Funny Story About A Car: Now You Tell Me!

Funny Story About A Car: Now You Tell Me!


I'm going to let you in on a little secret, folks. I'm not as smart as I may appear sometimes. Or at the very least, I have very bad luck more often than not. If there is something that can go wrong in any given situation, it almost always happens to me. I've grown to accept this fact of life.


My funny story about a car begins with the history of my Chevy Monza. We bought this car fresh off the lot in 1979, exactly 2 weeks before I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. We had 2 little boys at the time so by the time we had driven this car for 2 weeks, we had already outgrown it. However, things being tight back then, it wasn't quite in the cards yet for us to get a new car.


I do have to say that as much as I disliked this car, mainly because of its small size and the fact that I felt like I was Fred Flinstone pedaling along the pavement since I was so low to the ground, that car served me very well indeed. Tomorrow marks the day 27 years ago that I drove this car with my 3 children (ages 3, 5 and 8 - one who was legally blind and one who had ADD) from Chicago to Tacoma, Washington all by myself with a snowstorm nipping at my heels the entire way.


I precipitously slid down the pass into Spokane the day before my 30th birthday in this car with no seat belts, no chains and no brains (obviously). Bob had been transferred to Tacoma, Washington with the government and I had been left behind to pack up and get us ready to move and then had the daunting task of driving with 3 small children across country alone. To say that it was a 'trip' would be an understatement.


Now all that said, that little car ended up being not such a bad thing after all since it did get me from here to there safely. The trip itself was full of excitement so perhaps another day, another hub. All in all though, the little car served us well. What it lacked in terms of safety devices I guess I made up for in terms of packing the blasted thing so full that there was not an inch of room for anyone to be thrown about. I had actually built little wooden lap desks as well for the kids to use on the trip to keep them occupied.


I never did forget what the little car did for me although as the years went by and we literally grew in terms of our family size and proportions, it did begin to become evident it wasn't going to serve us that much longer adequately.

public domain photo
public domain photo

Funny Story About a Car: Now You Tell Me!


So where is this all going? Well, when I arrived with the kids in tow, Bob had already picked out our house and moved what little he had into it before the rest of our things arrived. It was a new house which was cool, but his idea of 'needing minimal work' and mine seemed to have lost something in the translation over the phone.


When we finally arrived back at our new house that night, before we went to sleep, I saw only part of the house but upon awakening the next morning, I quickly realized that he could have been a cars salesman for the bamboozle he had done on me. I remember clearly the words over the phone, 'minimal work, Audrey, minimal' - ringing like a bad echo. Minimal my Chevy Monza!


Minimal in his terms meant that the entire downstairs level was unfinished save a bathroom, there was no fence, and there was no backyard - just mounds and mounds of dirt and rock left for us to create a yard from. There was a bit of a strip of front yard but that, too needed major work. Yes, it was new, and yes, it was ours.....and the very best part - there was no garage. There was a carport and that was it.


So where does the funny part come in with the car you ask. Well, I'm getting to that! I arrived in early November. As my luck would have it, I have never had a problem getting a job. In fact, I already had one at the local hospital by the time I pulled into Washington except that there was one little problem - I had no clothes because all our belongings were still in transit from Chicago.


Eventually though, things arrived, we set to moving in and starting our new life in the glorious state of Washington. Of course, winter was coming on and the only car we still had was our little Chevy Monza. I worked evenings and weekends as we never left the kids with babysitters and worked opposite shifts to get around that. The first year that we were in Washington, they of course had one of the worst winters they'd ever had with lots of snow and ice.


Coming from Chicago, I was totally used to that. Except in Chicago, you are on flat land. You don't have those pesky little hills and fir trees to worry about sliding down or running into in a car that is basically a tuna can on wheels! All this said, I had to learn to drive all over again pretty much because driving to my job in the Chevy Monza was a bit like sledding - hold on and hope to God you made it in one piece going down the hill without hitting something.


I was getting used to it though and really, for an area to live in, back in the early 1980s, Puyallup (a suburb of Tacoma) was a wonderful place to live and raise kids. As the Northwest goes, you couldn't imagine more beautiful surroundings. I even loved the snow and the ice. With all the beautiful trees, it was a pristine beauty I'd never seen before and every day felt like I was on vacation in the mountains.


As I mentioned, it was a very cold winter. Half the time when Bob got up to go to work at the VA Hospital, the engine on the little Chevy Monza wouldn't start because it was too cold. We took to blocking off the carport so that he could generate some warmth and keep the wind from blowing into the engine at night.


