National Humor Month Funny Short Joke Number Twelve

National Humor Month Short Funny Joke Number Twelve

Have you ever wondered why there are so many jokes about blind people? Like why doesn’t the blind guy sky dive? Because it scares the $h*! out of his Seeing Eye dog. That was just a sample. Here’s the real deal.

Funny Joke Number Twelve

Once there was a blind man.

And Edgar was his name.

His friends bragged about Texas.

And everyone said the same:

“Everything is huge in Texas.”


Edgar was an explorer at heart

Although he had been short changed by fate

He made up his mind although blind

He would one day visit this huge state.

Because everything is huge in Texas.


Edgar boarded an airplane for the trip.

When he sat in the seat it felt huge.

Even his seatmate agreed with him,

A passenger from Baton Rouge.

“Everything in Texas is huge.”


Edgar took a taxi to his hotel

The doorman guided him through the lobby.

He told the guy how huge the hotel seemed,

As if it belonged in Abu Dhabi.

The doorman said with a laugh so infectious,

“Everything is huge in Texas.”


When he entered his huge hotel room

He checked out the size of the huge bed

By throwing his body across it

And measuring the size of the spread.

B’God, everything is huge in Texas.


Edgar went to the hotel restaurant

That’s where he would order dinner

The waiter read him the huge menu

Edgar knew he’d never get thinner

The steaks were outsized

And so were the pies

Because everything is huge in Texas.


While waiting for his meal to arrive

Edgar ordered a drink from the bar.

When the drink came it was really huge,

The hugest drink he ever drank by far.

Everything is huge in Texas.


Now he needed to find the men’s restroom

The waiter said, “It’s on the main floor.

Just turn to the right and then to your left,

You can’t miss it - it’s the second door.

But be careful – everything is huge in Texas.”


Edgar became confused as he searched,

And by mistake opened the wrong door.

He stumbled as he entered this space

And slid across a very huge wet floor.

Everything is huge in Texas.


It was the huge indoor swimming pool

And Edgar fell in with a rush.

As he popped to the surface scared to death

He screamed, “Please, do not flush, do not flush!”

Funny Quote

“I told my wife the truth, I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, a bartender and two plumbers.”Rodney Dangerfield

© Copyright BJ Rakow, Ph.D. 2012. All rights reserved.

The Three Stooges were often quirky plumbers in their films.

More by this Author


Comments for National Humor Month Funny Short Joke Number Twelve 60 comments

Becky Katz profile image

Becky Katz 4 years ago from Hereford, AZ

This is funny. I love it. heeheeheehee. Hahahahaha Liked Rodney and the plumber gene's also.


WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 4 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

Three Texans met in bar. They ordered beer and began to brag. The first said he had 200,000 acres near El Paso. The next one puffed up and declared he had 500,000 acres near Waco. The third said he owned 100 acres. The other two sneered and asked him where it was.

He took a sip of beer and smiled. "Downtown Dallas."


Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

LOL! I'm looking forward to seeing the Three Stooges even more now after reading your hilarious hub and watching the movie trailer! Thank you drbj!!


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 4 years ago from United States

Great jokes - I love it. Will's joke is funny also. Up and funny hub.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Hi, Becky. Leaving heeheehees and hahahas - that's a good sign. Thank you. It's my pleasure to bring Rodney and the plumber's genes to you, m'dear.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Thank you, Will, I love that story. And it's very true to life. I read somewhere that Dallas is the millionaire capital of the U.S. with the fastest-growing population of millionaires. Who knew?


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

The new 3 stooges movie with 3 new stooges looks like it will be a slap-stick, finger-in-the-eye and hit-on-the-head type of film like their old comedies. My kind of humor! Thanks for visiting and your sweet comments. See you at the movies.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Hi, Pamela. Isn't Will's joke great? Thanks for loving these jokes, being such an early commenter, and the Up and funny, m'luv.


teaches12345 profile image

teaches12345 4 years ago

Great laugh for the day. The movie looks like it could be worth seeing, they are a hilarious trio.


always exploring profile image

always exploring 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

Funny joke drbj

Funniest joke i've read today...

