Faster and Brighter

Version 1

The days of the past

are behind me

I look forward to new

and brighter days

No longer enslaved to the sins of the past


On and on I go to faster and brighter days

never looking back

leaving the past behind


What once was

is forever gone

Good only for educating

for growth and wisdom


No point in wallowing


Over what I cannot control

On and on I go to faster and brighter days


never looking back

leaving the past behind


Version 2


Behind me now, muddy

And foggy the past.

Looking forward now

To crispy clear days
No longer lost

In the fog.


What once was

is forever gone
Good only for

educating
No point in wallowing
Over what I

no longer control



On and on I go

to faster and brighter days
never looking back



all rights reserved. copyright Justin W. Price, Jan 7th, 2011

which version do you prefer?

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  • version 2
  • Like them both
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Comments 30 comments

tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 4 years ago from New York

I think they equally stand on their own merits. Each brings the point to the fore in it's own way. Guess you know why eating in a restaurant is difficult for me...if it's good I have a hard time choosing.


PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

PDXKaraokeGuy 4 years ago from Portland, Oregon Author

Thanks Debbie. The questin is, do I go witht the masses, my own personal tastes.... or do I publish both?


Deborah Brooks profile image

Deborah Brooks 4 years ago from Brownsville,TX

I like version one.. but then I read them both a second time.. I like version 2 but I do like the first one the best.. the past is the past.. thank Jesus that He forgives us for our mistakes our past.. Great hub.

Voted up

Debbie


PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

PDXKaraokeGuy 4 years ago from Portland, Oregon Author

true... but you also want to please your audience :-)


Debby Bruck profile image

Debby Bruck 4 years ago

It's your writing and your selection on which you find tells what you mean to say best.


PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

PDXKaraokeGuy 4 years ago from Portland, Oregon Author

debby, theyt're different poems expressing the same idea, so I'm pleased that they have different feels. I also do agree that part one sounds better out loud, but I think part 2 is a better poem :=) Thanks for sharing.


Debby Bruck profile image

Debby Bruck 4 years ago

Yes, Justin. Go ahead. Read #1 out loud and see how it feels. Then read #2 and it doesn't have the same countenance and feel. Blessings, Debby


PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

PDXKaraokeGuy 4 years ago from Portland, Oregon Author

godzangel, thank you. I hadn't even thought of the timing of New years but you're right, it does work well! Thanks for reading and commenting!


Godzangel profile image

Godzangel 4 years ago from Syracuse, NY

This is a great poem for the new year! Sometimes it's difficult but we can't live in the past. Great Poem!


PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

PDXKaraokeGuy 4 years ago from Portland, Oregon Author

I really think it's funny that more people like one when I don't think, as a poem, from a structure standpoint, it's as good. But, to each his own. I appreciate your input. Gypsy, as to your statement I can see your point, but Crystal clear is very cliche. If I was to replace it, I would probly use something else.

Thanks for the input, my friends and colleagues!


Ardie profile image

Ardie 4 years ago from Neverland

I liked the first one better because it was uplifting and sounded happier as though you really were moving on to faster and brighter and better things and couldnt wait to get there.


Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

Gypsy Rose Lee 4 years ago from Riga, Latvia

I really like the first version. It is a nice free flowing poem. In the second version when you mention crispy clear days it reminded me of crispy fried chicken lol I guess it was the crispy. Sorry but I'm just being honest. Now that's not bad but I'm sure you don't mean to make anyone hungry. lol IF you want to work on that one perhaps you can say crystal clear days.


PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

PDXKaraokeGuy 4 years ago from Portland, Oregon Author

zain, thanks for your input. I appreciate you stopping by and taking the time to evaluate!

Cheryl, thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed these!

Will, thank you. It seems to be the most sane philosophy to have, fer sure!

Movie Master, thank you! I choose version 2 as well!


Movie Master profile image

Movie Master 4 years ago from United Kingdom

I like them both, but if I have to pick one it would be version 2 purely because I can relate more to this one.

Great poetry!


WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 4 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

Good stuff, and a fine philosophy!


cherylone profile image

cherylone 4 years ago from Connecticut

I actually liked both of these, but the first version drew me in better. :)


Zainnisar profile image

Zainnisar 4 years ago from Little Island, Heart.

Version 1 is pretty good and have a flowing rhythm, Beautiful and Awesome, "Past is Good for growth and wisdom" Lovely.


PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

PDXKaraokeGuy 4 years ago from Portland, Oregon Author

Linda, thanks! You don't need to say more, but you're more then welcome too!

Missolive, thanks for the love and promotion. I'll be over to see your soon. Is that creepy?

Alastar, thanks. i like two better as well, though if I put these to music, part one will be great!


Alastar Packer profile image

Alastar Packer 4 years ago from North Carolina

Nice PDX. Both of em. Only pick one- gotta go with the tighter number two.


missolive profile image

missolive 4 years ago from Texas

nice variation.

I read this at an interesting point in my day. My niece has been texting me about not being able to move forward from her sudden break up.

Although I liked both versions for various reasons the first one would be my first choice.

Sending to Dig and Stumble :)


Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

Superb!!! Need I say more? :)


PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

PDXKaraokeGuy 4 years ago from Portland, Oregon Author

Jen, I think your comment is "Sweet"

Lyric, your vote seems to be what most people think, but I actually like the second better. Perhaps this is why i don't make gobs of money money as a writer? LOL.

Capedium, thanks for reading and commenting. I'm glad you understood what i was trying to say!


Capedium profile image

Capedium 4 years ago from Texas.

This is really beautiful..

Moving on ain't easy. But you are sure right

It is the right thing to do


thelyricwriter profile image

thelyricwriter 4 years ago from West Virginia

Up, awesome, and beautiful. I thought both of them were good PDX. If I had to choose one, I would say the first verse is my favorite. We try to live in the past so much or we have the past haunting us. This hits the perfect note.


jenubouka 4 years ago

What a talent to create two awesome poems that are both gripping and powerful. As Napoleon Dynamite would say, Lucky....


PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

PDXKaraokeGuy 4 years ago from Portland, Oregon Author

susan, thanks for your input

Racina, I'm glad you can relate!

David, I appreciate your comment. I actually prefer version 2 and will be publishing that one in my forthcoming poetry anthology. I posted both and offered a poll because I realized I had two copies of the poem and was curious what others thought. Thanks so much for stopping by! I appreciate your input.

Rosemay, thanks for stopping by. It's always nice to see you!


Rosemay50 profile image

Rosemay50 4 years ago from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand

So true, we can't change the past so there is no point in looking back and dwelling on it. Moving forward is the only way to go.


David Legg 7 profile image

David Legg 7 4 years ago from Trout Paradise, Colorado

Nice work, though I feel you should decide for yourself which version you prefer. That is the one that I would recommend putting out there, and then see how people respond to it on its own. I voted version one, and like the concept of it. It's nicely composed, and communicates well what it's like to live within a framework of grace.

Thank you for sharing.

David


raciniwa profile image

raciniwa 4 years ago from Naga City, Cebu

great poem on moving on...yeah, you're right...wallowing makes us stuck...


Just Ask Susan profile image

Just Ask Susan 4 years ago from Ontario, Canada

I like version one. I really like this poem a lot as I feel the same way about what is past is gone, can't do much about it. Have a great night!

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