Do you Sea Salt?

Salty goodnes
Salty goodnes | Source

It's new and it's for you

You, gentle reader, live in a propitious time. Deep in the depths of Mother Earth's oceans germinates a special kind of spice . Tiny armies of undocumented worker mermaids tend row upon row of salty goodness. A glorious harvest awaits. Enterprising enterprises across the food spectrum now include sea salt in every conceivable edible category.

Don't miss out. Your food might taste OK today, but tomorrow your taste buds will revolt over a lack of sea salt in your diet. Nothing improves eat-ability faster and saltier than pure sea salt.

This is not the salt you're looking for.
This is not the salt you're looking for. | Source

Where does it come from?

Sea salt exposes itself through evaporation of salty ocean water or lake water. It's mostly the work of Sun and time. For better or worse, trace minerals and elements (stuff that is not a mineral) get left behind in the salt. The minerals and elements contribute supplemental flavor and color to your sea salt.

Your favorite late-night comedian may be coarse, but sea salt is also coarse, of course. It provides a crunchy texture upon your french fries and popcorn and saltine crackers. On the other hand, finely ground granular salt from that sad little salt shaker on your kitchen table offers no resistance to molars.

Be sure to get hipster Sea Salt

Visit your local trendy grocer. Search out a special place with special salt. Look for a place with "Whole" or "Earth" or "Pretentious" in the name.

Don't simply pick up the first bag of generic sea salt in the sea salt aisle. In order to achieve optimum salt experiences, focus your gaze upon products named after esoteric cultures in places where they ate a lot of salt. The Celts, for example, were known for their salt because their food was so bad.

Celtic Sea Salt is sincerely provided by The Grain and Salt Society. These good folks indulge in every manner of salty goodness in between River Dances, which tend to cause massive electrolyte losses.

Get your Himalayan Seat Salt from San Francisco

As we all know from geography class, the Himalayan Mountains jut prominently into San Francisco. Dedicated cadres of Sherpas diligently transport heavy bags of sea salt up and down the hills, stopping only to catch a ride on a scenic cable car.

Look no further than Sanctuary City San Francisco for your salt needs. Pink is the color of anything faintly Communist, so it all works out. No one will judge you as long as you share. Look for free borscht recipes on every bag.

Salt Lake City. Not the edible salt, but OK.
Salt Lake City. Not the edible salt, but OK. | Source

How much is enough?

See, sea salt is still salt. It's got sodium in it. You may harvest it from a health food store and carry it home in your Prius but it will still erode your insides if you overdo it.

Do you like a little pizza with your salt? Our healthy friends at MayoClinic.org, who are hardly ever wrong about this kind of thing, assert salt enjoyment in moderation. They refer to Dietary Guidelines for Americans as published by the United States Federal Government (try to find that in the Constitution). Our watchdogs in Washington recommend sodium intake be limited to less than 2,300 milligrams a day for sentient humans under 51 years of age. Other risk factors include kidney ailments and high blood pressure. Don't get sick over your sea salt.

What's Next

We envision complementary concoctions of foodstuffs replete with sea salt. For example, a jar of peanut butter might taste even better were it dusted with this miraculous chemical. Other suggestions from our experimental food kitchen include:

  • Sea Salt pepper
  • Sea Salt chewable vitamins
  • Sea Salt orange juice
  • Sea Salt chapstick
  • Pumpkin Spiced Latte with Sea Salt


Conclusion

This author thirsts for sea salt and all its salty goodness. I go to a lot of parties. No longer will I arrive empty-handed. I know what to have in my formerly empty hands. Upcoming holiday celebrations call for esoteric brands of sea salt in hipster packaging. Grace your grill not with plain salt but with salt obtained from bodies of water. Eschew salt mined in a mine. Back away from boring sodium chloride in cardboard containers.


Great Salt Lake - go easy on the salt.

Sea Salt is :

  • great crystals of salty goodness
  • a wonder food that should be in everything
  • a great way to hypertension
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Comments 7 comments

Jodah profile image

Jodah 11 months ago from Queensland Australia

Interesting hub. Can't get by without my sea salt. Can't imagine eating eggs, or french fries (hot chips we call them) without.

*Old joke: Q. Did you hear about the two peanuts walking in the park?

A. One was assaulted (a salted) ..get it? :)


nicomp profile image

nicomp 11 months ago from Ohio, USA Author

@Jodah : Your contribution has doubled the HubScore. Well played.


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 11 months ago

You, dear nicomp, are the sea salt of the earth!


KoffeeKlatch Gals profile image

KoffeeKlatch Gals 11 months ago from Sunny Florida

I am a sea salt fan. I use it careful because afterall, as you said, it is still salt. Interesting hub.


drbj profile image

drbj 11 months ago from south Florida

Not only did I learn a multitude of homilies regarding sea salt from you, Nicomp, I also learned that the Himalayans jut into San Fran which makes it very convenient for wanted individuals to seek sanctuary within. How convenient.


Sgt Prepper profile image

Sgt Prepper 10 months ago from Elkhorn, WI

QUESTION: Does anybody else find it odd that MOST table salt contains iodide but Kosher salt does not? Reminds me of fluoride in our water, chemtrails in our skies and soft-metals in our foods & cosmetics. I think somebody is systematically poisoning us slowly.


nicomp profile image

nicomp 10 months ago from Ohio, USA Author

@Sgt Prepper - I think iodide is a plot by the Illuminati to compromise the Federal Reserve by cornering the market on this valuable chemical that could become the new currency standard but won't because the Bildebergers own all the land above sea-level in 42 of the 50 United States of America.

Thank you for stopping by. Keep your head down and your dehydrated foodstuffs dry.

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