Voted up and funny, blew me away

You crack me up and brighten my day.

Smiling...


Feline Prophet profile image

Feline Prophet 4 years ago from India

Wait a minute...did I miss number eleven?


prasetio30 profile image

prasetio30 4 years ago from malang-indonesia

Very funny and I can't wait to share my vote to this hub. Excellent and have a nice day!

prasetio


christopheranton profile image

christopheranton 4 years ago from Gillingham Kent. United Kingdom

Another great one. Remind me never to go to Texas, or at least to avoid the toilets there.


Alastar Packer profile image

Alastar Packer 4 years ago from North Carolina

Drbj, don't be mad at me but the joke was...well, the preview was really huge lol. Jus' jokin' there Drbj; liked the joke and what a joy it is to see those three back in biz!


50 Caliber profile image

50 Caliber 4 years ago from Arizona

Laughter you induced I fell better already, great fun looking forward the the number one joke!

50


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

I agree, teaches, the movie does look like it would have a few laughs. I would go see it anyway for the sake of auld lang syne. Happy you had your laugh quota for the day.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Ruby, I am overcome with gratitude.

You sent me a poem with nary a platitude.

I adore your optimistic attitude.

Wish you resided in a nearer latitude.

Thank you, m'dear, for the creative comment, the Up and the funny.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Thanks for noticing, Feline, dear. I published number eleven but it was unpublished for links not related to content. This surprised me since there were no links on the hub. Will republish #11 when that gets sorted out.

Has that ever happened to you? Ciao for now.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Thank you, pras, for finding this hub funny and being anxious to share it. Could not ask for a nicer recommendation. :)


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

It's safe to visit Texas, christopher, as long as you keep your eyes open when entering the loo. Whattya know, now I'm speaking 'British.'


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

I could never be upset with you, Alastar, we both seem to share the same, shall I say, unique, sense of humor. The 3 stooges have always been favorites of mine and the newest trio of actors seem to resemble the original actors very closely.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Hi, 50, it's a pleasure to meet you here. Delighted I could induce some laughter. Yes, by all means, go back when you have time to read the preceding jokes.


mary615 profile image

mary615 4 years ago from Florida

Glad you cleared up the mystery on your #11. This one is great, as usual. Keep them coming....


amillar profile image

amillar 4 years ago from Scotland, UK

Even the flush,

Is big in Texshush


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Hi, mary - thank you for noticing, too. Will republish #11 as soon as I get the nod from the HP kingdom. Delighted you enjoyed this one. Does create a picture, doesn't it?


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Gosh, amillar, I wish I had said that! Very clever, my friend.


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 4 years ago from Arlington, TX

Everything is big in Texas. I can attest to that!

Great joke.

The Frog


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States

Ahhh, Dr. BJ! Another gem from the master (I know it should be mistress but I didn't want to be presumptive :-)) of humor! Voted way up!!!


Rosemay50 profile image

Rosemay50 4 years ago from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand

Hahaha what a shocker 'don't flush' love it. The movie looks hilarious, gotta love those guys.

Was wondering what had happened to #11


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

EVERYTHING is big in Texas, Frog? No comment.

This joke is dedicated to all you mustang-riding, hard-drinking tough Texans. Gotta love ya.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Hi, Dex. Master or Mistress of Humor? You know I will accept whatever works. You could never be presumptive. Precocious perhaps but not presumptive. Thanks for the Up.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Hi, Rosemary. Thanks for loving this 'flush' joke. I'm looking forward to the movie with the Stooges. It started this week in my neighborhood. I'm wondering, too, what happed to Joke #11.


psychicdog.net profile image

psychicdog.net 4 years ago

drbj - what the hell is going on? Here I am at the end of a very long line again - the queues at your hilarious shows are getting longer!


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 4 years ago

You rock! You always manage to put a smile on my face and I thank you. Up and funny.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Don't fret, psychicdog. There is no admission charge . . . yet! You are also entitled to a free popcorn for the 'hilarious.'


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

I must tell you, bp, that it is distinctly my pleasure to put a smile on your face, oh, humorous, rocking, political pundit. I thank you. Thanks also for the Up and funny, m'dear.


Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

The Three Stooges movie was hilarious! I'm still doing the eye pokes to my family!! Ha!!


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Just saw the new Three Stooges movie, Linda, and it was hilarious as advertised. The Farrelly brothers who produced the film take time to explain to kids who might be motivated to eye-poke just how to do it without actually poking someone in the eyes. And they demonstrate the rubber hammers and mallets used which are no fun at all without the sound effects. Lotsa fun. Thanks for stopping by, m'dear.


Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

I thought the demonstration at the end was well done and appreciated by a lot of parents and school teachers. I'm glad you enjoyed the movie also:)


Paradise7 profile image

Paradise7 4 years ago from Upstate New York

That one actually got me to laugh out loud. LOL!


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 4 years ago from Wales

Oh brilliant drbj thanks to you I now have great jokes and can compete with Dai who thinks he is the only true joke teller on the universe;mine are better(Or yours rather)jkeep them coming .

Take care

Eddy.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

I thought it was very thoughtful, Linda, of the film producers to include the explanatory bit at the end of the Stooges film. Thainking about it, their insurance providers may have demanded that disclaimer. And I did enjoy the corny antics of the new stooges.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Hi, Paradise. So happy this joke actually got you to laugh out loud. Was it about 3:00 in the afternoon yesterday? If so, I do believe I heard you!


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

How nice, Eddy, that you can now compete to great advantage in the joke-telling department with your sweet Dai who thinks his jokes are best. We know differently, right? Keep him laughing, m'dear.


John MacNab profile image

John MacNab 4 years ago from the banks of the St. Lawrence

Nice one drbj. My cheeks are flushed from reading it.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Your cheeks are flushed, John? Verrrry funny, my friend. Clever commenters are my favorite kind. Thank you.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa

ROFL!

This one hit me for a six!

:)

Oh, and the video! LMAO :)


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Hi, Martie. Well, I'm making progress. A ROFL for the joke, and an LMAO for the video are so much more significant than an 'OOeeeeee', doncha think? Thanks for making the rounds today.


QudsiaP1 profile image

QudsiaP1 4 years ago

Hahahahahahaha! I did not expect that at all!


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Thanks, Qudsia, fo not expecting this ending at all. That's music to a joke writer's ears. And thanks, too, for the seven ha's.


John MacNab profile image

John MacNab 3 years ago from the banks of the St. Lawrence

I love it drbj. Voted up and awesome. N.B. Couldn't the dog get a parachute of its own?


drbj profile image

drbj 3 years ago from south Florida Author

Thanks for the loving it, the Up, and the awesome, John. You pose an interesting question. I suppose the dog could get its own parachute but how would it pull the ripcord? Hmmmmm?


John MacNab profile image

John MacNab 3 years ago from the banks of the St. Lawrence

The same way a dog does most things, drbj - with its teeth.


drbj profile image

drbj 3 years ago from south Florida Author

I wish I had thought of that. BTW, John, a great big thank you for following these jokes. You ARE the man!


KoffeeKlatch Gals profile image

KoffeeKlatch Gals 3 years ago from Sunny Florida

HaHaHaHa I love it. Up and funny.


drbj profile image

drbj 3 years ago from south Florida Author

And because you are such a sweet, constant visitor, KK Gals, I love you! Thanks for the Up and funny, too.


Rolly A Chabot profile image

Rolly A Chabot 3 years ago from Alberta Canada

Hi drbj... you never fail to entertain us with your wit and humour... thank you for being who you are and please never stop being you....

Hugs and Blessings from Canada


drbj profile image

drbj 3 years ago from south Florida Author

Hi, Rolly, thank you for the sweet words. And you, m'dear, never fail to entertain us with your fireside chats and philosophic pondering. Hugs backatcha, my friend.


Au fait profile image

Au fait 14 months ago from North Texas

I love it! Funny and cute and you can tell it to your college professor or you great grandmother. Even your 5-year old. Voted up!


drbj profile image

drbj 14 months ago from south Florida Author

So happy you found this one, Au fait - it's one of my all-time favorites. Do tell it to all the folks you mentioned. They will love it, too. And thanks for the Up vote, m'dear.

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