For Freya ........and Freyas Yearning.

At the end of her day she sit's........ but
not for long ...for she's restless
When she's allowed a moment of her
own ....she can't quite express

Freya wonders of the time when
he will show and carry her away
Impatient for the love .....but he will come
she can only dream of what she'll say

Will it ever happen ......doesn't her heart
deserve another look
No.....No ....she knows well the pain of
hearts overlooked

But in the distance the thundering of
hooves ........a night in shining armor rides
And he searches as well for love
and where Freya's heart resides

It will happen naturally ..... as if the night rode
away from the dawn
And in the hearts of an angel waiting
She stifles her morning yawn

As she opens her window to breath in the
the morning air
There stands her knight .......with her
promised love ...waiting there


For my friend Freya , who wonders if love will never find such a beautiful daughter. Can you Imagine ?

Comments 39 comments

Freya Cesare profile image

Freya Cesare 5 years ago from Borneo Island, Indonesia

It bring tear to my eyes to be able to get such love from you, my poetic father. Your love is a great gift for me.

A heart of a daughter only want an acceptance. When she growth and realized she will never have it, no matter how old she is, the pain will keep coming back. That's what it is about. I think I never really know what it is feel like being loved.

I am not usually allowing myself to cry over my own misery, because I knew, in this world, there are so many people who need that tears more than I do. Those who need more attention more than my silly heart, but sometimes, when night is dark and I left alone, being helpless; the knife of longing stabbing me deeply.

I just wake from sickbed for 10 days long. For that short of time, I almost believe I was about to die. I cried and cried and cried. I cried for the pain I will give to others by my leaving. I cried for forgiveness I will never have a chance to ask from those I had been hurt, accidently or by purposed. I cried for the dreams I will never make it comes true. I cried for my cat because if I really go, nobody will taking care of her and she might have to live astray. My thought really full with sadness; mostly I was afraid that right until the end nobody will really understand who I am and what is my heart desire. But then I heal, the pain is gone, but the emotion stayed there.

I am not afraid to die. I might will embrace death with smile because when we die we will have nothing to worry about. But I am afraid right until the end I will always be a homeless heart, since even my family never understand who I truly am. Silly emotion, I know. But that is my greatest fear right now.

That's my story, Dad. Not really about love in romantic way. But more about acceptance and being loved as who I am. That what I feel lack of, and that why I feel homeless.

Thank you very much, Dad. You make my day. You really are.


ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 5 years ago Author

Freya , I cannot believe that you can feel needful of acceptance , I can tell by your writing that you're a kind hearted and gentle soul, All that you can ever do is put your heart out there and let it be judged for the heart that it is , And from your hub father to a beautiful daughter a thousand hugs. I hope that you are feeling better and that it's nothing seriously wrong with the sweet Freya that we all love. Please take care of YOU for us!.....:-} :-] look two smiles and a flower for you. @--->----


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

ahorseback, this is such a loving hand to the lovely Freya. I look at her sweet face in her photo, so open and beautiful. It breaks my heart that she feels so abandoned. I hope, dear Freya, that you were not all alone during your illness. In this whole big world, full of so many people, it feels very disorienting and scary to be alone. I know now. I am older than you so I have been married, twice, and I felt very alone in those marriages, Freya. I was the outsider looking in when I was growing up, so I understand how that kind of loneliness feels growing up. I spent a lot of years feeling if I wasn't acceptable enough for my parents to embrace, how could anyone else? I understand. If you are like me, you are probably very shy and hesitant with others. Life can be difficult. Don't dismiss your pain, only because others suffer, too. Your pain is important as it affects you everyday. You are loveable, Freya. I can see that this piece, written just for you, is out of caring from ahorseback, who is inspired to help you understand that. Never underestimate your power and your impact on the world around you. You are important, Freya. You matter. Please don't ever think otherwise.


ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 5 years ago Author

Amy , You got it girl, I have to say I too grew up with dilbilitating personal and social phobias , Feeling outcast is not a good thing for any soul. And I hate to see anyone suffer from the same darkened moods. I read a story awhile ago about a guy that went around new york city hugging everyone . I would do that in a minute for my hubber friends.....:-} Freya is a sweet soul and deserves the happiness she seeks , and she will find it here among us others like her. Bless you Amy for caring.


Jackie Lynnley profile image

Jackie Lynnley 5 years ago from The Beautiful South

God knows Freya and her heart, she need never worry God will not repay her for all she has given to others in like kind, that is His promise, that is His law and she doesn't have to think twice all deserving to her will not come, maybe even 10 fold. Maybe more. I pray it will be so.


ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 5 years ago Author

Jackie , The first time Freya commented on a hub of mine I thought ....What a perfect smile in her eye's , I could see all the way into her heart. There is no finer gift than to have a spirit like hers and her job of helping people fits so well. Its her!


The Suburban Poet profile image

The Suburban Poet 5 years ago from Austin, Texas

Ahorseback - I saw this hub not long after you posted it and to be perfectly honest I was at a loss for words.I didn't know what to say but you deserve much praise for this. You are such a presence here and your heart is as the one you see in Freya. You are a caring man and that makes you a true human being in my book. She is lucky that you have offered your support. And I agree with you. Freya appears to be a beautiful person; how can anyone like her live in despair? this world is really screwed up....


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 5 years ago from Wales

I also came back to this one and what was my first thought ??

It was about all the love and care there is in our community here on HubPages.

You are one great example of this ahorseback.

This was very sad but at the same time I felt joy !! You are one of the great hubbers who make this community the brilliant place that it is.

Take care my friend,

Eiddwen.


ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 5 years ago Author

Suburbam Poet . Thank you for sharing , I met Freya in the forums responding to much public misunderstanding about muslims and christians , a while ago and since we have become good at sharing. I think she is a kind, compassionate and caring person . Her poetry reaches out in a completely honest and open yearning to be accepted. We have all leearned that she is a beautiful soul , She taght me a muslim greeting , about how we are all family , fathers ,mothers ,daughters and sons . And now we greet each other that way. Isn't that in itself a beautiful gesture on her part. I know that , like yourself , we all tune in here because we Yearn! You sir, are much loved here and it shows. I find myself wishing I had even more time to share all that is given in hubpages. I think Freya needs our "Cyber huggs" ,she doesn't realize we would smother her with them , I think ! Be well Suburban Poet.


ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 5 years ago Author

Eiddwen, Do you mean , just like the love and care that you brought here! Bless your beautiful heart. Its contageous I think....Hugs.


The Suburban Poet profile image

The Suburban Poet 5 years ago from Austin, Texas

There is no question this is a wonderful place. It's my home because my heart is in my writing and here is where it lives.

I was a bit confused at first (which also explains my delayed comments)... I was thinking "What? ahorseback is Freya's father?" When she called you Dad it threw me off the trail for sure. So later I came back and reread it and then it clicked. It is great that Muslims get a chance to teach us about their beliefs and how they live their lives. I am very close to some Muslims here in Texas and they are very nice, normal people. It just goes to show how the media can create an image far from the reality.


Freya Cesare profile image

Freya Cesare 5 years ago from Borneo Island, Indonesia

Ahorseback: I am a complicated person, and weird one, my mother had said once and as a result; it turned me into alien at their sight. I feel lack of acceptance and love as the way I am inside my family and I guess no matter how I tried to do a reasoning and make peace with this one fact, the pain already turned something inside me which I'm not able to fix yet. I guess this is why I chose to work with the child and woman victims of abused, because I understand very well how it feels like being out of love. I want to help, but more likely I want to make sure I understand that I still lucky enough because I don't live their life. I might an outsider inside my family but unless they never abuse me the way these people I work with had been abused. Can you see it now, dad? I chose that work not because I have kind heart but because I need it to help myself. A selfish reason actually. Acceptance have strong power over human. It can turn the world around or make life become better. I know it very well. Thank you for your kindness, Dad. Your daughter must be really proud and happy to have father like you, because I do, even I am not your real daughter. :)


Freya Cesare profile image

Freya Cesare 5 years ago from Borneo Island, Indonesia

@Amy Becherer, I am speechless. Married twice and feels alone still? Oh how awful this life can be? Too many people with homeless heart. For me love was never easy. Maybe that is why I dedicated myself to spreading and sharing love with others because I don't want others to feels what I feel. Thank you for the support. I really need it, but I guess all of us need each other support time by time. Thank you. I’m glad I meet you here. ^^ And for that, have to say thank you again to my poetic Father. ^^


Freya Cesare profile image

Freya Cesare 5 years ago from Borneo Island, Indonesia

@Jackie Lynnley: Yes, that is great reminder for me. I should never forget that. Thank you very much. ^^

@The suburban Poet: Ahorseback is man of wisdom. He is the first person who reminding me about being real beauty inside this chaotic life.

I meet so many great person here at Hub Pages, each one of them carrying strong agressive emotion inside which showed strongly at their works, but Ahorseback had showed me another way of thought.