Enter Audrey on her way to work at the local hospital one Saturday morning. I got up, spent my remaining time with everyone, donned my dress, heels and lab coat, kissed everyone goodbye and bid them adieu until afternoon. I clickity clicked my way down the stairs, got into the Monza and turned the key.


Well, it was fairly early in the morning and I had had my coffee and all, but somehow I thought I couldn't have heard what I had heard. When I turned the key over, all I heard was a sort of whirring and then a sort of sucking sound and then dead silence. And of course the key did not turn over - so I tried it again. This time not even a whirring and definitely no sucking. Hmmm.......


Clickity, clickity, clack, clack, clack - I tripped back up the stairs to the front door, threw it wide, and standing on the landing yelled up to Bob who was in the kitchen 'Hey - something seems to be wrong with the car - it won't start!'


I can still hear his voice as if it was that very morning - 'Oh PAAALEEZE - Tell me you DID NOT start that car.'


What is he like deaf? 'Well, of course I started the car - didn't I just SAY I started the car? Or tried to start the car?'


I'm getting the flavor here that I've done something terribly wrong but what in the heck could I have done wrong? He saw me go out the door - he certainly knew my intent, right? Was I all dolled up and ready to go so I could trip around the neighborhood looking for cans? I don't think so!


He slams down whatever he's doing in the kitchen and stomps down the stairs towards the front door, throws it open and races out the front door before I can say 'what the heck?' I quickly tell the kids to wait there - and clickity click click down the stairs again after him.


Well - I wasn't quite ready for what I saw! He had jumped down the stairs and had thrown up the hood of the car and was standing there bellowing at the top of his lungs - something about 'How in the hell can anyone be so smart and so stupid all at the same time?'


'Hey - I totally resent that - what the heck? How dare you speak to me like that! What did I do?'


Hmmmm..Well, it kinda just took one look to see what I'd done. Apparently Mr. Einstein in all his infinite wisdom had placed a blanket (a very huge blanket I might add here) over the engine to keep it warm.


You see, I know that it was a blanket because I could see the tufts that remained of it and I recognized the tufts. I have to say that there wasn't unfortunately very much else LEFT of the blanket for me to recognize because this queen-sized warm blanket was now the size of about a handkerchief and it very unfortunately (for me) was sucked into the fan belt. Oh THAT'S what that sucking noise was!


Bob is so furious that his neck is bulging veins I didn't even know he had there. His face is contorted as if he's going to give birth to an aneurysm any minute. I do not have a good feeling about this.


He turns on me definitely controlling himself as I have a feeling he wanted to shake me until my teeth rattled and through gritted teeth, his left eye now twitching a merry rhythm, he rasps out 'Didn't you NOTICE the damned blanket hanging out the side, Audrey before you got in and turned the key over????'


What a stupid question! If I had noticed the blanket, did he really think I would have gone ahead and turned the key over? What a moron! However, let me insert here that I'm not stupid (well....about some things). I didn't think now was the time for name calling and I certainly didn't think that pointing out that HE was the stupid one was going to be winning me any popularity contests so I demurely said 'What blanket?'


Hmmm....guess I got him on that point! He proceeds to keep yelling about the blanket that he put on the engine to keep it warm. I just played dumb like he was speaking Spanish or something because seriously - I never saw the blasted blanket so how would I KNOW that there was a blanket there in the first place? Do I look psychic, Bob? Psychotic maybe, but definitely NOT psychic. Hence the vacuumized blanket in the fan belt!


By now of course, the neighbors have come out and are laughing and strolling up with their coffee to get a gander at the Chevy Monza with the blanket in the fan belt and giving their various and sundry advice, some of which I might add I didn't care for. Some went along the lines of having me dye my hair blond so I'd better fit the part - whatever. I get no respect!


The kids had come out and Katie started to cry because she thought I'd killed the car - I might add our only car. I tried to assure her that her big smart daddy would be able to no doubt fix said car in no time flat which seemed to cheer her up a bit. The daddy in question of course is still sending me electrical impulses from his eyes no doubt aimed at my brain.


As things would have it, I mentioned that I really needed to get going - after all I was late for work now thanks to this little escapade - and solicited one of my kind neighbors to drive me to work, leaving the mechanic to determine the fate of the downed Monza.

Funny Story About a Car - Now You Tell Me!


As I told Katie, I had not killed the car....just set it back a few years I suppose. Bob had to take the engine apart and spent the better part of that day with the kids outside playing in the nonexistent backyard (in the mud I might add) and then having a neighbor drive him down to get new parts. Luckily, it didn't have to be towed because he was smart enough to fix it himself. 


