Gone But Not Forgotten

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Gone But Not Forgotten


I remember all too well
the days you made my life a hell...
I bit my tongue to do what's right
then fumed and fumed long in the night.
I tried my best to but pretend
that you really were a caring friend
and when I'd taken all I could,
I turned my back and walked for good.
That was many years ago
with no regrets, I let you go.
Today I learned you died last year
there was no joy, there was no tear.
I tried my best and gave my all,
but, with you it was a state of thrall.
I wished you well, but now regret
that all your pain, I can't forget...
and wish that I had had the verve
and self respect to self-preserve
the energy that pain compels,
had I the guts to ring your bells!


Comments 35 comments

duffsmom profile image

duffsmom 5 years ago from Pacific Northwest, USA

Very powerful.


No_Clue profile image

No_Clue 5 years ago Author

Thank you, duffsmom, this was not an easy write...mixed feelings goin on here...had to put it down!


MysteriousOne profile image

MysteriousOne 5 years ago

Sorry, No_Clue, very heart-wrenching piece!


bbnix profile image

bbnix 5 years ago from Southern California

Life is so precious. Each and every person a gift. We can find solace in that we were all once unfettered children, the world our majesty, and for so many reasons, we've left that behind.

Perhaps, in heaven, we're all children once more.... =)


No_Clue profile image

No_Clue 5 years ago Author

Thanks MO, but I had to do it!

bb, not everyone who has crossed my path has been a gift but all have been teachers. I wished no harm to her but she left some scars. The reality is though that we all leaves scars at some point or other, whether intentional or no. I pray she is at peace, for she didn't know much peace in this life. This was a sister-in-law, who bullied and persecuted me for years, and I let her, because I didn't have the guts to stand up to her or to stand up for myself. That is what I most regret. Thanks for your read and thoughtful comment!


bbnix profile image

bbnix 5 years ago from Southern California

Thanks what I was sent to you for - the scars...

Much love...


Sunnie Day 5 years ago

Dear No Clue, Powerful and one that we all can realate too.

We all have lived with regret, the what if's. Letting go of yesterday is a gift we can only give to ourselves.

Thank you for sharing. God Bless,

Sunnie


Spirit Whisperer profile image

Spirit Whisperer 5 years ago from Isle of Man

That touched my soul. That moved me. Emotional earthquake and tsunami has hit the coast of Spirit Whisperer.


No_Clue profile image

No_Clue 5 years ago Author

Thank you, Sunnie Day, for your visit and insightful comment. You are correct, it is a give we can only give ourselves! Hugs!


No_Clue profile image

No_Clue 5 years ago Author

Oh my, Spirit Whisperer! I don't know if that is good or not? But as I have discovered, what appears to me as disaster, most often is a gift I just don't recognize! Hugs to you!


Doug Turner Jr. 5 years ago

A strong arrangement of words here. Haunting.


Bumpsysmum profile image

Bumpsysmum 5 years ago from Cambridgeshire

Oh No_Clue, you do have a way of reminding me of some of my lifes' little hiccups!

The person in question was my own Mother, she was a harridan and bully. W never got on and she died young, 56, I regret not making more effort to build bridges with her but sadly she was gone before I got the chance. I have to console myself with the thought that as she was the parent she should've made some effort, but I do sometimes wonder if I could've made a difference.

Well done :-)


No_Clue profile image

No_Clue 5 years ago Author

Thank you, Mr. Turner, kind Sir! There was some pretty strong emotion behind them words! And giving them voice took the wind out of the sails!


No_Clue profile image

No_Clue 5 years ago Author

mum, I identify with your comment on so many levels! Its that shoulda,coulda,woulda train of thinking that I have to be careful of...gets me into trouble before I know what hit me! Today is all I have any control of, at all...and so I try to be the best me I can today...and not repeat my mistakes...Many thanks and Hugs!


Bumpsysmum profile image

Bumpsysmum 5 years ago from Cambridgeshire

Yes, I know exactly what you mean, I did have to get help after she died, I was asked to write her a letter telling her how I felt, then burnt the letter - strangely it helped a lot - which is why I now write poems and stuff! :-)


No_Clue profile image

No_Clue 5 years ago Author

mum, it is amazing to me how that works, yet, it works! I still use that little technique from time to time!


