Do you Sea Salt?
It's new and it's for you
You, gentle reader, live in a propitious time. Deep in the depths of Mother Earth's oceans germinates a special kind of spice . Tiny armies of undocumented worker mermaids tend row upon row of salty goodness. A glorious harvest awaits. Enterprising enterprises across the food spectrum now include sea salt in every conceivable edible category.
Don't miss out. Your food might taste OK today, but tomorrow your taste buds will revolt over a lack of sea salt in your diet. Nothing improves eat-ability faster and saltier than pure sea salt.
Where does it come from?
Sea salt exposes itself through evaporation of salty ocean water or lake water. It's mostly the work of Sun and time. For better or worse, trace minerals and elements (stuff that is not a mineral) get left behind in the salt. The minerals and elements contribute supplemental flavor and color to your sea salt.
Your favorite late-night comedian may be coarse, but sea salt is also coarse, of course. It provides a crunchy texture upon your french fries and popcorn and saltine crackers. On the other hand, finely ground granular salt from that sad little salt shaker on your kitchen table offers no resistance to molars.
Be sure to get hipster Sea Salt
Visit your local trendy grocer. Search out a special place with special salt. Look for a place with "Whole" or "Earth" or "Pretentious" in the name.
Don't simply pick up the first bag of generic sea salt in the sea salt aisle. In order to achieve optimum salt experiences, focus your gaze upon products named after esoteric cultures in places where they ate a lot of salt. The Celts, for example, were known for their salt because their food was so bad.
Celtic Sea Salt is sincerely provided by The Grain and Salt Society. These good folks indulge in every manner of salty goodness in between River Dances, which tend to cause massive electrolyte losses.
Get your Himalayan Seat Salt from San Francisco
As we all know from geography class, the Himalayan Mountains jut prominently into San Francisco. Dedicated cadres of Sherpas diligently transport heavy bags of sea salt up and down the hills, stopping only to catch a ride on a scenic cable car.
Look no further than Sanctuary City San Francisco for your salt needs. Pink is the color of anything faintly Communist, so it all works out. No one will judge you as long as you share. Look for free borscht recipes on every bag.
How much is enough?
See, sea salt is still salt. It's got sodium in it. You may harvest it from a health food store and carry it home in your Prius but it will still erode your insides if you overdo it.
Do you like a little pizza with your salt? Our healthy friends at MayoClinic.org, who are hardly ever wrong about this kind of thing, assert salt enjoyment in moderation. They refer to Dietary Guidelines for Americans as published by the United States Federal Government (try to find that in the Constitution). Our watchdogs in Washington recommend sodium intake be limited to less than 2,300 milligrams a day for sentient humans under 51 years of age. Other risk factors include kidney ailments and high blood pressure. Don't get sick over your sea salt.
We envision complementary concoctions of foodstuffs replete with sea salt. For example, a jar of peanut butter might taste even better were it dusted with this miraculous chemical. Other suggestions from our experimental food kitchen include:
- Sea Salt pepper
- Sea Salt chewable vitamins
- Sea Salt orange juice
- Sea Salt chapstick
- Pumpkin Spiced Latte with Sea Salt
This author thirsts for sea salt and all its salty goodness. I go to a lot of parties. No longer will I arrive empty-handed. I know what to have in my formerly empty hands. Upcoming holiday celebrations call for esoteric brands of sea salt in hipster packaging. Grace your grill not with plain salt but with salt obtained from bodies of water. Eschew salt mined in a mine. Back away from boring sodium chloride in cardboard containers.
Great Salt Lake - go easy on the salt.
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