Grunts, Groans and Wimbledon Moans

The Sharapova Scream


Wimbledon fever is burning high.


There is nothing as refreshing as the sunshine, soft green turf, strawberries and cream, soaring balls ( ahem!) and short skirts.


There I was catching up on the day’s Tennis proceedings downstairs. I kept the volume down, so as not to disturb the rest of the household. But despite the reduced sound levels out emerged the rhythmic grunting from the sizzling star Sharapova.


At first a bearable squeal, then a forlorn shriek followed by a rhythmic uh- uh-unh.

I squirmed a little, uneasy at what it may sound like upstairs to those who were sleeping.


Edward Munch- The Tennis Scream!
Edward Munch- The Tennis Scream!

The Sharapova Scream

A Grunt Mash-up

Grunts and Groans may break my Bones


The cadence went higher, hitting 101 decibels ( trust me, it is official)


I punched the remote control in alarm. The rhythmic u-huh, aah and eaaaargh sounded not dissimilar to some other sound... a sound usually associated with a totally different ball game. You know what I mean! I didn’t want to be accused of watching ‘alternate entertainment’ usually starring Randy, Brandy, Amber or Sasha and not Sharapova, Serena, Azarenka or Kvitova.


For I tell you, the grunts and groans have invaded the gentle lawns of Wimbledon and they are here to stay.

And they could get me in trouble for all the wrong reasons.


So come join me my friends in a trip down the house of screams, grunts, groans and sighs,

Scream a little Scream for me...
Scream a little Scream for me...

Michell Larcher De Brito: The Screamer

Monica Seles TV Ad

Rise of the Scream Queens


Gone are the genteel British days of stiff upper lip, leisurely forehand and Pimms in the sunshine. The Scream Queens are here.While the Men's Grunts were occasionally protested ( Lendl complaining about Agassi at US Open) the women have taken the shrieks and groans to a whole new level.


At 101 decibels, Maria Sharapova is now officially the loudest. Although fellow tennis star Michelle Larcher de Brito is raising the bar as she was recently booed off the French open for sounding like a howling fox.The Williams Sisters are no strangers to grunts and screams either.


The honour of the original screamer, of course goes to Monica Seles. Her uh-heeerh, uh- heerh was so annoying that the normally peaceful Steffi Graf complained to the umpire that it was a distraction technique.

Monica Seles even parodied her own grunts in an American Express TV advertisement. uh- heerh, who is grunting all the way to the bank, eh?

Ex champ, Martina Navaratilova, never screamed. But then I didn't put her down as one anyway.


ya-hoo, uh-huh and heeeyaaaa
ya-hoo, uh-huh and heeeyaaaa

Why do they Grunt?


The Grunting epidemic has caught on well and truly. One wonders why the once genteel tennis courts, resonant with only the thwack, thwack of the rackets and the gentle oohs, aahs of appreciation from the crowds, are now sounding like orgy night at Emperor Caligula's palace ( Not that I know what the latter really sounded like, but one can imagine from the historical references of the goings ( and comings) on).


Some Tennis coaches say that this is an simple act of exhalation that follows physical exertion. I tried this at my Gym and was soon escorted out towards the cold showers. Apparently my anhhh, aaah.anhhh aaah. on the cross trainers was not endearing. Maybe I should try it at the Zumba class.


Others feel this is to unnerve the opponent. It must be truly distracting when all you expect is a thwack and a whizz of the ball coming towards you and instead you hear the banshee like scream. What next, a bowler rushing towards the batsman shouting wheeeeeeeee?


Faced by loud protests from television viewers, BBC has announced a device called Net Mix that allows viewers to adjust the sound levels so they can tune up the commentary and the thwack of the racket while tuning down the groans and screams.

You screaming at me? You screaming at me? well there is nobody else here, biyatch.
You screaming at me? You screaming at me? well there is nobody else here, biyatch.

The Master of Kiai

Quiet Please!

Hi-Yah!


