Funny Short Pirate Joke

You should see the other guy!

National Humor Month Funny Joke Number Six

Swashbuckling bravery is displayed in this joke because I'm going to feature a story about a pirate. No, it's not Johnny Depp of 'Pirates of the Caribbean" nor Errol Flynn of "Captain Blood." It's the most feared buccaneer of them all . . . Captain Graybeard. Read on if you dare!

Funny Joke Number Six

It was back in the day when pirates sailed the seven seas. This pirate, Captain Graybeard – the names, Blackbeard and Bluebeard, were already taken – was sitting in a shoreside bar having a drink. Just one look at the menacing-looking captain and you knew he had a story to tell. He had a peg leg, a hook instead of a hand, and an eye patch over one eye.

A sailor sitting next to him at the bar started making conversation. “So, Captain, if you don’t mind my asking, how did you happen to get that peg leg?”

Well, I’ll tell ya, matey, we was in a fierce storm one night and I got washed overboard. My crew pulled me back on the ship but not before a F#*!$% shark bit off me leg.”

That’s terrible,” said the sailor. “so how did you get that hook?”

“We was boarding a merchant ship one day and the fighting was fierce. We was outnumbered but won the battle. Unfortunately, during the fight me hand was cut off.”

“That’s awful. Now you know I have to ask you, how did you get that eye patch? Did that happen in a battle, too?”

“Naw,” said the captain. “It was no battle. It was a seagull what pooped in me eye.”

“That’s unbelievable, captain. You mean to tell me you lost your eye because a seagull pooped in it?”

“Aye,” said the captain, “because it was the first day I had me hook.”

Funny Quote

“I got a part as a chorus girl in a show called “Every Sailor” and I had fun doing it. Mother didn't really approve of it, though." --James Cagney

© Copyright BJ Rakow, Ph.D. 2012. All rights reserved. Author, "Much of What You Know about Job Search Just Ain't So."

Errol Flynn in 'Captain Blood' 1935

More by this Author


Comments for Funny Short Pirate Joke Number Six 48 comments

christopheranton profile image

christopheranton 4 years ago from Gillingham Kent. United Kingdom

"the first day I had me hook". What a line! Thanks for the laughs, and the bonus video.


prasetio30 profile image

prasetio30 4 years ago from malang-indonesia

Very funny and I can't stop laughing. I really enjoy the video as well. Thanks for writing and share with us. Rated up (useful, funny, awesome, beautiful, interesting). Take care!

Prasetio


Docmo profile image

Docmo 4 years ago from UK

Nice one again drbj. I do love a pirate tale. I am a big fan of the historical romances. Of Rafael sabatini who wrote Captain Blood . Great book and a splendid film too.thanks for the memories. Voted up, of course matey!


always exploring profile image

always exploring 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

HaHaHaHa..HeeHee..You should see me,I'm sitting here still in my jammies and LMAO..So funny..Keep 'em coming..AYE


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 4 years ago

Nice way to start the day..


John MacNab 4 years ago

Voted up and funny drbj. Eye Eye Cap'n.


Peggy W profile image

Peggy W 4 years ago from Houston, Texas

I wondered where this was going. Haha! Cute joke. As they say...laughter is the best medicine. Thanks for the laugh today! Voted up and funny.


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 4 years ago from United States

Still laughing as I write my comment. Great joke!


mary615 profile image

mary615 4 years ago from Florida

This was a funny joke that just read on Easter. Thanks for the laugh. I can't wait to read the next one. I loved Errol Flynn. I'm sure you are TOO young to remember him, right?


stephhicks68 profile image

stephhicks68 4 years ago from Bend, Oregon

LOL!! That is a classic - my kids love pirate jokes too. :)


amillar profile image

amillar 4 years ago from Scotland, UK

That's a cracker drjb. An eye opening experience for tha, Cap'in'. Up and awesome might be appropriate this time.


psychicdog.net profile image

psychicdog.net 4 years ago

Short and sweet - really enjoyed - thanks drbj!


Feline Prophet profile image

Feline Prophet 4 years ago from India

Just proves that being gray doesn't necessarily mean being wise! :D


WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 4 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

Great joke!


jonsswagger1978 profile image

jonsswagger1978 4 years ago from Birmingham Alabama

Love that hub, very funny. Thumbs up!


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Hey, christopher, you're number one. But you already knew that! Do you realize that the only words you left out of your comment - "the first day I had me hook". What a line! - were the words, 'and sinker.' Just mentionin'. Thanks for the visit. Happy you enjoyed that ancient Capt. Blood video. Flynn was an actual swashbuckler, if you know what I mean.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Delighted, pras, that you found this one funny and 'can't stop laughing.' I did the same while writing it. Errol Flynn, the actor in the video, was a real-life ladies man so he was a perfect choice for that role. Thanks for pushing all the buttons, my friend. You take care, too.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Me, too, Docmo, I love pirate tales and action movies. I saw a documentary years ago that reprised Errol Flynn's films and there was a scene from Capt. Blood where he is on the top of the ship's Crow's Nest and needs to get to the deck quickly. What did he do? Our dashing hero inserted a large sword into the canvas sail and literally rode it down to the deck. Wow! And this was in the era before computer effects! Thanks for the Up.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Aye, Ruby, while some folks put their foot in their mouth. our intrepid Captain put his hook in his eye. Delighted you found this as LMAO funny as I did. Tell me, m'dear, do your jammies have footies. Just wonderin'.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Happy, bp, that you found this a nice way to start your day. I feel the same way about your hubs. Even if I don't have the opportunity to respond til later in the day.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Thanks for the up and funny vote, John. I do admire your wit, to wit: 'Eye Eye Cap'n.' Very clever, my friend.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

