Even My Dog Loves You

Open the door to your full on frontal view

The sun on your skin concocts a warm brew

The look in your eyes is something new

Even my dog idolizes you

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Conversation feeds a slow philosophical chew

Cheap wine is turning the table taboo

Not dizzy enough to spin a wild rue

Even though my dog loves you

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Taking my hand you pull me close to

Your eyes take me in enough to pass through

Whisper words that make me feel knew

Pick up the scent why my dog loves you

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Feel strength in your arms touched by tattoo

Masculine surround I don't want to undo

Making me quiver for what could ensue

Feel why my dog idolizes you

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Urgent lips touching mine form a coup

Chemicals heat what I thought I'd outgrew

Inexplicable forces the earth's axis askew

My dog now senses a rival in you

==============================

The mystery of someone new is difficult to turn away from. When I was young, it seemed that magic of another was my ticket to fulfillment. I equated walking away with cowardice. Not taking a chance was slamming the door on ever achieving happiness. But, with time, experience, mistakes and failures, the good, the bad and the ugly, I have learned that the responsibility for my personal happiness is mine. It is cowardice to put that power in the hands of another.

No man is an island. Connections to others are vital. The majority of our most memorable moments are shared. Sharing is instrumental for enjoying life, discovering ourselves and the fascinating differences that make up every human being. Sharing the good times and the bad enhances lifes meaning and value.

The past two-years have taught me a lesson in being humbled yet shaken alive by the surprises in life. This time has been my first experience, though, leveled through trying circumstances, of living on my own terms. I make my own choices with no one to blame but myself when things don't turn out the way I want. I go to bed or, some nights, I don't, but the choice is mine. I eat or not, according to how I feel. I read and watch what I choose. I wear what I want, I smile, if I feel moved to do so without the need for validation or explanation. I spent my youth trying to please everyone and lost myself. My fashion was critiqued to the point I needed help deciding what to wear in order to satisfy my partner's decision on what he wanted me to project or else I wasn't allowed to go. Bullies honed in, like weak-seeking missiles, and told me how to be me. Now, still standing, though a mere mortal, with all the inherent failings, I am happy living with my dog, who is demonstrative and non-judgemental in his abject love, no matter what I wear. And, though he is handsome and charming, it is his unconditional, exclusive love that no person has shown me, that makes me wary of fully engaging with another man. I reserve the rights to my heart. I don't long for more than I am capable of giving. And, by the token, every day is new and I also reserve the right to never say never. Such is the magic of life.




Comments 28 comments

A.A. Zavala profile image

A.A. Zavala 4 years ago from Texas

Living in solitude can be liberating, or frustrating. I think it's both. IT IS GOING TO BE SO HARD LIVING WITH SOMEONE ELSE. But, the fringe benefits can be rewarding. I think...


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

And, therein, lies the great conundrum, Augustine. If I meet someone I feel I can't live without, I still want to live separately. What would be better than having your own personal space and the company of the one you love when you both desire? Not obligation, not by society's demands for what's normal or not...just because it is what works. The only thing I would say no, thank you, to is marriage. It has proven soul-sucking for me. I can love, and probably better, without the paper.


billybuc profile image

billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

Such is the magic of life! And it truly is magical my soul-searching friend. Your words resonated with me today; I spent decades trying to be that which I was not, always pleasing others. Today that silliness is over. I have found a lover who gives me freedom to be me, as I do for her, and that is true liberation. We take time for our own solitude as we understand it is necessary for growth. I am as free today as I have ever been...part of the credit, of course, goes to me...part to Bev.

I wish you happiness. I know you will find it; you are well on your way.

your friend,

bill


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida

Isn't it remarkable, Amy, how liberated one can feel when freed from the constraints placed by others? May your happiness be long-lived. Delighted your sweet dog makes you so happy.

Elizabeth Taylor once said: "Some of my best leading men have been dogs and horses." She may have been on to something there. :)


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

I now understand, Bill, that is has always been my responsibility to place limits on what I will or will not allow for myself. Unfortunately, as a young person, I had no boundaries for myself. I was a chameleon that went wherever the tide took me. In other words, it was my own damn fault. I consider myself lucky I didn't cross paths with a serial killer! I've found there are as many control freaks as their are weak links. I am aware now and can spot the controllers a mile away. I finally figured out I don't want to be joined at the hip to anyone. I can stand alone yet with someone. But, if I must be alone, rather than live under anyone's thumb, it's an easy choice. Thank you for your kind understanding, my friend.


