Echoes Of Life

XXXIX.



These poems expressed both frustration and hope. It was a turning point in my life, although I hardly knew it yet. I would, sooner than later.



One of Those Momentous Days


It was one of those days

When clarity cut like lightning

Through the heart of a hardwood tree.


Unacceptables which had been accepted

Were about to be faced and fixed.

Nothing would ever be the same again.


The die was cast. Life was rolling into motion.

What was unbearable could not, -

Would not - be borne much longer.


The Universe was gathering momentum.

The sun was breaking through the mist.

The cat was out of the bag!


The day is approaching.

Look out, world, here she comes -

Though she doesn't know it yet!


______© Nellieanna H. Hay



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67 comments

msorensson profile image

msorensson 5 years ago

How is it that your poems echo exactly how I am feeling at the moment? And oh how you so beautifully put it...

Thank you, beloved Nellieanna.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Melinda - thank you, my dear. As I said in the first sentence, this was written at a turning point for me, when the horizon was dim but I found an unquenched hope for a better one still thrived inside. Whatever you're feeling which relates to it, I hope it is the hope expressed in it! Hugs.

By the way - Merlin said he could't open the little audio file. Did it open for you?


tnderhrt23 profile image

tnderhrt23 5 years ago

This is a beautiful poem, Nellieanna! Hope can be elusive as a butterfly but, once it lites, I tend to capture it and embrace it for dear life! Lovely poem!


msorensson profile image

msorensson 5 years ago

Oh..please do not open it..It is a spam..so sorry for it..just please discard that email, beloved Nellieanna.

This is the best part...

Is truth a hollow promise

And love, an empty symbol, too,

That I should let them go?

NO!

I too doubted and saw all that you said...but we are here on earth, a beautiful place where love and beauty abound. Thank you for sharing with us, beloved,


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 5 years ago

Lovely poetry. Voted up and beautiful!


WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

The audio opened for me but was clipped at the very end. Is that your lovely voice?

Up and Beautiful!


Mentalist acer profile image

Mentalist acer 5 years ago from A Voice in your Mind!

Emptiness does not exist without mass,to feel need is to know there is no absolute vacuume.;)


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Will - Thanks for letting us know it opened. Not sure why it clipped, though. I may need t reinstall it. Yes, it's my voice. I've always admired Rod McKuen's narrations of his own poetry and so I tried recording some of mine awhile back. When Merlin mentioned the idea of combining audio with visual, I thought I'd try it - and it happened that I'd uploaded that one to my website, not used on a page, but in its storage so I could access it. Thank you for the good opinion!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Mentalist - that is so true. All that "is" requires contrast to be experienced, and personal experience is the only existence of which we can be aware. And our personal experience of need proves there is something to be needed. Even more, the existence of life with all which is entailed for its sustenance is proof. Thanks for the great comment! You always provide good food for further thought and consideration!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Breakfastpop - I'm pleased to see you've visited and given me the honor of your votes! Thank you!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Will - it seems that the link is OK and plays to the end. The final word is "No", concluding that I would not let go of the dream of better things or believe them impossible.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 5 years ago from South Africa

Awww, this is too beautiful! I love your voice! Wow! What amazes me is that you are ‘at a turning point’ still able to be subtle and gentle and able to hold on to truth and love. Nellieanna, you are an amazing woman. I’m in awe of you!


christopheranton profile image

christopheranton 5 years ago from Gillingham Kent. United Kingdom

That one I really liked Nellieanna.

All the anguish, that can hover just above despair, is in it; but the spirit remains unquenchable.

Just like you actually.

Thank you.


James McV Sailor profile image

James McV Sailor 5 years ago from Northern California

All those wonderful dreams, and the questions always.... Are we foolish to desire them? is our idealism a self fullfilling prophesy? One can only hope and strive.... lovely poem. JM


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Thank you. I recall that day vividly, Martie. I actually had briefly found my voice enough to assert myself, - though when I calmed down and wrote the poem, it would have been a typical modulation. But there was an incredible clarity within me when I wrote it, nothing wishy-washy about it. And no doubt it was a preliminary alert that I might not continue my totally docile role forever, making it was an actual turning point which set off greater challenges than ever. T

There were actually about 30 years between that day when I wrote the poem and the time when I recorded it on this audio file, though. And much, much living and change in that interim! And true love did happen.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

christopheranton -ah, yes - it actually is like me. Thank you for knowing that. Hugs.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Great to see you, James. It may be hard to know if we're being foolish to desire the stuff of dreams, but if so, more power to foolishness.

Yes it probably is a self-fulfilling prophecy, so long as the dream has its feet on the ground.

Idealism is a sensible way to perceive reality so long as it includes the reality, which would always include the contrast of ups and downs. It may be a fine line when it's become out of balance and a false kind of idealism may hold one to trying to exist in that imbalance, but when the majority are the downs, it's not only wise but more realistic to productively dream of a better balance!! It's possible and it definitely promotes a more productive life. So that was a major moment when I realized that truth enough to readjust my sights


jrsearam profile image

jrsearam 5 years ago from San Juan, PR

Isn't everything to be treasured in life born as a dream. The perfection held by that dream might never translate to reality but for some reason it's in our nature to hope. I've experienced perfection, if only briefly, and I will always hope for more. You always make me think. Thanks Nell, JR


Jaggedfrost profile image

Jaggedfrost 5 years ago

hmm that second one is kind of hard to read. The contrast between the text and the back ground makes some of the words hard to make out. On the whole I liked it. It is interesting how introspection is our best teacher though those who see us quoting ourselves often mistake our recognition of introspective truth as ego.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

jsearam - I think that is a quite accurate summation of how life unfolds. We visualize and dream, hope and attract what we have projected in these ways, and much of it may actually occur, though life is its own artist and it always paints with a full pallette which inevitably includes some hues not anticipated in our dreams of how it might ufold.

Thank you for another most astute observation


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Ah, yes, Jaggedfrost. That is exactly why a full version of the poem in plain text was provided just below its arty presentation on the shiny background, in the likely event that some of the words would be difficult to make out. Because some of the background is very light and bright and some is very dark and opaque, it was not possible to find a neutral font color in the preferred black and white/gray scale which would show up equally well on the entire background; hence, the plain text version was placed below it.

I'm glad you liked the piece on the whole. Perhaps its brevity helped? That you were kind enough to struggle through yet another obstacle, the difficult-to-read arty-illustrative version, shows a remarkable degree of interest for whatever reason. So thank you, kind sir!


