Glazed Doughnuts

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By: Wayne Brown

As some of you know, I am from time to time inspired to write of my experiences on my morning coffee trips to the local 7-Eleven store near my office. Today was no exception as one of my favorite clerks was working the register. I like her because she laughs easily at my humor and urges me on a bit…kind of like open-mike night at the local comedy club, you know.


I grabbed my normal “large” coffee and snapped on the cover which really conceals the fact that I use two cups. I do not do this due to a fetish of any kind…you know, like stealing or shoplifting, I simply believe that the coffee stays warmer longer if the cup thickness is increased so I create that little scenario for myself as part of my “coffee ritual” each day. Being a loyal customer, I probably deserve it don’t you think?

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From the coffee bar I proceeded toward the checkout counter the path to which passes directly by the doughnut display. You know that it is a fact that everything has a center…even the universe. Well, the center of the 7-Eleven is the doughnut display and the rest of the store just seems to rotate around it…at least that is true in my world perspective of it all. So, tempted by the presence of the doughnut display, I reach in and grab one, in fact, I grab two because I notice that the long-running promotional program is still going on featuring two glazed doughnuts for one little dollar. Today, I am working the program!


This promotion started back in the fall with 7-Eleven and continues apparently into oblivion. The promotion offers “two glazed doughnuts for $1 dollar”. The catch is simple, if you don’t want two doughnuts…say you want only one glazed doughnut, the price is still $1 dollar. The promotion only includes “glazed” doughnuts leaving the others with chocolate or sprinkles to sell at normal pricing. Obviously there is some kind of strategy going on behind the scene but for the life of me I cannot figure it out. Thus, I tend to make jokes about it with the help as often as I can.


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Today, I stepped to the counter with my coffee and my two “promotional glazed doughnuts” and waited for the clerk to ring me up. While she was going about the task, I remarked that there certainly seemed to be an abundance of “glazed doughnuts” in the universe and raised the question as to whether last year’s crop had been one for the record books. She laughed and agreed. I then stated that the abundance of inventory had significantly driven the price of the item down in lots of two at least. This led me to begin speculating as to how the “futures market” for downstream sales of “glazed doughnuts” might be affected by such a bountiful crop. Soon, other customers joined in and began speculating whether the abundance of or the lack of rainfall had contributed to the glazed doughnut abundance. We had a good time with it.


As I got into the truck and started out of the parking lot, I began to wonder how the “chocolate-covered doughnut” must feel with all this emphasis and promotion on the clear-glazed variety. The little chocolate doughnut is priced normally and it just lays there aging by the hour wondering if it will ever get bought. Do you suppose there was a crop shortage in terms of “chocolate doughnuts” this past year or is there just so much more overhead incurred in the production of these little chocolate delights? I know that I sure think about it a bunch and wonder if it will ever be possible for 7-Eleven to promote the little chocolate doughnut in the same manner as the clear-glazed one.


Then my mind wondered right back to the glazed doughnut promotion and I tried to unravel the mystery of it. Clearly there is a level of genius involved here and it was probably developed by one of 7-Eleven’s former multi-lingual counter-persons (now turned marketing guru in the headquarters shop). Think about it…two glazed doughnuts for $1 dollar. It sounds like a dang good deal and probably is though I really don’t monitor the fluctuations in price of doughnuts of any kind in the marketplace. Still…two for only $1 dollar…people cannot resist it in terms of the temptation.No honey, I would not have eaten the doughnuts but they were priced at two for only $1 dollar. I couldn’t pass up a deal like that!” Can’t you just hear the rationale?


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Still, there are those folks frequenting the 7-Eleven who will look at the promotion on glazed doughnuts and go, “Man! That’s a good deal but that’s just too many doughnuts for my appetite level". Based on that opinion and the strong draw of the promotion, they will avoid the “two doughnuts” and opt for one at the regular price of one dollar….leaving that free doughnut in the case to be sold to some other suckers. All the while, the little chocolate doughnut is just patiently waiting to be bought or promoted whichever comes first.


Of course, if 7-Eleven is selling clear-glazed doughnuts out the wazoo with this promotion then production and downstream demand could just be in frenzy. Traders on the futures selling floors are hawking them doughnuts and bragging to each other as to how glazed doughnuts are now outselling both soybeans and feeder cattle. If that is a realistic scenario, then I think we can expect to see some folks on that Wealth Network who have come by their assets in such a manner. Tell us Fred…how did you acquire the wealth to such a level that you can afford this big ‘ol custom-made yacht…was it soybeans? “Heck no!” Fred replies, “I made my money in glazed doughnuts!”


Now that I have had time to think on it and consider the alternatives…for example, that lonely little chocolate doughnut still lying in the case, I think it might be time on make my move on the glazed doughnut futures business. Of course, 7-Eleven will have to hold true on their promotional strategy and keep pumping out these glazed doughnuts hell-bent-for leather or I could otherwise end up literally holding the bag filled with a lot of worthless glazed doughnuts if you see what I mean. These investment things are complex.


