Do You Want To Play A Game With Me?

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Don't think I'm not watching.
Don't think I'm not watching.
Don't think I'm not watching.

I think of our time together sometimes,not a lot but sometimes.

I guess it's the way you might remember a bad habit...a behavior

that you don't do anymore and for good reason. A feeling of pride that you've moved on, made yourself better in a process of recovery.

 

I do remember the game we played. How good you were at it and

how I learned from you, especially the patience.

How a resentment or hurt could be nurtured and fed over time

until it was suddenly released in a flash of rage one fine day when the

recriminations and weaknesses were being exposed in a bloody clash of raised voices.Insults, the secret, private hurts laid open to the air.

Shredded nerve endings screaming in agony.Such pain we inflicted

on the other.Some things,of course, words and phrases I will never

forget. I guess, for me that will be your legacy.

 

The essential you.

 

How you hurt me in ways that no one else ever will.

A woman who skinned me alive.

And left me for dead.

Something to be proud of in a way-your unique status.

No one will ever compare to you in my mind.

I'm sure, even now, you probably find some comfort in that.

How sweet the anger was and what a sense of power I felt at the sight

of you crumbled in sobs.Folded and helpless on the floor. There was an actual howling like a wounded animal might make.

A crushed bone in a steel trap, tender images destroyed, never to be as cherished as they once were before, so brutally violated.

How drained you were,at the end, when you were through with your

fighting for the day. How helpless.

We lived in a world so far beyond apologies.

 

It was rape in a way-what we did to one another.

Emotional rape.Taking something of certain purity and destroying it

in a way that it could never be whole again. Never really used again.

It was a strange interlude in my life...playing our game.With you...creating it as we went along. All the past relationships leading

up to this perverse joining of two people dancing our strange dance.

I think now that you were meant to play this game.

Conditioned and trained through your life to do this.

And what is my excuse?

 

How it stared with just the odd comment by you, the seemingly

harmless insult in front of others. I remember indulging you

with my calm smile. I loved you so much. I'm sure there were things I

missed but with time...everything becomes a little clearer. And so,

taking your lead, I too, began to play our game. With faltering steps, I

followed and learned. It was a tortuous path and I fell many times but

always got up to play some more.

The final blowup.

I would have to say it was a masterpiece of hatred.

How I heaped the humiliation and abuse on you with no end, playing on your most intimate weakness.And how you floundered for a time, panicked...unwilling to face the final truth. It took weeks to culminate,my behavior,atrocious. But when it finally arrived...well, it came with a finality about it, I think. Certainly, we both recognized it for what it was.

I really was quite good at it by then. My seige engine of hate crumbling you piece by piece. Thick walls falling. God, I was good.

But even so,you raised the stakes and took it to the ultimate level.

And that was the end.

Just boring details after that. Money spent and forms signed.

Silence and a peace of sort.The building blocks of memories gradually

reconstructed in a passable fiction of normalcy-just to tell acquaintances. Something to say when the subject came up, easily digeseted phrases. We certainly couldn't tell the truth, probably take hours to fully explain.

 

Thanatos is the Greek word for death wish.

Let's just say we indulged ourselves and went deeper and deeper

into explorations of a sort. Were they forbidden? The places we went...after awhile you don't care anymore about good or bad, healthy or sick. You just want to go. And go we did. We didn't care

anymore. It was our secret.

Our love secret.

And if we were ever to meet again,say on opposite ends of a round

bar in a happening place on a Friday night. Would we smile?

Would our bodies join together, sitting next to one another after some

time passed?

What would happen,I wonder?

Would it be sick, filled with old hurts?

Or would it be sweet with yearnings and touches in secret places

that only we knew of?

Just a game.

But I'm older now and had a very good teacher.

What about you?

Do you still play?

 

Do you want to play a game with me?

 

Comments 21 comments

Pachuca213 6 years ago

It seems that heartache always haunts us when we have been burned by failed relationships, and sometimes it leaves you scarred. This was definitely an intense and emotional poem...very good.


ycbeat0 profile image

ycbeat0 6 years ago

Wow! My eyes are burning. I hope you feel better soon because time heals most wounds. A good woman you will soon find but of course Dear Sir that comes with time.

-Ycbeat0


Dark Heart profile image

Dark Heart 6 years ago Author

Pachuca,it's just fiction-an imaging of a person getting sucked into a perverse,game playing universe.Like yourself,

I strive for positive emotions and have no use for the negative ones in my mind.

YCbeat-thanks for your kindness. The piece is make believe-just pretend and I am feeling very well.Thank you.


Jess Killmenow profile image

Jess Killmenow 6 years ago from Nowheresville, Eastern United States

A marvelous fiction illuminating a dark corner of human relationships - the down side, the perverse nature, the fine line between passion and hatred. Having recently learned the truth after a lifetime of misunderstanding, I know that if you love someone, you don't want to hurt them; you just want them to be happy.


Dark Heart profile image

Dark Heart 6 years ago Author

The constant skirmishes,one upmanship and testing of the other comes from the personalities of those involved.

Some people are born to fight, one way or another.I'm just

grateful I don't live that way.Thanks for your insight.


poetlorraine 6 years ago

the games people play, and the coinciquences of their actions, enjoyed that hub


Dark Heart profile image

Dark Heart 6 years ago Author

Thank you Lorraine-not the most pleasant topic is it?


blaise25 profile image

blaise25 6 years ago from close to you...

a masterpiece of desire and hatred..

people are part of the game, and the game plays our lives..

when someone gets sucked in a universe such that kind, there is no turning back. but you can always stop..this time, play real now. seriously, live what is real..love not hurt.


Dark Heart profile image

Dark Heart 6 years ago Author

What a great line Blaise-"the game plays our lives"

A masterpiece? OK you can stop now.LOL


blaise25 profile image

blaise25 6 years ago from close to you...

yeah LOL

and the game has many underlying meanings.. ;p


Dark Heart profile image

Dark Heart 6 years ago Author

I don't know what the underlying meanings are Blaise.

Any insights?


blaise25 profile image

blaise25 6 years ago from close to you...

LOL this box wont fit with the underlying meanings ;p


Dark Heart profile image

Dark Heart 6 years ago Author

Blaise,I hate it when you make me think.LOL

Seriously.I'll get right on that assignment for

Part 2.


blaise25 profile image

blaise25 6 years ago from close to you...

hehe I'll be right back for your part 2 then :p


Dark Heart profile image

Dark Heart 6 years ago Author

You give me too much homework.LOL


DREAM ON profile image

DREAM ON 6 years ago

That hub could be turned into a movie.


Dark Heart profile image

Dark Heart 6 years ago Author

Thanks Dream-get started on the script.LOL


DREAM ON profile image

DREAM ON 6 years ago

o.k. you have to pick the cast.


Dark Heart profile image

Dark Heart 6 years ago Author

How about Sean Penn and Nicole Kidman?

I'm open to suggestions.Now this is a fun game.


seasoning 6 years ago

nice to see a turn in events,, now we are having fun in this game..... lovely


Dark Heart profile image

Dark Heart 6 years ago Author

Thank you seasoning.

Who would you cast for a movie?

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