Stupid Haiku Collection: Volume 1

Ruining Something Beautiful

Welcome to my first haiku collection. For those of you who may not know what a haiku is, it’s… ah, nevermind. Just look it up on Wikipedia like I did. Anyway, what follows is a short list of celebrity and current events-themed "poetry" that is likely to one day be listed alongside the works of Matsuo Basho. Or not.

 

There's Crazy... and Then There's Mel Gibson

As is usually the case, South Park was soooooo right.
As is usually the case, South Park was soooooo right.
  • Apparently hates

    Jews, Latinos and women.

    Likes him some Jesus.

  • Could use therapy.

    Mouth became lethal weapon.

    Needs to stop drinking.

  • Nuttier than a

    Box of Payday candy bars.

    Career in toilet.

LeBron James: No Loyalty in Basketball Royalty

  • Needed a special

    To announce his choice. Ego

    Has own postal code.

  • “King” of basketball.

    How many rings? More like "Earl

    Of Opportunists."

  • Less popular in

    Cleveland than Art Modell in

    A Jordan jersey.

Lady GaGa Makes Me Gag

No need for a caption here.
No need for a caption here.
  • Wishes she could be

    Madonna. Material

    Makes me want to hurl.

  • Your music sickens

    Me. If Hell has a jukebox,

    The Fame plays all day.

  • Please put on some pants,

    You no-talent skankbag, and

    Kindly go away.

 

Lindsay Low-Life

Lindsay, I could write an entire book of poems for you. I only wish I knew more words that rhymed with "vodka-swilling tramp."
Lindsay, I could write an entire book of poems for you. I only wish I knew more words that rhymed with "vodka-swilling tramp."
  • Drunk everyday.

    Probation violation.

    She’s in the slammer.

  • At least there won’t be

    Any chance for a Life-Size

    Sequel. Glad for that.

  • Why are you famous?

    Won’t be any keg stands while

    You’re up the river.

 

Chicken McNuggets: Terrifying and Tasty

  • Let’s make funny shapes

    Out of dead chickens today.

    Sad but delicious.

  • Oh, fried feathered friends,

    You did not die in vain. Great

    With barbecue sauce.

  • Yummiest is that

    Which resembles Italy.

    I shall eat it last.

 

The World Cup Runneth Over... And Over... And Over...

  • Summer of soccer

    Marred by cheaters and bad calls.

    No one really cares.

  • Spain won. It’s over!

    Least exciting sport ever.

    A month of torture.

  • Gone for four long years.

    That’s good. Would likely commit

    Murder otherwise.

Twilight of the Dogs

If there are three people in this world more hideous and intolerable than this trio, I haven't found them. Then again, I've never been to Los Angeles.
If there are three people in this world more hideous and intolerable than this trio, I haven't found them. Then again, I've never been to Los Angeles.
  • Vampires and werewolves

    Vie for love of ugly chick.

    No more movies, please.

  • Would rather have stake

    Inserted into anus

    Than sit through this crap.

  • Movie ticket should

    Include self-vasectomy

    Kit. Seriously!

     

The Oil Spill

  • Trouble in the Gulf!

    Domino’s Pizza has less

    Oil in it right now.

  • Fools, clean up your mess.

    Gulf of Mexico looks like

    Rick James’ swimming pool.

  • Plug it up now! You’ve

    Killed more sea creatures than the

    Gorton’s fisherman.

Unemployment Enjoyment

  • A job would be nice.

    Tough to find these days. Will try

    Selling sexy bod.

  • No one is buying.

    Should probably work out more.

    Ate box of Twinkies.

  • Will do anything

    For some cash. Please explain what

    A “donkey punch” is.

Nintendo Power

  • Had I never played,

    I might have learned the skills to

    Converse with women.

  • Nintendo. It’s for

    Breakfast now. Nintendo. It’s

    A cereal. Wow.

  • When out of ideas

For stupid haikus, use old

Commercial jingles

.

Well, I hope you’ve enjoyed my collection of ridiculously stupid haikus. I’m planning to make this a regular feature, so feel free to leave me any comments and/or hate mail. Thanks for reading!

 

Posted July 14, 2010

 

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Comments 4 comments

ltfawkes profile image

ltfawkes 6 years ago from NE Ohio

Hoo-wee. You've got yourself a fan. Particularly like:

Needed a special

To announce his choice. Ego

Has own postal code.

and this one has its own special appeal:

Let’s make funny shapes

Out of dead chickens today.

Sad, but delicious.

Glad to see haikus are going to be a regular feature. I'll be back.

L.T.


brentbrown98 profile image

brentbrown98 6 years ago from Indiana, United States, Earth Author

Thank you so much! I really appreciate your reading my nonsense, and I'm happy as a clam you liked it. I will definitely do more of this in the future, so stay tuned. Thanks again and best wishes to you! :)


blaise25 profile image

blaise25 3 years ago from close to you...

LOL this hub made my day


Johnc391 2 years ago

Real nice design and great articles, nothing else we want fckggcdkekdb

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