Free Emotional Mother's Monologue
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This monologue was inspired by the events of the Sandy Hook Massacre 2012, in which Adam Lanza shot and killed 20 children and 6 members of staff in the Sandy Hook Elementary school of Newtown, Connecticut. Most of the children killed were first graders. All children murdered were aged between 5-8.
Earlier that day, he also fatally shot his mother four times in her bed.
This monologue does not depict a true recounting by any mother of the victims of The Sandy Creek Massacre. It is simply a dramatized piece, inspired by the horrific shooting that took place.
Growing up, I loved my dollies.
Mom and dad always knew they were a safe bet for a Christmas present. I loved to dress them, feed them and even change their empty diapers.
I wanted to know what it was like to create life, to nurture that life and watch them grow into a decent human being. A loving human being. One that I could encourage to follow their heart, take the world by storm and be who they were always born to be.
...The funny things is, I thought I understood what loss was. I thought I had it down.
When we got the positive result for number four, I just kept waiting for the bleed. Once I made it into the third trimester I thought, don't get ahead of yourself. This one could be like number three... I just kept praying that this time it would be different. Healthy. That was all I wanted. Healthy.
And, she was. (teary)
I finally had my miracle. Perfect. Breath-taking. I'll never forget that first wail she let out. The relief! My little Anna. Happy, healthy and into everything! (smiling)
We could spend a good time on choosing an outfit, especially for school. Matching everything up and by five, she started accessorizing. (happy smiling)
I don't even know where that came from because I'm no fashionista and her dad looks like a walking bargain box, most of the time - God love him! (reminiscent laugh turns to slight sadness in the eyes)
December 14th 2012, (well-up) she wore a yellow dress with detail all around it. Her bracelet and a little love-heart necklace. She looked beautiful. (starts sobbing) So beautiful.(heavy sobbing, take a moment here to really let it out)
(Getting angry) December 14th – the day my baby, MY ONLY BABY, was stolen from me! I thought I knew loss but this? This was like someone ripped my insides out! How could anyone be so cruel? So evil?!
I just keep asking myself: How could this happen? In what kind of world does a parent, sibling or a friend not realise that they are in the company of a monster? A mortal demon that is capable of killing such innocent, beautiful little angels into the double digits!
… It is just passed three years now and I still feel sick. Empty. Time hasn't been a healer – that lie everyone told me at the funeral! It has been like a slow and long-suffering death that never seems to end.
(take a pause and let the feeling of sickness show over your face) When I see his face, I hurl. It's like an involuntary reaction to such a repugnant excuse for a human being.
(mildly hysterical) I went from being the mother of a miracle... to a lost remnant... the living dead among you. (sadness/tears)
(sadness and longing) James was patient, kind and loving but he was in pain, just like I was. He screamed at me on that last day. Told me he'd lost his only daughter too.
My marriage broke down soon after. He said he didn't know me any more - that I was so full of darkness. Hate.
I know he was hurting and I wasn't there to comfort him.
(elevated voice) He couldn't grieve because I was Grief incarnate! (quietly) That was all I was. Am.
How can I be anything else?
Just a shell filled with nothing but pain. (finish either with crying into hands or staring blankly into space like an empty vessel or whatever feels appropriate)
© 2015, written by Aiysha Jebali, all rights reserved.
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