Battle cries are not new to Tennis. The Japanese have the term Kiai for the sound you make to unnerve the opponent. It may be a Hi-yah, a Aiyah!, a Eee-yah or a more reserved Hyah!

This short exhalation that may be uttered before or during a strike in martial arts refers to an inner gathering of energy that is released forcefully in a single explosion of sound.However, the emphasis here is not the sound but the focus and the concentration of energy. In certain Japanese martial arts, the students do not allow the Ki to escape.

The art of not letting your 'Ki' escape for prolonging the pleasure is also known as Tantric Sex. But that is another story, another hub.

Kiai is just an audible indication of good posture, powering up and proper breathing. Such lascivious screaming as done by our Tennis stars will be wasted energy.

The master of Kiai is of course the late lamented martial arts supremo, Bruce Lee.

In Japanese -Ki means mind , breath or spirit and -Ai means to unite. So perhaps the Sharapova scream is merely an indication of uniting her breaths. I said breaths, c'mon now!

Historically armies have attempted to Kiai their opponents. The approaching sound of a noisy army could shake even the bravest heart.

Ipi- Kiyai , Mutha- Thwacker!
Ipi- Kiyai , Mutha- Thwacker!

uh- hoooo, uhn hooo - Azarenka vs Sharapova

Anything you can do, I ...

waaarh -vs aaargh

Is it Legal?

There are no rules against grunting or groaning. It is left to the discretion of the umpires ( Some of whom seem to be enjoying being in the middle of the orgiastic outpouring).


There is a section in the official rules of the Lawn Tennis Association at Wimbledon that says ' if a player willfully hinders an opponent, points will be deducted. If it done unintentionally then the point will be replayed' .


The only known victim of grunting related tennis ban is poor little Lauryn Edwards, who at the tender age of 9 years old was banned from playing tennis at Mr Carmel Tennis club in Sunbury, Australia, after complaints from an opposition player. Boooo!


But it doesn't qualify what 'hindrance' is. And it says nothing about eeeeaaaargh.

With the crowds getting increasingly disgruntled, the quieter players protesting, maybe the rule will be amended.


I hope not, for I'll miss those screams, groans and grunts. For how else will I give an excuse for the noises coming from my television?


Altogether now, unnhaaaah unhaaaah.

Now, it reminds me of that famous scene in Katz Cafe....



Copyright © Mohan Kumar 2011

I'll have what she is having!

Yay or Nay to Grunts?

What's your view on the Grunts, Groans and Wimbledon Moans?

See results without voting
Did I just do that loud? Didi I? Did I?
Did I just do that loud? Didi I? Did I?

Thank Yaaaaaoooouuu!

Thank you for your time and hope you enjoyed this hub.


Please leave some comments below as it is nice to know what you think. If you like this and think others will too, do share on Facebook and Twitter or other sites using the buttons below and don't forget to vote your opinion.


Do visit often and read the other hubs if you like the writing. There's plenty to entertain you!

Thank you!


Docmo


Copyright © Mohan Kumar 2011

Keep your eye on the ball, mister!
Keep your eye on the ball, mister!

More by this Author

  • Impception
    12

    "The name Dandelion", says the Imp in a sibilant whisper, "is a corruption of the French phrase 'dent -de- leon' meaning lion's tooth. This is a reference to the coarsely serrated leaves"

  • Basic Imp-stinct
    33

    The Imp tries to psychoanalyse me with some disastrous consequences. And yes, it does try to cross its legs suggestively. ugh.

  • The Uses, Benefits, and Dangers of Liquorice
    51

    Everything you need to know about licorice (or liquorice): Where it is from, what is it used for, and its health benefits and dangers.


Comments 32 comments

WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

Great, funny Hub, Docmo!


visionandfocus profile image

visionandfocus 5 years ago from North York, Canada

Great hub! Loved the hilarious vids and photo captions! Sharapova may have the loudest and most annoying squealing grunts but Francesca Schiavone has the scariest screaming/shouting grunts I have ever had the misfortune to hear. I have to mute the sound every time I watch her play.

