Confessions-His Birthday

'April 22nd' has been the most anticipated day of my life, ever since I fell in love with this guy who had swept me off my feet. For, on this blessed(read cursed!) day, the guy who had me going crazy and also the one who had eventually broken my heart and left me shattered was born.Yeah.. April 22nd marks my ex boyfriend's Birthday!

Ever since I started seeing him, I had made it almost a ritual to be the first one to wish him on his big day. I followed the same custom for four consecutive years, even after we broke up, never stopping to think of breaking the tradition even once.. Untill just a few days back, when the realisation of his birthday nearing, sent me into a sudden panic attack.

I had never had second thoughts about it in all these years, then why now was I fretting over it? This question kept me awake all these nights, untill the fateful (read Blessed!) day,finally arrived.. The fact that it was going to be his birthday in less than an hour and that I still hadn't decided If I was going to wish him or just pretend to have completely forgotten it, was sending chills all through my body.

My heart wanted to do what was needed to be done but "how do you wish an Ex- a cheerful life ahead on his birthday, when at his expense you are desperately trying to move on?" was the question my mind was throwing back at me. So, instead of racking my brains and my foolish heart anymore, I decided to consult a friend (lets name him 'Boo' for now.).

My Friend Boo adviced me to go ahead and wish my Ex, as he was clearly still important to me if I was thinking so much about such a trivial matter. And also, that it would help me get over the whole awkwardness of any event involving him henceforth in the future If I succeded in controlling my nerves now.. That made sense and I decided a 'simple','brief' and a 'single' phone call would do me no harm plus the stupid tradition would be left unbroken.

I had finally made up my mind which brings us back to now. Here I am pacing up and down, walking all over the place, picking up things randomly (Something I do when I'm anxious/nervous) waiting for the damn clock to strike 12. I just wanted to get over with this!! But No, the time has always been my cruel enemy;Every second that ticked by seemed to take forever. I sat there patiently staring at the damn clock, with my heartbeat having increased to a thousand folds, with butterflies fluttering in my stomach..

After a few excruciating minutes which felt like hours, my wish was granted- the clock finally struck 12!! But by this time 'fear' had taken the place of 'anticipation', while I sat there staring at the number on my display screen, wanting badly to hit the call button yet not being able to do so,. After a lot of convincing and cussing I did the impossible-switched off my brain and called him.

It took a few rings before I finally heard the velvety voice on the other end which surprisingly hypnotizes me till this very day. He had to use the word "hello" thrice before I got back to my senses and wished him a very Happy and Joyous birthday.He was surprised to have received my call or atleast thats what it sounded like to me but I swear I heard a smile in his voice.

My voice sounded pretty normal except that my tears were threatening me all the way through.. Our conversation lasted hardly  a few mins and honestly I don't remember a thing of what we spoke, except that I was lost listening to his voice, a melody so pleasant that I could die to hear it anytime & everytime. As much as I hated to do it, I unwillingly hanged up on a sweet note wishing him well and a 'take care' before I had the chance to break down.

I won the battle, I had wished him which had seemed impossible an hour ago, but the hole in my heart which I thought had closed, opened again, bringing in the unendurable pain and a storm of tears. Yet, I dont regret having called him. I sucked the pain in. 'Coz nothing could ever equal the joy his voice brings to me.

Even after all the things I've been through because of this one guy, he still makes me feel good about myself, he still makes me realise I have a heart and a heart which can love endlessly. I needed that reminder and his birthday reminded me of it.. All thanks to my friend Boo, I had made the right decision and yes, I still happened to be the first one to have wished him this time too ..!!!