Muslim or not we are all human. I don't believe it is religion which caused people turned into criminal, but it is simply because human is full of wrath, anger, greed and all worst things inside their head. Religion only a cover for them which they turned the meaning and the wisdoms around to justified their actions while the real problem is inside their mind. I came to HubPages to spreading this message at first. But too many hateful comments had addressed to me which kind of made me lost my patient. That is when Ahorseback came through the conversation and reminded me to stick on my goal. He pushed me to look from outside the box and made clear some point. It win my patient back for sure.

He was not Muslim, but he has Islamic wisdom in his mind, while many Muslim failed to understand this kind of wisdom. That is amazing for me. And that is why I really happy able to called him "Dad".


Freya Cesare profile image

Freya Cesare 5 years ago from Borneo Island, Indonesia

My poetic Dad, you are truly a bless for homeless heart. ^^ Big hug and lots of kisses for my father. Wish you have great and happy life.


Paradise7 profile image

Paradise7 5 years ago from Upstate New York

Really lovely poem, for your special one, your daughter.


ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 5 years ago Author

Suburban Poet , I knew , when she taught me this greeting it would throw some people off course, isn't it a beautiful thing though . Not that I wouldn't be proud to be her real Father. Isn't she beautiful? Thanks for stopping by , You sir , are a gentleman , I wonder if we could hook you two up!....Just kidding. be well my friend.


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Dear ahorseback and Freya, I have not hear the poetic concept of the "homeless heart." But, now that I have heard it by Freya, I will never forget it. Perfectly stated and I feel the truth of it in my heart. It rings true loud and clear. Thank you.


ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 5 years ago Author

Freya , I too and perhaps everyone feels an alienation from our parents , I know that me and my father didn't ever connect until he was dying . But I forced myself to show him that inspite of the fact that he could not ever show me love , That I would show it to him , I would force it upon him if I had to, I will never forget hearing him say I love you! Probably the only time he ever told me That. In the end , no matter how we got along , I knew that he was just a man! And everyone is just in a way the child within themselves.! My life though , like yours was full of a yearning to just "feel it" . That Love. Now as an older man . I know that my Father couldnt ever show love because of the intense pain of his own childhood. We learn so much in maturing in our age Freya ,for me the final straw was accepting the fact that it's just all okay, and now for me...Peace and serenity. And as a Father , I wish you that more than anything. my Beautiful Daughter....Ed


ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 5 years ago Author

Freya , I hope that this response from such beautiful friends gives you some idea of how we have all reached out to the same kind of yearning heart that WE have , Isn't the acceptance here from such wonderful people, just like our own hearts , beautiful ? What I love about hubpages that I have seen no where else, is the long arms of a hug reaching out to the very center of our souls. Accept it Freya ....we love you!


Freya Cesare profile image

Freya Cesare 5 years ago from Borneo Island, Indonesia

Yes. It is so amazing and really brightening my day. Thank you, Dad. Thank you all. ^^ I am so happy I chose Hub Pages as my community in internet world. I love you all too.


epigramman profile image

epigramman 5 years ago

..well I simply adore Freya Cesare and her writing and her love of writing and her wit and her style - and I salute you Mr. Redford of Jermiah Johnson fame - for you are such a gentleman of class and substance - too bad they didn't make more of 'you' for this world - so we could share and show this kind of love .....and respect for our fellow colleagues .....


ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 5 years ago Author

Ahh now Epigramman , we all know that when YOU look in the , the reflections are one of the kindest people anyone here knows.! Probably No one is as kind as you my friend.....:-] A smile for your day!


The Suburban Poet profile image

The Suburban Poet 5 years ago from Austin, Texas

@Freya - Yes, ahorseback is a very insightful man and I'm happy he is able to reach you and ease your mind.

They say reiigion is the final refuge of the scoundrel. I've seen it many times in my life too. There are extremists in every society and every sect and they are the one's the media focuses upon. They are the "plane crash" that the news reports. Not the millions of planes that land safely. There are elements in the US that wish us to declare all Muslims to be the enemy. In my opinion that was exactly what bin Laden wanted. He was willing to sacrifice some Muslim men to provoke outrage from the US; then when innocent Muslims (children especially) were killed in our acts of revenge he counted on all Muslims to come together against us. I cannot prove this but it is what I believe. Well I'm not going to fall for it and Muslims are no more my enemy than anyone else.

