Dumb Poems are where you find them

You never know what you forgot to remember...

I was cleaning out my messy bookshelf this evening. I found an old notebook with some scribbling on some of its pages. There were three "old" dumb poems in there that I had forgotten about. You might enjoy them, and, then again, you might not. You must be the judge of that. I renumbered them and here they are – just for you.

My hope is that I can find the illustrations that Al Kaeppel put together for these little poems. We shall see what we shall see, right?

 

Dumb Poem # 106 – The Apology

The Apology

"I said that of you?
Me-0h-my!
I’d really meant
to tell a lie."

 

Dumb Poem # 107 – Perspective


Perspective

An Italian and a German,
with a Frenchman thrown in, too,
went walking in the park one day
and came upon the zoo.

Commented German to his friend
(who called Genoa home)
"That monkey looks as though he’s from
Napoli or Rome."

"Well. Look right here – a thick-head bear.
He could have been your father,"
Italian said to German, then,
"if he’d had time to bother."

The Frenchman smiled and pointed to
a pretty girl in shorts.
"I like a zoo with creatures loose.
Zookeepers are good sports."

Dumb Poem # 108 – The Elephant and the Whale – II

This version of the poem is the "long version," which is probably why it sat idle instead of being hustled out with the rest of the Dumb Poem crowd. I kinda like the shorter one, but folks who enjoy making fun of me go for this one. Actually, it does make me smile a wee bit even though I am now facing a mess of painful typing to get it to you.

 

The Elephant and the Whale – II

The Elephant, in search of fun,
called on his friend, the Whale.
Hey Whale," he hollered, with a smile,
"come take me for a sail."

"Jump on, jump on, you tusky beast.
A ride you’ll have on me,
but if you slip into the waves,
it’s wet you’re going to be."

"It isn’t water – only mice –
that give me real bad times.
Of course, there’s Gus. He’s quite the worst,
with all his silly rhymes."

"It seems to me I’ve heard of Gus,"
commented Whale, while rowing.
"That’s right. He rhymed us into one.
No doubt, his mind was going."

"Oh, yes," said Elephant, "I know
all about that dreadful poem.
It held us up to ridicule.
I couldn’t face the folks back home."

"I’ll tell you what we’ll do to Gus,"
smiled Whale while swimming underside,
We’ll ask Gus to come visit us,
and have, with us, an ocean ride."

"A great idea," said Elephant,
by which to soothe our wrath,
but maybe we should think again.
Gus is said to sing at bath."

"At bath, you say?" asked Whale, amused,
I might have known that of him.
and, here, I thought I’d planned things through.
You’re right. We can’t just shove him."

"Our problem is compounded more,"
said Elephant, conspiring still,
in that these rhymers never quit
although we all have had our fill."

"Let’s use our heads – they’re big enough –
to plan what’s best to do.
Let’s write a poem about that guy.
The fact is, Gus is overdue."

Whale said, "that’s tops. We’ll start it with
big words that show Gus lazy,
and follow on with bigger words
indicting him as crazy."

One couldn’t choose a longer task
than listing faults of Gus’s.
Their rhyme, thus, covered page on page,
each quite devoid of pluses.

Yes, on and on, the two did write
their epic, rhymed disclosure
of Gus’s ways and all his faults –
a great big thick exposure.

When they were done, the Elephant
and Whale, proud of their writing,
submitted it, repeatedly.
(No publisher was biting.)

"It’s back to Gus," lamented Whale,
Our plan has been all wrong.
It’s likely Gus will use our rhyme.
(His own stuff smells so strong.)"

"Yes, count on Gus to plagiarize,"
agreed the two, together.
With Gus the choice is always ‘when’
and not a case of ‘whether.’"

"So, let’s ask Gus to visit us,"
said Elephant, still certain,
and, while he’s suffering from our rhyme,
he’ll steal it, though he’s hurtin’."

"The things we wrote will do him in.
His whole tale’s on the list,
but, given the chance to publish rhymes,
what writer can resist?"

Well, Gus arrived and read it all.
He laughed ‘til tears rolled down.
"Thank God," yelled Gus, "this pleases me!
I’m not the only clown."

 

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Comments 22 comments

WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

Wonderful!

Great humor and great poetry!

Up, funny and awesome.


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 5 years ago from USA Author

Thank you Will - Now my hands won't hurt so much! Glad I found these lurking in that notebook. One day, maybe "bye and bye" I will have this place clean and tidy. That is possible - maybe.

