By: Wayne Brown
Well, I think it has finally happened. But I can’t be truly sure. You know, I apparently don’t get it, never got it; won’t never ever get it. That’s probably because I don’t have enough followers who are willing to drink the Kool-Aid with me. I’ll have to work on that…it may be a charisma thing. Actually, I digress, from what I came to discuss. Let’s just get it out on the table…I think I may be the victim of a boycott. There, now let’s get to the facts.
In the last couple of weeks, when I sign on to the Hub Pages, I feel like I just entered the Twilight Zone and Rod Serling is standing nearby in a suit and tie asking something about whether or not Elmer Fudd has trouble with the letter “R”, I don’t know, it’s complicated. Anyway, I check my traps and too often there is nothing there…no comments, no new fans, no new fan mail, nothing. Then I remembered that my Hub Karma points were deteriorating at a rather rapid rate and immediately the thought of a conspiracy races through my mind. Could it be that my penchant for political ranting had finally brought the fury of the liberal sect crashing down on me. I thought to myself, “Woo, you wascally wabbits, I’m gonna wack you good if I catch you wacing awound!” As soon as I finish making that statement, Rod Serling starts looking at me funny. I have to have another conclusion.
Then it dawned on me and I relaxed a bit. Everyone is just on vacation, that’s it; they’re all on vacation at the same time! That sounds like a major leap of faith on my part to think that everyone who reads my stuff would have gone on vacation together or at the same time and not even so much as discussed it with me. Now, I am beginning to wonder if I need a new mouth wash. But wait, it is July and that is a traditionally popular month for taking vacations. So this conclusion has some merit…everyone is just on vacation and soon they will return and come back to see if I have written anything. Wow! Will they ever be surprised to find out that I have indeed!
Then the thought occurred to me that possibly I had committed one of those fox paws that they talk about in France. That could be it….my fox paw made everyone mad at the same time. I don’t know…that seems like a stretch but then again why not? After all, I was just ever so willing to think that they all went on vacation together so why couldn’t they all just be mad together…makes sense when you think about it a while, doesn’t it?
I don’t want to start sounding like I am paranoid over all of this. Oh, no….far from it. Honestly it doesn’t bother me in the least, not at all. All right damn it! Where the hell is everybody hiding? This is really starting to make me mad. I am down here writing my little fingers to the bone and all you guys are hiding somewhere snickering and laughing because I can’t find you and you’re not reading my stuff. You’re taking this way too far and it’s just going to really get me pissed off it you don’t call it off pretty soon and come on out. You hear that, I getting’ mad now!
Aw, shucks! I am beginning to feel like I inhabit this earth all alone. I write stuff but there is no one here to read it. What good is something written if there is no one here to read it? It is a maddening situation for someone who is prone to write. There is a constant need for someone who likes to read. It’s the chicken and the egg. It’s the dog and the cat! It’s Dick and Jane, little Sally and Spot. It’s all those things and I could write about them but I can’t if there is no one here to read it. Surely that must make sense to someone out there. Hello…are ya’ out there? I thought I heard something!
Maybe I just need to think of something new to write about. Maybe my writing has been too low-brow. Maybe I need to kick it up a notch, you know, start writing on a highly intellectual plane that will attract a new readship….maybe one that is too busy reading to go on vacations or to play hide ‘n seek like my old readers. That’s it, I can write about the new rocket fuel that NASA planned to use in the new space shuttles if they had gotten some but since they did not and are now assigned to doing “feel good” work for the Muslim community by the President then all that fuel is just sitting down there in Florida in tanks not being used and getting older and older. I can talk about the slow molecular breakdown and possibly how it might affect the metal in the walls of the tanks causing the steel to weaken and finally rupture thus spilling this exotic new space fuel all over the OkeepanokeeSwamp. Holy Jesus…not another spill on Obama’s watch!
Well, maybe jet fuel is not my line. I need to go with something that is less prone to potential disastrous ending. I heard something the other day about a doctor who was designing a knee replacement mechanism for all the egrets who wade in deep waters and fish. I guess all that wading is wearing out their knees and it’s gonna be big business replacing those knees on the egret population along the GulfCoast. That may not be a good subject either now that I think about it. The GulfCoast egret population most likely has a lot of other problems right now with BP’s issues in the Gulf.
I am just going to have to stop and give this some thought. Wow, there for a while I thought I was going to have a panic attack thinking about what could be going on here in Hubville. Now that I have tossed it around a bit in my mind and applied some rational thinking, I am beginning to feel better about it all. I’ll bet that I have just jumped to conclusions here and that really there is absolutely nothing wrong. All I need to do is wait a few days and see if everyone comes back. Then I’ll ask them where they have been and if they had fun and we will just get back to the way it was before all this happened. How does that sound to you?
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