As for your parents I will tell you what a very successful writer friend of mine told ne recently about writitng: "Mark, the first thing you must do is kill your parents." Sounds shocking right? Of course he was not talking in the literal sense; He went on to explain that you cannot worry about what your parents think if you wish to be truly honest in your art. I feel you are a modern woman struggling to do the right thing for traditional parents. You have looked to them for life and approval and their hold on your mind has made you feel less than worthy. Well you are worthy. You are a human being who has to stand up and be who you are. You are a good person and I think that is what ahorseback is trying to tell you. Nobody is going to advise you to abandon your beliefs or turn against your parents but what we will tell you is that you are not an alien: you are a beautiful woman: inside and out and you are a deep thinker.... maybe that is what makes you different and in some ways it is alien thinking.... but in a good way because most people sleep walk through life believing and misunderstanding everything they see. You on the other hand have an open mind. This is very rare and I commend you for it.


The Suburban Poet profile image

The Suburban Poet 5 years ago from Austin, Texas

ahorseback - starting a dating service eh? Ha... I could only hope for a beautiful soul like that. It is a beautiful thing to be called "Dad" because another person wishes to honor you in that manner. I'm sure you are humbled by this.


shimmering Dawn profile image

shimmering Dawn 5 years ago

Beautiful, beautiful love.. Always wants the very best for the loved one.. simple emotion so poignantly expressed.:)


shimmering Dawn profile image

shimmering Dawn 5 years ago

Beautiful, beautiful love.. Always wants the very best for the loved one.. simple emotion so poignantly expressed.:)


Freya Cesare profile image

Freya Cesare 5 years ago from Borneo Island, Indonesia

The Suburban Poet: Ah, it's little bit true but in reverse. I am a modern woman who think the life of real Muslimah which had been taught by my religion is the best way of life while my parents are live with secular thought in their head. They want me to be more tolerance about way of life I chose for me. For me religion is way of life, for them, religion and earthy lifestyle hard to come together.

I am tolerance person and I am not judgemental person either, I hope, unless as far as I can remember. But I will never approve the lifestyle which not allowed by my religion being used by me, forced or not forced.

For simple example, every parents wants great husband for their children. For my parents, great mean his education, social status, job and richness must be at least at the same level with me and my family. He has to be Muslim but he doesn't have to be someone who care about God at all. "Time will fix him," they said, "and when he growing old he will be more care about God."

In the other hand, I don't care about what my parents care. In my opinion; education, social status, job and treasure didn't make a man. It give place in society for sure, but diamond will still be a diamond even had been found at junkyard, and shit, even had been decorated very well is never worth honor at all. I did seen so many disgusting behavior of 'rich and educated' people and feel sick of them.

I look for God's fearing man, because I know, only God's fearing man who will able to grow into real man, which will never need to be tell by others about right or wrong or about how to treat his wife, his family and others around him, because he learn that from God himself and will never dare to take one step to hell just to be following his dirty desire and greed. That's the first quality I look on man and the second quality is he have to be smart and wise and have no tendency to become "holier than thou" type of person. Hollier than thou way of thought is a scary virus which will able to turn man into terrorist.

I following my heart and my parents thinks they following their logical sense, in the end I am the one they called as crazy and stupid woman and several outrages lines which will make weak person going nut. LOL. But well, that is story from 3 years ago. Today slowly my parents learn that they can't able to change me the way they want to and they kind of give up a little bit.

That is one story of my life. Only one! I have many similar with that. LOL. And I can't kill my parents, literary or not. I love them very much. They brought me into the world and raised me to be who I am today and honoring and loving them is part of my duty as their daughter. Muslim had been taught to always honoring our parents and avoid fight with them and always try our best to be patient and kind and respectful to them even when they are not deserve of it. When we pursue something which they are not approve, we have to slowly and cleverly find the way to make they approve it because their approval is the best blessing which will make God happy with us and give His blessing too.

I seek my parents love and understanding, and this is indeed long and winding road for me. Struggling for a life time maybe, but I hope it wouldn't be that long. I know the path I chose will never easy and I accepting it, but sometimes loneliness able to make my sight blurry a little bit.

Hehehe... I hope this story not shocking for you and for my poetic Dad.


The Suburban Poet profile image

The Suburban Poet 5 years ago from Austin, Texas

@Freya - you know there was something inside of me that was wondering if I had it backwards with you. Ok... so you are the traditional woman and your parents are more secular. Either way as long as you make the choice and are not hurting anyone else then it's your life. I don't have any caution for you because if you can find this man then good for you. But people are human and it can be very disappointing to find this out after you have committed to them. The main thing is forgiveness and understanding. Nobody is perfect. It seems your parents are wise and trying to be practical for you because they worry about the day to day difficulties of life. I guess they hope some money will be there so you can live a nice life. Nothing wrong with that as the desire for your children as long as the money is gained honestly. But if you wish to pursue God's plan and wait for this man to appear then that is how you must be....