Btw, I hope they didn't escort you out your Zumba class. ;)


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

A brilliantly well constructed, funny, raunchy, naughty hub.

Attaboy.

UP and FUNNY... of course.

I loved it.


miss_jkim profile image

miss_jkim 5 years ago

A nicely written hub, funny and entertaining; I couldn't help but chuckle at your insinuations.

Voted up and funny


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida

What a great job you did, Mohan, with this odd but funny topic. And the grunting videos were definitely the icing on the cake. Thanks for the treat.


Cogerson profile image

Cogerson 5 years ago from Virginia

Great collection of grunts....nice idea.....I rarely watch tennis anymore....but I do not remember grunts being so loud as they are now...voted up, funny and useful.


AliciaC profile image

AliciaC 5 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

Thanks for a hilarious hub! I loved the article and the videos. I used to watch Wimbledon tennis every summer as a child, but I haven't seen it for years. What a difference from my childhood! The sounds in your videos are amusing, but I think I would find them annoying if I had to watch a whole tennis match with those noises!


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Hilarious take, Docmo, and one I'm sure everyone who's listened has taken note of! I had my TV on also and went into the bedroom to find out what was on. MacGregor, my pup, started protesting to the ear piercing, relentless, rhythmic cadence by growling that culminated in barking. I changed the channel as it was obviously not occasional, but a constant in the new wave of tennis. I would expect some vocalizing in the exertion of such a strenuous physical sport, but I found it annoying after about 15-minutes, yet easily remedied at the click of the controller. Great writing on an amusing observation. Smashing, Docmo!


Trish_M profile image

Trish_M 5 years ago from The English Midlands

Hi :)

Very good! Very amusing!

But what about Petra Kvitova's whistles and squeals?!


thougtforce profile image

thougtforce 5 years ago from Sweden

I can imagine that grunts isn't appreciated everywhere and I think you are right; it might be more suited on the Zumba class, at least the music will mute the worst of it:) This was an interesting and enjoyable read in your corner Docmo, you did a great job as usual. The videos told the rest:) Voted up of course.

Tina


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 5 years ago from United States

Very entertaining hub. I have been in Zumba classes and never heard grunts and screams, so this apparently is a new trend in expressing oneself on the tennis court, although a bit annoying. I think you did an excellent job on covering this topic thoroughly!


always exploring profile image

always exploring 5 years ago from Southern Illinois

I must say that i watched all week ( I love Tennis ) The grunts really do get on my nerves. You have a wonderful Hub, beautifully written. I might add, when Fed. lost i actually cried, but i did the same when Pete lost too. Thank's again


Movie Master profile image

Movie Master 5 years ago from United Kingdom

Hi Docmo, well we saw some great tennis this year, but oh those grunts they are so irritating!! You have just about got it all covered here, well written, loved it!


Ruchira profile image

Ruchira 5 years ago from United States

Enjoyed reading your hub Docmo.

The facts were laid out well and found it funny when you were asked to leave when you made that grunting noise in the gym...LOL.


AnkushKohli profile image

AnkushKohli 5 years ago from India

Yes, It has been a point of discussion among various sports' commentators. Often it has been compared with men's grunt as well but they simply lose out against women. I think it is irritating for opposite player but most of ladies have now included in their armory to upset the opponent.


Daisy Mariposa profile image

Daisy Mariposa 4 years ago from Orange County (Southern California)

Docmo,

What a funny article! Maria Sharapova's screams are ear-splittingly loud. I always think she's calling out the name of some man she wants to hit with her tennis racket.


KDuBarry03 4 years ago

Very very funny article, Docmo!


Ruchira profile image

Ruchira 4 years ago from United States

Great hub and informative about the grunts...lol

I don't usually mind the grunts 'cause I agree it's helpful to distract the opponent and everything is fair and square in war ;)


Docmo profile image

Docmo 4 years ago from UK Author

Daisy - thanks for rediscovering this little nugget from last Wimbledon. I had a lot of fun writing this after spending a lazy afternoon watching the Wimbledon Tournament. appreciate your comments!