Too bad he just didn't happen to be smart enough to LEAVE A NOTE or TELL SOMEONE that he had put a blanket on the engine!  (Did they have sticky notes back in 1983?)


The moral of that story is this - you can't know something that someone neglects to tell you and I'm still not taking the blame for that little Chevy Monza fiasco.


He eventually calmed down over it though he still shudders when I bring up this story.  Our friends happen to love this story and especially my reenactment of the sucking sound as the blanket went into the fan belt.


Mostly I bring it up when I want to remind him that he has a tendency to leave out very important details and what can happen when said details are omitted. Again, I'm pointing out that I'm not a mind reader, Bob!


The Chevy Monza lived a long and happy life. It eventually died on the side of the road ironically with me at the wheel on my way to drop it off at the dealership as our trade-in. Was that somehow karma or what?


It was very embarrassing having to hitch a ride home with yet another neighbor and calling the dealership where I might add Bob was waiting.....


'You're not going to believe it, Bob but I was driving along and I heard this whirring and then a sucking noise and then nothing'.


I think you could have heard him sigh around the world and then silence.


They sent a tow truck to tow our car to the lot. And no matter how Bob felt standing there explaining all this to the car dealer, he certainly couldn't have felt HALF as stupid as I felt standing on the side of the road explaining it to the tow truck guy!


This is only one of my several (I know it's hard to believe) funny stories about a car. I seem to have the worst luck when it comes to machinery!

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Comments 36 comments

Annemari profile image

Annemari 4 years ago from Tiny part of the World

Nice one. It's so beautiful and yeah funny.

I write hubs too. Visit Annemari


akirchner profile image

akirchner 6 years ago from Central Oregon Author

Thanks, James - 36 coming up here shortly - wouldn't trade it for a minute....thanks for the read!


James A Watkins profile image

James A Watkins 6 years ago from Chicago

Over thirty years of marriage!? I am impressed! Good for you. I enjoyed your story. It is funny. :D


akirchner profile image

akirchner 6 years ago from Central Oregon Author

Crewman I most certainly do and I hate to tell ya, hang on because I got about a billion more....unfortunately a couple of them involve cars AGAIN - I know hard to believe. I always wonder if Bob stayed married to me these 36 long years because he needed a good laugh down the road (although at the time I don't recall him laughing much). We definitely must have been made for each other though!


Crewman6 profile image

Crewman6 6 years ago

If you can cringe while laughing, that's what I was doing while reading. You certainly have more than your share of eventful episodes. I guess it paid off in the long run... you have more to write about than I'll ever dream of!


akirchner profile image

akirchner 6 years ago from Central Oregon Author

Hey Nell - I don't think once it got sucked in it was going ANYWHERE in particular....but the look on Bob's face...priceless. Too bad it wasn't the end of my bad car experiences!


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 6 years ago from England

Hi, Audrey, it was a good thing that it didn't somehow manage to get along the road! can you imagine having to get a mechanic out and he opens the bonnet and... ha ha I can hear that clunking from here! cheers nell


akirchner profile image

akirchner 6 years ago from Central Oregon Author

Ah Prasetio - so glad I could give you a chuckle or two....even if it is (as usual) at my own expense. That is the way my Lucille Ball life goes me thinks! Thanks for the read!!


prasetio30 profile image

prasetio30 6 years ago from malang-indonesia

Audrey...oh ...Audrey. You make me smile with this story. Very funny indeed, until make me want to read this twice. Thanks for share with us. Rating up. God bless you!

Prasetio


akirchner profile image

akirchner 6 years ago from Central Oregon Author

HH - Since I'm senile as a bat most days, you must send me the link but will jot down that I need to go there and find it! Sounds hilarious - and thanks for laughing with me...

Darlene - Thanks as always for the read and isn't it funny what our kids perceive? She was afraid we'd never go anywhere EVER again!


Darlene Sabella profile image

Darlene Sabella 6 years ago from Hello, my name is Toast and Jam, I live in the forest with my dog named Sam ...

