Fauntleroy and Flossy – The Detail

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The cookie cutter sized Secret Service agent spoke into the microphone clipped to his sleeve. “Fauntleroy is moving.” He followed at the required ten steps as he approached the door of his residence.

Fauntleroy turned and spoke directly to the agent. “Get my wife. I told her an hour ago to bring an envelope to the cabinet.”

Agent M whispered into his sleeve. “Where is Flossy? He has asked to bring Flossy to him.”

Hurried footsteps, one set clickity clapping, another set heavy footed rushed towards the office. Flossy entered the residence, leaving the door ajar.

The two agents stared at each other in disbelief. Through the door, they heard Fauntleroy in a loud, accusing voice say, “An hour ago, I told you to bring that envelope to the cabinet.”

“Darling, I did just as you asked.” She left the room in a hurry, and went to the China Room reached in the closest cabinet and retrieved the envelope. Rushing back, “Here Darling,” she flashed her come-hither smile. “Give me a credit card; I want to go shopping.”

Fauntleroy called to Agent M, “What was with that breakfast. It is the worst I ever had. I only want the greatest breakfast from now on. You understand. Only the greatest.”

“Sorry sir, I made the oatmeal this morning. There was some issue with the kitchen this morning. I don’t have all the details. Word of a deportation detail at the front gate, something like that. And sir, we are going by car to your first appointment. Something about Marine One’s pilot resigning her commission.”

“Sir,” the secretary that sat outside the door to his office called. “There is a call from a golf course in Scotland; they say it is urgent. Line three is your lawyer.” She hurried back to her station.

“Get out,” Fauntleroy snapped at Flossy. He grabbed line one. “The grass, you are calling me about the grass. Find the apprentice I hired in season three and tell him to get his… to take care of it. And from now on, reach me on my cell or message me through Twitter.”

He grabbed line three. “Yeah. Yeah. Tell him I am going to sue him. Who does that judge think he is? His face turned red, well find a judge who voted for me,” he hung the phone up.

The intercom buzzed, “Sir, your daughter has a question about the new tile in the executive bathroom. And the furniture movers are here to empty the oval office and the decorator’s van is here with the Louis XVI.”

“Wait, what Louis XIV, the fourth not the sixth the fourth.”

The secretary handed him the packing slip with the information.

“He’s fired. No, wait, it is so hard to find an interior decorator who is not, you know, funny.” He looked at the secretary, I want everything in this room replaced. I want this room to feel Imperial.”

“What were we talking about? Oh, the bathroom, that reminds me. Where is my copy of ‘Top Agent Magazine?” Fauntleroy looked around, “I swear, this is going to be great.” He looked around again, trying to remember which door.

“Fauntleroy is moving.”

“Hey, what about the credit card, Darling. I don’t want to stay here all day. What am I suppose to do?”

The detail climbed into their black GMC SUV’s, and Fauntleroy entered the black, limousine with one foot thick windows. It was a chilly Washington, D.C. morning. Fauntleroy had meetings scheduled with all his secretaries. Then he planned to do some of this government work he promised to do. He patted his pocket. He took a blue cell phone from his left pocket. No, not that one, he thought. He dug into his right coat pocket and retrieved a red phone; then he sighed and returned it. He reached into his lapel pocket and retrieved a gold plated phone, pushed the code and the phone began to ring at The Towers.

While it was ringing, he said to the driver, “Get me another car as soon as you can. I don’t want to drive around in a used car. See if you can get me a Rolls.” Fauntleroy leaned back in the seat, “Stop by The Towers; we are picking up Errdick and Model T.”

The Secret Service driver talked into his sleeve. “We are stopping by The Towers.” The leading black GMC made a quick right.

Once two of his kids were in the car with him, he sealed the window between the driver’s seat and cab. Both kids had their tablets ready. He spoke to his son first, “Buy 25,000 shares of Cemex, if a wall is being built, it is going to take a lot of concrete, and I mean a great amount.”

“Don’t you want to buy stock in an American company that manufactures concrete,” Errdick asked.

“No, don’t question me, grasshopper.” He always called his son grasshopper when he felt he was teaching him something. “American concrete is too expensive. Besides, the people south of the border are going to build the wall. Let them bring the concrete with them. Model T, see if any land along the border is available cheap, boy are we going to make them pay. This is going to be so much fun.” He pushed a button on the console, “Pull over. You guys get out. I’ll be back tonight. Don’t forget its pizza night. Have the last car in the caravan give you a lift back.”

