HOME IS NOT ALWAYS WHERE THE HEART IS...by b. Malin

ARE WE THERE YET...

We left Florida last Monday, and arrived home late, very late, Tuesday morning, 2 am to be exact. We drove... we shared the driving...it's a BORING drive, where's a BILLBOARD when you need one! But along the way some "Fun things" happened...and so, without further ado, I'll tell you the tale...and you be the judge.

We started out late, 5 pm to be exact...I guess neither of us really wanted to leave the "Condo with the View". But leave we must, so we emptied the Refrigerator, and I announced to Lover Man that I wanted to give the "left overs" to our neighbors. "Oh No" was his reply as he grabbed the 2 packages of Frozen Bagels, putting them in a separate pile, as he eyed the left over chicken. "You've got to be kidding" I said. "No, no, he replied excitedly...We've got the Freezer Bags, and the 3 cold packs...There's a lot here we can take, and when we get hungry, we can stop along the way and have a Picnic"! He looked so Excited and Happy that I thought, why not? And so I watched in amazement, as he put 1 Apple Pie, the left over chicken, the cookies, the Fresh Fruit Salad, that I lovingly had made the night before, as well as half a carton of Fresh Orange Juice into the Freezer Bag. I managed to get the rest of the left overs away from him, and ran next door to my neighbor's. Who were very Happy to receive the unexpected treats. Do I see "tears" in their eyes? I know there are tears in mine and Lover Man looks sad as we say our goodbye's.

Ok, so now, FINALLY, we are on the road. I am going to do the first installment of driving...After about an hour or so, I feel my eyes starting to feel sleepy. This has never happened to me before, I've always been able to do a few hours. I tell Lover Man, and he says to pull over and he will take the wheel. My Hero...and soon I am drifting in and out of sleep...It was weird. When I wake up I find we have pulled into a shopping center. It's around 8:30 and we both are hungry. "Time for our picnic" Lover Man announces Happily. "I hate to burst your bubble Sweetie, I say, but, we don't have any plates, or utensils, or cups". "No problem" he says cheerfully, look, he say's pointing out the window, there's a $1.00 store".

Ok, so now we have purchased what we needed and are now back in our car, that is PACKED to the gills with 5 months worth of clothing, suitcases, you name it, it's there. "This can be done" he says as he reaches for the Freezer Bag that is wedged in between the backseat and the floor. I'm mentally counting to ten, as I look out at the Restaurant in this shopping center, that is looking so inviting...It's as if it's beckoning to me..."Come Inside, come inside, leave that Crazy Man and come inside". "I can't" I say out loud. Lover Man looks at me, "What can't you do". "I can't EAT like this wedged in the front seat with you". "Oh come on, we can...this is like an adventure" he says smiling. And so we eat up the chicken, and our hands of course get greasy, but low and behold, I've got one of those little bottles of hand sanitizer next to my seat! Once our hands are less greasy, we share some Fruit Salad and drink a little OJ. "We'll save the rest for tomorrow" Lover Man says as he gets out of the car to look for a trash basket. And then, once again, we are on the road.

We sleep in Savannah, Ga. in a "Quality Motel" and there is a Refrigerator in our room, so I get to unload the food from the freezer bag so it can stay fresh...and it doesn't go BAD! The next day we have a nice Complimentary Breakfast there...and help ourselves to 2 little cream cheeses and 3 little butters, which we will later use on our Bagels. Is that wrong? Well it's all Lover Man's fault, and those darn Bagels that we are still carrying around! So don't judge me!!

We stop for gas and I decided to buy a Banana, which cost 75 cents. The girl behind the counter is from India...I say, "75 cents, what a RIP OFF"! She smiles and repeats "what a rip off". I now go get water, and as she rings it up she says, "$1.49, what a rip off". I realize she has no idea what it means, and thinks she's learned a new saying. I laugh, she laughs, and now we are both smiling at one another. We exchange waves as I leave the store. I picture her saying to every customer after she rings them up, "What a Rip off"!

Lunch time finds us stopping at one of the road side parks. We are seated at a table that faces some trees and lots of squirrels. It is a Beautiful day. We have spread our "left overs" on the table, which now consists of two Bagels, Fruit Salad, Apple Pie and OJ. "A Feast, Lover Man announces, waste not, want not". I feel like I'm glaring at him...But then I think, ah, this is kind of fun. We are munching on our bagels, when I look across at these two squirrels, at first glance, it looks like they are fighting...but then, I realize they are FORNICATING! Not only are they, but 4 other squirrels are also FORNICATING...We are eating, other families are eating, and the squirrels are FORNICATING. We never laughed so hard! Lover Man ran to get his Camera, but couldn't remember where it was in our over packed car. It didn't matter, it was a picture that stayed in our minds...And did we really need a picture of FORNICATING SQUIRRELS?

