Flash Fiction--The First Rate Last Minute Humorous Christmas Party and Program

It Wasn't the Usual Christmas Meeting

I love history and I belong to a women's historic preservation group. Some of the women are pretty perfect. I'm not.

A teacher once told me that all the world could be grouped into The Planners and The Procrastinators. I'm a procrastinator most of the time. I read and watch old movies, then the day before an event or deadline, I become a whirling dervish of activity. I make the other members happy when I screw up and forget some detail. It makes them look good.

While I was perusing my cookbooks the night before our annual Christmas meeting, luncheon and program, my phone rang.

A raspy voice croaked, "My body is a volcano, erupting at both ends. I can't have anyone come here."

"Ok, drink hot tea or Sprite, make soup and toast."

There was a pause. I added I would be happy to email others about the cancellation.

Another pause. "Actually, I was hoping you would offer to have everyone to your house."

I surveyed my projects and junk spread out on the kitchen counters, dining room table and living room. I started to form the word no, but she sounded so pathetic, I agreed.

The home of the former hostess is a Winter Wonderland of coordinated high-end decorations. Her Christmas China probably was laid out and her silver already polished. My decorating usually involves the "ghosts of Christmas past." I have felt and bread dough ornaments that I'm too sentimental to toss. The women would be disappointed. Geez.. Why had I ever agreed to be the hostess.

I scrounged different paper plates and napkins and put some reasonably new candles in the middle of the table. The food that that the women brought was delicious. They didn't mind not eating on Christmas china.

"What's the program today?" our president asked.

Now this group is borderline professional on historical research and programs. My mind was frozen. We had heard programs on the origins of Christmas carols, The Evolution of Santa Claus, Antique Christmas Postcards, Christmas Collectibles and... Program???

Through some Christmas magic, I heard myself saying, "Today, all of you are the program."

My audience was skeptical.

"i'm going to ask each of you to tell a story in 3 minutes or less about your WORST Christmas, and I'll start"

My story was set in 1958, when I didn't get the doll I wanted and worse, my friend next door did. I acted like a brat to my family who were having a hard time financially. My Dad was a child during the Depression Era and gave me the only spanking he ever gave me. He sent me to my room for the rest of Christmas Day

The next gal told a tale of having left the plastic wrap on the Christmas ham and baked it as a new bride. Another told of having words with her daughter-in-law, then the whole family spent the day searching their farm for her. Tales of drunks, mixed up gifts, unruly relatives, and those who had knocked over Christmas trees came pouring out amidst giggles. The worst Christmas "prize" went to two sisters who had saved for a perfect resort Christmas in Mexico only to have everyone get sick with Montezuma's Revenge. Then they missed their train. I don't remember a party where any of us before or since has laughed that hard.

I'm not sure that any of the stories qualified as historical, but they were hysterical.


Vintage Christmas

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Christmas Entertaining

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6 comments

Billrrrr profile image

Billrrrr 12 months ago from Cape Cod

This is a pleasant and humor filled report of a fascinating event. I laughed through the whole thing especially the part about the newly wed who left the plastic wrap on the ham. My tale of woe is that my bride, some 50 years ago, did not even know how to make the fuel I needed to start my long work day. Back then, she was strictly (by choice) a stay at home wife. On our first day home after our brief honeymoon she bravely made coffee in our new percolator. It was drinkable. I had two cups before leaving for my job. On the second morning the coffee was not poisonous, it probably would have tasted a lot better if it was. Still, I didn't say anything for a while. Finally she began crying, "You don't like the coffee," she said. I admitted it was horrible and I asked her what she had done. She explained that she did exactly the same thing as the day before. She plugged in the coffee and let it perk. What she did not say, but I finally figured out was, that since I only had drunk two cups of the six that she had made, she left the coffee in the pot and then re-perked it the second day, using the same old coffee and the soggy grounds!!! I could scarcely believe it. She herself, did not drink coffee, so perhaps she could be forgiven for such a mistake. That was not at Christmas but it was a very bad time indeed. Well, enough of that. Great work on this hub. Really entertaining.


mactavers profile image

mactavers 12 months ago Author

Thanks for your funny comment. I too was a 20 year old bride almost 50 years ago and decided to make a nice big waffle in our wedding gift waffle maker. It was the classic humor of the overfilled batter running out the sides and down the kitchen counter. Hey, I still have that waffle iron and my husband, so things did not turn out too badly.


lawrence01 profile image

lawrence01 12 months ago from Hamilton, New Zealand

Do we give 'impromptu' parties? Hmm Not if I value my life! Surprises like that don't go down too well here, but if people just turn up then we enjoy them.

Loved the story.

Lawrence


mactavers profile image

mactavers 12 months ago Author

Sometimes if you don't have the time to think about dust bunnies and other mundane cleaning chores, it's perfect to have an impromptu gathering.


franciaonline profile image

franciaonline 11 months ago from Philippines

Hi mactavers,

I'm here again. I have just read this hub including the comments.

It's fun in this corner of the virtual world. Your writing can hold your reader's interest. Thanks for this hub.


mactavers profile image

mactavers 11 months ago Author

Thanks for your comment. Most of the time I write non-fiction, so it's always fun for me to try Flash Fiction or short stories.

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