Nikkij504gurl profile image

Nikkij504gurl 5 years ago from Louisiana

i often wonder that myself.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

So do I, Nikki. So do I. Thanks for dropping by, Always nice to see another traveller.


Hello, hello, profile image

Hello, hello, 5 years ago from London, UK

Echoes of Life, I certainly had my full share and could do with a bit peace and quietness. Splendid poeam with so much in it you are such a wonderful person and writer which always through from your poems. Absolutely amazing.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

It does seem that Life echoes with both cacophony and quietness, each in its turn. I like to think that the contrasts prove I'm alive. What could be worse than being unable to feel and respond to all of Life's facets? A "perfect" picture would be a static - or dead - one! But having respite in the peaceful times restores energy and courage for the others, doesn't it, hello, hello? I hope your share of the trying times are at bay! Hugs and thank you for the welcome visit and kind words!


maven101 profile image

maven101 5 years ago from Northern Arizona

Beautifully written and presented...The trilogy of birth, life, and death defines itself to me as an absurdity that is insignificant when the cold silence of the Universe stands aloof and uncaring...Voted up and beautiful...Larry


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Maven, I am ever pleased to read the impressions of my work from such a highly respected poet and observer of the odyssey of life.

Of course our brief human moments are insignificant in the major arena, yet to each of us, they have the significance and the magnitude of their moment.

If any thing is abiding, it is Love. And if nothing is, will it even matter? To me, it is "no problem".

Thank you for your insight and for the votes, as well!


Jaggedfrost profile image

Jaggedfrost 5 years ago

lol more to the point, I believe that most people are not masters of their own mind enough to tell the difference between reality and fiction in their dreams. Most dreams seem to be escapes but some seem to be the minds way of sifting through events that the conscious mind seems unwilling to analyze and others seem to be hints from other times and places and even possible realities in the future. This last though seems to be highly subjection and depends on the conditions of the dream to not be tampered with. Telling the difference between these types of dreams is difficult enough that even were one to be given this gift the value of it would be dubious in deed.


maven101 profile image

maven101 5 years ago from Northern Arizona

Nellieanna...Though my heart is ignored by the universe, it will still, selfishly, seek those moments of love and joy expressed in our daily lives...When I ponder the world with an unselfish heart I can't but help to feel the cold, cold touch of the mute and uncaring universe...So, I must remain selfish, and leave the " major arena " to the philosophers and let them deal with the absurdity that Camus has so forcefully described...Carpe diem, my friend...Larry


dallas93444 profile image

dallas93444 5 years ago from Bakersfield, CA

I am amazed, pleasantly suprised, wowed, and experience a "sense of sharing" through your eyes and perceptions. Your world is simple, but complex. Your mauves, pastels and water colors are outlined with vivid borders of nuances and florishes...

Your introspection and "aha" moment is celebrated! Flag up and Awesome"


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

"More to the point", Jaggedfrost? Which one is that? I sense a genuine desire to communicate & I've too much respect for you to arbitrarily assume to know to what you're actually referring. Who are these "most people" and which are the "most dreams"? Who are other than most people and which are other than most dreams, then?

So it would be presumptuous to assume an ability to accurately assess these thoughts adequately so as to respond with any degree of applicability to what is actually meant.

However, one thing mentioned to which I can reply is that ALL thinking, including this I'm doing, is not only highly subjective but totally subjective when any human being has run it through his or her subjective filters in order to have perceived it, possibly to have formulated it in some fashion and/or responded to it in some way or not - but not necessarily in that processing order. The good news is that recognizing and acknowledging it clarifies much of the murk which blocks better perception of what is actually going on.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Maven - what a generous attitude when one could just as well succumb to a sense of emptiness. My familiarity with Camus (and I may have previously mentioned it) is limited to "The Stranger" which indeed is full of nothingness. Carpe diem is actually the only certainty there is, and all too often goes wasting while folks attempt to fix the intrinsic uncertainty, which, as far as our human existence is concerned which reigns supreme. Perhaps characterizing it as absurd actually gives it more character than it deserve or to a concept of it to which we're privy. It's taking a lot for granted, at least. Absurd suggests a non-absurd. If not, why describe it as anything? That "selfish" heart though - is within the realm of actual experience and much to be named and bundled into pretty poems. Love affairs with the universe somehow lack much appeal, anyway, whatever its characteristics, though it might make an interesting movie plot! ;-)

Thanks for your thoughtful remarks, and especially for returning to clarify what may have needed clarification. Besides, it's always a pleasure to see you here.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Dallas - I like that very much. Truly, it was an aha moment upon which the poem barely touched. The poem was my own shorthand to recall the moment and what it signified. At that time, all my poetry was such shorthand for my own clarification and recalling. Until recently no one saw but very few of them. There was no intention to influence any one else's thinking, only to help me clarify mine. And it was 40 or so years ago. Much has evolved in the interim, though for me, the clarifications I experienced then are still as valid as then. Thank you for perceiving that and celebrating it with me. I'm not surprised, though. It's your nature.


always exploring profile image

always exploring 5 years ago from Southern Illinois

I enjoyed listening to your beautiful poem. Thank you.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Always exploring - thank you! I am most pleased!


Jaggedfrost profile image

Jaggedfrost 5 years ago

hmm I appreciate the respect you have for me but at the same time I also wish to deflate those expectation when I say that I have certain gifts which give me access to the thoughts or feelings of others. Being empathic in a sense isn't uncommon but being disciplined about it and yet none voyeuristic at the same time may be. This being said, I end up in the confidences of a wide number of people. The substances of the realities I have coursed through even when I myself have not always been well is remarkable to me. I therefore am understandably uncomfortable with declaring who I am specifically referring to while at the same time deferring to your reasoning in that I have not met enough people to declare a majority opinion on the human race. I would have to be something truly beyond human to claim otherwise. This being said, the sampling to which I have had access in my thirty years of sampling have yielded my observations about my theory on the nature of dreams and how I feel your poem addresses those observations. In so saying however I welcome or at least am stoic in receiving your scepticism concerning my present state of mind.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Perhaps you misunderstand me, JF. In any case, I can say with certainty that I had no expectations that you would reveal any confidential sources. I merely wished to let it be known why I had no reply for the assertions offered. Vague references offered as substantiation for definite conclusions were the sticky-wicket, nothing more and nothing less.

I absolutely have no problem with your code of confidentiality. In fact, I applaud it.

