Dirty FCCing Jokes

The FCC is the Federal Communications Commission. It is responsible for cracking down on any obscenities or vulgarities used in or on American media. That’s right: U.S. censorship at its best. Some of the things the FCC is famous for is the crackdown after Janet Jackson’s nipple was exposed at the Super Bowl a few years back. That’s right, everyone freaked about a freaking nipple! Well, nipples are dirty…even if everyone has them, men and women. Plus, they are used to provide nourishing food for babies. But, whatever, they are dirty! Vulgar! Obscene!

More recently, the show NYPD Blue is in trouble for a nude butt shot shown on TV in 2003. What’s the consequence? A fine of $1.4 million dollars. Realize that this wasn’t a shot of some chick bent over, pulling her butt cheeks apart. No, it was simply a nude shot of her from behind. Shocking! Vulgar! Obscene.

Anyway. Let’s get to what you are here for: dirty jokes! Unfortunately, I’m afraid of a knock on my door from the FCC (hey, I’m a poor writer and can’t afford a hefty fine), so I will be replacing any dirty, vulgar, or obscene words with “FCC” in the jokes. Hope you enjoy!

A man gets a raise, so he decides to buy a new scope for his rifle. He goes to a local rifle shop, where he asks the clerk to show him a scope.

The clerk presents a scope to him.

Clerk: "This scope is so good, you can see my house all the way up on that hill."

The man takes a look through the scope, and starts laughing.

Clerk: "What's so funny?"

Man: "I see a FCC man and a FCC woman running around in the house."

The clerk grabs the scope from the man to look at his house. He hands two bullets to the man.

Clerk: "Here are two bullets. The scope is free if you take these two bullets, shoot my wife's head off, and shoot the guy's FCC off."

The man agrees, then takes another look through the scope.

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Man: ”You know what? I think I can do that with one shot!"

Two dwarfs are in a bar. At the bar, they pick up two FCCs and take them back to their separate hotel rooms.

The first dwarf, however, is unable to get an FCC. He becomes more depressed about the situation when he can hear his friend in the other room all night:

"Here I FCCing come again ...ONE, TWO, THREE...UGH!"

The next morning, the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go?"

The first mutters, "It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't get a FCC on."

The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing?"

"I couldn't even get on the FCCing bed!”

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A husband and wife stay the night in a hotel. After a romantic evening of wining and dining, they head to bed. But, as soon as they settle down, the man leans over to softly whisper, "Hey snuggle boopy FCC, your lickle hubby wubby isn't quite ready for night-night yet."

The wife gets the hint, saying "Okay, but I have to use the bathroom first."

On her way back from the bathroom, she trips over a piece of carpet and lands flat on her face.

Her husband jumps up and exclaims in a concerned tone, "Oh my little honey bunny, is your nosey-wosey all right?"

No harm is done, so she jumps into bed where they have mad passionate FCC for three hours. Afterward, the wife goes off to the bathroom again, but on her way she trips over the same piece of carpet and again lands flat on her face on the floor.

Her husband looks over and grunts "Clumsy FCC."

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A frustrated housewife decided her FCC life needs spicing up after twenty years of marriage.

After her husband heads off to work, she slips out to a lingerie shop where she picks up a pair of FCCless panties. She goes home, FCCs herself up, and dons the new garment under a short skirt. She greets her husband when he comes home from work. She prepares him a drink, then sits across from him.

She slowly spreads her legs open, and says in a husky, come FCC me voice: "Honey, would you like some of this?"

The husband looks between his ageing wife's legs. He lets out his breath, looks up at his wife, and replies, "FCC, NO! Look what it's done to your underwear."

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Did you enjoy the FCCing Dirty Jokes? Was it as good for you as it was for me? Please share your own FCCing Dirty Jokes in the comment box below!