Minutes go by yet time stands still, and in that moment I am frozen in fear. I'm afraid to move forward, afraid of standing still and unable to go back, because the past is gone. Left to make choices on a path which remains uncertain, trapped where there are no possibilities. Left in a never ending spiral of manic confusion on a roller coaster that I fear I will never escape.
My life is good, and to second guess it is wrong yet the confusion and doubt remain. Causing me to flounder in this sea of confusion where I find myself. Each step I take is questioned as I sink further beneath the raging waves. Loss, panic, uncertainty and the belief that I destroy everything that I touch is overwhelming. Every thought that passes through my mind drags me further beneath the waves. Am I really that much of a failure? Anger rages in the shadows, and I die with each thought of retribution.
With every movement I fight to reach the surface, and to escape this muck that clings to every morsel of my aching soul. How am I to survive? My world is upside down , but at least I know it. The sea has lost its advantage of surprise, for I know that it is there and it seeks to drag me into the depths of degradation where I refuses to go.