Family alcoholism drugs tobacco.

Not always an angel.

throughout my life,has been in stages

tension pressure,locked up in cages.

my mum was alcohol dependant,affected my thinking

i tried not to drink,raised a glass without blinking.

it killed her in the end,the curse of the drink

i had to re-evaluate,I really had to think.

i didn't want to end up dying like my Mum

through drinking all sorts,whisky and rum.

i was there when she collapsed,sent shivers down my spine

then I realised my life was not mine.

i had to grow up,had to become a man

most people disliked me,didnt have a fan

had to change opinions,what they see is the new me

not the bastard before,a better type to see.

its hard to alter a persons way of thinking

if all people seen before,was you constantly sinking.

its been a hard road,tried drugs and drink

not great experiences,the drugs made me think.

my family has a history,we all dabbled in many things

took some drugs that literally made you feel you had wings.

im glad it's passed,I'm now a family man

if I can change,im sure anyone can,

i write to express,vent and explain

its not for my own personal gain.

i don't expect money,just hope people can learn

from my experiences,it's a feeling I yearn.

if one person can be helped,the writing is worthwhile

im always learning,helping gives me a reason to smile.

My World.

if there's such a thing as a miracle,then this is mine.my wife came in to my life at a really bad time,and dragged me kicking and screaming to a new and better life.i often wonder what gutter or grave I'd be in if it wasn't for her meeting me.i was heading down a dark road without over exaggerating things.after the meeting of souls,then came my kids.one after another they generated feelings I'd never had before.each one made me a better man.as they grew,I grew with them,I had to,there's no room for errors with bringing kids up.they can be very unforgiving if you get something wrong.but heap praise on you when you get it right.theres not a feeling like it.

Mad days at the stove.

Make Or Break You.

kids make or break you,

turn you in to a man

they educate you rapidly,

like only they can.

they infuriate,test and fry your last nerve

now and again,this you may deserve.

communicating with my children

has been a barrel of fun

they have made me sit up

no chance I would ever run.

each day is glorious,trying,and new

had some bad days,thankfully only a few.

telling my made up stories

watch them engrossed

they are amazing kids

i cannot help but boast.

Proudest achievement to date.

Occassional Dramas.

With five girls ,it's inevitable we have had to deal with the occassional drama.I'm the typical overprotective Dad.if one of the girls has a boyfriend on the scene,they don't always tell me right away for fear of what I might think.i will always think any boy is not good enough for them,a typical Dad really.i can't help it.if I think they have been wronged by anyone at all,the red mist starts to decend,it's a protective feeling I imagine every Dad has if they have girls.i just need to control my feelings so I don't upset them too much.easier said than done,but I am learning more every day.kids teach you more than you actually realise.

Feelings well hid.

growing up my feelings were well hid

its a wonder I turned out as good as I did.

not always a loving environment,the occassional fight.

going to my bed early,another sleepless night.

mum and dad fighting,raised their voices

fall asleep afraid,didn't have many choices.

prayed it would stop,wake up fresh in the morning

if the house was quiet,usually a warning.

Mum sat quiet,Dad did aswell

who won the fight,difficult to tell.

drinking caused most fights,a really bad mix

unfortunately my Mum needed a fix,

had to have a drink,fought all her life

all through the story,great mother,loyal wife.

Needs help..

where I grew up,families having alcohol problems was a very normal thing.most parents liked a drink,a lot of parents liked to drink a bit too much sometimes.drink for most was a good way to escape their pressures and tensions.a bit of escapism.a family with an alcoholic living with them was a normal accepted thing.no one ever looked for help,it was very definitely a matter dealt with internally within the family.there was not a lot of help for treatment of alcoholism then,today's medical help us fantastic with trying to help the affected person,and helping the long suffering family aswell,there is a lot of organisations now that deal with the effects of the alcohol curse.i can't help but think,if some of the help was available back then,possibly my Mum may still be alive.unfortunately ,now I will never know.

Back then.

when I was growing up,drugs were not a big issue then.any problems families had were generally down to alcohol.the words junkie ,methadone,speed,crack,were never uttered.if anyone had a drug issue,or were an addict,you never heard anythjng about it.kids and families now have to deal with their Mums or Dads being addicted to drugs.im not sure if our problems during childhood were worse or better than modern day families.they just seem to have more issues to deal with every day if they are on drugs of any sort.where I stay is working class,drugs and people dying through overdosing sadly is an everyday occurrence.family lives destroyed by drugs,kids left without a parent,due to their addiction to drugs.its a never ending vicious circle that too many families are forced to endure every day.and there's no apparent cure in sight now or in the near future.

Family means everything.

Controversy!

not so long ago a member of the UK Parliament suggested families with a parent on drugs should be forced to do a drug rehab ,on the understanding that ,if it was not successful,they would lose their kids.im not sure this is the best way forward.taking someones kids of off them would just pilr more pressure on them,and probably send them straight to the dealers door.if they managed to stay clean and drug free,they would be subjected to weekly testing for drugs,to ensure they stay clean.this was also under the threat that,if they lapsed back in to drugs,they would again have their kids taken from them again.drugs clearly are a big issue today.its a subject that needs serious consultation with experts,to get their brains working to get a solution that can kick the drug habit for good from society as a whole.

More by this Author


7 comments

Ericdierker profile image

Ericdierker 22 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

Well done sir. These are tough issues and you handled them very well. You have a great perspective that I think can only come from a real family man. You have broken the chain.


bigj1969 profile image

bigj1969 22 months ago from glasgow Author

Thanks Ericdierker ,your comments are always welcome.ive learned so much from becoming a Dad,and I'm still learning.


billybuc profile image

billybuc 22 months ago from Olympia, WA

A wonderful glimpse into your rather interesting life. I am eight years sober now, and my wife is a huge reason...that, and a firm desire not to die. Now my drug of choice is writing. :)


Chriswillman90 profile image

Chriswillman90 22 months ago from Parlin, New Jersey

What an interesting piece with some deep analysis into your life. I think a lot of people with similar issues could learn a lot.


bigj1969 profile image

bigj1969 22 months ago from glasgow Author

Thanks billybuc and ,Chriswillman90 for the comments.congratulations billybuc being 8 years sober.my Mum had periods of dryness,but alcohol always got her back in its clutches eventually.it was a battle she ended up losing.


DREAM ON profile image

DREAM ON 22 months ago

To see and feel all you talk about in your writing definitely hits home to anyone who has had a family member deal with alcohol or drugs. I am especially happy for your wonderful progress and your beautiful family you proudly show in your hub. I am glad you keep making the right choices and see what is really important in your life. The struggle and problems have made you wiser and more compassionate in life. I appreciate you sharing your personal journey. I am amazed at all your success in writing. I look forward to reading much more. Have a enjoyable Sunday.


bigj1969 profile image

bigj1969 22 months ago from glasgow Author

Hi DREAM ON,once again thanks for the comment.a lot of people do deal with these issues everyday,it's a statement in life how you respond to the adversity I think.you have family and commitments,you should be responsible enough to stand up and make a difference in their lives,even if yours wasn't too good to start of with.

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working