I also frequently find myself in the position of being made a confidante for quite a few people and one of the reasons is that it "stops here". Unequivocally. In fact, that admission that I receive confidential information is about as close as I'd ever come even to mentioning that I'm privy to any others' private confidences. It's been so for most of my life & perhaps more so during the time I've been online. But I've also observed those who proclaim that they "would never tell" but who tactically skirt telling what they know by divulging the information that they "know things" about specific individuals, and in such a way as to actually create in listeners' minds a raging curiosity as well as imaginative ideas of what it is not being revealed! That seems as damaging as actually telling what has been confided, if not more so, although telling it outright would possibly become subject to endless damaging re-interpretations as it is passed along like the old game of whispering something to the next player who whispers to the next and around the group - until the final version, when revealed, is totally diverse from the original! It's the nature of both language and human nature. It's one of the reasons for my strict code of silence, - period. Though I'm quite open about myself, if something is meant to be a secret of my own, I keep it to myself; and if it's someone else's who has entrusted me with it, I keep that to myself in the same manner - totally. But there is really no such thing as a "told" secret. ;-> There can only be honorable confidentiality, which is more rare than we might like to think.

So I truly appreciate that you are tight-lipped about any confidences entrusted to you, and as you describe it so well, non-voyeuristic about actual content of such revelations. Very admirable. And thirty years is an august time of sampling, as I sense you are an august soul. I hope you'll forgive me for mentioning that I will be 79 on Feb. 2 and have keenly been observing since I was 3 - a little affectionate joshing you there. Forgive me it and I'll forgive you for stoically enduring my skepticism, which I confess was more for being sure of the thin ice I felt I was on than for putting you on any! Besides, you said you might have somewhat welcomed it (or words to that effect) so I trust that we are still - friends? Anyway - skepticism is not a four-letter word, nor is stoic. :-)

Be assured that I fully accept the explanation of your observations and conclusions. Of course one tends to see the "big picture" as one conceives it, the more acquainted with samples of individuals' experience with facets of it, as you obviously are.

That you apply your perspective based on these observations and conclusions in responding to my poem is acceptable and to be expected. Whether in keeping with one's own intended meanings, whenever one share an expression from one's own private world, one can expect each other person's response to be from theirs. And ordinarily, one doesn't get to know much about theirs in this context of responding to one's own. By its nature, a poem is an undefended, abbreviated, pared-down, cursive self-expression of some kind or another. It may express a feeling as a fact or a fact as a feeling. It leaves much unsaid and unexplained about why the poet conceived it, wrote it or lived it. So I've always been fully aware that mine would be seen in about as many lights as there were readers of them, which up till recently - have been few, and fewer still who are generous enough to explain their reactions. So I thank you for doing that! You're 'good folks', as we say in the South.


Jaggedfrost profile image

Jaggedfrost 5 years ago

I appreciate your salute and bow to your generosity of heart in turn. All things considered I find as a writer and poet, more times then not I end up lying and telling the truth using the same words and you are right, one can hide behind one's honesty by mixing up the grammar. As I have said before, so you say again. Our work is in the eyes of the beholder and that gives us solace for expression as our readership will seldom ever get it right. We are still friends, I explained myself because I thought maybe you would understand even if it would seem that your seventy odd years of youth have driven you to enjoy feeling out thin ice when one half as young as yourself skates on such with impunity.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

You might be surprised at my philosophy of writing, especially poetry. My standards are quite high, for my own and any I encounter.

Additionally, one thing which I've realized as being almost certain is that IF it touches others at all, it is almost destined to be their own subjectivity it stirs and not the same subjective meaning one who writes it had been expressing. If it comes close to that original meaning, it's a rarity; and if it touches at all in any manner, it's still on the "plus" flat end of the bell curve. But much will go unnoticed and some may be actually opposed (as though it were presented for approval and/or judgment).

The vast majority of readers will just look to see if the words at the ends of the lines rhyme. Real rhythm may not be perceived and subtleties of composition will be lost on them, much less the essences of meaning. Doesn't matter, really. One should write to express. That done, the ball is in play and how or if others receive it is simply and predictably the way it IS.

As for feeling on thin ice, of course - it's a subjective valid feeling, though it's not one I find natural to myself. I am an iconoclast myself with almost no fear for my positions, though I have much desire to be considerate of those of others. For that I am aware I need to as accurately as possible perceive what they ARE.

Some of your explanation of yourself was more esoteric than you might have been aware, since to you it is clear. For me, it was wisdom to search it out before jumping into it with premature assumptive interpretation, which might explain something about me but would miss your message entirely.

It is not my job to understand everyone else - (sometimes it's quite enough of a task to focus and really HONESTLY understand oneself!), so I am the first to concede that I may or may not accurately understand you. But I have no doubt that you skate with impunity & fully accept your own declaration that you do, though I might risk noticing that perhaps it's often accompanied by regret that the rink seems apt to repel other skaters and so frustrates your good will in honestly wanting to share more rather than less. You have much of value which needs to be shared and when it's not readily received, the tendency is to blame the hearers or readers when perhaps some of the obstacles are self-generated - though unintentionally.

Of course - some hearers and readers really can't, won't, aren't 'at' the timing for a position important to oneself, or are just not generally keyed into making the effort to, no matter how well expressed. But if it keeps seeming that no one is and that one is isolated, it may need further examination & some tough self-love.

I am seventy odd, but I have Mensa intellect which is yet quite active, along with great sensitivity and almost an absurd willingness to hear with a maximum of clarity possible for a person. But of course, I am I and am not you - so for more, there is a bridge needing built which needs actual work on both ends to be effective - if it is mutually desired. But - it's not an imperative. So - how it is for you, I respect and I'm fine with it. I have high regard for you in any case and there is no pressure for any level not freely & mutually forthcoming.

I'm pleased with your friendship. I value it highly. Thank you for that. Hugs.


Shalini Kagal profile image

Shalini Kagal 5 years ago from India

So beautifully expressed and so wonderfully visualised.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Your opinion is highly valued, Shalini. Thank you!!


Jaggedfrost profile image

Jaggedfrost 5 years ago

You are right, I very often venture in my writing where most people feel they have no place or need to go. When one goes out into the wilderness regardless of the reason it is silly to think you can necessarily get the entire town or city you left to go with you. The missing link in you understanding why, if that is logical, i would bother feeling things so fruitless and ridiculous as to be dissapointed when people don't jump up and fall on their faces before my words regardless of how well expressed, exists in the fact that you don't value the subjects or understand their value in the context that would draw me to feel that way. Your intellect respected and beside the point, until you understand or value my ethical/ moral/ theological drive and share it that probably won't change that much. it doesn't suit me to lie when I feel the need to write and my expressions are raw in that sense. Perhaps i air them inappropriately. That has occured to me from time to time. The more I talk to peopel such as yourself I am increasingly curious why I bother expressing thsoe emotions in public. I however end up reaching writers block when I don't. As a wirter I take that to mean, as well as a person that the part of me which reaches out for inspiration requires me to be honest in that sense with my works in order to keep on writing. i care more about my continued flow of expression then i do for the faux pas that might be in commission when I write as I do with a feeling that others don't share.

