Diary of an Avid Wisher (Part I)
It never stops. The screaming. From upstairs I can hear it. Then the sounds of glass breaking and the baby crying. He must be scared. I think I am too. Ever since Terry got with mom, things have been getting worse and I'm always locked in my room, isolating myself from their fights. It's scary enough when mom yells. But when Terry screams...I wish dad were back.
I'm writing this in class because I have nothing else to do. Mr. Durachta is droning on about something called mitochondria (sp?) but anyways, I'm completely confused. Hopefully he doesnt catch me writing in this and read it to the class. I just might lose it. Oh, by the way, the Homecoming dance is coming up soon. Idk if I'll have the guts to ask a girl out though. It's my sophomore year and popularity seems impossible now. No one likes the scrawny kid with the stutter. Michael Dawson pushed me into the lockers today, got a bloody lip. I guess I'm used to people laughing at me now. I just wish I hadn't bled so much on my new t-shirt. Mom just bought it for me last week..
Can it really be September already? Wow, months go by so fast. Writing in class again, but we just took a test, and I'm waiting for everyone to finish. You can always tell you're a nerd when you fly through a test before everyone else, Either that or I'm a frickin genius. I'd like to think it's the last one
Things have been getting a bit better. The baby's sick though and Terry is getting stressed. Mom is too but..she always seems to have a better hold on things. I just can't believe she actually had a kid with that a**hole.
The person next to me isn't even done with the first page of the test lol
I want to visit the pawn shop after school. I hope they have that guitar I've been wanting for the longest time. I know I can't get it..but being able to stare at it is good enough. Imagining playing it would satisfy for now. Maybe I should ask for it, my birthday's coming up soon anyways. Good ol' sixteen. Woot.
I didn't mean to, I didn't mean to. I just had too much, I've had too much. Terry hit me and mom yelled at him. And then he pushed her, that son of a bitch, that son of a bitch, I swear I'll kill him but I couldn't do anything about it, and I cried. I cried and he watched me and laughed and..
Handwriting is shaky, I hope my speling is ok, things are such a mess. I cut myself again, I didn't mean to I didn't want to but I did and there was so much blood and I locked myself in the bathroom with a box of tissues.
I don't want mom to find out about this, she would be so disappointed and hurt but it hurts me when he hurts her, I wish i could do something but I can't, I can't.
I love you mom, I'm so sorry.
My scars are healing. Well, both the physical and emotional ones. I'm doing better to cope but it's getting a little tiring. School isn't going so hot either. With all these distractions, it's impossible to get a freakin' A in this place.
I'm hungry, did I eat lunch?
Ok so the dance is this Saturday and of course I'm sweating bullets on asking Alexis out. What is with girls that makes them so complicated. Maybe there's like some mind tricks I can play. Pick up lines? What are some good ones?
Pick up line ideas:
Ok that worked out miserably, pick up lines suck. Er, I guess I could try to impress her. But wtf do fifteen year olds do to impress girls? If only I had that damn guitar, I could serenade her! Well, maybe not serenade..but I think something close to that. She's still complicated. She was in my class today and I chickened out when going up to talk to her. Hands were sweating so bad I think I dehydrated myself ): And then of course Michael had to be the one to go up to her instead. Why does every girl go for the a**hole? But I guess it's just common law.
Girls don't go for the stuttering oddballs, they go for the jerks.
Maybe I should be a major jerk then. But how?
Being a jerk ideas:
1) Burn her homework
2) Burn her notes
3) Burn Michael's body after I kill him
I like the last one :D too bad it's not gonna get her to go out with me. Damn. I'd ask Terry for advice on how to get girls. But that's something you'd ask your real dad..
I don't feel like writing anymore. Guess I'm getting the mood swings again, and I feel like..
Nothing, forget it. I just..
Dad I miss you.
Happy Birthday to me. Sitting in bed, wishing the screaming would stop. I can hear the baby crying again and I hope Terry doesn't come up here. I can't help but cry. I can hear him saying things..
I need more pillows. So I can put them over my head to block out the noise. Or suffocate myself. But first I'll sing myself happy birthday. It's the best..if not worst thing I could do.
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