I've always thought, Peggy, that the funniest jokes are those where the reader or listener has to wonder where is it going. You are so right - laughter IS the best medicine. Thanks for laughing, m'dear, the funny and the Up.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Still laughing, Pamela, as you write your comment? Now that's a great compliment. Delighted you liked my pirate joke! It is one of my faves.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

You are so welcome, mary, for the Easter laugh. I loved Errol Flynn, too, though of course I only know him from the stories my great, great grandmother told. Heh, heh. And if you believe that, I have a great bridge at a reduced price to sell you.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

I think it's a classic, too, Steph, and kids always seem to love it as much as adults. Probably because It's not always easy to find funny jokes that are appropriate for children, too. Thanks for the visit.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Thanks, amillar, for the 'cracker' compliment. Soon I will be able to speak British like you. An 'eye-opening' experience? You ARE inventive. And thanks for the Up and awesome. Def appropriate.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Thanks, psychicdog, for enjoying this one. Short and sweet are my favorite kind.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Absolutely correct, Feline, m'dear. Wisdom does not always accompany age. I remember a saying from my hub, 'Old Age Benefits' - Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional. Ain't that the truth?


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Thank you, Will. Appreciate the visit and the commendation.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Nice to meet you, jonsswagger, delighted you appreciate the finer things in life like this funny hub. And thanks for the Thumbs up!


Paradise7 profile image

Paradise7 4 years ago from Upstate New York

LMAO, AGAIN! Thanks.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa

Whaaa-hahahaha... gulp-gulp.... ROFL..... he-he-he-he..... (totally hysterical at 12:30am)

Now I am going to fall asleep laughing!

He-he...


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Well, you know, Paradise, that's my self-appointed job - to keep a lovely commenter like yourself laughing every time you visit my hubs. Don't stop.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Martie - That's what I keep telling 'em down at the office - my jokes will provide you with a good night's sleep. Well, actually, it's the other way around. That's what they tell me!

But I remain undaunted and will forge ahead. BTW, I am laughing at your indescribable description of your laughter. Verrrrry funny!


festersporling1 profile image

festersporling1 4 years ago from Los Angeles, CA

What a great joke. It makes me laugh to the fullest. Great well-written hub drbj.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Nice to meet you, fester-etc. So you are laughing to the fullest? That's the only way to go. Thanks for the visit and the kind words, Take a look at the others in this series and let me know your considered opinion.


Rolly A Chabot profile image

Rolly A Chabot 3 years ago from Alberta Canada

Hi drbj... lol... you are a hoot to have around... ever have a down day just follow you and it goes away... Thank you...

Hugs and Blessings


drbj profile image

drbj 3 years ago from south Florida Author

What a lovely thing to say, Rolly - just follow me and the down day goes away. 'Tis my pleasure, m'dear. Any time.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 3 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

Loved the jokes and the story telling, but as much as I enjoyed the Captain Blood video, I must say it was pretty Camp, if you don't mind me saying it.


drbj profile image

drbj 3 years ago from south Florida Author

Thanks for loving the jokes and the story telling, Ian. I agree, the Captain Blood film with Flynn is pretty tame by today's standards but campy or not, it was the 'cat's pajamas' back in the day before computer effects ... before computers even!


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 3 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

But that girl. Now that's what I call beautiful!


drbj profile image

drbj 3 years ago from south Florida Author

You have excellent taste, Ian. Erroll's co-star was a very young Olivia d'Havilland who later appeared in 'Gone with the Wind.'


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 3 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

I knew someone who knew of her when she was being educated in a convent. She, Sister Rose, maintained that Olivia wasn't acting in 'Gone With The Wind' that that was her real character.

And this is going to make you smile, drbj... The Convent in which Sister Rose told me all this is the building on which I built an imagined retirement home for the "right sort of people".

It was originally a mansion built by Henry Tate, the British sugar magnate, which was then taken over by Saint Michael's Convent


drbj profile image

drbj 3 years ago from south Florida Author

You did make me smile, Ian. Although I never had the pleasure of meeting Olivia in person, her manner and angelic smile always made me believe she was just as sweet as she looked.

Imagine the history of your genteel 'retirement home' - there have to be a dozen stories right there.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 3 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

They write themselves. It was a shame when the Convent was sold so that the land could be converted into a series of "Nice" little houses. I haven't the heart to go and find out if they knocked down the Great House and the Chapel.


drbj profile image

drbj 3 years ago from south Florida Author

I concur, Ian - wise decision.


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 3 years ago from sunny Florida

Hee heee heee heeee how did I miss this? Those hooks can be a dangerous thing, huh??? Love the jokes, drbj...needed a good chuckle to begin my Saturday.

Angels are on the way, my Friend. ps


drbj profile image

drbj 3 years ago from south Florida Author

Delighted to provide your early morning chuckle, Patricia. May the entire weekend be as much fun. Just avoid the pirates!

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