Funny Custer Stuff

I've gathered some pictures, products and anecdotes about General George Armstrong Custer, infamous Civil War general and Indian fighter. I don't care much for the man but pimpin tees ain't easy. Enjoy.

custer thinking about custer photograph
custer thinking about custer photograph

Who better to slap on a t-shirt than a man who commissioned more photographs than Fabio? Custer was so vain he had photos of himself inside photos of himself.

what would custer do white t shirt
what would custer do white t shirt

Custer tees

WWCD? Could use less text. Still a funny idea though.

custer pwned yellow t shirt american flag
custer pwned yellow t shirt american flag

Custer pwn3d!!!. Just plain funny, though not currently in stock.

custer and associates risk management group with arrows white t shirt
custer and associates risk management group with arrows white t shirt

Custer & Associates Risk Management Group. I designed this one. Buy 14 of them.

custer died for your sins white t shirt
custer died for your sins white t shirt

Custer died for your sins. Funny t-shirt until I found out it reads "Vine DeLoria Jr 1936-2005" Turns out it's the name of the author of a book with the same name.

We'll take a moment here for a brief history lesson. The video below is exactly how it went down before the Battle of Little Bighorn.

Okay, we've learned enough. Let's have some fun. Here are some great Custer toys for children. I call this first one "It's not delivery. It's DiGiorno"...

gruesome battle cavalry figurines
gruesome battle cavalry figurines

..."Just a little off the top"...

indian scalping cavalryman figurine
indian scalping cavalryman figurine

..."Wounded heart at Wounded Knee"...

dying cavalryman figurine
dying cavalryman figurine

...and finally "Lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground."

indian woman taking clothes from dead cavalryman figurine
indian woman taking clothes from dead cavalryman figurine

This McDonalds toy captures General Custer's serious side.

general custer on motorcycle figurine toy
general custer on motorcycle figurine toy

Let's get some text up in this house. On a time:worth-reading-scale, I give it a 5 out of 10.

A Custer biographer commissioned a world-renowned artist to paint a life-size mural of Custer's famous Last Stand. When asked to portray what went through Custer's mind at his final moments of death, the painter agreed, but only under strict orders that it not be seen until it was completely finished. The painter proceeded to study every Custer photograph and painting, visited every inch of Custer's battlefields, devoured every book on Custer ever written. Years later the painting was finally revealed to the biographer. The curtain was pulled and he stood aghast at a thousand life-size Indians having sex. A gigantic orgy. Having wasted his life savings on this, the biographer was enraged and demanded an explanation. Admiring his work, the artist responded "I was told to portray Custer's final thoughts and I did. General Custer's final thoughts were 'Look at all those f---ing Indians!'"

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