Maybe I’ll hold off for just one more day and check once more on the inventory levels on the chocolate doughnuts at the store. If you are in there, look real close and you can see where I made a mark with my finger in the chocolate of each one on display…that way I’ll know if they are still there tomorrow or have been sold…pretty good idea don’t ya think? You got to keep your edge in this doughnut business or you’ll be eatin’ ‘em for lunch.


Now, a lot of folks will just laugh at all this and remark, “Why, you damn fool, you’ll write about anything just to get some attention!” That might be true but I am as serious and sincere as a funeral director’s handshake about this doughnut thing. It may seem silly to you at first but once you dig into it and realize the complexity surrounding the production and high volume movement of glazed doughnuts, you’ll be wantin’ in on the deal…trust me!


One thing about all of this totally puzzles me…it is the part that I just cannot put together…if two glazed doughnuts for one dollar is such a good deal, why aren’t all the cops down at the 7-Eleven right now? That’s the part about this investing in doughnut futures that makes me a little queasy and thinking that maybe I am misreading the market. Maybe, just maybe, I need to keep my butt out of 7-Eleven!


©Copyright WBrown2012. All Rights Reserved.

5 Jan 2012

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Comments 30 comments

Just Ask Susan profile image

Just Ask Susan 4 years ago from Ontario, Canada

Wayne I had to laugh at " I am as serious and sincere as a funeral director’s handshake" This is one I've never heard before. When I saw the picture of the doughnut I had to come and read what this was all about as doughnuts are one of my weaknesses. What a deal 2 for a buck. I may have to cross the border to cash in on this one :)


Fiddleman profile image

Fiddleman 4 years ago from Zirconia, North Carolina

Fun hub. Love donuts.


Becky Katz profile image

Becky Katz 4 years ago from Hereford, AZ

Ok, I am laughing.


Arlene V. Poma 4 years ago

Thanks for the memories. My daddy loved his glazed doughnut twists. Glazed doughnuts, wherever they're from, are A-Okay with me. Voted up and everything else.


Don Bobbitt profile image

Don Bobbitt 4 years ago from Ruskin Florida

Loved It! Great morning activity, but watch out. I am now trying to get rid of 10pounds of holiday explorations into the world of food decadence.


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 4 years ago from Texas Author

@Just Ask Susan...Don't expect the doughnut you get at that guy's place that has outlets all around Canada...Tim Somebody???? He is a serious doughnut man! WB

@Fiddleman...Thanks much...glad you had fun with it! WB

@Becky Katz...Ahhhh! Purpose fulfilled! WB

@Arlene V. Poma...I think they might be everyone's weakness...never met a doughnut hater! WB

@Don Bobbitt...Ah Ha! You may be that first doughnut hater I have come across! LOL! WB


Sunnie Day 4 years ago

Wayne you are so funny! Loved this..but I think it goes way deeper and past the genius who came up with two donuts for a dollar..This is my thoughts...I think he is in business with the local doctors and the pharmacology folks who treat people for clogged arteries, diabetes, and obesity. They have secret meetings in the back of 7-11 and plan their strategies.. McDonald's and Krispy Cream are in on it too. We are just mere little folks who love our donuts, fries, and coffee but I am telling you there is a conspiracy...hahahaha and yes I may have had too much coffee today...:) and you thought it was just about the donuts...lol

Sunnie


Just Ask Susan profile image

Just Ask Susan 4 years ago from Ontario, Canada

LOL Wayne ah yes the famous Tim Horton :) His doughnuts have shrunk in size...It's a shame :)


Kiela Starcatcher profile image

Kiela Starcatcher 4 years ago from Chicago, IL

LOL! Rate up / funny. (^_^)

Last paragraph about the cops was my favorite.

But... damn. Now I'm craving glazed doughnuts, discounted or not! And I suspect there's the real marketing factor - you just TELL someone about 2 for 1 doughnuts somewhere, and just sit back and wait for them to drool!

*waits patiently for her WayneDonuts.com shipment!* (~_^)


writer20 profile image

writer20 4 years ago from Southern Nevada

You sure now how to write a funny hub. The only donuts I can eat without it repeating all day is Krispy Kremes.

Voted up and darn funny.