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Dear drbj, You are a cornucopia of knowledge, a walking encyclopedia, so to speak. Thank you for telling me Elizabeth Taylor's thoughts on man and beast. And, who said looks and brains are exclusive of each other?

When I think back on some of the mandates I had few options to change back in the day, it there was justice, my straight, baby fine hair would curl! I cringe when I think back on what I allowed. No point, as we can't change the past, other than as a reminder of how far I've come. I am stubborn by nature, and it took a long time to penetrate my thick skull, but flip the coin, and I will never forget my hard-earned lessons. Life is an exciting, yin/yang journey and I've learned to relish every bump in the ride, as I appreciate smooth sailing when it arrives. When I finalized my divorce, drbj, after too many years afraid of what MIGHT happen if I left, I was certain God was showing me I'd made a mistake when I lost my job 2-weeks later. I spent a considerable amount of time railing against the unfairness mixed with a heavy dose of paralyzing fear. I cannot deny times of fear, but rather than wallowing in it, I look for ways to try to make things better. The challenge is uplifting itself, it demands that I do something. I had a surgeon tell me once that the swelling, the bruising, the pain, tells us, in no uncertain terms, we are still alive! My challenges are tough, but not insurmountable. I've learned that here from you and the rest of my hubpage family, more than anywhere else in the whole big world. Here I feel cared for, loved, respected and valued for who I really am. Thank you for that gift, drbj.


erickcb 4 years ago

Highly enjoyed this. Thank you.


WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 4 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

You make me smile Amy, and my dog smiles too!


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

I'm so glad you enjoyed this one, erickcb! Thank you for reading and letting me know.


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Oh, Will, what a charming comment. Give your pup a belly rub for me.


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 4 years ago

Go through life your way and even the dog I don't have will smile.


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

I love your heart...and smile...even the one on the dog you don't have! I am laughing out loud, Pop, and I can't think of a better way to start the day.


Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

Gypsy Rose Lee 4 years ago from Riga, Latvia

Voted up and awesome. Nothing wrong with living your own life the way you want to and have an adoring dog by your side. My cat Sid gives you both the thumbs up. By the way what is your dog's name?


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Awww, Gypsy, a cat named Sid with both thumbs up! How adorable. My dog is a wheaton-colored, Scottish Terrier named MacGregor. He's almost 9 years old and has some health problems. However, he still eats like there's no tomorrow. I hope he doesn't know something I worry about. Thank you for asking.


BobbiRant profile image

BobbiRant 4 years ago from New York

Living alone and being divorced for 11 years taught me to learn how to care for my needs and taught me who I really am and what I really wanted in life. Before I could truly love another again, I had to know myself thoroughly. Turns out, I'm not so bad after all. Great write and I enjoyed this one very, very much.


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Turns out, Bobbi, YOU ARE GREAT! You and Steve are lucky to have each other. Please apologize to Steve for how long the painting is taking. With helping my mom now, my free time is a lot less. But, I think you and Steve will like the painting. Thank you, Bobbi, for stopping by and sharing your awesome thoughts.


BobbiRant profile image

BobbiRant 4 years ago from New York

That's OK. Hey, Steve and I are thrilled you are painting it for us. No big hurry, we know you are busy. *hugs*


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Thank you so much Bobbi and Steve. I got a pang when I worked on the painting a little on Father's Day. It is the sweetest "Dad" photo ever. Hugs to you, too.


always exploring profile image

always exploring 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

Such is the magic of life. Your synopsis is so complete. Life can pitch a curve ball that is difficult to duck, but duck we must. Always remember the good times return, just wait and be receptive. Love your work. Thank you..


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Thank you, always exploring. Your comment made me think about the movie "Forest Gump", where he is sitting on a park bench and says "Mama says, life is like a box of chocolates..." Yep, we never know what we gonna get. Now, you've got me thinking, I've got to watch that movie again! Thank you for your support and encouragment, always exploring. You inspire and motivate me.


always exploring profile image

always exploring 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

OMG, This made me wany to watch this movie again, and I will, super idea..