This is so funny, and it reminds me of my son crying when I hurt my orange car that I hated, he also thought I had killed the car, I finally traded it in for another car and it took him a long time to get over the lose. Love you story my dear friend rate up up up funny


Hello, hello, profile image

Hello, hello, 6 years ago from London, UK

I have read it yesterday and then I interrupted and for got to put a comment. So here I am. You should read my hub 'My Son Needs a Car' I sweated blood. Picture - I can't drive, no idea about cars apart from colours and where to get in and out and then the enormous availabilty of cars and at that time my son had not of ideas about them either. I could see ourself driving round the corner and the thing fell apart. You what dealers are like. As I said I sweated blood and no exaggeration. Honest. Great hub as always. You had me in stitches.


akirchner profile image

akirchner 6 years ago from Central Oregon Author

Wayne, it sounds like you had personal experience with those blasted cars....it was literally a tuna can on wheels and except that I felt some kind of fear of bad karma if I cursed the blasted thing after getting us safely to our destination, I probably would have taken a baseball bat to it myself! I hated that car but when it gets those kids you love more than anything in the world through the ice and snow, I guess I just had to thank my lucky stars. I might add, Bob picked her out! Just one more thing to add to the 'list'....ha ha


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas

My sister had one of those cars. GM did such a wonderful job of designing it...you had to loosen the engine supports and jack up the engine in order to change the spark plugs...GM, as a courtesy, only charged half the normal labor rate to do the work! What nice people! Fun hub as usual, Audrey! WB


akirchner profile image

akirchner 6 years ago from Central Oregon Author

Too funny Christopher - that actually was not the ONLY thing that happened with that blasted car. I guess I was just grateful as heck that it carried me and my precious tiny kids all the way from Chicago in the frigid weather to Tacoma, Washington!! I had to cut it a little slack for that.

However, I got in one day in Chicago, pushed in the clutch and it broke right in half - another Bob to the rescue story.

Then another day (of course it WAS 80 below with the wind chill and we should not have been out) the radiator blew up in the middle of a store parking lot because the antifreeze was not made to go to that subarctic temperature and we also all froze to death trying to get from the car to the store (where the windows were also breaking out due to the cold).....

The car was a piece of crappola to tell the truth but since it was all we had at that time, I guess I'm giving it the benefit of the doubt. Stay tuned - there is still another story to tell!


Christopher Price profile image

Christopher Price 6 years ago from Vermont, USA

Monza is a town in Italy famed for the Gran Prix race that is held there. Chevy surely tarnished the name with the car they made to carry the name.

The genius engineers who designed the car decided to cram a V8 engine under the hood of the Sport version of the Monza. Cool! Except for the fact that the engine compartment was meant to hold just a 4 or 6 cylinder engine. The 2 rear-most sparkplugs of the V8 were thus situated under the cowl of the car...the shelf where the windshield wipers are located. Simply changing the sparkplugs required unbolting and dropping the engine to create room extract and replace the plugs. Oh yeah, genius!

Soon after we were married, my wife and I bought a used Monza that lasted us about 2 weeks before it died.

At least you can look back and laugh at your Monza mania. I just shudder.

CP


akirchner profile image

akirchner 6 years ago from Central Oregon Author

Gus - Now why didn't I know that? That would have made much sense of course to me.....probably not but we can kid ourselves that it would!

Dim - Oh my Bob is a wonderful man to have put up with me all these long years - and he is useful for many, many things! A good tool to have in one's kit so to speak!

Oh Jaye - that is hilarious about the wrong words coming out of your mouth. I do have that trouble occasionally myself...in fact this summer I think I said something to the effect that I felt like a hundred bucks. My husband was bent over at the table laughing. I had a feeling I got the saying wrong when I started but oh well - at least I make him laugh. Thanks so much for reading...and stay tuned - I have only just begun!


JayeWisdom 6 years ago

Enjoyed your--indeed--funny story about a car. The funny/ironic thing is that I, too, once owned a Monza. It was in the days before the lemon law was in existence. My Monza died on me miles from home and wouldn't start, and this was during the first week I owned it! Things went downhill from there and, dare I say it? I vowed never to buy another Chevy product (and I didn't, whether that was fair or not).

I also had an experience in winter many, many years ago when a car (not the same one) made a loud screeching noise when I tried to start it. It sounded like a siren. That was in the days when cars needed antifreeze for weather below the 30s, which we hadn't much of in the deep south. Said car didn't have the requisite antifreeze and, yes, Audrey, the temp was below freezing. Had to be towed, and then-husband was not happy. Nowadays, it's all-weather/year-round protective fluid, and the garage checks it every time the oil is changed, not just in winter, so that's one thing I less I must remember. Did I say I'm fairly intelligent, but seem to have a lot of odd things happen to me? I've also gotten myself into a lot of trouble over the years because of the wrong words coming out of my mouth (unintentionally on my part, of course). We could almost be sisters under the skin! That may be why I love reading about your mishaps....JAYE


De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK

I am with you on this one IP. Anyway, unless it was an electric blanket, how could it keep the car warm?