That night we FINALLY ATE IN A REAL RESTAURANT..."Olive Garden" and everything was delicious! After dinner, we decided to drive until we got back to New Jersey...and we did. At 2 in the morning, we arrived home...Oh, and we still had 6 Bagels left, and half an Apple Pie. What a Guy, that's my Lover Man!






Comments 70 comments

Becky Katz profile image

Becky Katz 4 years ago from Hereford, AZ

This was funny. I am usually the one that wants to picnic and my husband wants to go to a restaurant. He doesn't let me drive either. I guess that is the ex-cop in him. Wanting to be in charge of the vehicle. The squirrels would have been the highlight of the trip, I take it.

We drove from TN, straight through to NV. It took 24 hours of driving and the only time we stopped was for gas, food, and bathroom breaks. And those were rushed. We had an extra 24 hours to rest up when we got there. Now that is a boring road.


Deborah Brooks profile image

Deborah Brooks 4 years ago from Brownsville,TX

so adorable.. I love how described everything the leftovers eating in the car and finally getting to eat at Olive Garden which is my favorite restaurant.

Blessings to you 'I voted up

Debbie


AliciaC profile image

AliciaC 4 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

I love the way that you turned a boring drive into a funny hub, b. Malin! The descriptions of your adventures on the trip are hilarious.


billybuc profile image

billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

Oh, those wild and crazy squirrels! What a rip off! I love it! That poor clerk is going to get in so much trouble because of you. Oh well, sucks to be her!

Great hub; had me laughing all the way to the end. Best of luck with the new move; I hope you can settle in and find some contentment there.


Happyboomernurse profile image

Happyboomernurse 4 years ago from South Carolina

Aww...what a trip! I can sooo...relate!

Am glad you're back home safely, even though your heart is still at the Condo With a View.

I for one, would have loved to see a photo of the squirrels doing their thing (not sure if that word is going to get censored by HP staff- LOL). I don't think I've ever actually witnessed that!

Anyway, this was a fun read. Thanks for sharing your travel adventures in such a delightful (for us) way.

Hub Hugs,

Gail


WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 4 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

This Hub is certainly not a rip-off! Voted way up!


DFiduccia profile image

DFiduccia 4 years ago from Las Vegas

I enjoyed traveling with you, and I thank you for sharing the trip with us.

UP—DF


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 4 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

b. Malin, only you and Lover Man could make eating stale Beagels such a fun experience. Thanks for sharing these instant memories with us. Your good natured way makes these hubs a warm and pleasant experience.


Vinaya Ghimire profile image

Vinaya Ghimire 4 years ago from Nepal

I remember commenting on this hub, but sadly I don't see my comment. Sometimes comments just vanishes in the world wide web.

But anyways, what I want to say is this is a delightful read. Just loved your story.


writer20 profile image

writer20 4 years ago from Southern Nevada

You had a great trip home, congratulations.

Voted up and awesome, Joyce.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida

Funny, funny hub of your return trip, b. Glad you and L.M. made it home safely. Those sauirrels, BTW, were not doing what you think they were doing. They were all playing leapfrog and got stuck. Trust me. :)


PegCole17 profile image

PegCole17 4 years ago from Dallas, Texas

I love your story of the banana and the convenience store. "What a RIP OFF!" I say that a lot. It's the equivalent to our parents saying what things cost when they were young. "Why I remember when bread was a nickel!" Imagine paying a nickel for a loaf.

I like Olive Garden too. Good to get out of the car for a while and stretch. Glad you made the trip back okay. Count the days until it's the condo again! Peg


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England

Hi, loved your story of your trip back home, squirrels! haha! can't take them anywhere! I am the one that wants to throw or give the food away, and my son is the one that wants to hoard it all until we get somewhere! what is it with men? lol! great story, cheers nell


teaches12345 profile image

teaches12345 4 years ago

You make your travels such a fun adventure to read. I would have enjoyed those little cream cheese delights. Thanks for the smile in my day.


Rosemay50 profile image

Rosemay50 4 years ago from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand

Your descriptions of your trip are so funny and delightful. That poor girl, I hope she doesn't get the sack. The squirrels must have been the highlight of the trip but obviously didn't spoil your snack. Lol.

It won't be long before you are planning your trip back to the Condo with a view again. But next time plan better so that there are no leftovers for the trip home. :)


Movie Master profile image

Movie Master 4 years ago from United Kingdom

Loved your descriptions and loved this story!

