Biggest Celebrity Dicks in America

At center stage of male dominance, one can always find the presence of a largely known, robust and popular Dick. Dicks penetrate into the deepest chasms of society and make big headway into both politics and entertainment alike.

Though at times rude, crude, and offensive - Americans love watching and talking about their Dicks.

King of the Lightning Rod – Dick Cheney

Serving as Vice under the aptly named Bush administration, this Dick successfully helped Republicans cockblock much of the Democrats’ agenda between 2000-2008, showing America which party ruled both houses. He remained a fairly public and controversial Dick, often parading around in the media, and gained notoriety at home and abroad. This Dick experienced multiple heart complications. He was also played by another Dick in the 2008 film, W. His final scandal with fame came about when he “accidentally” (or if you prefer, prematurely) shot at Harry Whittington, a 78-year-old attorney from Texas, during a “hunting” game down in Texas.

Though Dick Cheney came into the limelight under a Bush, his real career began with a more infamous Dick…

Tricky Dick – Richard Nixon

A presidential Dick to be sure, Dick N could be found stuck in all crevices of the US government – from the military, the House of Representatives, the Senate, the California governor’s seat, the Vice Presidency, and finally the Presidency. Hollywood enjoys portraying this Dick in film. In fact, this Dick’s performance on television revolutionized the relationship between the media and the government due to his sweaty performance against JFK. Ultimately heralded as the Dick to finally pull out of Vietnam, he also finds many critics who accuse him of paranoid delusions and dishonesty. However, people forget that without this Dick, many Americans would not enjoy the civil rights granted to minorities today. Yet, he might still go down as a crooked Dick.

Enough with politics though, one can find even more imaginative and exciting Dicks in the fictional world.

Dick Tracy – The Comic Strip

A Dick for all ages, quoted as being “hard-hitting, fast-shooting, and supremely intelligent,” this Dick takes credit for bringing raw violence to the strips. Using advanced gadgetry and “plain hard thinking,” he relentlessly tracks down his victims - truly a Dick that works his ass off. Living in a world of Noir, Dick T found it difficult to settle down and start a family. Not confined to drawings, he appeared in many live-action pictures, with perhaps the most famous playing alongside Madonna, the queen of the cones, in Warren Beatty’s portrayal of the Dick.

Dick T’s not the only member to entertain the masses…

America's Great Dick - Dick Clark

At the end of every year, Americans and people all over the world gather in orgies to witness this Dick's passing of a giant ball down a huge pole in Times Square to celebrate the coming of a new year (and possibly a kid or two nine months later). From rock and roll, to game show host, to scamming people through Publishers Clearing House, Dick C has erected to the level of an American icon, a household name for generations and generations to come.

Speaking about Dicks and legal dilemmas...

The Legal Dick - Dick Wolf

19 years ago Americans were introduced to the intriguing series of Law and Order (buhm buhm) which later spawned two spin-offs, Criminal Intent and Special Victims Unit. Behind the helm of these innovative and addicting shows of sex crimes, assaults, and contemporary political critique, is none other than creator Dick Wolf. Syndicated across American and world television, rarely a day goes when the work of this Dick goes unseen with it's prostitutes, rapists, and sexy attorneys. Gritty, gripping, and many a times, open-ended, this Dick allows us to touch our own ethical and moral reservations and rethink how we view the world.

Not all Showbiz Dicks possess such a serious aire...

The Goofy Dick - Dick Van Dyke

Whether on Broadway, television, or the big screen, people came in droves to watch the skills of this great Dick. He won 3 Emmy’s for his performance with Mary Tyler more on the Dick Van Dyke show, and won the hearts of kids in the book-based film, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Though far from a heart throb, he touched many.

What about the Dicks you know...

The Everyday Dick

You know who I'm talking about... he's that Dick at work that hovers over the water cooler waiting to get his lips wet while he leaves you dry as a bone. He's that Dick at the supermarket that cuts in front of you in line and then goes through three credit cards because he can't pay for his 99 cent donut holes in cash. He's that Dick at the beach that always get the girls, though he acts like a drunk ass and properly smokes so much weed that he's impotent anyway. Then there's that Dick in the mirror that just can't get up in the morning, that doesn't know what to do with his life, and hopes he's not having crabs again tonight.

There are so many Dicks in the world, but where do they come from?

