Evolution of Broken

Depression breaks us

Evolution Of Broken

Why are my veins so icy
They're frozen underneath
My heart is as black as charcoal
My lungs charred, I cannot breathe

I don't understand myself at all
Why do I sabotage my own happiness
Why can't I allow love to reach me
I have to hold it away from my chest

Never allowing myself to show love
In fear that i'll be hurt once more
But that very thing is what eats me
God, what is all this pain for

I cannot see through the darkness
'Tis veiled with curtains of doubt
Just as soon as the light begins to show
I feel myself shutting it out

Nobody understands just who I am
Nor do I, after years of heartache
Do I deserve this torture upon me
Have I sealed my very own fate

Am I doomed to die alone in tears
Feeling empty as I always have
Or am I missing something so clear
Oblivious to the woman I am

I feel that I'm good and loving
But my life seems to prove otherwise
Has this all been a fa├žade, a blur
Not really seeing with open eyes

The torture is breaking me slowly
To the point I may never return
I'm afraid of reaching the boiling point
And like my charcoal heart, I will burn

There is no cure for a melted soul
No love or smile could revive
I'm beginning to resemble a puddle
Of lost opportunities, I've survived

Please help me to understand
Why I continue to be stabbed in the heart
I'll take every road untraveled
To begin anew, a brand new start

I've been on this path too long now
I'm losing sight of what could have been
My hands are reaching out for you now
You're the only one left who will love me again


We can become whole again

God, thank you for giving me strength
To survive all that I have been through
With tears in my eyes, I'm a warrior
I just need some guidance from you

I cannot force someone to love me
As much as it hurts to lose them, I pray
All I can do is open my eyes
And see the new path that you've given me today

I believe that you'll heal my scars, Lord
Over time my heart will beat red
My lungs will fill with crisp, cool air
And i'll truly believe what you've said

I want to be loved and nurtured
My inner child, neglected so long
I've come to see that nobody can fix her
I've been looking at life all wrong

So the days where I'm feeling empty
And nobody is there to reach out
I'll try to sum up the courage
To love myself without true doubt

Right now Lord I'm lost and broken
The ones I love keep walking away
Not able to deal with my black heart
Not understanding I don't want it this way

My tears are falling more freely
Than they have in so so long
Maybe my heart is beginning to heal
Let's just hope that it's not too far gone

For now i'll say goodnight Lord
And lay my weary head to rest
Though I have nobody to count on
I have you, you're the love in my chest.

Jamie Derksen
8/2/2014

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