With kindest regards,

Jaggedfrost.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

My heart senses your disappointment. My apologies for importuning you as I may inadvertently have done.

I would beseech you to notice that there's been no inference here that anything you've written is fruitless, ridiculous, inappropriate, too raw, or in any way lacking value to be considered and discussed nor any question of why or whether you should chose to write what you do, but merely an earnest effort to clarify it.

Thank you for your forbearance.


Jaggedfrost profile image

Jaggedfrost 5 years ago

I took no offense. I was mocking myself not reading any mocking into your comments. It is strange when we leave these comments, without the body language to match, how paragraphs can go astray. The only part of my comments that portended any difference or sadness on my part is that it would seem that you aren't particularly devout.

You are as much my audience as I am yours, however. I admit under that premise that as you will not always agree or even weigh my subjects with the same importance that I do, and you being amongst the brightest readership I could address, in this sense, your observations have merit and maybe too much merit for my taste in some cases. In my expression of disappointment I feel it only just to admit that my topics are often of a rarefied nature. Not because they are irrelevant but because part of my understanding of the world and my faith is an in depth understanding of the mechanics that go with it. This being said, I feel compelled to address them anyhow. Maybe for people like you. Maybe for others. If it even touches one person that would be enough. My disappointment is with the human race as a whole though. This feeling is ridiculous from a certain point of view as no one I have ever known with anything worth saying on his lips was loved or even understood by many let alone a majority.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Mocking? It is not a device familiar to me, so I sensed no mocking in our dialog, though perhaps there was unidentified self-directed mocking on your part as you just explained. It's ok either way. Even if there had been obvious mocking, it would have appeared as reflecting your subjective view arising from its source.

Yes, most certainly - written comments, especially when fired with strong opinion, have the disadvantage of lacking the more subtle body language to fine-tune their effects on readers and thereby being far more easily misunderstood: a prime reason I usually go out of my way to ferret out meanings rather than taking the first interpretation that occurs to me - which is why our dialog began, because my practice of doing that seemed to irritate. One should try to take into mind the way written dialog works when attempting it, though - and be willing both to give benefit of doubt and be willing to accept that it is being offered when it is or might be.

Not devout? Surely by your definition, that may be so. However I am a person of strong faith, possibly more than you may have encountered and to a depth you may not often encounter. It is not something needing proof or defense. Like what it concerns, it simply IS. Not by my choice, but by the magnanimity of what IS. As once proclaimed and/or reported in anthropological terms so as to be better understood by the audience, the words said simply: "I AM that I AM." What more need be added, which is by nature a rhetorical question.

But that you consider your thinking at a rarefied level suggests to me that yours is possibly different from the "many" as well. Comparison is of little interest, however.

That apparently you measure the quality you call devoutness with typical measuring devices (any device employed being typical of a process of device measureing of that which is immeasurable, in my view), I'm not surprised at your conclusion, nor am I offended by it. Since neither have I met many who understood the meaning of faith as I do, I am quite satisfied to be excluded from even your minority who are judged to understand yours as you do.


Jaggedfrost profile image

Jaggedfrost 5 years ago

faith is simple in definition, it is the obedience, internally compelled by a confidence in the cause and effect reaction between the law and the benefits of obeying it. The measure of devoutness has everything to do with the path to being as the Great I Am as I am familiar with and have trodden, you are right though, I don't know you as I should and have nothing but interpretations of words I will say that I can't read past and probably will leave it at that. My apologies for my presumption. I mock myself for the simple reason that my path has bent some of the ways in which I see others. Usually that is not the case in others who pass this way as it were. Usually it makes them more loving, caring and compassionate. I have no one really to blame but myself as to why it doesn't refine me in the same way. I push past it none the less. I also mock myself by the knowledge that I know very well the barrier that exists between words and understanding them and I use that intentionally to hid things in the way I write my hubs. Between equals I am more explicit. Being hoisted as it were on my own petard in this conversation due to my unwillingness to be explicit in my writing and too cynical in my reading as an analytical mind makes me sad. It isn't an excuse nor a reason. It just is. I am not a person, the likes you will ever meet and it has been a pleasure to meet and get to know you a little better.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

OK. Likewise, it's been my pleasure to make your acquaintance. I am here.


saddlerider1 profile image

saddlerider1 5 years ago

To Dream of LOVE

and be LOVED not

cast to the lowest

base of mere existence

without its presence

We survive on LOVE

for without it how can we

go on to fill the spaces in

between for they are hollow rooms

without LOVES presence

Give me LOVE or let me

taste the bitter hemlocks stem

of deaths sting

For without LOVE darkness is my

path and it takes me away from the light

Oh to LOVE unconditionally

amongst this cruel and ungrateful world

is a daunting task and challenge

bestowed upon us by a hand unseen

YET all knowing guiding us in choices

Give me the choice of LOVE so I may be LOVED

in return and not leave my life with regrets of

not tasting LOVE in all it's magnificence

Nellieanna I am moved by your words as always, these words were written at a time in your life as you said the hour was dim and I felt your pain. Please forgive my boldness in scribing here to your gratefully articulated post. You are a marvelous woman and your words magic and colorful as always the artist/poet in your colors ever so eloquently served. Hugs from me to you, stopping by, never forgotten, simply smelling the lilacs..


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Ken - what a wonderful surprise and treat to hear from my dear friend! I appreciate the depth of feeling -even a kind of fervor- in your poem and I welcome its addition to my hub's comments. If I may share something of which it immediately reminded me -another poem I wrote during that period of my life from which the Echoes of Life poem emerged. Perhaps it might speak to you now, too:

There are little rooms

Inside my heart

With dormant tenants now

With gently closed doors

Where I can only peek

To see if they're still occupied

And

they

still are

and soon will open wide.

______© Nellieanna H. Hay

Take heart and courage, dear friend - and do not be waylaid into either gloomy or unrealistic paths. The answers are in your "dormant" inner rooms, I suspect. No regrets, please.