All the best to you and lover man!

voted up


always exploring profile image

always exploring 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

HaHa, You made having a picnic seem like fun again. Darn, where is a camera when you need it? Fun story..Enjoyed..


marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 4 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

b. Malin--

Wow, girlfriend, a roadtrip can surely "make or break" the bestest of relationships...

and even with those "glaring eyes of yours", you have it "made in the shade" with Lover Man!

It's always so sweet to visit your hood, where love resides no matter what state you are in... It's "not a rip off"!

Voted UP & FAB. Love, Maria


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Becky, Yeah, those Squirrels are quite a Healthy Bunch ...eating, and Fornicating...what else have they got to do on a Beautiful Spring Afternoon!

I so dislike Boring Drives, I think they MAKE ME sleepy. Great Comments my Friend!


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Deborah, Thank You! Yes. it was Wonderful to eat at "Olive Garden" after our adventure in outdoor eating!

Thank You so much for your Vote as well.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Alicia, BORING, BORING Drive...I almost fell asleep. But the park ,and the girl from India, made it all worth while. I'm so glad I could give you some Laughs!


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Billybuc, Isn't Nature a HOOT...I bet you'll neve look at a Squirrel from the South in the same way. I HOPE the clerk doesn't keep repeating "It's a Rip off"...really it's not my fault...Ha, Ha.

Wish I could say, there's no place like Home...But I'm still missing Florida. Thanks for all your Fun Comments.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

It really is there Gail...But I'm adjusting, and we've got a lot of cleaning up the Gardening to do.

I'm sure Hub Pages would have Laughed and then Censored the Pictures! Mmmm, I'm suddenly a 7...from an 8....Mmmm?

Well...anyway, I am so glad you Enjoyed, and I Loved your Comments. Hugs back, Barbara


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi WillStarr, Why Thank You...I'm so Glad you Enjoyed!


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hey DFiduccia, I'm so glad you came along for the ride...had I know, I'd have shared some of the Chicken with you! Thanks for the UP my Friend.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Well at the time, they weren't quite STALE Mckbird, but, by the time we got home...they were! I'm so glad you Enjoyed the Experience. It was a Fun write for me.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Vinaya, I'm so glad you did Comment, I too have had that happen.

I'm so glad you Enjoyed, I so Enjoyed the Memories and wanted to share them.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Writer, Home, with so much to do...Started with the outdoor cleanup.

Thanks so much for your Votes my Friend.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Drbj, are you going to NEXT tell me about the Birds and the Bees? Trust me, THEY were too! I'm a Big Girl, I won't get Alarmed. Ha, Ha!


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

You are so right PegCole. I guess we do start acting like our parents...NOT...my mother NEVER would have written about the Squirrels...But I would!

The Olive Garden is a Fun place...and it was a Restaurant! I was so Happy! Yes, I'm counting the days!


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Yeah Nell, what is Up with Men...Mine will throw no food AWAY...So I sneak it away to the Garbage...Yes, I'm admitting I do! I'm so glad you Enjoyed, and I Enjoyed your Comments!


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Teaches12345, I see a Hub coming in most Everyday life...just don't always have the time to tell them. But this one, I couldn't resist. So glad I made you Smile!


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

I'm really hoping that I didn't get the Clerk into any Trouble...she was so cute!

Actually the Squirrels were the Entertainment...a little X-rated...but hey...Nope, we just kept eating our Snack!

Next time, it will be "Left Overs" begone!


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Movie Master, I had to write this one, for it turned a Boring Trip into a Fun Hub! Thanks, I'll tell Lover Man. And a Special Thank You for your Vote!


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Ruby, A Picnic in the Park, the Birds singing and the Squirrels doing their thing! And us with Camera Backed...It's all up in the mind, in the mind! I'm so Glad you Enjoyed!


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Mar, they sure can, and there were times when both our patients were tried...Trust me. Lover Man is a Good Guy, but of course we "Heat" up every now and then...But we also don't stay Mad long. Loved, Loved, Loved, your Comments Girlfriend!


Just Ask Susan profile image

Just Ask Susan 4 years ago from Ontario, Canada

Fornicating squirrels! What a rip off :) This was fun to read and I'm glad that you made it home safely.


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 4 years ago from Great Britain

This was funny and beautiful too. I could picture my husband and I being the same....

A great read. Thank you.


Mhatter99 profile image

Mhatter99 4 years ago from San Francisco

Thank you for this - enjoyable read!


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Susan...Pretty Silly eh? I'm so Glad you Enjoyed my Crazy Humor. Yep, Home again, with so much to do...and lots of time to do it!