Gus :-)))


vietnamvet68 profile image

vietnamvet68 5 years ago from New York State

Some funny stuff here Gus.You gave me a laugh this morning.

God Bless


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 5 years ago from USA Author

Good Morning, Vet - Waking up laughing even makes the coffee smile...

Gus :-)))


Rhonda Waits profile image

Rhonda Waits 5 years ago from The Emerald Coast

Some great funny stuff here. I needed a laugh today.

Thanks. Voted up awesome.

Sweet wishes Rhonda


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 5 years ago from USA Author

Rhonda Waits - Thanks for the comment, and I am pleased that these may have brought with them a laugh when one was needed.

Gus :-)))


Russell-D profile image

Russell-D 5 years ago from Southern Ca.

Gus-oft we're better leaving the closed closet door closed. When we're gone, someone will open it and read all our stuff. When those precious words first poured out, we marvelled at our wit. Unfortunately, as did we, they aged, well just a bit. Precious words at one time, now often ain't worth a dime. Gus, I know I absolutely do and I'm sure you do, too..find words often can be such a fuss, which brings me back to you, the one and only inimitable Gus. We are such a doggeral us. When's the book coming out? David


Genna East profile image

Genna East 5 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

These are anything BUT dumb...funny, perceptive, and a great read. Thank you, Gus! :)


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 5 years ago from USA Author

Howdy Russell-D - David - Wouldn't it be great fun to be there when someone comes along 100 years later and reads the stuff we so happily scribble today? For such a reader I would write out some pure doggerel (right here and now) - bark, bark, woof, woof, growl, and whine. Perhaps those of the future will have regressed sufficiently to be able to understand what that means - do you think? :-)

Gus :-)))


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 5 years ago from USA Author

Ahhh - Genna - I may have to don my maudlin shirt to be able to handle all of the kind things people are posting here. Excuse me for a short time. I have to look up that perceptive deal in my tattered old Webster's. Hmmmmm !

Gus :-)))


akirchner profile image

akirchner 5 years ago from Central Oregon

Great tidying up, Gus - and great poetry!


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 5 years ago from USA Author

Hi Audrey - My wife almost agreed with the first part of your comment. She "passed" on that second part. :)

Gus :-)))


crystolite profile image

crystolite 5 years ago from Houston TX

Great and funny article in here.its really nice,


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 5 years ago from USA Author

Hi crystolite - Thanks for the generous comment. Today, being "Texas Independence Day," it is an even greater pleasure to note that you are a Texan, a graduate of the University of Houston. That's an even bigger reason for smiling than are the several words in these "dumb poems."

Gus :-)))


KFlippin profile image

KFlippin 5 years ago from Amazon

Totally fun, so glad to be back reading and finding this, so fun to read, lots of smiles and laughs here!


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 5 years ago from USA Author

Hi Katie - Great to hear from you again. I was thinking about you just yesterday - sudden positive action from "Amerilithium Corp." after much downtrending and very low sales of their shares. Went bonkers again. Sorta like those "smiles and laughs."

Gus :-)))


Russell-D profile image

Russell-D 5 years ago from Southern Ca.

Gus -- my cat just answered you. What she said sounded like, meow, meow.....meow, meow. You're on your own with that nasty remark. David


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 5 years ago from USA Author

Hi David (Russell-D) - We used to have a cat, but it was nowhere close to being as smart as your cat. I don't quite understand the "nasty" thing, but, then again, I don't understand lots of stuff. :)

Gus :-)))


Russell-D profile image

Russell-D 5 years ago from Southern Ca.

If you knew my cat, you'd understand the nasty. David


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida

The Elephant and the Whale,

Now there's a funny tale.

Better than the Whale and the Elephant,

That's a story not as relevant.

Nice to see you back, Gus, been missing you.


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 5 years ago from USA Author

Hi Good Doctor bj - Sure do like your rhymes!

As to being missed, I would apologize about that other than for the fact that I was probably reverting to practicing some of the lessons I learned back when I was in the service. I never did make an accurate count of them, but I'd bet I had thousands of very effective tutors back then.

One time I missed formation (along with half the company) by going swimming instead. The rest of them had to stand at KP for the weekend, but I had learned my lessons well - on the way back from swimming I stopped by the liaisson office to check on my late pay - and when I gave out with that ridiculous excuse, the wheels checked to see if I had been there, and so I had. No KP for this student on how to be missing the "cool" way.

Gus :-)))


KFlippin profile image

KFlippin 5 years ago from Amazon

Gus, I think you jinxed little AMEL! Today it is tanking like a big deep belly laugh, down like 15%! :)

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