Food For Writers
Writers need good brain food, which can be difficult to purchase on a writer's salary. (Many writers write for less money than the average sweatshop worker charges. They should really stop that, as it is devaluing the whole profession.) Fortunately, there are some foods that even a writer can purchase and put together whilst holding a pen and paper in his or her mouth and dreaming of fantastic worlds existing in realms beyond the real, where unicorns frolic.
If you have nothing else in life, you should have toast. Spreads, like butter, margarine, jam and honey are optional. Toast is the perfect nourishment for the ascetic writer punishing themselves for missing their targeted word count once again.
Two Minute Noodles
The two minute noodle is often much maligned, but I believe it could be the basis for a new approach to nutrition, not just for writers, but for all mankind. Much like bread, which can be made into sandwiches, two minute noodles can have things added to them, like tuna. Tuna is good brain food, and the dolphin adds valuable protein. Two minute noodles have different names in different countries, but no matter where in the world you find yourself, you will be able to identify them by their versatile brick like construction and flashy packaging that points out how low in fat (and everything else) they are.
Chocolate lifts the mood and alleviates depression associated with the dreary awfulness of one's work. Writers are invariably faced with the dreary awfulness of one's work even if it is very very good. If one is not occasionally overcome with a sense of universal meaninglessness and forced to consider working in a salt mine as an alternative, then one has yet to plumb the depths of one's creative spirit.
Grilled Cheese Sandwiches.
Grilled cheese sandwiches are excellent sources of carbohydrates and invaluable cheese proteins. There may also be some calcium in there, which will stop your teeth falling apart when you grind them in despair. If you're not grinding your teeth in despair for at least 15 minutes a day, you're not a writer. Earnest Hemingway used to grind his teeth religiously before breakfast and dinner for half an hour and look at how well his writing career turned out.
To counteract the effects of copious amounts of noodles, cheese sandwiches and chocolate, a salad should be consumed at least once a week. Salads should be purchased in dystopian pre-packaged form. This cuts down on preparation time, allowing time for more scribbling and jotting of Good Ideas, and also acts as a ward against the dreaded writer's scurvy.
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