Silly Poems (to tickle your funny bone)
It's One Of Those Days....(female perspective)
When you hang the washing out
And it rains for fifteen days.
When you meet a hunky guy
And he turns out to be gay.
When the landlord wants his money
And you haven't got a cent.
When the iron destroys your best dress
And you have to wear a tent.
When you throw a dinner party
And no one keeps the date.
When you've got too many kids
And your period is late.
When you're watching a great movie
And the tv blows a fuse.
When you need to win the Lottery
And as usual, you lose.
When you tell a funny joke
And no one even smiles.
When the bus does not turn up
And you have to walk for miles.
When you've had a shopping spree
And your partner throws a fit.
When you have a birthday
And no one gives a shit.
One Day As I Was Walking (or 'It's One Of Those Days'...male perspective)
I saw a girl the other day,
Her beauty took my breath away.
Long tanned legs and bouncing breasts,
Her body gave my eyes no rest.
As she passed me in the street
My body turned, but not my feet.
I tripped and fell upon the ground,
But checked her bum as I went down.
I jumped up quickly for to follow,
So in her charms my eyes could wallow.
Her long blonde hair and slender waist,
A barber's pole, fair in the face *#*.
Slightly stunned and seeing stars,
I stumbled on the road...oops cars!
Weaving through the peak hour traffic,
There she was again...terrific!
Proceeding at a steady pace
I caught her up to check her face.
But as I tried to pass her by,
She looked at me and winked her eye.
On waking in the public ward
I saw a doctor check my board.
I said, "Hey Doc, what is the score,
How come my body's bruised and sore?"
He looked at me, and with a grin
He placed a finger on his chin.
"In future when you're walking Sir
Please watch the ground ahead.
You fell into a manhole
And it's lucky you're not dead.
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The laundromat was empty,
The corner store was closed.
A Pakistani gentleman
Sat down and picked his nose.
As I walked by the lamp post
He raised his head and spoke.
"Excuse me Sir, so generous,
Could you spare me just one smoke?"
I stopped right there, next to the man,
Then knelt down by his side.
I reached into my overcoat
And withdrew twenty-five.
I said, "here, take the packet,
I'm gonna give 'em up.
They're just too damned expensive."
And he gladly snapped them up.
"Thank you, thank you, very much,
You've pulled me from a hole.
I haven't had a puff in days,
Mohammed bless your soul."
"As a token of my gratitude
Please accept this gift.
It isn't very valuable,
But your spirits it may lift."
He handed me a leather pouch
Which I accepted as a joke.
I didn't take a look inside,
And he blew a ring of smoke.
I bid my new found friend farewell,
And quickly walked away.
I was already late for work,
And sure they'd dock my pay.
When I arrived at 9.15
The boss screamed, "Late again today!"
He tossed an envelope at me,
"Here's your severance pay."
I sat down at my office desk
Intent to clean it out.
And as I took my jacket off
The leather pouch fell out.
I placed a hand into the bag
And removed a tiny clock.
It's face was numbered backwards,
And the hands said 9 o'clock.
I turned the key to wind it up,
Then suddenly it rang.
My boss walked in and grinned at me,
"On time at last, hey Stan?"
I sat there shocked, mouth gaping,
I hadn't lost my mind.
this tiny clock upon my desk
Could somehow TURN BACK TIME.
All poems by John Hansen © 2012
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