Confessions-His Birthday

'April 22nd' has been the most anticipated day of my life, ever since I fell in love with this guy who had swept me off my feet. For, on this blessed(read cursed!) day, the guy who had me going crazy and also the one who had eventually broken my heart and left me shattered was born.Yeah.. April 22nd marks my ex boyfriend's Birthday!

Ever since I started seeing him, I had made it almost a ritual to be the first one to wish him on his big day. I followed the same custom for four consecutive years, even after we broke up, never stopping to think of breaking the tradition even once.. Untill just a few days back, when the realisation of his birthday nearing, sent me into a sudden panic attack.

I had never had second thoughts about it in all these years, then why now was I fretting over it? This question kept me awake all these nights, untill the fateful (read Blessed!) day,finally arrived.. The fact that it was going to be his birthday in less than an hour and that I still hadn't decided If I was going to wish him or just pretend to have completely forgotten it, was sending chills all through my body.

My heart wanted to do what was needed to be done but "how do you wish an Ex- a cheerful life ahead on his birthday, when at his expense you are desperately trying to move on?" was the question my mind was throwing back at me. So, instead of racking my brains and my foolish heart anymore, I decided to consult a friend (lets name him 'Boo' for now.).

My Friend Boo adviced me to go ahead and wish my Ex, as he was clearly still important to me if I was thinking so much about such a trivial matter. And also, that it would help me get over the whole awkwardness of any event involving him henceforth in the future If I succeded in controlling my nerves now.. That made sense and I decided a 'simple','brief' and a 'single' phone call would do me no harm plus the stupid tradition would be left unbroken.

I had finally made up my mind which brings us back to now. Here I am pacing up and down, walking all over the place, picking up things randomly (Something I do when I'm anxious/nervous) waiting for the damn clock to strike 12. I just wanted to get over with this!! But No, the time has always been my cruel enemy;Every second that ticked by seemed to take forever. I sat there patiently staring at the damn clock, with my heartbeat having increased to a thousand folds, with butterflies fluttering in my stomach..

After a few excruciating minutes which felt like hours, my wish was granted- the clock finally struck 12!! But by this time 'fear' had taken the place of 'anticipation', while I sat there staring at the number on my display screen, wanting badly to hit the call button yet not being able to do so,. After a lot of convincing and cussing I did the impossible-switched off my brain and called him.

It took a few rings before I finally heard the velvety voice on the other end which surprisingly hypnotizes me till this very day. He had to use the word "hello" thrice before I got back to my senses and wished him a very Happy and Joyous birthday.He was surprised to have received my call or atleast thats what it sounded like to me but I swear I heard a smile in his voice.

My voice sounded pretty normal except that my tears were threatening me all the way through.. Our conversation lasted hardly  a few mins and honestly I don't remember a thing of what we spoke, except that I was lost listening to his voice, a melody so pleasant that I could die to hear it anytime & everytime. As much as I hated to do it, I unwillingly hanged up on a sweet note wishing him well and a 'take care' before I had the chance to break down.

I won the battle, I had wished him which had seemed impossible an hour ago, but the hole in my heart which I thought had closed, opened again, bringing in the unendurable pain and a storm of tears. Yet, I dont regret having called him. I sucked the pain in. 'Coz nothing could ever equal the joy his voice brings to me.

Even after all the things I've been through because of this one guy, he still makes me feel good about myself, he still makes me realise I have a heart and a heart which can love endlessly. I needed that reminder and his birthday reminded me of it.. All thanks to my friend Boo, I had made the right decision and yes, I still happened to be the first one to have wished him this time too ..!!!


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Comments 19 comments

bbnix profile image

bbnix 5 years ago from Southern California

You know, I have to tell you, what's so striking to me is just how incredibly wonderful you are.

I mean, I want to be clear, and not give the wrong impression, but I love how incredibly sensitive, caring, thoughtful and loving you are.

I'll not tell you anything else, today at least. I'm confident that you are both strong and highly intelligent, so you'll be fine, but again, there is someone out there who is going to be the luckiest man on Earth when you two meet.

And for me, that's saying a lot, because I thought I was the happiest man on Earth...


A.D.i 5 years ago

hey HR is boo 'Su'???


Cracknutcase profile image

Cracknutcase 5 years ago from India,bangalore Author

@bbnix- Awww, that was so sweet of you...!! Your comment just made my day.. And as for being strong, support & love that I recieve from wonderful people like you, is what gives me the confident of coming out of any situation unscattered..

I've stopped looking for that one special someone. Instead I'm gonna sit back & let love find me, 'coz when it does I know its gonna be worth the wait...

I'm sure your wife considers herself as the luckiest woman on this planet, For you are the Prized trophy that any woman would die to have in her life.

Thank you so much for the sweetest comment that turned my otherwise gloomy day into a beautiful one.

Lots of love

Take care:)


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 5 years ago

You are such a beautiful soul. God bless you dear.


Cracknutcase profile image

Cracknutcase 5 years ago from India,bangalore Author

Hey Micky thank you so much.. I'm flattered you think so..

take care :))


bbnix profile image

bbnix 5 years ago from Southern California

You sound at peace, my dear friend. Love will find you. It's funny, but somehow life speaks to me, like the earth and sky speaks to Native Americans, and she says to me, you're life is to be incredible...