Fauntleroy reached down and pulled a cell phone in a camouflage case, from his sock. He pushed a button, “Putt, baby what was that guy's name you said gave you a Rolls–Royce?” He repeated, “Suleiman. Suleiman, like in that cartoon movie? Boy, I would have liked to own a piece of that. OK, thanks, Putt.”

The notes of the song, ‘Dixie’ rang from Fauntleroy’s far right pocket. “Banshee, how are you this morning? What? Wait, the Confederate flag. No, that is not a good idea. What time is your radio show over? OK call me then.”

He leaned back deep into the seat. “I am going to be the best Font ever.”

One of the phones began to ring.


This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. No animals were hurt during the production of this Hub.

This work is not intended as a substitute for the medical advice of physicians. The reader should regularly consult a physician in matters relating to his/her health and particularly with respect to any symptoms that may require diagnosis or medical attention.

Serious side-effects can be anticipated.If you are allergic to any of the ingredients, stop using and consult your nearest voting booth when they next become available.

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Happy Thanksgiving

We've Only Just Begun

The Beat Goes On

© 2016 mckbirdbks

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Comments 25 comments

always exploring profile image

always exploring 2 weeks ago from Southern Illinois

OMG, I laughed hysterically from the first paragraph. I needed this. I could figure out all the staff except One Foot Thick Windows. lol..I think I'll buy in the concrete market, as Scarlett said, " It should go shy high." Putt suits him so well. lol. You are so clever! I bet you could write a book? lol..I loved this brilliant satire...


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 2 weeks ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas Author

Hello Ruby - Funny, I just came from your place. Seems we are all thinking alike (sort of). Thanks for visiting. This may run for awhile.


always exploring profile image

always exploring 2 weeks ago from Southern Illinois

Oh, I hope so. The Beat Goes On. I loved the video, thanks. You have such an imagination, you could do a weekly series, even if he's only in office for a month, you could write about his impeachment, then prison, then divorce, etc. lol.. I love this!!!


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 2 weeks ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas Author

Hello Ruby - You are such an optimists, I like that about you. Have a safe, warm, road trip.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 2 weeks ago from South Africa

Gosh, when last did I laugh like this? Really, I could see Fauntleroy so clearly in my mind, as if he was one of the main actors in a soap opera for the past 2 years.

Coincidentally, he reminds me of a certain President-ellect.

Interesting, the differences in our governments -

Your 'secretaries' are our 'ministers.

Your 'senate' is our 'cabinet'

Your 'House of Representatives' is our 'parliament'

Your 'senators' are our 'premiers'

And so on....

Thanks for the laughs.

Ps: That poor grasshopper - I thought he was going to collapse on stage.


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 2 weeks ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas Author

Hello Martie - We all have to laugh. The alternative is very poor. Thanks for the visit and pointing out the differences in the terminology with our diverse countries ruling structures.


marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 2 weeks ago from Jeffersonville PA

Griffin...? Nuelle...? Where the heck are you two...?

Thanks for the Saturday surprise, dear Mike. I can absolutely see this as a series...kinda like reality TV. I can see you "double note padding it" for weeks to come.

Happy Thanksgiving to you too! Hugs, mar


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 2 weeks ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas Author

Griffin and Nuelle made an astounding appearance, let me see - yesterday. They are not the only thing on my mind of late. Yes, a really, reality TV series. No one is likely to say, HBO should make this a series. Thanks for the holiday wishes. Wishing you all there a Happy Thanksgiving as well.

And the beat goes on.


Shyron E Shenko profile image

Shyron E Shenko 2 weeks ago

Mike, I love this, I can see this as it rolls out.

With his twitter finger on the phone

While his roaming hand begins to roam

Flossy says ooh it been so long

I thought you had forgotten me

But I guess that I was wrong

Oh, I thought you were a stranger

A stranger?

Do you want to put your position in such danger?

By groping a stranger

While you make America great again

Dear Flossy, I can deport you for your sins

Don't you know that no one against me wins?

*

*

LOL now I will be thinking about this all night.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 weeks ago from Queensland Australia

I love this hilarious parody, Mike. Better to laugh and be as optimistic as possible. Kinda like The West Wing Meets The Apprentice.


Genna East profile image

Genna East 2 weeks ago from Massachusetts, USA

Lol! I loved the parody. The insider trading, "grasshopper" was precious; the Scotland reference, Putt; his garish Louis XIV penthouse decor; all of it.