As my muse penned:

"Hope is the thing with feathers ?

That perches in the soul, ?

And sings the tune--without the words,

?And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;

?And sore must be the storm ?

That could abash the little bird

That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chillest land, ?

And on the strangest sea;

?Yet, never, in extremity,

?It asked a crumb of me."

___Emily Dickinson

Be of good cheer! And thank you many times over for visiting my page! Hugs!


Genesis profile image

Genesis 5 years ago from Canada

Dear Nellieanna,

Your poem is absolutely beautiful, and so is your voice.

The truth in it speaks to me directly because I firmly believe that life is about LOVE. Thank you Nellieanna.

Best To You Always,

Karen.


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Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Karen, THANK you! What lovely complements! Yes - Love is the main thing, I agree. Hugs - Glad to see you!


sligobay profile image

sligobay 5 years ago from east of the equator

"Is truth a hollow promise? And love an empty symbol, too, that I should let them go? NO" This is a very difficult question and answer to leave your reader with. Even 40 years ago, when written, the affirmative response would have been elicited from me as skeptic. At 16, the world was an alcoholic blur but I didn't believe in the truth of anything, including , the promise of love. Fast forward 40 years. Today, I know that truth is not a hollow promise and I know that love is so much more than a symbol. These are great thoughts and expressions of a youthful poet.

Best wishes for a terrific 79th anniversary of your birth. Feb 2 is Imbolc and was described by Nell's recent Hub which I recommend. Though 'groundhog' day in the States, your birthday falls on the pagan celebration of the end of winter and celebrates rebirth.

I read your dialogue with JF and need not digress into its content. I always thought that the biblical quote went, " I AM the I AM". Is the quote correctly, "I AM that I AM"?


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Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Ah - 40 years ago you were but a mere child, Gerry! I had been married longer than you had lived, then. The 17 years of the marriage's 18 were trying ones. That day I had summoned courage to assert my distress, and quickly saw that it was was surely a mistake to do so.

I went back in the house and wrote that poem. I couldn't give myself over to despair forever. I may have been skeptical but I knew love existed and I needed to cling to hope that it had not died because it had slipped through my fingers.

There were no blurs for me; my own world was non-alcohoholic. I just didn't, except for that time @ age 12 when I was left to clean up the kitchen after a Christmas party when my parents and their guests went to the farm to fish; I cleaned up all the remaining eggnog and found some well-aged cognac in an upper cabinet, after the eggnog was gone. Mother never drink at all and Dad drank but little & very seldom. I was writing a short story - and it became a long hallway to my room where I was writing it! My parents came home to find me totally passed out and looking rather green, I think. It cured me from then on till I was in my mid 40s before I ever touched any again. My ex hid his habit from his parents and had trained the children to be sure the milk cartons were in front of his beer in the fridge if they were coming up the drive. But I was, indeed, a youthful poet at age 39, actually, - or sort of monk-like, at least. I didn't drive, didn't drink, didn't smoke, didn't run around. My days were spent trying to make the best of a bad marriage choice and to keep up my spirits. My poetry was my best friend and confidante. It served me extremely well.

How kind of you to bother to read all that interesting discourse with JF in this comments section.

And most Interesting, your question about that quotation. My early study was that it is written, "I Am that I Am".

This is what I find by way of explanation in Wikipedia:

"I Am that I Am (Hebrew: ???????? ?????? ?????????, pronounced Ehyeh asher ehyeh is a common English translation (JPS among others) of the response God used in the Hebrew Bible when Moses asked for His name (Exodus 3:14). It is one of the most famous verses in the Torah. Hayah means 'existed' or 'was' in Hebrew; 'ehyeh' is the first person singular imperfect form. Ehyeh asher ehyeh is generally interpreted to mean I am that I am, though it can also be translated as 'I-shall-be that I-shall-be'."

Note -- this quotation has actual Hebrew characters in it. They were converted to question marks after awhile being posted. I just tried to repost it and see if they will remain. But if not, that is why.


sligobay profile image

sligobay 5 years ago from east of the equator

Thank you my darling Nellieanna. I must run to a bowling match but shall return. Cheers.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author


sligobay profile image

sligobay 5 years ago from east of the equator

Thank you my darling Nellieanna. I must run to a bowling match but shall return. Cheers.

Hi again , I'm back. We won our match. I love to bowl and belong to a club where there are bowling lanes in the basement. It's one of the oldest men's clubs in the state.

I've known several of the members since High School. I was chatting with one of our members last week while we were watching the Jets on the Big Screen (12x24') Projector TV. He's a newer member and said he married a girl from my hometown. His wife was my heartthrob in the fifth grade and I told him so. Lucky guy and a new friend. I had just finished chatting with another fellow who married a woman I was friendly with in High School. I love friendship.

Thanks for the biblical clarity. I sometimes carry misquotes for years until I am corrected.

Alcohol and I didn't mix well though the love affair lasted for years through two ten year marriages. After the last one ended ten years ago, I put the plug in the jug and haven't had a taste since - some days I'm mighty thirsty for her abuse. I accept my sordid path to the present and my poetry has become my friend as well. Cheers, Gerry


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Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Congratulations on winning your bowling match, Gerry! I enjoyed bowling at one time but I used my ex mother-in-law's ball, which seemed to fit my hand better than any other I've ever tried. It spoiled it for all others.

I'm a bit confused by your clues to where you are, though. Somehow I'd thought you were in the UK or Ireland. Surely not. You'd have been bowling in the middle of the night! But a men's club sounds more British, somehow, while watching the Jets on a big screen sounds quite 'Merican, as do references to hometown, elementary school grades and High School. I try to not pry if people don't offer their details, but now I confess that I am puzzled. Not so much as to pry, though - and not causing any distress. Just a bit curious.

Lovely to be with friends from one's youth, though I seem to be outliving too many of mine, other than those who are or are becoming senile. I'm sometimes a bit of an oddball anyway, but that's a new area in a way. Next week I'll be going to see "The King's Speech", which I really want to see, - with a lady friend in my peer group whom I've known for decades. We will go the 31st, since her handicapped tag which she hangs in my car so we can park closeby- expires that day. But going to that movie is sort of my birthday treat.

I met her through my late husband, who had worked with hers. They were both Navy veterans of WWII and Industrial Engineers. Also both older than us. Hers is now in his 90s. He's not going with us to this movie, though we all spent New Year's Eve together. Poor baby, he's quite senile.