Some Real Dicks

(fictitious or otherwise)

  • Gregory House, M.D.
  • Ron Jeremy
  • George W. Bush
  • Bill O'Reilly
  • Sean Hannity
  • Rush Limbaugh
  • OJ Simpson
  • Russell Crowe
  • Charlie Sheen
  • Simon Cowell
  • William Shatner
  • Al Bundy
  • Larry David
  • Mr. Bean
  • George Costanza
  • White Goodman
  • Uncle Tony
  • Hank Moody
  • Sawyer
  • Benjamin Linus

 

Other Notable Dicks

  • Dick Butkus (what!?!)
  • Dick Cavett
  • Dick Clayton
  • Dick Clament
  • Dick Contino
  • Dick Cusack (hmmm...)
  • Dick Dale
  • Dick Delaware
  • Dick Donato
  • Dick Ebersol
  • Dick Foran
  • Dick Haymes
  • Dick Hakansson (interesting...)
  • Dick Jones
  • Dick Martin
  • Dikc Merrill
  • Dick Miller
  • Dick Morris
  • Dick Nasty (wow!)
  • Dick O'Neill
  • Dick Powell
  • Dick Purcell
  • Dick Sargent
  • Dick Shawn
  • Dick Simmons
  • Dick Van Patten (remember the dog food people can eat?)
  • Dick Wilson
  • Dick York
  • Dickey Betts
  • Dickie Moore (and sometimes less?)
  • Dickey Barrett

What Rhymes with Dick?

Apparently, sometime around the 13th century, people became tired of the long and grew attracted to the short. Robert became Rob, William became Will. But, English being the way it was, swapping started to take place. Rob became Bob, Will become Bill… hence the evolution of Dick – Richard… Rick… Dick. People even got cute, with Dicky. Or even cuter with questions like, “Is Dick short for Richard, or does Richard have a short dick?” Dick also rhymes with Prick, deepening the meaning.

Now, when do people make the conscience decision to no longer be called Richard and instead be called Dick? I haven't the foggiest o.O

What about the Penis?

Why do people refer to penises as "Dicks?" After some research, the best answer I can come up with is that the rooster, also known as a cock, reminds people of the action of sexual intercourse, especially the way it moves it's head in a back and forth thrusting motion. In Arabic, the word "deek" means rooster... hence Dick meaning rooster, and respectively, cock and penis.

What about my Dick of a Boss?

Why do people refer to jerks and asses as Dicks? Well, the definition of jerk refers to "a quick pull, thrust, twist" etc which can easily be correlated with masturbating, or jerking off. However, the word jerk, like the word wank, also developed as a derogatory insult. Since Dicks fall right in the middle of jerking, it becomes easy to associate the two words, in all their euphemisms and insinuations.

Whatever the cause, whatever the form, whatever the brain malfunctions occurring in parents, Dicks are here to stay, whether we like them are not. On TV, on the Internet, perhaps even your neighbor is a Dick. You just can’t avoid them, and who knows, you might not be able to live without them either.

Every-so-often, even the most prudish of us could use a good Dick, to tickle our senses, excite our souls, and lead our people into eras we never thought possible. There really is a lot of great Dick out there.

Here’s one for the Dick!

Please feel free to share your favorite Dick with the rest of us =D

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Comments 11 comments

Ralph Deeds profile image

Ralph Deeds 7 years ago

A longtime officer of a major firm was affectionately? known behind his back as "The Dickster." His first name, of course, was Richard.


elisabethkcmo profile image

elisabethkcmo 7 years ago from Just East of Oz

Great hub, I really enjoy your humor!!


thegecko profile image

thegecko 7 years ago from San Diego, CA Author

Thank you! =D


zzron profile image

zzron 6 years ago from Houston, TX.

Catchy title.


amante 5 years ago

that is true


Marissa 4 years ago

That's funny stuff


ptosis profile image

ptosis 4 years ago from Arizona

cool....


RavenBiker profile image

RavenBiker 4 years ago from Pittsburgh, PA.

marked awesome and funny. Bravo! Funny! Original!


ElizaDoole profile image

ElizaDoole 4 years ago from London

Agree with Benjamin Linus but not Sawyer!


Justsilvie 4 years ago

Very Funny! Voted up and shared and shared and shared!


paxwill profile image

paxwill 3 years ago from France

Let us not forget Willy and Peter...

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