Bumpsysmum profile image

Bumpsysmum 5 years ago from Cambridgeshire

Right back at you, me too. I find your stuff very helpful and look forward to reading, keep it up ! :-)


No_Clue profile image

No_Clue 5 years ago Author

mum, and I, yours! You inspire me!


Bumpsysmum profile image

Bumpsysmum 5 years ago from Cambridgeshire

I thank you for your kind words, I'm humbled :-)


thebluestar profile image

thebluestar 5 years ago from Northern Ireland

We have all been in that situation of 'what if' so many times No-Clue. But at the time of these such events we do what we believe to be correct. No one is perfect and it just shows how kind and sensitive you are to remember the past. Hugs x


No_Clue profile image

No_Clue 5 years ago Author

Thank you, star, this is a strange write for me, authentic but strange. I so appreciate you! Hugs!


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 5 years ago from Texas

That was quite a verse and very well-written I might add. I could not get the image of my ex-wife out of my head the whole time that I was reading it! LOL! Thanks. WB


kathryn1000 profile image

kathryn1000 5 years ago from London

That is very full of feeling.I like it.Keep on writing!


No_Clue profile image

No_Clue 5 years ago Author

Wayne, I thank you for your feedback and apologize for any uninvited images....!!! It was a very real and cathartic piece of writing...I so appreciate your visits!


No_Clue profile image

No_Clue 5 years ago Author

Thank you, Kathryn, hopefully this closes the chapter on this one! Hugs!


Genna East profile image

Genna East 5 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

Wonderful! HP has once again neglected me to send an e-mail with a list of hubs by my favorites (another glitch), so I have to go prospecting yet again. Well done!


No_Clue profile image

No_Clue 5 years ago Author

Thank you, Genna. From you, that means alot!


attemptedhumour profile image

attemptedhumour 5 years ago from Australia

Very strong well chosen words No-clue. Bullies often get the better of people, but lead an unhappier life. Sometimes we need to say stuff you and shove them back. But it's not easy. At least your conscience is troubled for the right reasons.


No_Clue profile image

No_Clue 5 years ago Author

attemptedhumour, thank you. I appreciate your visit and thoughtful comment!


vrbmft profile image

vrbmft 5 years ago from Yucaipa, California

Hi No Clue

Thanks for sharing a moment, which I am guessing that, as life moves on for each of us, the chances are high we all have these awarenesses of what sometimes is called "unfinished business." As you said in one of your comments, these experiences are lessons at least if not gifts. Gifts in a very different way, but gifts all the same.

Particularly in so-called failed relationships, I am learning to look at how I came to that table "unwhole-y" and not in a regretting way as much as in a learning way, the ah-ah, realizing how I might have been able to contribute to the relationship differently had I been "wholier." And how I can contribute differently to my relationships today.

Sometimes, I also visit the dead person and I don't know how that works, but I think it is possible, so sometimes in dreams or sometimes in meditation, I "work" at healing those relationships which seems to allow to grow inside me a deeper capacity for compassion and honesty about my self and my own "unwholeyness."

Thanks for your "piece" and the peace that came from writing this comment.

Vern


No_Clue profile image

No_Clue 5 years ago Author

Vern, Thank you for your comment. I think, perhaps, that is exactly where I find myself...I have spent a large part of my life "broken" in many ways, and as healing happens, am more and more aware of how my brokenness contributed to my choices...This write is primarily about how I was totally unfair to myself, and allowed myself to be a victim for so long, which deeply affected others in my life, such as my children. I thank God that alot of that has changed, along with my thinking, and seek healing and wholeness every day.


Mimi721wis profile image

Mimi721wis 5 years ago

Beautiful. Thanks for sharing.


No_Clue profile image

No_Clue 5 years ago Author

Thank you, Mimi! I appreciate your visit!


BeyondMax profile image

BeyondMax 4 years ago from Sydney, Australia

A truly powerful poem, beautifully written! Memories still haunt me from time to time, even nightmares, they keep us as their prisoners even long after they are gone... It's tough. God, help us!


No_Clue 4 years ago

Thanks, Max. It was a tough write. Take care!

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