Anyway, your husband seems to be quite useful to have around. Better keep him a while longer I think :-)


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 6 years ago from USA

Actually, Audrey, everyone knows that anything with the name, "Monza" (a miss spell of the Italian word for "eat") will gobble up blankets, horses, trees, or anything not made of cast iron. You should have known!

Gus :-)))


akirchner profile image

akirchner 6 years ago from Central Oregon Author

Eiddwen - I must get to working on that one of these days in my spare time, eh?

Ken - Cars and me are NOT in synch and I seem to have become more humbled over the years to this very important fact. I still maintain though....if someone doesn't tell you that they put a blanket on the car or leave a note....but all water under the hood so to speak! Thanks for the read!!


saddlerider1 profile image

saddlerider1 6 years ago

I think every last one of us could come up with one of our own silly or dumb car stories somewhere in time. As for Bob wrapping the engine with a blanket, all he had to do was remind you of it, so that you would take it off before attempting to turn over the engine:0)

The question being? Or would you have remembered? lol...Yup I can hear the sucking sound and finally the muffled sound of a dying engine.lol too funny.


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 6 years ago from Wales

I'm, sure there could be a book in the making here also.

Thank you so much for sharing.

Take care.


akirchner profile image

akirchner 6 years ago from Central Oregon Author

Laurel - Thank you SO much for validating me after 27 years...it's not like I have to right or anything! har har

Bail Up - That's cute - I never thought about coining us the Griswalds but it may just work! Thanks for the read.

Lela - Now THAT my dear, is the supreme compliment. I am half in love with the man as he is my comedic hero.

Feline Prophet - I think about it - I just don't know if folks would read like 100 volumes! There are still many more to come fortunately/unfortunately. I think my life has been one Lucille Ball moment after the other....thanks so much for the read and the support!


Feline Prophet profile image

Feline Prophet 6 years ago from India

Audrey, you MUST compile these stories into a book! :)


Austinstar profile image

Austinstar 6 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

Audrey, you would make Robin Williams laugh!


Bail Up ! profile image

Bail Up ! 6 years ago

Funny story, and here I thought only things like this happen to me and my hubby. Our family and friends have taken to calling us the Griswalds as anything that can go wrong on vacation and around the home happens to us. Thanks for sharing your humor.


lorlie6 profile image

lorlie6 6 years ago from Bishop, Ca

Yeah, why didn't he leave a note?? I don't think you have anything to be embarrassed about!

Great story.


akirchner profile image

akirchner 6 years ago from Central Oregon Author

Micky, you have that right - we've been through thick and thin we two and he still loves me. Amazing story of love and all the good stuff that can happen when you least expect it. Thanks for reading!

Sandy - Isn't it the truth - but my Bob is one of a kind. He is the first to admit (eventually) that he's been a goof and always is the best at making up. That's the delight I guess. I can't ever stay mad at him for long - nor he with me. It works both ways!


Sandyspider profile image

Sandyspider 6 years ago from Wisconsin, USA

I enjoyed reading your funny car hub. What a story. Most men don't admit to there mistakes. But I am glad that he eventually comes around.


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 6 years ago

Stories like this add to the glue that keeps couples together! (I think) God bless Girl!


akirchner profile image

akirchner 6 years ago from Central Oregon Author

Charlie, but I think I am!!! Truly....and I have no idea what kind of blanket it was but it was thick and it used to have fringe....obviously the blanket was toast! Thanks for the read my dear friend!


ralwus 6 years ago

I could almost swear that you are Lucy incarnated. What kind of blanket was that?


akirchner profile image

akirchner 6 years ago from Central Oregon Author

Katie - Exactly right - you must learn to laugh at all these things or surely you would be overcome. I learned a long time ago it is best to laugh at these things that happen to me and just look at the funny business of life!

Petra - He eventually does always admit his mistakes as he is a very sweet man and of the most sterling caliber, a gentle man I always say. But at the time, oh lord have mercy - he does go a bit over the top but it all is so funny in the long run who can't help but get over it? Thanks so much for the read!


Petra Vlah profile image

Petra Vlah 6 years ago from Los Angeles

Oh, Audrey... do you expect a man to blame himself for doing something not quiet right especially when it comes to cars? The way you tell the story makes it funny, but I can imagine your frustration at the time (and his). Great read


katiem2 profile image

katiem2 6 years ago from I'm outta here

Oh my those sounds noone wants to hear from their car in such a vital time... new job, cold morning and on and on. Oh my the buldging veins in Bob's neck... Your an amazing story teller and what an exciting and thrilling life you lead. You should def publish all your adventures in a long series of funny stories.

As my grandma always says it's better to laugh than cry and I think you def embrace this attitude. Peace and Love :)

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