'What a piece of work is man...' Shakespeare
How often have I thought this tho often not followed by all the ramblings the verse is known for.
It seems to be deeply rooted in humanity to go out of its way to seek out and destroy what it does not understand without regard to reason. This trait often presents itself as a false need to protect or a need to fix and it does not seem to matter that these things may have had no intention on affecting your life until you sought to destroy them.
I had no idea how much you despised me until I learned that you led the attack on the small defenseless one most like me for no other reason than that my presence in her frustrates you. My existence bothers you so much that the possibility that it could be mirrored in someone so small sent you into a blind rage that tore at her heart. This act has moved you from ally to enemy. This lapse of judgement on your part has taken you from the deep recesses of my mind and patience and pushed you into my crosshairs.
She is innocent. She represents a brief time in our history where our youth, our innocence, and our curiosity about each other's worlds was more powerful than our differences. We each abandoned the other world for our own and for a while there was peace fueled by distance. I never regretted creating her with ingredients from your world and you never seemed to regret abandoning those ingredients to seek those useless human things that promise to give a man meaning that doesn't seem to exist in your world. I don't need to understand you and your world. I did not condemn you for your choices. I did not ask for the oath you made. I did not ask anything from you. I believed when you vowed to protect her. I honored your role in the life of whom you were used to create, by choice, knowing that it was treated as yet another human obligation or as a hobby for you. She seemed to be something to entertain you on weekends and holidays. It was my aim to have her embrace all the parts that made her. I suppose you were as devoted as your human heart would allow you to be. As she grows in spirit and beauty, she is less and less like the creatures of your world and more like those in mine and because of this I have seen the list of conditions for your love increase. I have seen the weight of your expectations being carried by her and I do my best to train her to carry that weight since weights are so common in the world that she has to live in. I prepare her for the price of being a free spirit, a gift in my world and a curse in yours.
You sit in judgement of my world and of me. You place blame on me for every wrong and ignore every gift. Now, after 11 years, you want to use the 20% of life that you have dedicated to her as grounds to justify your new cause to remove my influence and attempt to 'fix' her? You want to force her to submit to the trappings of your world so that she can seem normal... and what?... Make you proud? And this pride that you hunger for and believe is yours to be had by right, is supposed to be valued higher than her sense of self? And this normal life you speak of, is it similar to your life of goal lists and check marks with little or no satisfaction? Do I strike you as the type who would sit back and allow that? Should I cup my small, pale, soft hands over my face and cry as you attempt to enslave her under your views of what a perfect woman of your society should be? And this ideal of perfection that you have conjured, have you been able to see it in any of the women on your long list? Has any held the title of living up to your expectations for more than 2 -3 years? Are those the ideals you expect me to watch you force on she who has my soul floating within her eyes?
What ever am I to do?... That defenseless, weakness does not exist in me! 16 years of exposure to me should have taught you that. You want to ride into my world by force and undo what has been before you and what will be long after you? You have no power here. "You are no king to me!" My influence is huge on her but it is not a lifestyle that is being forced upon her. I lead by example and let her know that there are other choices for her when she comes of age and is old enough to decide who she is and what is best for her path. She knows of beauty, love, and magic because it lives here without the influence of external forces and without the opinions and pressures of your society who pedals self esteem issues in order to fuel industries led by unseen faces with huge, money lined pockets. She is not limited by any of it... yet and I will not allow you to be the seed that grows the wall of thorns within her. I am not bound by this form nor am I invincible. If I am to be undone by your fear, rage, and disgust, I will still live in her and use every part of my existence to protect her... even from you. Especially from you.
A false king sits on a purchased thrown in a stolen kingdom unable to acquire a queen or peace within himself pretending to know what is right while lacking the strength to look into his own flaws. If not for what you chose to attack, I would leave you to your own destruction - to slowly consume yourself as so many others have done on this path you cling to. If you live to see the wrinkles upon your skin, it is her magic that can bring you joy. The same magic that you seem determined to dim. You aim to lose her whether you are successful in your destructive purpose or not. You will either lose her when you cause her to lose herself or you will lose her to the realization she is having that you do not accept her as she is. This battle can not be undone but you have already lost.
© 2014 Lissette
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