Docmo profile image

Docmo 4 years ago from UK Author

KDuBarry and Ruchira - thank you very much for your visit and comments. Much appreciated.


MelChi profile image

MelChi 4 years ago from Cape Town, South Africa

I have wondered the same when watching the ladies play tennis. Sure, some of the guys also grunt and moan - but, not as much as the women! Maybe for some of them it is a ploy to put off their opponent. Surely you don't have to moan like that EVERY time you hit the ball? Great article - voted funny and interesting :)


rajan jolly profile image

rajan jolly 4 years ago from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar,INDIA.

Interesting hub but those grunts and groans aren't easy on the ears. I guess they have come to stay and one will have to live with them.

Voted this hub up and all the way across too.


Jools99 profile image

Jools99 4 years ago from North-East UK

Docmo, loved this hub - all that noise is like a form of tennis tourettes :o), so I suppose it could be a lot worse, it could all be effin' and bindin' on centre court....now they would be tennis matches worth watching.


Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

Too funny!! I say let them be and more power to their grunts and groans. If body builders and weight lifters could vocalize their lifts and bends, I say so can tennis players. Actually when I play basketball I often catch myself saying "swoosh" but I think I'm just hoping on making a dunk! Excellent hub!!


Docmo profile image

Docmo 4 years ago from UK Author

Jools- love the term 'Tennis Tourettes'! I agree effin and blindin may make it even more enjoyable. Of for the wonderfully sweary McEnroe : 'YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS!'


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada

Docmo,

Well...I was listening to the grunts and whatnot just now and my room mate came into my room and said, "So now it's not even porn anymore? We have to worry about tennis?"

haha...I told her yes...now you have to worry about tennis...and maybe ping-pong...not too sure yet.

Excellent funny read! So yeah...I was a history major and many of the primary documents suggested that the sounds being emitted from a good Caligula orgy could be compared to a tennis match. I won't get into what a bad Caligula orgy sounded like...

Thomas


Docmo profile image

Docmo 4 years ago from UK Author

Thank you Linda., I agree! Power to the banshees, I say. Now I would love to hear your 'swoosh' you should record it for a Basketball hub. 'Swoosh, Swoosh' Slam dunk!


Docmo profile image

Docmo 4 years ago from UK Author

Thomas... This hub can always be the 'cover' story and can be used as an alternate tab to flick over to if watching sensitive 'alternate' entertainments such as ' Forrest Hump' and ' Glad-he-ate-her' . Not that I know anything about them. Just sayin'.

Now I cant recall my history lessons outlining the sounds of a Caligula orgy //but then it wasn't my major!

Now that we've 'swoosh' for basketball, wonder what sound one could make for 'ping pong'?


Daisy Mariposa profile image

Daisy Mariposa 4 years ago from Orange County (Southern California)

Mohan (Docmo),

I came back to read this article again... I was looking for a Hub to illustrate *communication.* This is another brilliant article, polymath. Well done!


teaches12345 profile image

teaches12345 4 years ago

This should be in Sports Illustrated! What a fun look at how tennis is played- grunts and all. I do find done a bit much, but its the nature if the game.


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 4 years ago from New York

For the life of me I can't figure out how I missed this treasure! Oh the thoughts coursing through my mind...first your unsaid innuendos about the sounds these 'girls' are making, then the vision of you being escorted out of the gym...hilarious! I really think the grunts and groans should be left to the more intimidating martial arts.

Now, when Harry Met Sally at Katz, everyone was weeping with laughter...whenever I go to Katz Deli I have to control the urge to giggle uncontrollably.

This was a great hub so even though I'm late I'm sharing it! Voted up, funny, and interesting.


Alecia Murphy profile image

Alecia Murphy 4 years ago from Wilmington, North Carolina

This is funny to me. I only started watching tennis in college because my friends liked it but thinking about it- it sounds like it has more to do with focusing energy than anything. Just wish they could sound a little less agitated sometimes :). Great hub!

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working