Funny Pun – Number Five
Funny Pun – Number Five
Artie and the Mob
Artie worked in a grocery store,
He earned very little at his job.
The guys he grew up with had money,
They all were members of the Mob.
Artie sold vegetables and fruits,
At work he wore t-shirt and jeans.
His friends all wore three-piece suits
They looked like gentlemen of means.
Artie admired the ‘wise guys,’
Al Capone and Bugsy Siegel.
He dreamed of being a hit man
Though he knew that was illegal.
Artie’s best childhood friend, Rocco,
Was a big Mafia guy with charm.
He sported a huge diamond ring
And a gorgeous moll on his arm.
He wore silk suits with a silk tie,
And drove a Maserati sports car.
Artie confided in him one day,
“I want to be what you are.
“Your pockets are full of coin
I envy the life that you lead.
So tell me, how can I join?
Where do I go? What do I need?”
“You join the Mafia, kid?
“Did you ever shoot a gun?
Are you just making a joke
And having a little fun?”
“No, no, I am deadly serious
Although I never owned a gun.
But I stabbed a guy in a fight
And from trouble I will not run.”
So friend Rocco tells Artie,
“I can see that you are dead set.
Ever kill anyone for money?”
“No,” says Artie. “That is, not yet!”
“If you are not a born Mafioso
You must kill someone for money.”
Artie – “How much will you pay?”
“I don’t pay. Are you being funny?”
Artie – “C’mon, just pay me a dollar.”
Rocco – “Tell you what I will do,
First, you must kill somebody,
Anybody. I do not care who.
“Then give me all the details.
If I see it in the paper or TV
I will pay you one dollar
Without any agent’s fee.”
Artie's Role Models
Artie then runs to a nearby Mart,
So excited he’s out of breath.
Sees an old woman with a cart,
Grabs her and chokes her to death.
A bag boy sees what happened
And chases Artie right to the door.
Artie turns and chokes him, too.
So what. It’s only one more.
Does he become a Mafia guy?
Of course, Artie played his part.
The newspaper headline says why:
‘Artie Chokes Two for a Dollar … at the Mart.’
Definition of a pun: a short joke followed by a long groan.
© Copyright BJ Rakow, Ph.D. 2011. All rights reserved. Author, "Much of What You Know about Job Search Just Ain't So"
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