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Dim, Lover Man is mostly Fun on a Road trip, we have our moments of getting Nutty, but all and all, we do travel well together. Thanks for Enjoying, and your Comments.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Mhatter, And Thank You for reading it, and Enjoying. Now I'm off to check out your Hubs.


alocsin profile image

alocsin 4 years ago from Orange County, CA

I know there are laws against squirrels doing that in public. But I don't think squirrels can read. An amusing tail (pun intended). Voting this Up and Funny.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Alocsin, very Funny Comments my Friend! Those Squirrels were certainly a "Happy Tale" to tell...Also Pun and Play on words intended! Thanks for Enjoying and of course your Votes!


girishpuri profile image

girishpuri 4 years ago from NCR , INDIA

an awesome share for your journey and enjoyed your sense of humor....lol


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi girlhpuri, Thank You! So now I'm "Homesick" for Florida...What to do, what to do. So glad you Enjoyed my Humor!


acaetnna profile image

acaetnna 4 years ago from Guildford

Wow awesome, I so loved reading this. Thank you.


Denise Handlon profile image

Denise Handlon 4 years ago from North Carolina

I love your adventures B-funny-keeps me smiling!


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Acaetnna, Thank You! I'm so Glad you Enjoyed the read!


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Denise, I guess we could call them Adventures...Thank You, I'm so Glad you are Enjoying them and I made you Smile once again!


thelyricwriter profile image

thelyricwriter 4 years ago from West Virginia

b Malin, what a trip huh. There, back home. Thumbs up for the squirrels, preserving the species ya know. You could right a book about your life and it would be a best seller. Always a joy to read your work dear friend. Best wishes.


Christopher Price profile image

Christopher Price 4 years ago from Vermont, USA

This was a delight.

You could have shared the bagels with the squirrels. After a little co-ed cavorting they might have the munchies...better than one reaching for a cigarette!

CP


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Lyric, Wow, and Thank You! I wouldn't mind having a "Best Seller"...Maybe Someday, a Lady can Hope! I'll be by to visit your Hubs too.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Your know Christopher, I should have thought of that too...and yelled, "Come get your Munchies, when you're through"! I don't think they allowed "smoking" in the park...Ha, Ha!


BobbiRant profile image

BobbiRant 4 years ago from New York

Adventures are fun to read and yours are the best. I enjoyed the trip, I like a bit less rush though, but that's just me. Hurry is not my thing anymore either. Great write!


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Bobbi, Thanks. Could have been a really BORING ride if it wasn't for the Squirrels...Gotta Love them! There was a lot to get done in NJ, so we speeded up the ride home, and really didn't want to stay another night in a MOTEL!


katyzzz profile image

katyzzz 4 years ago from Sydney, Australia

WOW, people loved this one, well done


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Katyzzz, it seems that way...It's a little Silly, but Hey, 1,000 mile drive gives the mind something to think about! Thanks for your Comments.


michememe profile image

michememe 4 years ago

I enjoyed this story, every scene, as if I was there. What a really great writer you are. It was funny too, as I could see him trying to get to the food, underneathe other things. What a man! Thanks for sharing. Voted up.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Michememe, I'm so Glad you Enjoyed...Yes, Lover Man is quite the Man...We do Road Trips Well together, most of the time.


terrisonoda profile image

terrisonoda 4 years ago from Las Vegas

Oh Gosh! Lover Man, fornicating squirrels and freezer bags. I'm going to enjoy reading you! Funny stuff!

hehe "What a rip off!" LOVE it...


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Terry, Just Imagine these crazy Squirrels in a "Family Park"...We couldn't stop Laughing. Lover Man and I are quite the pair (second marriage and all) and we do have some Laughs that are worth Hubbing about! I'm so glad you Enjoyed.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Naimishika, I try...So Glad you Enjoyed my Humor and Found my Hub Funny. Now I'm off to take a look at your Hubs!


Jackie Lynnley profile image

Jackie Lynnley 4 years ago from The Beautiful South

Wow, this was really great and I am still smiling and wondering if that girl got fired saying, "What a rip off!" to everyone. You are a great storyteller. Voting up and sharing.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Jackie, I doubt if she got fired, it was a small place in the middle of NOWHERE...And maybe the owner starting saying it too...Like saying, "Have A Good Day" became, "What a Rip Off"...who knows!

Thanks for the Compliment and of course your Vote!


tirelesstraveler profile image

tirelesstraveler 4 years ago from California

Could Florida to New Jersey be nearly as boring as LA to San Francisco? (350 miles of dusty rolling golden hills and farmland) You have a good sense of humor and lover man is amazing.


acaetnna profile image

acaetnna 4 years ago from Guildford

Oh what a hoot, a lovely read as always.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi tirelesstraveler, Coming home by Car, I hated the Drive, maybe because we were leaving..Going there wasn't bad, we made it in 1 1/2 days. I'm so glad you Enjoyed, and Lover Man is the Man!


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Naimishika, Thanks so much for stopping by and reading.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Acaetnna, I try...thanks for Enjoy!

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