreciate your kind comments. I'm hanging in.. thanks for your validation of my writing - I would like to extend you the same compliment. I'll keep on, keeping on. Its true that we believe lies that are indoctrinated in us. Strange how we fall under the spell of so much toxic rubbish..Thanks again!

skye2day profile image

skye2day 6 years ago from Rocky Mountains

Sad poem but so true. I think most have had a time they feel this self pity. Life aint easy. There is one with all power and that is God. He can turn any life to joy and peace. He forgives and redeems. He has a purpose for everyone created. He made them.

Despair, self, lonliness can take the breath away. GOD can give it back and more. GOD never took it. The devil comes to rob steal kill destoy. GOD waits at the door.

He wants to hear our knocks for him to come in. It is a choice. Are we going to stay at the pity party or call on the name of Jesus. I can relate I have been here. I hope if I go back I do not stay long.

The Light always put out the dark. Great poem. DO come over for a visit. Blessings. I have joined your fans.

brightforyou profile image

brightforyou 6 years ago from Florida Author

Thanks skye2day - it helps to know there is something bigger because if not, life makes no sense at all and is grossly unfair. I will definitely come and visit and look forward to reading your hubs and following you too!

Kyriana profile image

Kyriana 6 years ago from Midwest US

What a beautifully sad work of art. You are very talented. Thank you for sharing this. I think most people have had moments like the one you shared and put beautifully!

brightforyou profile image

brightforyou 6 years ago from Florida Author

Hi Kyriana thank you for your kind comments. I look forward to getting to know you and your hubs!

lilyfly profile image

lilyfly 5 years ago from Wasilla, Alaska

Simple plea, I love it... lilyfly

brightforyou profile image

brightforyou 5 years ago from Florida Author

Thanks lilyfly :-)

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