SNL will be calling you, and soon, to join their staff of writers. :-)

And The Beat Goes On; "history has turned a page, uh huh." (By the way, Cher took part in the protests outside of Trump Tower in NY.)


Genna East profile image

Genna East 2 weeks ago from Massachusetts, USA

Happy Thanksgiving!! I think this is a time when we can all be thankful for the First Amendment, and the creative spirit that thrives in this great country. :-)


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 2 weeks ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas Author

Hello Shy - Your poem is great. It is the greatest. You touch on so many things. Thanks for such a big contribution.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Fauntleroy is dancing around singing, 'You loss, you loss, I'm the boss, the boss."


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 2 weeks ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas Author

Hello John - The Republican party brought us The Great Depression, Watergate, The Iran-Contra Scandal, The Savings and Loan Scandal, George W. Bush, and the The Great Recession. No one thought they could top that, but they have.

Glad you enjoyed my attempt at humor. We have only just begun.


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 2 weeks ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas Author

Hello Genna - Yes, the First Amendment is going to come in handy over the next few years. Already the cast of Hamilton is being admonished for expressing their right to use it.

As for Cher's song - it seemed to fit so well, I was pleased when I came across it. "History has indeed turned a page" I am not surprised that Cher took part in the protest. The words Darkest hour just crossed my mind.

Fauntleroy and Flossy may have a long run here. (I am not sure about that, though I have over half of another one written. It takes so little time, there is so much material.)

As for SNL I will be waiting for their call. I guess I may have to start answering the phone when it rings.

Have the most wonderful Thanksgiving.


billybuc profile image

billybuc 2 weeks ago from Olympia, WA

I'm big on beginnings. If a writer doesn't capture me in the first paragraph, there is an excellent chance I'll skim over the rest of the story. I read this particular story word-for-word all the way through. :)


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 2 weeks ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas Author

Hello Bill, I am sure it was you who alerted me to the importance of a strong beginning statement. So thanks. Hope you enjoyed this little satire.


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 2 weeks ago from Central Florida

What a trip, Mike! I just wonder how far from the truth this piece of fiction will really turn out to be. I can certainly see this hitting satire TV for sure!


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 2 weeks ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas Author

Hwllo Sha - Together we face a complete mystery. Did the people of Rome realize that Rome fell? I think I will have to have a violin sent to Fauntleroy.


Shyron E Shenko profile image

Shyron E Shenko 2 weeks ago

Fiction Shauna, really? ROTFLMAO. This is where fact imitates fiction.

This gives me hope. Blessings my friend.


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 2 weeks ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas Author

Hello Shy. Cher said it well, "history has turned a page, uh huh." We shall see, we shall see.

Thanks for the visit and the blessings.


Patty Inglish, MS profile image

Patty Inglish, MS 2 weeks ago from North America

You should receive a medal for this one, Mike (Of course, they give medals for everything in Russia...). So funny and it could really happen - especially on Saturday Night Live. It reminds me of the send-ups they did of Reagan, but more so.

Buying up properties to profit from presidential programs - It could happen.

Happy Thanksgiving!


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 2 weeks ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas Author

Hello Patty - When this was written, I knew it would ring true to many of those that were kind enough to stop by and read it. Some ruffled feathers were expected also. We are in a wait and see mode. There is evidence that we are watching a very large wave of water heading right towards us.

We all have to hang on and not be washed away.

Happy Thanksgiving.


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 2 weeks ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

Mike, looks like you have begun a whole new series. It seems to me to be quite unlike anything you've done in the past. I could be wrong.

No one should be surprised your talent shines through even in satire (humor?)

I'm impressed with your new creation. IMO, bringing laughter to others is a true gift. I've always enjoyed my attempts at doing just that. Needless to mention, you've found your fodder. Paula


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 13 days ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas Author

Hello Paula - The notification of your comment must have fallen through the cracks. Sorry for the delay. Between the rip roaring celebrations of life going on around here, I am not sure I could have arrived much earlier.

As to the point, whole new series, I am not so sure. Though we all agree that there is plenty to poke fun at with government in general, I don't think I am the vice of reason in this. (I spelled voice wrong - just for the effect.)

Just between you and me, I don't think that I am funny. Though I do see humor in things. I have a set of a Will Rodgers biography around here somewhere, maybe I should dig it out and see if there is material I can use. Unlike Will, I have met many men that I did not like.

The Smothers brothers handled the whole, hello modder, hello fodder, thing best.

I hope you had a joyous day, and those boys made it extra special for you.

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