Dying Lights (the break-up poem)

This poem was also written as part of the "Poem Challenge" hub by Sunny River. If you haven't already done so, I urge you to check out that hub and participate. It's a great way to bring hubbers together, and offers some very good titles to create poems around. This is my third.

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Dying Lights

by John Hansen © 2013

My heart skipped a beat

As I turned into the street

Saw a taxi

In front of the curb.


I saw you step out

From the door of our house,

A suitcase

In each of your hands.


I quickly jumped out,

Asking, "What's this about?'

A questioning frown

On my face.


"it's over!" you said,

"Our marriage is dead."

Then turned

And got into the cab.


I tried to ask, "Why?"

But my words seemed to die,

Like my heart

That had perished inside.


As my love left that night,

With the cab's dying lights,

I just stared

Not believing the truth.


Source

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Comments 33 comments

kidscrafts profile image

kidscrafts 2 years ago from Ottawa, Canada

Too sad that it had to come to that :-( I suppose not all the love stories have a happy ending ;-)


Sunny River profile image

Sunny River 2 years ago from A Place Without A Name which resides somewhere between Fantasy and Belief, just north of Reality

Oh wow. Powerful and so sad. That last stanza really got me.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

That's true kidscraft, The reality is that love can be painful, and there aren't always happy endings. Thanks.

Thank you Sunny River, for your generous words....had a bit of trouble with that last stanza too.


drbj profile image

drbj 2 years ago from south Florida

Wow, I felt your pain with this one, Jodah. Hope it was strictly a journalistic device.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Yes drbj, fortunately it was journalistic. My wife has been away for three weeks, but purely for family reasons...she hasn't left me. However, I guess it's a little like being an actor. Being alone, I was able to put myself into character for this poem...and feel the hurt.


jhamann profile image

jhamann 2 years ago from Reno NV

Awesome! I think I will check this Sunny River's challenge. Sounds like fun.. jamie


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Yes do it jhamann, I have written poems from three of her suggested titles already...good burst of inspiration. Thanks for your comment.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 2 years ago from Minnesota

You did yourself proud Jodah with this prompt. I love the photo's, the quotes and that beautiful heart-wrenching poem. So glad this is fiction.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thank you Linda for the wonderful comments. glad you enjoyed, and yes I'm glad it's fiction too.


ocfireflies profile image

ocfireflies 2 years ago from North Carolina

Jodah,

I, too am wanting to join Sunny's challenge. You sir, with this poem, have risen to the challenge and more. This is awesome work. Definite V+/Share. Great Work!

Much Enjoyed,

Kim


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Aw Kim, you are too kind. Your comments 'rock'. Thanks for the vote up and share, and I can't wait to see what you come up with for Sunny's poets challenge. Will give me a chance just to see Clarinet Seymour and her amazing hair again.


suzettenaples profile image

suzettenaples 2 years ago from Taos, NM

Oh so sad! But, so beautifully written. The meter and rhyme is wonderful in this poem. I hope this has never really happened to you - I hope this is fiction.


ocfireflies profile image

ocfireflies 2 years ago from North Carolina

Jodah,

You are a sweetheart. In case it takes me awhile to meet the challenge, feel free to visit my avatar any time. My actual hair is very long and straight with maybe a touch or natural curl, nothing like the avatar's hair. Smiles.

Thanks for being such a cool guy.

Kim


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks Suzette, fortunately, in my case this is fiction, though I think many can relate. I couldn't have wished for any greater compliments than those you gave. Appreciated.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Hi again Kim, Thanks for the invitation to visit your avatar anytime. I may just do that. Your own hair sounds nice too though. Cool, me...but I'm a geek..haha? I'll just be patient for your challenge poem, sure it will be worth the wait.


tobusiness profile image

tobusiness 2 years ago from Bedfordshire, U.K

This poem flows like a dream, but it hurts so bad! Fiction or not, this is very touching. Nice work, voting up and sharing.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Hi Jo, Thanks for reading this and your kind words. It's what us poets strive for...to touch people, sometimes to make them happy, other times sad. Thank you for voting up and sharing.


FlourishAnyway profile image

FlourishAnyway 2 years ago from USA

This is written so well that I can place myself right in the narrator's shoes, although I've never been there. Voted up and more. Very nice.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thank you for your kind comment FlourishAnyway, and the vote up etc.


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 2 years ago from Wales

Oh so sad and so wonderfully created. Vote up and shared.

Eddy.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks so much Eddy. Love getting your comments.


Eric Flynn profile image

Eric Flynn 2 years ago from Providence, Rhode Island

Voted up


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thank you Eric, I love those words...lol


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 2 years ago from England

This was a sad poem, but so true for many people, voted and shared!


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Yes Nell, made me tear up just writing it...lol

Glad you enjoyed it though, thanks for voting up and sharing.


loveofnight profile image

loveofnight 2 years ago from Baltimore, Maryland

You did a good job with this one, I was not expecting her to leave or should I say I was hoping. The photos included really brought the whole thing home. I believe that the greatest poets write from a realm of pain (even their happy poems) maybe that is why they are so good. Thanks for the share.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thank you for reading this loveofnight, I appreciate your comments, and I agree that great poets do tap into their painful experiences to make their poetry special


teaches12345 profile image

teaches12345 2 years ago

YOu have made the emotional experience tied to this type of situation so real with your words. I can't imagine how devastating this would be to hear, but here it is visually as well.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Yes teaches, you are right, it would be heart breaking. Glad I captured it well. Thanks for your kind comment.


Suzanne Day profile image

Suzanne Day 2 years ago from Melbourne, Victoria, Australia

Sounds just like what happened to me! I only cooked and cleaned, worked my bum off, paid for childcare and did everything and the idiot sat on the couch depressed until one day he woke up and said "I don't love you" and took off. Don't you just hate immature people? Very clear and easy to read poem - voted interesting and up.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Wow Suzanne, sorry that happened to you. Sounds like it was sudden, but I'm sure you are better off. Thanks for your kind comment and vote up.( A friend's husband has just suddenly up and left, thrown his job in and run off)


suzettenaples 20 months ago

How sad! But this is beautifully written. I feel for the narrator and his/her heart breaking.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 20 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thank you for reading and your kind comment Suzette. Fortunately the narrator is not me.

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    John Hansen (Jodah)686 Followers
    267 Articles

    John has been writing poetry since his school days. He was awarded "Poet of the Year 2014" Hubby Awards and has had two poems become songs.


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