Much love,

Will


Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 5 years ago from Jamaica

Trust me, someday when you find someone who loves you and appreciates you just as much as you love and appreciate him, you will look back at this man and realize what you have been missing in a man. You will see this experience as your stepping stone to something better. View this as your learning to cope with pain, and it will make you stronger.

Cardisa


Naina 5 years ago

hey! inshallah ur love will success 1day and u both will b 2gether foRever and ever.InShaallah


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States

True blessings are coming your way! I said it and it is done. Best wishes!


Aneequa 5 years ago

Wow haj dat was superb..your writing has so much power. It was awesome.


Cracknutcase profile image

Cracknutcase 5 years ago from India,bangalore Author

@Bbnix-- Yes, Will,I've finally found peace or atleast for now its there.

Oh thanks for passing on the message, I hope your prediction comes true. It would be good to write about love in a happy mood for a change...

Thanks again for stopping by :)

Keep smiling always :)


Cracknutcase profile image

Cracknutcase 5 years ago from India,bangalore Author

@Cardisa- You are right, Cardisa.. I know when I find the one who can make me forget the past and teach me to love again, will be the day when I'll find true bliss and peace for eternity.

This guy has taught me so much and yes, He has made me stronger too with all the pain and tears that he gave me in return for trusting him. But I know now it was for the better..

Thanks for the wise words :)

Take care :))


Cracknutcase profile image

Cracknutcase 5 years ago from India,bangalore Author

@Naina- Thanks for your wishes, girl.. I hope so too :)

Have a great day ahead..!!

@Dexter- Yup,. Thanks for that..!! Something is about to change, I can feel it.. Maybe its all because you wished for it :)

Much Love

@Aneequa-I'm so glad you finally read this!!! You keep motivating me,. so the credit goes to you as much as it does to me..

Thank you for being the loveliest Friend..

A biggg hug to you :)

Muuaaah...


Astra Nomik profile image

Astra Nomik 5 years ago from Edge of Reality and Known Space

Gosh, what a brilliant hub. I loved this. You obviously still have feelings for your ex and he still manages to instill feelings in you. Perhaps you are romantically finished with him but part of you is not. Perhaps it is a relationship with some loose ends attached. I won't dare judge, cos I was totally enraptured by your description of talking to him on the phone. Some people just have an effect on us and we can't free ourselves from their "gravity" as though we were a ship trying to break orbit with them. The fact that you are still talking and on good terms is nice, you have not slammed the door on him. That says a lot about you. I can't figure whether you are both officially both apart or just over some argument or fall-out. If you are both ended with each other, I understand. You will have to move on eventually. When you find that next special person, perhaps the influence of your ex will lessen somewhat. But the feelings are so real here...

We all dream of finding that special person, and they can arrive when we least expect it. (It happened that way for me.) I do hope you find that special person. You are a terrific writer. I am glad to be a fan. Take care, and have a nice weekend.


rishworld profile image

rishworld 5 years ago from Dreammie Kreatiw World..

Wat to say.......im speechless.. I just open your every other hub to take a glimpse and i just become spell bound to read it till bottom..

this hub suddenly changed the pace of my heart.. And its still on that unstable pace..

sometimes in between i felt that should i write anymore hub if there are brilliant writers like you already present here... Ha ha..

there is a lot to learn from you..

just wanna say

God bless you.. :)


Cracknutcase profile image

Cracknutcase 5 years ago from India,bangalore Author

@Rish- You are too kind Rish! I feel flattered :)

I'm glad that you liked this article so much that it increased your heart's pace.

You must never stop writing hubs just bcuz you feel thr is someone much better out there-Coz honestly people learn only when they try. I sometimes feel the same way when I read the works of other writers here (like Bellawriter or Twilight Lawns, Micky Dee & so many others) But I never stopped writing. And believe me I'm glad I didn't..

Take care and keep smiling always :)


The Invincible profile image

The Invincible 4 years ago from New Delhi, India

A beautiful and very emotional one indeed. I've been a witness to several such situations.. The worst part is that the one on the receiving end never seems to overcome the trauma, which is kinda painful to see..

Your hub pages profile almost revolves around the 'guy' you loved, whom you still can't get out of your heart. You must move on (hope you would have now).

There's a lot left in your life. You can;t just spend it cursing the one who didn't realize the essence of your love. And yes, one day Love shall find you for sure...

God Bless You my friend!


Cracknutcase profile image

Cracknutcase 4 years ago from India,bangalore Author

@The Invincible-

Dear Hitesh

First of all I would like to thank you for reading and leaving a response. I am a person who when loves, loves unconditionally and does not hold back. So when I fell in love for the first time, I loved with a sincerity and innocence that had no boundaries. I loved him crazily. But when I discovered that love was all but a mere game for him It destroyed me.

For years I felt like my heart wud never heal and I wud never be capable of loving another again.

But thats when an Angel came into my life. Loving me with an intensity of the blazing sun, healing my wounds with his care, fixing my heart slowly, teaching me how to be Me again.

So now when I look back at all those years, am glad he broke my heart without which I wouldn't have found my Angel. Had he not broken my heart, I would ve never known how it felt like to be loved back insanely, like I were the most exquisite and the only thing in the world.

Thanks again :)

Take care


The Invincible profile image

The Invincible 4 years ago from New Delhi, India

Great, that's amazing. Finally, after suffering for so long, you have been located by the love of your life, your ultimate Angel.

As they say, there's delay, but no denial... I'm happy for you Hajira.. :)

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