Dumb Poem Collection - #134 through # 144

Misbehavioral Ecology

Thievery is part of my nature – and that, as the whole thing would go, is very natural. I have been learning a bit about the simple-enough subject of "behavioral ecology," said to be a study of critters and their propensities toward either fight or flight. Being of a mind, myself, to ignore such things as best as possible, I decided to steal the main delineator of that field of study and amend it for use as my title for this collection of Dumb Poems. These are about critters. These critters, however, have suspect ecologies and, of course, suspect behaviors. I hope that all of them become your friends.



Hard to believe that a fatty could jump so high
Hard to believe that a fatty could jump so high

# 134 - The Houston toad

A toad from Houston jumped so high
he met his Maker in the sky.
"Well, I declare," his Maker said,
‘you turned out bad. Makes me see red."

"I believe you, Boss," said Houston Toad,
"it’s like you’d had an overload.
My warts, alone, must weigh a pound.
My music’s just a croaking sound.
My knees poke wide above flat feet.
My toes are webbed together neat.
My mouth goes on from ear to ear,
and double eyelids stop each tear."

"That’s your tough luck," Toad’s Maker said,
"I don’t remodel nor retread.
Get back to Houston, your jump-off city.
That’s where I waste my time and pity."

They are beautiful other than when they try to sing
They are beautiful other than when they try to sing

# 135 – The dialectican

The Asiatic bird, named the Pelican,
has a beak that squeaks more than his belly can.
When he’s flying around
over water or ground,
he sing-songs in Chinese-Amelican.

Monkey see - monkey no do
Monkey see - monkey no do


# 136 - Boredom

There once was a monkey that lived in a zoo.
The place was real nice – just ever so new.
The cages had rugs,
and there were no bad bugs.
Without nits, what could poor monkey do?


Yes. They can eat and eat and eat
Yes. They can eat and eat and eat


# 137 - How’s that?

"How fast can sparrows eat a dish
of dog food, corn, or dried-up fish?"

"The way you asked me is unfair.
How many sparrows are there there?"

Ready, get set -scratch !
Ready, get set -scratch ! | Source



# 138 - Tale of the dog

Two little fleas upon the hide
are better than one flea crawled inside.

Just a'lookin for a rye
Just a'lookin for a rye | Source



# 139 – Evil weevil

As he chewed on his lunch, Ambassador said,
"There’s a lot more than butter spread onto this bread.
I have a real hunch that it may be a spy.
Yes - a real walking robot. There’s a bug in the rye."

Ready on the right. Ready on the left. Ready on the stinger line.
Ready on the right. Ready on the left. Ready on the stinger line. | Source


# 140 - Contingency gear

A bluefly is buzzing my head.
You’d think that he wanted me dead.
His stinger’s all sharp,
but he carries a harp,
should he miss – and I get him instead.

I'm not so smart, but I AM really fast
I'm not so smart, but I AM really fast

#141 – Just another fish in the ocean

A small fish with two tails
swam around with the whales,
showing off with his two
some fine tricks he could do.

He’d speed forward real fast,
then go back with a blast.
To the whales he looked fine.
("On Two-Tail we must dine.")

Getting bolder and bolder,
while still not much older,
playing tricks, Two-Tail scooted
‘twixt teeth --Executed.

I'd prefrer it grilled
I'd prefrer it grilled


# 142 – The bird lover

An alligator in the pond
ate frogs and fish, but was more fond
of any duck
found in the muck
to which his teeth could bond.

Don't mess with my environment, folks!
Don't mess with my environment, folks!


#143 – The run-away

Our little fish just wanted to stay
in his bowl where he could play all day,
but cleanup time was right at hand,
and fishie hated new, clean sand.
He left. A big reward we’ll pay.

These shoes were meant for swimming and not for walking
These shoes were meant for swimming and not for walking



# 144 – Single-duty bootie

Alligator shoes are funny things.
They sport four toes, but never strings.
‘Gators hate them during towning,
but when in water, prevents 'em drowning.

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Comments 8 comments

WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

I get a big kick out of your 'dumb' poetry, Gus!

GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 5 years ago from USA Author

Howdy Will - I surely do hope that those kicks don't hurt.

Gus :-)))

drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida

These poems are splendiferous, Gus. Each one funnier than the one before.

My favorites? ALL of them! with a special award for the pelican.

GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 5 years ago from USA Author

Hi Good Doctor bj - Pelican is OK. I am partial to "Houston Toad," for that one was for real... one of those lost and found-again species that everyone had believed to be extinct. I recall that they found the thing hiding out in Bastrop, Texas. I guess that was in the 1970s, plus or minus some.

Gus :-)))

vietnamvet68 profile image

vietnamvet68 5 years ago from New York State

Gus you always give me a good laugh with your dumb little poems.

God Bless

GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 5 years ago from USA Author

Hang on there, Vet. More are on the way. Today I finished setting up the download file on the Internet for the first eBook - 101 Dumb Poems. Will get back to you on that, for I have to put the ePub and the MOBI (Kindle) books up there, too (after I convert them from the existing PDF file.) Still have to insert the audios onto each page, though so that everyone can listen to my "melodious" (odious?) voice. :) It has been a learning experience for certain. Thanks for the welcome comment, Vet.

Gus :-)))

Jabo 10 months ago

Some pretty funny poems here Gus, especially the toad and the sparrow ones.

GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 10 months ago from USA Author

Ms Janet -

That toad deal is for real. There really is such a critter by the common name, Houston Toad. It was once thought to be extinct. However, even hungry foxies won't eat a toad if they can help it. Hard to "extinct" a critter like that.

As to sparrows. How quarrelsome a bird they can be. There was a horse breeder type who was beset by sparrows. They would eat the oats and things out from under the horse's noses. He caused the lot of those sparrows to go "extinct" from his horse barns. It was a most efficient way to do it, but we'll not discuss the method - kinda cruel - kinda suicidal at that.

I like those chattery birds and enjoy their chatter whenever they gather around in numbers. I am allowed to like them, for I do not have any beasts here that eat oats. (Other than me, that is. I eat Cheerios.)

Gus Kilthau

Houston, Texas USA

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