Anyway - back to the present! LOL. I'm a friendship person too. I cherish & treasure friendships. A friend almost for the 13 years I've been online and with whom I've maintained an affectionate online friendship sometimes quotes a pretty good, though not an original motto: "Love many, trust few and always paddle your own canoe." I go one further. I trust everyone - to do what they are going to do. That includes all levels of motivations but has my realistic optimism. Many folks really do well and intend to! It's gratifying. One of my short poems expresses part of that:

Try to not impose

Your own idea

On another's

Inspiration,

And let him tell you

What it is.

__© Nellieanna H. Hay

That misinterpretation of the biblical quotation is not unusual. I notice that many words heard verbally more often than seen in print are interpreted by phonetical sound. For instance, people often say " I could of . . . done whatever. . ." when the correct word for it is "I could have . . ." It's part of the verb form, not a preposition, which "of" is. But it sounds right and a lot of education emphasizes using phonics to help spell words, which has a lot of value. However the English language is full of anomalies which often cause mistaking sounds. And when it seems to make sense, as "I am the I am" - perhaps more than the actual "I am that I am" - it's quite understandable.

I'm not much of a bible quoter except for the principles such as the Golden Rule, but I have been quite exposed to its study, having finished my last year of High School and the first 2 years of college at a very fundamentalist religious school, where "Bible 101" kinds of courses were required regardless of one's major field of study, and where daily chapel, evening prayer, all the regular services and frequent big "Revivals" were part of school life. We had to memorize entire chapter of the bible in High School, from among those with strong principles and applicable lessons for life no matter what one's beliefs. Obviously drinking, etc. were taboo there.

But as I explained, my preference for not drinking stemmed from that one horrid experience, not on moral grounds. One of the lasting antipathies in addition to being ill from it, was discovering how much I dislike being "out of it" or numb to my thoughts and feelings or having them dulled or distorted, especially by choice!

In my 40s, though, I learned to drink (after I'd learned to drive and drove back home to my native Texas after long being a foreigner in a foreign state & family circle) - but I have never liked to be 'out of it', so, though I enjoy the flavors and a little buzz, I avoid overdoing it, usually only when in celebrating situations. I don't enjoy drinking alone, which is my normal situation since George died 2 years ago. We usually enjoyed a sip in the evenings.

I had an aunt who was an alcoholic, - Mother's youngest sister - and her example was further reason to avoid it. I'm sure it was a reason for Mother to avoid the habit, too, though I never saw or heard her censure Aunt Annie Laurie. She always felt indebted that her little sister had stayed at home with their widowed mother on the farm when Mother went off to pursue her education. Eventually Aunt "Ann" became an RN, though - but discovered the wild and wooly flapper world of the Roarin' 20s. She was married many times but had no children of her own.

Funny, remembering her. . . I think it impressed me that one's choices are one's own self-reward or self-punishment - and of course, my choice of first husband proved that to me, as did my choice of my beloved George. I also firmly believe that taking responsibility for one's choices - both kinds - empowers one to both correct the bad ones and seek the better ones. It hurts to face-up to one's responsibility but it's good for the character.

I try to avoid thinking of "sin" as something too spiritual but as dumb choices. LOL 'Sordid' translates as 'tragic' in my mind. Fixing it, getting over and past it is what matters. Friends, creative pursuits, deepening one's understanding and learning oneself all help in that sometimes difficult and tedious process. We've all "been there, done that" in some area and to some degree if we've lived past the crib. No stones should be cast. Rather, we benefit ourselves as well as others by being kind and giving benefit of doubt. There are always reasons and backgrounds upon which someone is relying when making dumb choices. People aren't born to err, though the predisposition for it may develop quickly in their environment.

Dad grew up a Mennonite where only German was spoken in his home when he was young. I can't imagine his mother drinking! She was very devout, but my grandfather, who died when Dad was a boy, may have been more lenient. He loved & raised thoroughbred horses, though the religion wouldn't have allowed him to race them. He used them on the farm! But the family record says he sold one for the English royal stables. The German heritage inclined my Dad to enjoy a sip with his cheese, I'm sure. I observed him enjoying strong cheese often but didn't observe him sipping, though I knew there were some bottles in that upper cabinet. I never saw him the least tipsy, but I new he sometimes stopped for a beer when out and about. That Christmas thing was a rare serving of or drinking of anything in our house. haha.

I received my new driver's license I ordered online in December - to have before the old one expires on my b'day. I notice that the expiration date on it is "02/02/2011" - same as the one I was replacing. So my work is cut out for me! Yikes!

Cheers back. I know you are my friend. :-) I value that.


sligobay profile image

sligobay 5 years ago from east of the equator

Where does the time go, Nellieanna? You are prolific in your comments and conversation which I enjoy. I don't chat in chat rooms or online. I like to communicate in the fashion of correspondence as was done throughout history.

Letters are now called snail-mail, a rather derogatory term for an art form. So much has been lost and gained since the advent of the internet twenty years ago. The world has grown smaller and our communities have broadened. We would not have met and become friends without it.

I was at Mardi Gras in N'Orleans last year but never have been to Texas. I'm back in New York since then. The Irish economy collapsed and I lost my business and needed to come home and start over. I grew up in NY and only went to Ireland from where my family hails in 2005. I've started up a new business with an Irish and an American partner and that promises to do well. Maybe I'll return to Ireland to visit but it will be years before the Irish economy recovers. I'll probably arrive in Texas before that return trip.

My Mom and Dad emigrated from Ireland in 1950 just in time for my Dad to be drafted for service in the Korean Conflict. They married in NJ and traveled to San Francisco where my brother was born. He remained stateside during his service and returned to NJ. They did well raising six children and sending all of us through college. Alzheimer took my Dad in 2001 and cancer took my Mom in 2007. My siblings all still live in the NY metro area.

I was delighted to learn that you found love with George after your first unhappy marriage. I am sorry for your loss of him recently.

Alcohol was the bane of my existence since the age of 12 until age 45. From age 30 to age 45 I had bouts of sobriety which I struggled through but seem to have gotten the 'program' right this time for the past ten years. I continue to work with others through their struggles as it is God's will for me to be of service to others.

There's more to tell of my 'personal hell' but I needn't display it here for all to see. This is enough for now.

I do regret the displacement of personal correspondence as a literary form and as an historical source. The details of history and romance have become known to us through personal correspondence. The fact that you seem to thrive in its practice is one of the many fine attributes of yours which have drawn me to you. So many readers are dismissive and curt in their comments that I sometimes wish that they not bother to say anything at all. It sometimes seems like hubbers are merely scoring Hub Points in the big rating game. We are all programmed by our environments. Cheers.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

It is such a pleasure to hear from you, Gerry. Thank you!