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

I wish I'd spelled the name correctly, always exploring! "Forrest Gump" is what I meant to type. I'm going to watch it again, too. Thanks for coming back and telling me, my sweet friend.


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

I wanted to tell you, always exploring, that I read a tantalizing movie review by "winsome", a great writer I follow here, on a brand new film, just hitting the theaters called "Moonrise Kingdom". If you are a movie buff, always exploring, you might want to check out winsome's brilliant review, which includes trailers, cause I think you will, like me, have to see this film!


RobinGrosswirth23 profile image

RobinGrosswirth23 4 years ago from New York

We are all uniquely different and that is such a beautiful thing.

What would a world be if everyone were the same or conformed to the same standards? Life would be dull and boring. That is why standardized education is a failure (a McEducation).

If someone really loves you, they love you just the way you are so never change. And, the beauty of dogs is that it doesn't matter if you are a diplomat or wrote a novella, to them, you are a star.

You are not alone, many of us have experienced similar hurts and understand only too well.

Wishing you a wonderful life!


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Thank you so much, Robin. You are very kind and empathetic, rare qualities seen today. I appreciate your words of assurance, understanding and kind wishes. Many thanks for visiting and your encouragement.


50 Caliber profile image

50 Caliber 4 years ago from Arizona

Ms. Amy, I really liked this and connected with it well. I even clicked funny as I figured where and what you were going as I read along. I live in the company of 2 Rottys and my Side kick feist I think she would do a come apart if I ever left her and a mid sized mix I rescued from a box of dead puppies on the side of the road to town, eyes not even opened yet of 6 she was the only one breathing, had to bottle feed her and now she's about 2 and runs with the Rottys while I ride my horse John with old #7 a desert burro, his gal Tess and Baby James, Side kick sets up front on John I ride with just a saddle blanket or two to keep my butt dry from sweat as we trail around in the desert.

I found that I really like my cooking and garner no complaints when a cool weather cook out comes round, I can clean my house, I can do my laundry and I can sew and mend my britches for working around the place and wearing to town, All my Dogs are Bitches but they don't and a call they come running, if I can't take them with me to town, when I get back 4 hours later they act like they haven't seen me in a decade. It reminds me of Dino on the Flintstones when Fred gets home from work or the Jetsons when Astro greets George when he gets home, time to break out the Frisbees and wear them out so we all can go in and set down. These are not the same dogs I got here with some 17 or 18 years ago, but it's the promised land and I've been blessed with all the time to work around here and never work for someone else unless I want to, there is much to be said for self respect and ridding ones-self of smothering attachment and expectations that were never spoken just expected and I'm lousy at reading minds!

I enjoyed the read it is well done and easy to read and follow along, with a superb out come, Much to be said for never being alone, with God to talk to and his minions of teaching true love unconditionally

Peace and Blessings

50/Dusty


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Oh, Dusty, you make me laugh and you make me cry from the sheer joy of connecting with a kindred spirit. Without pontificating on the last 2 years, the worst of it came about 2 months ago, when my beloved best friend and loving companion, MacGregor, my Scottish Terrier, died. The vet had me treating him for a relentless sudden bladder infection, but I suspected the bladder cancer that takes so many Scotties. When the vet found what I suspected, my little man only lived another 2-weeks. I couldn't/wouldn't abide any suffering for him. I am diligently observant and when I knew, took him in on an emergency basis, the vet did an ultrasound and found the tumor had already grown outside his bladder and into the ureters. I still can't put his toys away and the painting I did of him several years ago that hangs by his favorite place near the frig, looks at me as if to say "hey, don't forget about me." If I'm out helping my elderly mum or an ex mother-in-law, I still have to remind myself that I don't need to rush home to Mac. God, I miss him. I know he knows and I know you understand.

Thank you for your beautiful comment, which I'm going to go back and read right now...a little slower. Peace and blessings to you 50/Dusty.


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Dusty, I almost forgot, but your "puppies on the side of the road" reminded me of my daughter's rescue of 5 baby opposums still clinging to their dead mother, the victim of a driver going to fast on a winding, 2-lane, rural road. My daughter removed them from the mom, as she knew she was dead and transported the babies to the open-door wildlife sanctuary about 40-miles away. Every baby survived and they were released back into the wild when they were old enough and well. Just wanted to pass that along to you, as you share the same kind spirit.

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