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 4 years ago from Texas Author

@Sunnie Day...Hey, this sounds like some kind of scheme to prop up ObamaCare....there are implications that this could lead directly to the White House! LOL! WB

@Just Ask Susan...That's be him and OMG! Is he monkeying with doughnut futures by changing the recipe?????? Couldst be! LOL! WB

@Kiela Starcatcher...Good idea...might even positively impact my purchase of doughnut futures. I could be shipping glazed doughnuts all over the world. I'll just buy then at two for one and sell them one for one...who would know? God I love capitalism! LOL! WB

@writer20...I don't think you chew Krispy Kremes, they just evaporate in your mouth .... kind of an M&M thing! Thanks much! WB


mljdgulley354 profile image

mljdgulley354 4 years ago

You might have to be careful Wayne. These stores have a way of getting you hooked and then downsizing the product. I'm sure it is for our own good. HaHa


Sunnie Day 4 years ago

OH MY I KNEW IT!!!! hahaha


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 4 years ago from Texas Author

@mljdgulley354...So you think you are getting two doughnuts for the price of one but really you are only getting one doughnut in terms of dough volume...very sly! WB


KathyH profile image

KathyH 4 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada

You have me wanting a doughnut soooo bad now, and I've been sooooo good up until now... I can see a little Wayne "devil" on one shoulder and a little Wayne "angel" on the other, the devil one is duh... winning! Now I'm off to google the location of the nearest 7-11! ;) Thanks for the laughs, great hub! :)


brianlokker profile image

brianlokker 4 years ago from Washington DC metro area

Doughnut futures -- a surefire way to supplement our HubPages earnings! I'm thinking I might go for the chocolate doughnuts with the finger marks ... they're sure to be discounted, right? Up and funny.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida

Ah, Wayne, I knew we had so much in common. Doughnuts! They make the world go around. And they hold such a fascination for me that I wrote a hub, "Doughnuts are Good for You." With your permission, I will link that hub to this one. Just say the word.


KDee411 profile image

KDee411 4 years ago from Bay Area, California

Very Good Wayne I felt sorry for the little chocolate guy. The vidio was great too.

Kay


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 4 years ago from Texas Author

@Kathy H...Sorry about that...too much "doughnut talk" can overload the system! LOL! WB

@brianlokker...Yes! Can you imagine if doughnut futures was just half as profitable as HubPage earning where we would be right now?...not the Carribbean! LOL! WB

@drbj...Doc, you are without a doubt one of the smartest people I know but dang...you hang on stubbornly to those pork bellies...move into the new century and go with doughnut futures! LOL! ...BTW...I would be honored to have you link this one with yours! It ups my intelligence quotient for sure! WB

@KDee411...Yeah, I feel sorry for him too and that is why I most often buy the little chocolate guy at regular price...I am just that sort of guy. WB


KDee411 profile image

KDee411 4 years ago from Bay Area, California

Yes I can just see you talking to the donut LOL

I finally figured out how ,and got my first hub in. I hope you like it.

Later Kay


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 4 years ago from Texas Author

@KDee411...I had a little chocolate one this morning...without finger marks. It thanked me on the way to the truck! LOL! WB


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 4 years ago

You frequent a very smart 7-11 with a very sharp clientele. In the one near my house, I'm afraid you'd get a few nervous stares and possibly a trip to the mental ward at the hospital! Up and funny.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida

Thanks for the kind words, Wayne. The link is linked. :)


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 4 years ago from Arlington, TX

Wayno - Krispee Kreme by any chance? LMAO

The Frog


Old Poolman profile image

Old Poolman 4 years ago from Rural Arizona

Wayne - I enjoyed this hub. Have they considered the law of supply and demand? If they extend this 2 for 1 sale too long, there will be a worldwide shortage of Glazed doughnuts, then the price will increase. After you are completely hooked on Glazed, they will raise the price to $2 for Glazed, and a buck each for the others. There is a method to their apparent madness.


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 4 years ago from Texas Author

@breakfastpop...I think I have been to that one, Poppy. At the ones in TX, they still speak English! LOL! WB

@drbj...Glad to be linked, Doc! WB

@The Frog Prince....No, not now but they were for a while. Now they are "brand X". LOL WB

@Old Poolman...You're thinking way ahead of me, Mike. That shows what an absolutely natural business man you really are! No doubt, there is a sinister plot brewing here that they will spring on us at the most inopportune time. I better cut back on my doughnut eating! WB


quester.ltd profile image

quester.ltd 4 years ago

we stopped buying a dozen to take to the office because only 2 or 3 made it - so much for will power! and to think, there was no promotion involved at all!

Cheers

q


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 4 years ago from Texas Author

@quester.ltd...I am with you...who would have thought that doughnuts would need a promotion to sell! LOL! WB


James A Watkins profile image

James A Watkins 4 years ago from Chicago

Ah, your fine wit shines through on this one, my friend. I had to take a look because glazed donuts are my favorite. I haven't been in a 7-11 in a long time. I don't they have them around these parts. I will look for one and if I find it I will partake of the extra special special. And I'll think of you, WB. :D

JAW


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 4 years ago from Texas Author

@James A Watkins...It just goes to show that there is something to be written about every subject given a bit of thought. These true moments in life are sometimes some of the most humorous that we encounter. Thanks much, Jim! WB

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