I've certainly had my "time" in chartrooms, and enjoyed them greatly. I've chatted one-on-one in instant messengers and also enjoyed that. But I'm seldom in those these days - HubPages has finally furnished a format where I am most at home. My personal development was with writing thoughts, jounals and letters. I like to chat vocally OK, though I almost had to learn to, but I am most at home writing for communication. I was writing letters when I was quite young and it was a habit of a lifetime. I didn't type them, I hand-wrote them, which I still tend to do when it's personal or when composing, though I've become adept on the computer and love that it's so easy to edit, rearrange, etc. I used to literally re-write long letters if I found errors or wanted them better organized. Incidentally - I've recently come across a file box stuffed with letters I wrote home to my parents from about age 16 when I went off to school, till their deaths in the 70s! Seems they saved them all!

So we have that kind of written letter background in common, it seems.

I often enjoy the "Letters" of the famous writers and poets as much as or more than their formal writings, in fact.

I am sorry to hear of your parents' (what sounds like premature) demises. Mine were "old" (in their 40s) by the time I was born, but lived on until I was in my own 40s. I was a lucky kid to have them as parents.

If you do venture to Texas, I'd love to share a cup of coffee with you, perhaps!

My "first love" - from age 7 on through part of college, though a bumpy journey - was in the Korean conflict. That was in between our engagement which broke up because I was in college and couldn't just leave to marry when he was transferred to a base in NY. He went on to NY & married a girl he met there. After he left the Air Force, they moved back to the original setting - Del Rio, where I was born and where I "fell in love" with him as a little kid. I heard of him from members of his family who were friends of my mothers, but it was 30 or 40 years later when we met again; we, including my George, became the best of friends (platonically) until his death in 1984. Who knows what my life might have been, if a few choices had been "other". He drank too much and he and his wife were married and divorced - from each other! - 5 times, and had about that many children together! One of my childhood friends - who used to carry my books home from school - became the local judge who presided over their nefarious marriage fiasco for many years! I was to learn of all that many years later, of course.

I have no pictures of him when he was a kid or when he was dashing in his youth. My first husband destroyed many of my keepsakes, and especially those. Probably didn't help the marriage that Mother told my groom I'd never love anyone else but Kenneth, or that Dad told him that I was "like a high-strung bird dog"! LOL But Kenneth sent me pix after the 30-40 years of separation & with them, I did a webpage in his honor. It's @ http://nellieanna.com/kennethtribute.html - obviously my long life is a rather "open book"! :-)

It struck me as odd & interesting that your Dad was in that same Korean conflict & lived in NY, too. It is a smaller and smaller world, indeed!

If you would prefer to "write" via e-mail - that would certainly save the publicity of it all! I am an incorrigible correspondent - usually turning off people who prefer the more curt, cursory or dismissive, (ie: really easy) modes of correspondence, if any.

But don't say you've not been forewarned!

Hugs.


sligobay profile image

sligobay 5 years ago from east of the equator

Bless you Nellieanna, I accept the invite and will send the first email. I just responded to your comments on my Batter Hub which you will see. I am so glad that Hubpages in stalled the follow feature for comments. I'll check out your 'kenneth tribute'. Your history is the stuff of autobiography. You must be working on it as we speak. Hugs right back at ya, Gerry


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Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Gerry - I will check my inbox and your Batter hub! Yes, it's good that Hubpages provides the means for back-and-forth comment and response- which can become discussion, actually!

I have written so many pieces of my life in so many ways - the poetry is one, letters, journals, even a series of "Letters to God" (which I answered as well), and now online conversations and comments like this, and the Hubs. It seems simple in such venues, but writing in an organized manuscript is a bit intimidating. I don't know why I think anyone is interested in my antics, anyway! LOL

But yes - I do need to organize them into memoirs at least, and shall do it one of these days. My problem is that the panorama doesn't stop to be written out other than in these bits and bites! LOL


sligobay profile image

sligobay 5 years ago from east of the equator

Nellieanna, you are delight itself! Letters to God are prayers which we all post each day. But the answers, golly gee wiz, so many of us listen and look, but never hear or see. George Burns and John Denver tried to make that point in the movie, "Oh God". I would label your conversations to be "truly ambitious". I simply must read them.

My friend, Stephanie,returned my call today. She is married to Bill, my friend from youth who is recovering from a stroke after having run 25 marathons. As I stood at the grocery checkout demanding that they honor an expired "rain check" for an understocked sale item, she bravely informed me that her mother, Patsy, had fallen on ice and broken both ankles. The answer to my prayer was in the timing of this call and the nature of this news.

I had prayed for relief from my tendency toward self-pity. I once complained that I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet.

Ghandi was boarding a train when one of his sandals slipped from his foot and fell beneath the train. He promptly kicked the other behind it and boarded the train barefooted. During the long train trip to his destination, one of his company inquired as to his thinking behind the act. "A single sandal will help no one, but the pair together will help someone." Selflessness was the answer and remains the answer. I often forget through distraction.

Your memoirs "Conversations", are already organized by our beloved Hubpages. When I visit "my comments", I have the luxury of order and context. I can take a segment or snippet or quote from the subject hub for context and paste it in a word document. I can then lift the conversation between the author and I. One hundred of your most memorable, interesting or amusing conversations will fill a book and tell your story. You and I are conversationalists or "Chatters" and that's what matters.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

You made a little rhyme: chatters. . . matters. . .

Oh my. Such a lovely compliment! Thank you. It's all in your perception. And nice of you!

Yes - and perspective . . . When one gets to feeling self-pity or impatience, there is nothing like having it put into clear perspective! Sorry about Stephanie's Bill's stroke but you say he's recovering. Hope it's a fast and complete recovery. But - her mother's recent fall and both ankles' breaks - a new and large issue. That's lots for one "plate". I could feel your empathy for them.

Those Letters to God were many years ago. They filled three "blank books"; a page or pages would be my letter to God, including doodlings, illustrations, lists and numbers, stars, - followed on the next page(s) by the reply. My writings are prolific, usually colorful with arrangements, often strung out! But in answering the letters, as if reading God's mind, it was terribly enlightening how much & how quietly I already knew the answers, though as I wrote the letters, expressing my feelings and thoughts, some appreciation, some requests in them, -it was honestly done without realizing I knew what the replies would be. The replies might be very terse or quite detailed, but seemed to fit the need.