Freya Cesare profile image

Freya Cesare 5 years ago from Borneo Island, Indonesia

Mr. E is right. They should made more of you, Dad. Life might be will become better place to lived in. ^^ But "Mr. Redford of Jermiah Johnson fame"? Who is it?

Mr. E, I don't know if I still have a wit. I was thought I did smoothening it so much until I become bored of myself. Hehehe... You are a great, funniest and sweet Man, Mr. E! Thank you for the sweet words. ^^


Freya Cesare profile image

Freya Cesare 5 years ago from Borneo Island, Indonesia

@The Suburban Poet: Yes, I know. They just want the best for me and I understand all logical sense they have because I live and growth with them at my side and I see how they see the world. They are product of pain and they allowing pain to stay inside them, caused their eyes little blurry. But it become better day by day. I win their heart little by little by showing them the greatness of life I pursue and how good it is for me. I was secular woman too long ago, so they able to see the difference now and I think, they kind of liking it, even if it kind of scary for them.

The only lines my mother keep singing right now is about "husband" for me. On and on and on like broken record. LOL. I told them, they can choose the candidates and I will look on them carefully before I say "yes" or "no". So far it always "no" but unless they are agree my decision is correct. LOL.

It is all about diplomacy I think and little bit of trick which I learned when I still called as 'the witty cruel girl' at school. LOL. I used to punch people on the face by my words without considering their feeling. Far from wise and sweet at all but it is necessary at that time. Hehehe... I'm glad that time is already way behind me. ^^


Freya Cesare profile image

Freya Cesare 5 years ago from Borneo Island, Indonesia

Oh, and I don't seek for perfection. Not at all.

I seek for humble servant of God. I am not perfect, nobody is. But unless, when we try our best to become great human being, it make us become better and better. That's all I want from the man I will be with for the rest of my life, humble person who knows what pain is and have great will to make himself become better person everyday. Did I asked too much? Yeah, my mother said so. Hehehe


ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 5 years ago Author

Suburban Poet ,I couldn't have said it better, I am truely humbled by many hubbers including yourself, although I haven't been around as much as I'd like to comment and read so many beautiful soulful expressions. I will say this, I think that the lowly people of the world , including myself , will one day save this world from itself, Politics is for fools and greedy pigs. Our many media outlets WANT us divided by ideals , and church denominations are in it for thier own self pleasures. It is the human heart that is the most vital essence of humanity . There is truely much of it here , in women like Freya ,who works with broken families , and in many many Suburban Poets too ! thank you not only for caring but for showing it too.


ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 5 years ago Author

Shimmering Dawn , so well put! Who can ask for more . Join us! :-}


ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 5 years ago Author

Dear Freya , If I could speak as honest as a father can be , I would say these words... " I am only your father humbled by my daughters beauty , secretly afraid of her far greater intelligence than mine and worried about her absolutely vulnerability in beauty" , I would say , "I am not an intelligent man and am just so worried about my daughters heart and soul , for we all know that a woman gives all in her love ,of religion and of man"! Sometimes your real parents are afraid to be too honest and end up hurting you out of parental kindness. One thing about Freya that I can see , she will always make the best decisions that she can! God bless you and carry you in his big hands! ....Ed


Freya Cesare profile image

Freya Cesare 5 years ago from Borneo Island, Indonesia

Trust me, Dad, I understand what across other's mind when they learned about me and what is the greatest fear inside my parents mind. I indeed put all my heart to everything I did and it caused me vulnerable. But I seen and experienced too much already and understand no matter how hard the path I chose, I should make a peace with it and never take a step back because this is worth of my struggling. Just need to be more patient sometimes when loneliness come in the corner because what I decided to myself. But I get many help from beautiful soul like you, The Suburban Poet and all of our friends here and for that I have to said, thank you very much. You are all taught me about so many things in this life by showing me the content of your hearts and expressing your thought. I am bless, being homeless in the crowds like this. Thank you very much. ^_^


ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 5 years ago Author

Big , Big Hugs ;-}.....


Denizee 5 years ago

Very inspiring and beautifully written. So many women of any age would find themselves inside of your poem. I for one did. Kudos, and God bless. Voted up.


ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 5 years ago Author

Hello Denizee, Yes and as she clarifies there is a yearning in each of us that arrises out of nowhere to take ahold of our happiness from time to time. I think each of us knows it in our own ways. For with age comes a wisdom , a settling for some ,it makes you want to scream it out , and this is for men too , I believe. Anxieties , depression, where does it come from , our lifestyle? Only the shadows knows for sure . Take care of you Denizee.:-}

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