One of the books includes the date when Kenneth died. Of course I didn't know about it till his sisters called to tell me about a week later. I didn't even know he was ill. He had come to Dallas to visit only a month or so before and said nothing about being ill. But on the eve of the day he died, on my letter to God, I sketched a little line drawing of a pair of broad shoulders, a neck and just the bottom of a chin line and sketched my head resting on the left shoulder, with abundant tears flowing. And I wrote, "Dear God - thanks. But I need something more. Gr. I need to get it - ( ) - together!" His answer was brief: "Yes. God."

Many of my letters were about my business I was building then, but it was nearly always in a positive tone, though often asking for wisdom and reminding myself to do what I knew I should. On the day Kenneth was buried - (& I still didn't know he was dead) - my letter began "Dear God - Take me across this chasm! Expose its shallowness! - enCOURAGE my plunge - here I go - let me land on my feet, running, there is too little time to dilly-dally . . ." There was more about my business issues following that. And the reply was: "Dear Ann (as I was being called then) "Succeed and the whole world loves you. Goof and you goof alone. - G."

(grin) How funny to read back on those. That was in the summer of 1984. I was a Mary Kay Sales Director, struggling to maintain and grow my unit, recruiting, - & still selling products, too, - always having to look like I just emerged from a day of pampering even if I'd been running around on my high heels, dressed for success, from sunup till sundown. I was successful but there was never a respite and my job was encouraging others and dealing with their passivity and negativity, in which I could never indulge. Many of my letters to God were asking for help in that department, as well as thanking for the good stuff. Call it self-hypnosis, but it helped. Of course, I was also writing poetry then too. I'm laughing at these replies from God. So practical! No holds barred. LOL. But he called me "darlin'" sometimes and was always kind.

My word! Here I recorded getting my first computer (I thanked God for it) - June 9, 1984! That must have been the Zenith Supersport, double floppy-drive laptop! I still have it in the archives.

Yes, I certainly know how to "lift" comments and conversations. In fact, I frequently just copy & save the more interesting ones right afterward & I retain a slight idea of weaving them into "my" story. I'm a dyed-in-the-wool "back-up", "leave-tracks" person, part of my training and part of my personality. I've no problem with acquiring material for my story. But it is ongoing. It is like grabbing a stream! My hands get wet but the stream rushes on, except for a few little ox-bows that get cut off the main stream. If I want to "go" with the stream- I can't "stay" with the stagnant pools. My story is always happening, not just being documented. lol I’m into starting to transcribe thousands of my poems from stacks of handwritten notebooks and blank books and odd slips of paper into some sort of accessible order.

It’s a major challenge. And it’s definitely not all I do. Life progresses, bursting at the seams! And that is SO GOOD! Never "enough" time - but it's not the quantity but the quality that counts. I've never been "bored" that I can recall, - have you? It amazes me to hear people say they are bored. How can that happen?

So I will probably drop in my tracks, half done, but - what a half!. LOL Well - there are worse fates! I wouldn't change it.

Would you, really?

Hugs. Hope Patsy is going OK. Stephanie and Bill, too.

(Yikes. I need to get to sleep. Must be up and at’m tomorrow. Going to see “The King’s Speech” with my friend Val at an early matinee & have things to do before I pick her up.)


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Dear Nellieanna, I just came from Gerry's tribute to you. I am pleased to make your acquaintance as I feel I have been introduced to a very beautiful, intelligient, and uncommonly kind woman. Happy Birthday to you. I hope you enjoy your "treat" in seeing "The King's Speech" with your friend, Val. My birthday is coming sooner than I like to admit on Feb. 9th and no matter what the astronomer's say, I am and will continue to be an "Aquarius". How about you? Enjoy your special day, Nellieanna!


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Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Amy - what a pleasure to meet you! Thank you for those lovely compliments. I'll try to live up to them.

The outing treat was every bit as good as anticipated. I loved the movie and we also enjoyed a good meal at P.J. Chang's afterward.

So! A fellow Aquarian! I, too, am ignoring all the folderol about the changes. (How Aquarian we are!) It's difficult enough to hold to a highly mythical basis without it being arbitrarily changed midstream! I simply refuse to change signs. My theory is that one is whatever sign one was born into, especially right in the middle of its middle decanate!

Thank you - - I had a lovely birthday. And by the way - "The King's Speech" met and surpassed the excellence I expected. I can hardly wait till it comes out on DVD so I can add it to my rewatchable favorites.

I have read your profile and am astonished at the kindred links we surely share. So I'm especially pleased to meet you.


japtaker profile image

japtaker 5 years ago from United States

"In this vacuum of space... Life screams out to life..."

You capture the emptiness, the longing, the desperation, and the hope that drive me day by day.

You mention a turning point in your life, and conclude by holding out hope: pursuing truth and love, we do not pursue in vain. I hope that one day I will have my own turning point, and be able to say, with you, that it was not in vain. Thank you for extending that hope. :-)


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Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Ah. I have a pooh bear named Strawbeary. He is my faithful pillow when sleep here on the couch. Poohs are so stoic and long-suffering. He never complains, though he still turns to gaze at George's empty chair and then looks back at me questioningly. He's a wonderful neckrest too.

Yes, my ex was all that and more.

I have two rickety but lovely Victorian era chairs, too, which also belonged to my mother. Someone who saw I like stuffed animals gave me a Victorian looking rabbit - well two of them but one is much nicer than the other. They are seated on the two chairs. No danger of their making the chairs faint.

Now I'm blushing. I'm not sure what attachment to which you refer. I seem to recall being unable to open an attachment but somehow -- unopened, it must not have impacted my memory. Was it in an email? We haven't emailed much.

I've played piano ever since I can remember - with some stretches of not playing along the way. I was never outstanding, though at times I got better and when I was alone a lot, I got quite a bit better, playing all the time. I developed terrible stage fright at about 11 or so when I was ready to play Moonlight Sonata at a recital and my mind went blank, my fingers turned to rubber bands and my memory flew out the window. I retained a good memory for other things but was never again to memorize a musical number. I read every note, no matter how long I've played a piece or how often. And I still freeze up if I have an audience. Silly, huh?

I really would have liked to play the harp but Del Rio offered no harp teachers or instruments. And Mother was able to finagle lessons for me by hook and crook (it would make a good hub!) I think the last lesson book I had was John Thompson's Third Grade, though I played other books which were more advanced. I can claim almost no real musical skill or talent. But it is such a joy to do and I feel good when I know I've improved a bit.

I'd love to hear you play "Morning Has Broken". It's a lovely piece!

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